Losing Part II
by SD130413
Summary: This is the sequel to LOSING. Olivia and Elliot's promotion and their ten kids have their lives in a non stop whirlwind, but nothing is ever allowed to be normal and happy in this household, a dissaperance, a car crash and an unexpected illness'
1. Chapter 1

**Ok so this is the SEQUEL TO LOSING – it's also the 56****th**** chapter also known as the epilogue to losing, I am re-uploading it as the first chapter of the sequel "Losing part II" just so you know where the story begins. **

**This one shouldn't have been updated until I had finished more of my other stories but I know that this is highly anticipated and I have the ideas swarming my mind and I am an impatient fuck who decided not to make you wait any longer. **

**Please enjoy and review and let me know if you love it ;) Steff oxox**

**SIX YEARS LATER (and a bit!)**

****

**16****TH**** PRECINCT, Manhattan, New York**

**Saturday, August 9th 2015**

**9.12 am**

Olivia stared down at her cell phone. Why send a text when he was just feet away behind a closed door.

_Need to speak to you, come here, Dad x_

He signed it Dad and that meant he wanted to talk to her on a father/daughter basis and not as her superior and that's why he probably didn't want to shout her name across the bullpen.

She had been staring at the screen for a good ten minutes, she was feeling too nauseated to move and was just hoping the feeling would pass soon, Melissa had gotten a bug in school which lead to all her children getting sick and she knew it would be a matter of time before she would get it too, as would Cragen, Elliot, and Anne but right now she knew she had to make her way over to see what her father wanted.

She didn't bother knocking at his door and he smiled when she walked in and sat down in front of the old wooden desk.

"You wanted me?" She asked.

"I sent you that text nearly fifteen minutes ago how come it took you so long?" He asked worried.

"I think I've gotten that bug from the kids." She explained.

"Do you have a fever?" He asked.

"No, I don't think so." She replied.

"The girls had a fever first, then the vomiting." He explained. "They had a twenty four hour fever followed by twenty four hours of vomiting and nausea, have you been sick?" He asked being a typical concerned father even if she was a grown woman.

"No I haven't, anyway, why did you want to see me?" She asked wanting to move the conversation along, she knew he wouldn't have called her into the office without a reason and she wanted to know what that reason was and fast because in all honesty she was worrying.

"I wanted to tell you that I have decided well I already have turned my papers in." He told her.

Her mouth fell wide open. They'd not discussed this before, what would happen when he decided to retire, she thought that she'd probably be someplace else working when that time came and it wouldn't affect her in anyway.

"Liv?" Cragen asked gently as she stared like a goldfish.

Her mouth suddenly clamped shut and she turned a sickly shade of green which had him diving for the waste paper bin and placing it on her knee just in time for her to barf her guts out.

"Ok baby girl." He whispered stroking her back in circular motions in the way Elliot had taught him when she was last pregnant, her last pregnancy had been tougher than the others, she'd been on mandatory bed rest at three months and ended up in hospital at seven unable to move.

"Dad." She croaked wiping her chin just before she vomited again.

A sudden realisation hit Cragen. He'd seen Olivia sick like this before and he stared down at her as she lifted her head feeling a little less green now.

"Ok?" He asked her.

She nodded and he rushed out with the waste paper bin leaving her for a few minutes to think. She felt much better now, even though the sting of vomit in her throat was painful the nauseating feeling had definitely subsided.

Minutes later Cragen came back in and handed her a glass of water and she smiled gratefully as he took back his seat.

"So you were saying?" Olivia asked.

Cragen blinked hard and stared at her disapprovingly.

"What?" She asked.

"Livia... is there ... are you ... could you be pregnant again?"

Olivia turned white again but not because she was going to be sick, because she could easily be pregnant again, she and Elliot still enjoyed a very active sex life, she hadn't even begun going through menopause and they hadn't exactly been careful.

"Liv?"

"I guess ... I guess there is." She whispered hoarsely.

She'd not had her period in two months, she'd put it down to starting to go through the change and decided she'd see a doctor 'when she had a chance'.

"You need to see a doctor, make an appointment." He replied, he needed to know if she was going to be the same as she was two years ago, he'd never seen her looking so frail as she was through her last pregnancy.

"I will, I'll call Melinda first, she did all my pregnancy tests." Olivia replied. "Anyway, you turned in your papers, care to explain further?"

"Yes." He nodded. "Your mother and I have been talking, it's not like I need to work, and to be very honest with you Livia I'm not as fit as I used to be, the long hours and stress isn't good for me and I would like to just settle down and be with my wife and daughter and grandchildren."

"Ok. So do we get a new Captain? Is Munch going to take the job?" She asked as she was worried someone horrible would end up coming in.

"Actually that's what I wanted to talk to you about, Munch has refused the job. Said every time I was suspended he hated being in charge." Cragen explained with a slight laugh. "John's here because he wants to be, he's a retired homicide detective who decided to give sex crimes a go."

"And pay four alimony checks to his ex-wives." Olivia sniggered lightly.

"Yeah."

"Ok so who get's it someone new?" She asked not liking the idea of someone new coming and destroying their family unit.

"No, not someone new, at first the brass thought of Elliot but he isn't eligible because of the amount of notes in his jacket."

Olivia frowned, if it wasn't Elliot and it wasn't Munch that meant Fin would be Captain, she wasn't sure she'd be able to take Fin seriously as her superior, he was her baby brother, always had been.

"Olivia, one police plaza asked me if you'd be up for the job." He said seeing her frown.

"M-M-ME?" She stuttered pointing at herself her eyes wide in horror.

"Yes you." He replied smiling gently. "If you want it, then it's yours."

"Me?" She asked again. "Captain?"

"Captain Cragen the second." He beamed making her laugh even though she hadn't quite got over the initial shock.

"What if I don't want it?" She asked eventually her brow furrowed and her eyes fixed on the desk rather than at her father.

"Then they either offer it to Fin or bring in someone new." He explained.

"But what about Elliot, he's my partner." Olivia whispered, the shock was still there but she had questions.

"Ahh, well, one pp realised you'd have an issue there so if you take the job your first job as Captain is to hire two new detectives, Elliot with still be your partner, a second in command to you without the title, he's already a sergeant, you'll still get to work cases together just not as many cases, less of the leg work and more of the commanding." He explained.

"Can I talk to Elliot about it before making a decision?" She asked nervously.

"Yes but one pp want to know by lunch time." He replied.

"Ok, I'll go see Warner first, maybe I'll have two pieces of news to discuss with my husband." Olivia sighed, she and Elliot had not been using any contraception both of them bringing their kids up as Catholics they didn't want to be hypocritical but they'd both said they didn't want any more children.

"Liv what are you going to do if you are?" Cragen asked, she was already clasping her stomach subconsciously rubbing her thumb across.

"Keep it of course." She replied.

"But the doctors ..."

"I know. I know they said there's a chance I could never carry to full term again and I know I'm nearly fifty but I became Catholic Dad, I won't have an abortion, if there is a baby and it's meant to be it will be, it will be God's will." She replied firmly, she'd accepted that the last time she miscarried a pregnancy.

"You had a heck of a pregnancy last time Livia, you could have died." Cragen whispered.

"But I didn't, whatever is meant to be will be, que sera Dad." She replied getting to her feet. "I'll call you as soon as I know."

"You not going to tell Elliot first?" He asked.

"Bar Nikki I always told you first." She smirked.

"Good point, go on, I'll ring Warner give her the heads up that you're on your way." He smiled and she nodded before rushing out needing to know if she was pregnant and fast.

****

**ME's Office, Manhattan, New York**

**Saturday, August 9th 2015**

**10.32 am**

"You know the drill." Melinda smiled handing Olivia a small tub.

"Yeah I've done it what ... seven times in the past five years?" Olivia laughed gently before walking towards the bathroom thinking over what she had just said, seven pregnancy tests in five years, some negative, some positive.

Five minutes later and Olivia was handing the urine filled pot back to Melinda who dropped in a stick before turning to face Olivia as she sat down on the silver metal stool.

"Liv have you thought about what you're going to do if this is positive?" Melinda asked gently.

"Yes, I'm keeping it, I'm Catholic, bringing my children up to be good Catholic's and we don't believe in abortions." She replied firmly, she'd not always been religious but she and Elliot took the kids to Church every Sunday and she sent her kids to the best Catholic privet school there was in Manhattan and now she believed, listening to the priest week in week out had instilled that belief inside her, and she had spent the years trying to live like a Catholic.

"But Olivia, you've miscarried three times, your last pregnancy had you hospitalised, you know how much risk there is to you and a baby if there is one?" She asked gently, she knew Olivia was trying to do the right thing but as a doctor and a friend she felt it her place to explain the dangers.

"I know Mel, I really do, but if I'm expecting again then I am, if there's a baby and it's meant to be it will be and if I ... if something happens to me because of the baby then that is what will happen." She explained shakily.

"I know, I just don't want anything to happen to you, now do you want me to look?" She asked gently.

"Yeah just tell me." She replied the same thing she'd always replied.

"Well Liv, I can tell you that there's another Cragen-Stabler on the way." She sighed showing the stick to Olivia.

"So I'm pregnant again?" Olivia asked heavily.

"Yeah you're pregnant again Livia." Melinda nodded.

"Gee." Olivia sighed. "Ok, thank you."

"Olivia..." Melinda called as Olivia began to leave just wanting to call her father and break the news to him before going to meet Elliot for brunch.

"Yeah?" Olivia asked her shoulders slouching showing just how hard this was for her.

"You know whatever decision you make I'm ok with that." Melinda smiled reassuringly.

"I know, thanks Mel." Olivia replied before rushing out to the corridor to catch the breath hitched in her lungs.

So many thoughts rushed through her head. She could only remember how awful her last successful pregnancy had been.

"_Elliot can you check that the kids are ok?" Olivia called from the basement of their new home. They'd moved because with Olivia expecting again they needed the room and Olivia had wanted a change. _

"_Your mother is with them!" He called back, did she not know he was fixing a toilet?_

"_Ok!" She replied as she began to climb the ladder to put the new shade into place for the room which would eventually be an office for herself, Elliot and Don having caught Melissa looking through case files when she was eleven and then getting nightmares about their perps the family had decided to make sure that couldn't happen again, especially with Nicole learning to read and reading anything she could get her hands on, even if she only understood some letters, she'd soon figure it all out. _

_As she struggled to place the shade over the light a sharp pain shot through her, she was three months pregnant and she wasn't expecting this. _

"_El!" She yelled as another pain ripped through her abdomen and she dropped the glass shade to grab her small bump before tumbling from the ladder onto the floor and blacking out. _

The fall hadn't caused the complications in her pregnancy, it just hadn't help, it was the complications that had caused her fall and eventual blackout and trip to ER followed by being confined to her bed for the rest of her pregnancy, even with young children running around.

"Hey Daddy." Olivia relaxed when she heard her father's usual bark into the phone.

_Hey darling, well what's the verdict? _His voice was tense and Olivia could tell it was from the nerves.

"Melinda confirms that I am expecting." She said weakly before the tears flooded down her face and she fell forward onto her knees.

_Oh baby, hey Liv don't cry, we'll figure this out._ Cragen cooed over the phone as he grabbed his keys.

"I don't think I can do this again ... what happens if everything goes bad again or I lose the baby or I die? Daddy I can't do this." She sobbed hard into the phone.

Melinda had heard her sobbing and rushed from her office. She knelt down beside Olivia and gently caressed her back wanting to calm her down, if there was going to be complications in this pregnancy the last thing Olivia wanted was a high blood pressure.

_Where are you Olivia?_ Cragen asked as he rushed towards his car.

"ME's." She replied hoarsely.

_I'm on my way, hold tight baby_. He replied before hanging up and dialling Elliot, he knew that Olivia needed her husband right now.

"Come on Olivia, come back to the office and sit down." Melinda cooed, she needed to get Olivia off the hardwood floor and into a chair fast so she could check her blood pressure and make sure she wasn't doing any danger to herself or the baby.

Olivia's mind was in turmoil. She followed every order Melinda gave her without questioning but she was scared, petrified even, and she needed her father and her husband and fast.

"Liv I need you to take deep calm breaths for me, your blood pressure's quite high, I want to bring it down in the next ten minutes or I am taking you to the ER." Melinda said firmly, this was her best friend and she wasn't about to let her kill herself or her unborn child or as it would become a joke, children.

When Elliot and Cragen burst into the office Melinda had managed to bring Olivia's blood pressure down. Elliot wrapped his arms around his wife and held her tight as she broke down once more, this time because she knew she wasn't alone and that she was safe.

"Baby it's ok, we'll figure this out." Elliot cooed as Cragen and Melinda stood back and watched.

"What if – what if – what if this baby doesn't make it?" She sobbed, she knew she couldn't deal with another miscarriage.

"Then it doesn't make it, but we need to have hope Olivia." Elliot whispered gently trying to calm her down.

"I want you to take her to see a doctor today, if she doesn't calm down soon she'd going to faint because her blood pressure will sky rocket." Melinda told both Elliot and Cragen.

"We'll do that now." Elliot nodded before scooping Olivia up into his arms and carrying her out the door.

"Thank you Melinda." Cragen smiled weakly before following his daughter and son in law out the door.

****

**OBGYN, Manhattan, New York**

**Saturday, August 9th 2015**

**10.41 am**

"Well you're definitely pregnant Olivia." Doctor Whitney smiled, she'd been there for all of Olivia's pregnancies.

Olivia just stared at the screen, unsure of what she was actually feeling at that exact moment.

"One or Two?" Elliot asked.

"I'd say just the one this time." Doctor Whitney smiled.

"Yeah that's what you said last time." Olivia laughed. "I won't take your word for it."

"Fair point, your little monsters seemed to enjoy hide and seek." Doctor Whitney laughed back.

"Ok so what now, with everything?" Elliot asked nervously as Doctor Whitney pulled some blue roll for Olivia to clean the gel from her stomach.

"Well I want you to have weekly appointments, just to be safe, I know you won't abort, you made that clear last time but I will be honest with the two of you, the chances are you won't carry to full term but as you're eleven weeks pregnant, get passed the next week and we can begin to relax a little more." Doctor Whitney smiled gently, she wanted to reassure her friend as much as calm the fears of her patient.

"Ok, so get passed the next week." Olivia repeated.

"Yeah, you know all the rules, but I'd be extra careful until we get out of the first trimester and then we'll see how it goes." Doctor Whitney explained.

"Ok, so see you in a week?" Olivia asked sitting up.

"Yup." Doctor Whitney grinned. "See you in a week and calm me any time if there's a problem Olivia."

"I will thank you." Olivia smiled before taking Elliot's hand and going to meet a nervous Don Cragen.

He jumped when he saw them, he'd been sat for nearly thirty minutes collecting thoughts.

"Eleven weeks, once I'm out of the first trimester we can relax a little more." She explained.

"You were twelve weeks last time." He noted, he'd been with Olivia every step of the way for each of her pregnancies.

"Then we wait until the thirteenth, come on, I'm hungry and we have more news to share with you Elliot." Olivia smiled.

"Wait more news to share not a decision to make?" Cragen asked ignoring the confused from fixed on Elliot's brow.

"Yeah, I think it's a decision I need to make on my own Dad, I've made it." She smiled and he broke out into a wide grin confusing Elliot even more.

"Someone ..."

"Let's go for lunch and we'll tell you." Olivia laughed, she was suddenly very happy, a life was growing inside of her, she'd heart the heart beat and seen the picture and she was ecstatic and now she had one more thing to look forward to.

****

**16****TH**** PRECINCT, Manhattan, New York**

**Saturday, August 9th 2015**

**4.53 pm**

"Don't you dare lift that." Cragen warned from where he was packing more books into a box.

"I wasn't ..."

"Don't lie to me either." He snapped jokingly.

"Ok sorry, force of habit." She smiled picking up one of the photo frames from the desk and leaving the heavy box for Elliot.

She looked down at the photo and grinned as she saw a picture of her family, her very large and still growing family.

The picture sent her to the day it was taken, just one year ago when the family had a barbeque in the back garden. Fin had bought a new digital camera and informed them he wanted a family picture of the Cragen-Stabler, he hadn't had one of all of them together since their new arrivals.

Olivia and Elliot were sat side by side with two year old Alyah also known as Ali on her lap and Elysah also known as Eli on Elliot's lap. Behind them were Melly and Nikki, and beside them were four year old Liliana Christine also known as Lili and Alexandra Charlotte known as Lexi, with Don and Anne kneeling beside them, their perfect family. Melly was eleven now, she'd grown so much in the year since this photograph had been taken, grown both in height and behaviour, she wasn't Mommy's little girl any more. Nicole was six now, she wasn't a baby either, she went to school with her two little sisters who she was very close too because of the almost exact year (bar to days) that was between them, they'd been conceived on the eighteenth of April 2009, the day Elliot and Olivia got married, it had been such a special year for them having Nikki born on the 1st of January 2009 and then the twins born on the 30th December 2009. 'Perfect start and perfect end' Elliot had told her and she had been obliged to agree, it was perfect.

After Lili and Lexi Olivia had miscarried twice, it had been a tough time for both her and Elliot and she'd then decided that she was too old to have any more children and she didn't sleep with Elliot for a long time, both of them ending up arguing with each other because of the pent up sexual tension and when Olivia had finally given in, her miracle babies had been conceived, Alyah Hope and Elysah Joy. When the complications happened she'd been warned that if she made it to full term there was a huge risk of them being still born and she agreed on having them delivered by C-section at Mercy General Hospital on the thirteenth of April 2012, they were three years old now and so far there had been no problems with them being born two weeks sooner than planned.

Ali and Eli were the youngest at the moment, Olivia had been pregnant once since and that ended in a miscarriage at six weeks just two days after she had found out she was pregnant, she'd cried herself to sleep for a week blaming herself and she almost broke down completely, her children got her through it in the end.

Olivia was happy with the family she had, there was no denying that. She had six beautiful children, six little girls who she loved and cherished with all her heart. Then there was still the four Stabler children, Maureen, Kathleen, Elizabeth and Richard (they'd dropped Lizzie and Dickie since they were twelve saying they were too old bar Elliot who refused to call them anything else).

"What are you thinking?" Cragen asked pulling Olivia from her thoughts into the real world.

"We look so happy." She explained turning the photograph round to show him.

"We are so happy." He smiled at her and she nodded in agreement.

"I can't believe how amazing these past six years have been." She whispered. "I know there have been ups and downs along the way with the miscarriages and stuff but I have six happy and healthy daughters, couldn't have asked anyone for anymore."

"I know the feeling, I have a very beautiful and intelligent daughter, a very lovely son in law and six beautiful grandchildren, I know exactly how you feel Olivia." He whispered pulling her into a gentle embrace, they shared moments like this as often as they could, Olivia treasured every minute she got to spend with her father.

"I love you dad." She whispered as he kissed her temple.

"I love you too Liv." He replied pulling out of the embrace. "Now, these, are yours." He smirked handing her the office keys. "Good luck Captain Cragen the second."

"Thank you." She beamed and she watched as he walked out with a box under his arm.

He'd be back in a moment to get more boxes but seeing him walking out made all of this seem all the more real, she was captain now, she was pregnant captain now.

****

**Well the epilogue/first chapter of a sequel, what do you think? Let me know if you want to know what happens next, I have some big and crazy ideas for this sequel but if you think there's no point then I can use them in other stories. **

**Thanks again for everyone who followed this story and I hope you like the way I'm leaving it (for now)**

**3 SteffieDawn 3**


	2. Chapter 2

**Please enjoy and review and let me know if you love it ;) Steff oxox**

**Cragen-Stabler household, Manhattan, New York**

**Saturday, August 9th 2015**

**6.09 pm**

Olivia was shattered when she walked into the house, she hadn't seen her husband since she'd dropped the bombshell that she would be taking over as his superior as he had been running down some leads with Fin. All the Detectives seemed genuinely pleased and the brass were ecstatic that she'd agreed to take on the job, they were convinced she'd turn them down.

"Mom!" Melly smiled coming over and embracing her mother.

"Hey Mel have a good day with granny?" Olivia asked as she held her eldest child.

"Yeah, well she spent the day running around after Eli and Ali while me, Nikki, Lili and Lexi kept out of her way." Melly laughed knowing her mother loved hearing what type of day they'd had.

"That's brilliant, I'm glad you kept out of the way but maybe next time you can try and help Granny with the babies?" Olivia suggested, looking after the six girls was tough for her, she couldn't begin to imagine how tough it was for her aging mother who was still trying to persuade Olivia to hire a nanny, but Olivia couldn't allow herself to get attached to another nanny the way she had Danni, the nanny Melly had when she had been pregnant with Nicole who'd ended up getting killed because of how close she was to Olivia.

"Mommy!" Nikki yelled running over followed quickly by Lili and Lexi.

"Hey babies." Olivia smiled greeting every single one of them one by one before going to find the two wondering toddlers.

She burst out laughing when she saw her Mother in the kitchen trying to clean up what looked like an explosion in a flour factory.

"Eli and Ali wanted to make cookies for Momma." Anne explained as she emptied the dustpan into the bin.

"Looks like they had fun, where are they?" Olivia asked wanting to see her youngest kids.

"With your father upstairs having a bath, they were covered in egg, flour and chocolate chip cookies that I was tempted to shove them in the oven!" Anne laughed as Olivia grinned cheekily.

"I'm going to say hello to them, have the kids eaten?"

"Yeah, Ali and Eli are being bathed, story and then bed, they've had a busy day they'll sleep well. Then it's Lexi, Lili and Nikki's turn and then Melly will have a bath a little later." Anne smiled.

"Oh it's so nice to be home before they go to bed Mom, it's been three weeks since I've seen my kids on a Saturday." Olivia sighed, it had been a very busy summer for the SVU detectives.

"I know, they've missed you, why don't you go help your dad finish bathe the babies then read them their story?" Anne suggested and Olivia nodded before rushing off upstairs to the kids bathroom.

She couldn't help but burst out laughing when she saw the mess of the bathroom and her father. It was soaking.

"Ok guys flour and egg and now water? I'm sure you two should have been boys!" Olivia laughed as she went to rescue Cragen from the tidal wave that the girls were creating.

She leant over the edge of the bath and kissed both her babies before they decided she should get wet and splashed her too.

"Nice guys!" She groaned as Cragen and the girls laughed. "It's not funny you little monsters!" She laughed splashing them back.

**Cragen-Stabler household, Manhattan, New York**

**Saturday, August 9th 2015**

**9.49 pm**

Olivia sat cuddled up with Elliot on one couch while Anne and Cragen sat on the other, they TV was on, some crime drama but Olivia was too wrapped up in her copy of the last Harry Potter book for what was probably the hundredth time, she had been reading it with Melly but when Melly had finally dropped off to sleep she wasn't really interested in putting it down again, it was too good a book. When the song I will survive bleared around the room everyone jumped and looked at a blushing Olivia who had dived for her cell phone.

"Cragen." She answered, that was routine now, she'd gotten out of the habit of using Benson a long time ago. "What? No I'll be there, ok bye."

"What is it?" Don and Elliot asked in unison.

"We've got a MP ten thirty five in Washington Heights." Olivia replied pulling on her shoes as Elliot dived over the side of the couch and Don slowly sat up to grab his shoes.

"Dad..." Olivia sighed.

"I don't officially retire till the end of the week Liv, brass may have called you but they'll be expecting me there." He smirked knowing Olivia thought he wasn't ready to give this up.

"I know, I need someone to show me how the job is done." She smiled as she strapped her gun on her hip and pulled on her NYPD coat and badge.

**Washington Heights, Manhattan, New York**

**Saturday, August 9th 2015**

**10.06 pm**

Olivia could see the crime scene before she'd even pulled up. Quickly, she, Elliot and Don climbed out of the car and flashed their badges towards the uniform on guard.

"What have we got?" Olivia asked the uniformed officer stood with Fin and Munch.

"Little kid was seen leaving that bodega, the man went to close up early and saw the kid being dragged into this alley."

"Has someone called CSU?" Olivia asked impatiently because the crime scene unit should have been all over this scene by now.

"They're on their way, there was a minor bus explosion in SoHo so the night unit were over there." Fin explained knowing that Olivia was Captain and would want to make a good impression.

"Ok anything else?" Olivia sighed.

"Yeah the man who owns the bodega got robbed a few weeks ago and had new high quality CCTV installed and it happens one of the camera's face this alley." Fin replied.

"Ok Munch and Fin continue questioning people find out if anyone saw anything, Elliot, you and I can go and see this CCTV footage." Olivia smiled and winked over at Cragen who was talking with someone and gave her a brief thumbs up.

The bodega owner was giving a uniformed officer a statement when the two detectives walked in.

"Excuse me sir we need to see the CCTV footage." Olivia explained.

"Of course just here." Said the man with a Middle Eastern accent.

Olivia and Elliot watched as the man played the footage, it was high quality which was a good thing but when they watched all that could actually be seen from the position of the camera was the girl and the girl being dragged to the alley.

"Now you see her, now you don't." Elliot sighed angrily.

"Ok you there," Olivia pointed at the uniformed officer. "Finish taking this man's statement and then get these tapes down to Morales in TARU, tell them I want them ASAP and we need to get the AMBER alert out." Olivia sighed before hurrying out followed quickly by Elliot.

"You know, being in charge really suits you." Elliot smiled his arm around her shoulders.

"Thanks but no lovely dovey stuff sweetie this is a high priority case and the brass are going to be all over this one and it's my first as Captain, I want to prove to them I can do this job." Olivia explained as his arm dropped lazily from her shoulders.

"You're going to be an amazing Captain Liv, don't doubt yourself please." Elliot whispered in her ear.

"I'm not doubting myself Elliot, I have no reason to doubt myself but I can't help be a little uncertain but at least I have my Dad to walk me through everything for a week." Olivia smiled just as Chief Dodson walked towards her.

"Soon to be Captain Cragen, Sergeant Stabler." He smiled extending his hand to her and then to him, Olivia wouldn't officially be Captain until she'd been given her new shield and uniform.

"Chief." She replied shaking his hand firmly.

"I see you have everything under control here." He smiled.

"Yes, we have footage for TARU and we're just waiting for CSU to get here, I've got Detectives working on finding eye witnesses and hopefully we'll be able to have this girl home to bed before morning." Olivia smiled even though it was rare they'd find a girl who'd visibly been kidnapped in twelve hours.

"Have you found the parents?"

"No, we need to and get the AMBER alert out because without a photo we're not going to get anything, someone knows who this girl is and why she was here." Olivia sighed. "Just who?"

She slowly began scanning the crowd as did Elliot, some people would just hang around when they knew something.

"Hey El." Olivia caught his attention. "Man at my four o'clock wearing a green coat and sweats." Olivia whispered.

"I see him, go left I'll go right." He replied.

"On it, excuse me chief." She nodded her head towards her superior and slowly made her way to catch someone she was sure knew something about this girl's disappearance.

Elliot and Olivia slowly crept towards the man who was watching the entrance of the alley with a look of pure fear in his eyes. When both of them were about three feet away from the guy he tried to bolt but Fin had seen what Liv and El were doing and had come to back their play causing the guy to run straight into Fin's chest.

"Good job Fin." Olivia smiled giving him a smack on the shoulder.

"Uh Thanks Captain." He smiled.

"It's still Liv or Olivia please don't start calling me Captain." She said in almost a plea, she didn't want her friends and co-workers to treat her any different just because she'd had the promotion.

"Oh sorry Liv." He shrugged. "Now?" He nodded his head towards the man.

"Get him into interrogation and find out what he knows, take Munch with you." Olivia sighed, she still had work to do here.

"Livia, why don't you and I take him and Munch and Fin can wait on CSU?" Elliot suggested, he didn't want Olivia hanging out in the cold air with her carrying his unborn child.

"Yeah fine." Olivia nodded knowing he was right in thinking that it would be better having the two of them finding out what this guy knew.

**16****TH**** PRECINCT, Manhattan, New York**

**Saturday, August 9th 2015**

**11:27 pm**

Olivia and Elliot stared at the man through the two way. Olivia was trying to figure out what it was he could know, she doubted that he was the kidnapper, that was one thing she was almost certain of but there was definitely something he knew. An idea came into mind that had Olivia rushing into the room with Elliot hot on her heels.

"Who is she?" Olivia asked him.

"What?"

Olivia dived in front of the man leaning against the table her nose was almost touching his and the anger in her eyes was evident.

"Who is she? The little girl who was kidnapped you know who she is now tell me!" Olivia yelled angrily.

The man looked over at Elliot who was stood watching his arms crossed in front of his chest. He knew that Elliot wouldn't helped him and he sighed.

"She's my sister, her name is Anna, Annabel Collins." The man said.

"You knew your little sister was kidnapped and you stood and watched, why didn't you come and tell someone?" Olivia asked backing off a little.

The man pulled a picture from his wallet and Olivia looked at the blonde haired blue eyed girl grinning happily from a school portrait.

"She's nine years old." He continued.

"Get this out on air for the AMBER alert." Olivia sighed handing the photo over to Elliot.

He rushed out leaving Olivia with the brother of their missing person.

"What's your name?" Olivia asked sitting down opposite the man.

"Eric, Eric Collins." He sighed.

"Ok and what do you know about Anna's disappearance?" Olivia asked knowing that Eric knew more than he was saying by the way he was ruffling his dirty blonde hair and rubbing his forehead.

"My parents, they're con artists, they work internationally, never been caught out before but someone was on to them, some gang leader and they're the ones who have Anna, I'm sure of it." He explained. "I couldn't come in here and tell you without giving up my parents."

"How much danger is Annabel in?" Olivia questioned knowing that Eric already knew.

"She'll still be alive for a few hours, my parents will know who's got her, they won't give it up easily because they will do what they can to rescue her themselves." Eric sighed. "Please you have got to find her before they kill her, she's my world Captain Cragen my absolute world, I brought her up I still do when my parents are out of town running their next con and I need her Captain, I need Anna back!" Eric burst out into tears and Olivia felt her heart hammering inside her chest, she knew what she had to do and that was talk to the parents but she would need Eric to tell her everything first.

**So guys what do you think? This is called Losing part II because there is going to be a lot more death and destruction in this as there was in the first story, sorry, if it isn't your type of thing then maybe the sequel isn't your cup of tea. **

**SteffieDawn **


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 – sorry for the wait!**

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Sunday, August 10th 2015**

**12.42 am**

Olivia and Don looked in through the glass at the sobbing mother and comforting father. They were hysterical at the thought that their daughter was missing, kidnapped and that it was possibly their fault. Eric had called them and had them come down to the station and they hadn't hesitated, but they'd also said this was probably going to be a ransom kidnapping.

"Has someone set up a bug on their cells and home phones?" Olivia asked feeling Elliot's presence behind her.

"Yeah, we've got a couple of uniform sitting in the house waiting for a call or fax." He replied as he slowly massaged her shoulders.

"El..."

"You need to relax, no stress because of the baby Liv." He replied as she slowly sunk into his touch.

"I know El but these two, they know more than they're letting on." Olivia sighed, she hated missing children cases because it meant that they were against the clock.

"I know, but we've got the AMBER alert out, they're not talking, Eric hasn't said anything else we can use so all we have to do now is hope that we get something out of somewhere." Elliot replied.

"Olivia!" Fin's voice echoed from the corridor.

Elliot, Don and Olivia rushed out to see what on earth he was yelling about.

"What?" Olivia asked desperate to find the young girl.

"We've now had five calls detailing a white van in Harlem with two men dragging a young girl matching Annabel's picture." He explained.

"Ok uh ..." Olivia looked at Don uncertain what to do now, he just nodded telling her to go with her instincts without words. "Uh get me a team of uniform, I want back up, get kitted up because we're going after them." Olivia called before rushing through to the busy squad room where many officers had been called in to answer the phones.

Olivia and Elliot went straight to their lockers and pulled on their bullet proof vests ready to hopefully find Annabel alive and unharmed up in Harlem.

****

**Harlem, Manhattan, New York**

**Sunday, August 10th 2015**

**2.21 am**

They were all gathered around the house in which the white van was parked outside, it was a big risk, this girl could be killed the second they busted in there but they had no other option.

"Ready?" Elliot asked standing beside Olivia at the door.

"Yeah..." Olivia knocked hard on the door. "This is the police open up!"

Three gun shots fired through the air and Olivia kicked down the door before everyone rushed in. There was a lot of movement and yelling as Olivia and Elliot went to find the girl Munch, Fin and back up were gathering up the perps.

"Shit." Olivia sighed seeing the bleeding corpse.

"We did what we could Liv." Elliot whispered as she fell to her knees beside the bleeding and broken body of Annabel Collins.

"It wasn't enough." Olivia sighed getting up and moving out of the way for Melinda Warner who had just arrived on scene.

"Let's go, we can deal with all this in the morning." Elliot whispered.

"Did you notice she looked a lot like Mel?" Olivia asked tears stinging her eyes.

"I know baby, but our Melly is wrapped up in bed with your Mom watching her, come on."

****

**Cragen-Stabler residency, Manhattan, New York**

**Sunday, August 10th 2015**

**3.06 am**

Olivia, Elliot and Don arrived home and Olivia went straight upstairs towards Melly's bedroom.

"Mel?" Don asked knowing what was probably going through Olivia's mind.

"Yeah." Elliot whispered in reply before following the path Olivia had taken.

He found her at the bedroom door just watching the gentle rise and fall of Melissa's chest.

"See she's fine." Elliot whispered knowing that she was taking this case hard.

"I know. I'm just going to check the rest of the kids then I'll see you in bed." She sighed softly before making her way over to Ali and Eli's room.

She leant over the cot sides on their beds and placed a gentle kiss on their cheeks, it was hard to imagine how close she had come to losing the two precious babies. It made her realise that this baby was going to be just as special if it survived. Slowly she shut the door before going to Lexi and Lili's room and repeating the routine followed by Nikki's room.

Once in bed Elliot wrapped his arms tight around her and gentle stroked her abdomen.

"Ok?" He asked dropping a soft peck onto her cheek.

"Yeah, just wished we could have saved that little girl, she didn't deserve to die because of her parents." Olivia sighed softly.

"I know but there's nothing we could have done differently, sometimes Liv we can't save them all." He whispered softly.

"I know, now let's get some sleep, the alarm will be going in a couple of hours." Olivia replied before shutting her eyes and succumbing to a disturbed sleep.

****

**Cragen-Stabler residence, Manhattan, New York**

**Sunday, August 10th 2015**

**8:09 am**

The family were all sat around the dining room table eating breakfast. Alyah and Elysah were sat in their high chairs making a mess, Nikki had her nose in a book taking a mouthful of waffles before turning the page meaning that she would take all morning to eat her breakfast. Melly was listening to her iPod and Olivia knew it was probably a podcast or something her IQ was too high for her own good at 163 and then there was Lili and Lexi who were talking to each other in Spanish which they'd partly picked up from Dora the explorer and Olivia continuing to teach them out of boredom on Sunday afternoons.

"So you got any plans for us for this afternoon?" Elliot asked Olivia as she finished off her breakfast.

"I have to go to the office and finish some paperwork on Annabel." Olivia sighed, she hated having to go into the office on a Sunday but she knew if she didn't the work would just pile up.

"Ok but we're sticking with our morning routine right?" Elliot asked, they'd had the same Sunday morning routine for years now and even Don wouldn't disrupt it without a very good reason.

"Of course not." She smiled before getting up with Anne to clear the table while the rest of the family went to get ready for Church.

****

**Blessed Hearts Church, Manhattan, New York**

**Sunday, August 10th 2015**

**11.02 am**

After the service the family followed the rest of the parish through to the backroom for tea and coffee. This was the moment Elliot kissed Olivia's cheek and she, Melissa, Nicole and Anne would sneak off for a bit.

As usual they took the well known path over to Michael and Cole's grave which was well kept and filled with flowers and toys from the family.

Anne, Olivia and Nicole always held back while Melissa went to the grave. They would talk with each other while Melissa had a chance to talk with her father and twin brother.

"Hey Mickey, hey Dad." She whispered as she knelt beside the head stone and played with the purple windmill that stuck from the ground. "It's been a good week. I missed you both so much this week especially you Mickey. You see, this guy asked me out, his names Thomas and I know you'd be pulling all the over protective big brother crap that Rich always pull with Elizabeth, of course, you don't know them but I've told you about them before, they're Elliot's children from a previous marriage, from before he was with Mom. But anyway I know you'd hate him just because he fancies me but don't worry I turned him down Mom and Elliot say I have to wait till I'm sixteen before I start having boyfriends and Elliot jokes sometimes and says I have to wait till I'm forty but I know he isn't serious. Anyway I'll see you both next week because I think Mom, Grandma and Nikki want to come talk to you both now. I love you." And with a final flick on the windmill making it spin like crazy she stood up and wiped her hands across her knees to clear the dirt and went over to the women.

"You go." Anne smiled to Olivia who took Nikki's hand and led her to the grave side.

"Mommy..." Nicole began.

"Yeah Baby?" Olivia asked as she sat down in front of the grave and pulled Nicole into her lap.

"Can you tell me the story about when you and Daddy first met again?" Nicole asked even though she'd heard the story a million times she loved listening to it.

"Of course." Olivia smiled.

_**Flashback**_

_Olivia was in a foul mood. She'd just had an argument with Elliot after they had been working a case solid for seventy hours. She wasn't in the mood to go home though, she wasn't in the mood to sit alone in her apartment and think about the thirteen bodies she'd found in an abandoned warehouse today after they had spent three days looking for them. _

_It was a field trip and the bus driver had kidnapped the kids after killing the teacher and teacher's assistant. They'd looked long and hard for the children and Olivia was the one who stumbled into the room containing thirteen eight year olds bodies that had been beaten and raped before being killed. _

_All she wanted to do was get those images out of her brain and she'd decided to go to O'Malley's on her own. She knew the place would be crawling with cops as it was there they all went after a hard day but she also knew that they would know about the case and how it had played out and she hoped they'd all have the sense to leave her well alone. _

_She was on her second drink when he came over. _

"_Can I join you?" He asked and she nodded without even looking to see who it was. "Tough day you had." He commented. _

"_If only you knew the half of it." Olivia sighed thinking about the argument she'd had with Elliot. _

"_Why don't I get us another drink and you can tell me about it?" He suggested with a smile as Olivia finally looked at him. _

_She was completely knocked for six. He was handsome, no, he was fucking gorgeous. His skin was one shade darker then her own, his eyes a chocolate brown, his hair was almost black and cropped short to his head and he had the small traces of a five o'clock shadow. _

"_Detective Cole Jeffries, Missing Persons." He smiled extending his hand to her. _

"_Detective Olivia Benson, Special Victims." She replied knowing that he'd now probably run a mile, no one wanted to work SVU so they definitely wouldn't want the company of a cop who worked there. _

"_Now how about that drink?" Cole asked after they shook hands. _

_She nodded and he smiled and she felt herself falling in love with that smile, little did she know that he was supposed to be the person she fell head over heels in love with. _

_**end flashback**_

"Why don't you say goodbye to Daddy and Michael now?" Olivia asked so she could have some time alone with her ex fiancé and her son.

"Bye Daddy bye Michael, I love you." Nicole smiled before climbing from Olivia's lap and going over to her grandmother and sister.

"She is so like you Cole it's scary, believe me and if you don't then believe your mother because she says it every day!" Olivia laughed gently. "Oh I miss you so much both of you, you know it's been so long since all this happened and the pain never goes away, every birthday, every Christmas, I can never stop thinking about the two of you. I have some more news for the two of you, I'm pregnant, yes I'm pregnant again. I know that you're going to worry about it though with how bad Eli and Ali's pregnancy was but I swear everything is going to be alright. I also got a promotion at work I'm now Captain, or I will be at the end of the week but I can't believe that Captain Don Cragen is retiring, it's a lot to take in I guess. Well I'm going to go now, I'll be by in the week again, you know I can't seem to stay away. I love you both." She kissed her fingers and brushed them along the two names on the headstone before getting up and leaving so that Anne could have some alone time at the grave.

"I'll take the kids inside." Olivia smiled as Anne kissed her cheek.

"I'll see you in there." Anne smiled before letting Olivia go.

****

**Hmm don't know if you're going to love or hate this story because there's going to be a lot of dying in it and it's hopefully going to be a tear jerking story just like Losing was!**

**SteffieDawn **


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 3 – Now the story comes to life so a small leap in time.**

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Wednesday, September 9****th**** 2015**

**4.26 pm**

Olivia was sat in the office with Don Cragen, it had been a relatively quiet day and she was not complaining. She slowly played with her Captain's shield that she had been given just three days ago.

"You still in shock?" Cragen asked as he watched the shield move in her fingers catching the light ever so often.

"Yeah, never thought I'd be more than a uniform cop so being Captain now ... it's unreal Dad." She smiled as she placed the shield on her desk.

"You deserve it princess." He smiled and she laughed at him calling her princess, he did it often but it never stopped sounding funny.

"I just don't know if it's going to be something I can do you know, you're here for the rest of the week and then from next week on I'm on my own doing this." She explained as she leant forward on the desk.

"I'm only on the other end of the phone if you need me Liv, don't hesitate in calling your old man for advice and help with this job, it isn't easy for anyone." He smiled gently, he knew she would want to be able to do this job without any help as she was too independent. "Did I ever tell you the story about when I first became Captain?"

"No." Olivia shook her head and sat back knowing that her father was about to tell her the story.

"When I first became Captain I had no idea what I was doing. Captain Howard had been killed in a standoff with a perp and so there was no one to show me the ropes, I was literally thrown in the deep end. Captain Powell of the two one saved my sorry ass, he would call every day just ask if everything was going ok and if I needed anything and after a few days of him calling I understood that he knew how it felt to be in position so I let him help me and after a few months I was able to do the job like I had been doing it all my life." Cragen smiled just as the phone began to ring.

"Cragen." Olivia answered. "Oh hey Mom...Uh I don't think so check the calendar...No...Mom it's four thirty now...Have you tried her cell?... She probably didn't charge it I'll call the school... Ok ... yeah I love you too bye." Olivia sighed and hung up the phone before quickly grabbing her cell phone.

"What is it?" Cragen asked knowing it had been his wife on the phone.

"Melly's not home from school yet, she should have been home over forty minutes ago." Olivia explained before knocking the call button for Melissa's school.

"Hi this is Captain Olivia Cragen-Stabler I'm Melissa Jasmine Cragen-Stabler's mother." Olivia said into the phone. "Yeah I've just received a call from Melissa's Grandmother to say that she hasn't arrived home from school today but on Wednesday's she doesn't have any afterschool activities till six I was just wondering if you can find out if she did leave the school..." Olivia looked at Cragen and waited as the receptionist went to see what she could find out.

"She's probably with a friend Liv don't worry." Cragen said seeing the worry lines appear on Olivia's forehead with every second she didn't know where her eldest child was.

"Hello? Right ok... yes... thank you, bye." Olivia sighed and hung up. "She left the school with Brittany right on the bell Ms Thomas their teacher walked out with them as they were the last to leave." Olivia explained softly.

"Ok why don't you put a BOLO out on her and I'll go and get everyone in here and we'll begin a search." Cragen suggested knowing that right now Olivia's mind was going wild and she wouldn't be able to make any coherent suggestions.

"Yeah." She nodded picking up the radio. "All units be on the lookout for Melissa Cragen-Stabler daughter of Captain Olivia Cragen and Sergeant Elliot Stabler of Manhattan Special Victims, She has hip long blonde hair, is wearing a knee length blue cashmere coat and is carrying a pink backpack with her name on it and should be en route from Sacred Hearts of Jesus school. Over." Olivia placed the radio down and leant on the desk as Elliot came into the room.

"She's not gone far." He smiled softly even though he felt as worried as she looked.

"I know." Olivia nodded just as the phone began to ring.

"Cragen." She answered. "Yes...right I'll wait here." Olivia hung up the phone her face pale and fallen and Elliot and Don knew this wasn't good news. "A child matching Melissa's description was snatched outside a candy shop on the corner of Lexington and East 83rd street." Olivia said as she tried to stop her legs from going from under her as the fear built inside her.

"Who was on the phone Liv?" Elliot asked making her turn towards him.

"Missing Persons that was Captain Jenkins he's bringing the security tape up now." Olivia explained her voice shaking as she spoke.

Elliot sat down beside Cragen in front of the desk as they waited for Captain Jenkins to arrive. He was Melissa's Godfather, when Nicole was christened a few weeks after Olivia and Elliot's wedding they had Melissa christened at the same time and Olivia knowing that Cole would have wanted some of the guys from the one six down in missing persons she and Elliot had agreed. Melissa and Nicole were a massive part of Captain Jenkins world.

"I'll call your mother and tell her to call if Melissa shows up." Cragen said stepping out just as there was a knock on the door and Captain Jenkins walked in.

"I've got the CCTV footage." He informed them and Elliot and Olivia rushed over to the screens in the bullpen while Richards, Cole's former partner, set the tape to roll.

Olivia gripped Elliot's hand while they watched the little girl leave the bodega and be dragged into an awaiting van.

"That's Melly." She whispered the tears sinking down her face.

Elliot wrapped his arms around her and looked at Captain Jenkins waiting for more answers.

"We ran the plates and they were fake, I've got officers canvassing the neighbours and officers speaking to witnesses now." Jenkins told him.

"This is an SVU case now." Olivia said wiping her tears on the back of her hand.

"Olivia..."

"Elliot!" She snapped. "Abducted children are SVU cases until they go cold, why we weren't called first I don't know but the point is, that our daughter is missing now go in my office and get one of the pictures from my desk and get the AMBER alert out. Munch and Fin go to the bodega and help the officers canvass and I am going to call a press conference." Olivia was into Captain's mode in seconds and she rushed into the office as Elliot was leaving with a picture of Melissa and Olivia from a few weeks before at Central Park.

Olivia nodded at him and he headed off to put the AMBER alert out while Olivia slumped into her office chair and set up a press conference.

"Didn't think my first press conference as Captain would be about my daughter." Olivia told her father once the phone was down.

"We'll find her." Cragen told her firmly reaching over and grabbing her hand just as there was a knock on the door.

"Come in." She called and as soon as she saw who it was she was on her feet as was Don.

"Olivia, Don." The Chief of D's nodded towards them both.

"Sir." They both nodded back.

"I got a call to say that your daughter was abducted at three thirty six outside a candy store in Lexington?" He asked.

"Yes sir, we've just reviewed the tape from the bodega, missing persons got the initial case but it's been handed over to SVU now." Olivia explained.

"I want SVU and MP to work this together, this is your Daughter Captain and we want her found as quickly as possible." The Chief replied and Olivia nodded as a tear escaped down her cheek and she quickly swiped it away with her finger.

"Thank you sir." Olivia replied.

"You and Captain Jenkins can work together without problems?" He asked and Olivia nodded, the man was Melissa's Godfather, he would want her home as much as Olivia did.

"Good then I want your officers going through Elliot and your old cases searching for ex cons and recent parolee's with a grudge, let's bring little Melissa home." He smiled reassuringly.

"Of course, thank you sir." Olivia really felt relieved that she had the Chief of D's on her side.

"No problem, I know you've called a press conference, so make sure you're in your blues Captain, your daughter or not let's stay professional."

"Of course." Olivia nodded and the Chief turned to Don.

"I'm sure you're going to be ok with pulling any extra weight?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way, that's my granddaughter that's missing Sir." Cragen replied almost angry.

"Good." The chief nodded at them both before hurrying out of the room.

Olivia sunk into her chair and dropped her head into her hands. She had so many questions circling her mind, so many statements. Was her baby alright? Was she hurt? Was she missing her parents? Did they hurt her? Why did they have her? Was she going to be raped or already been raped? The horrifying truth was until she rescued her daughter she would have no idea.

"We'll find her Liv." Cragen told her dropping his hand onto her shoulder.

"I know." Olivia nodded, she had to believe that.

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Wednesday, September 9****th**** 2015**

**5.33 pm**

Olivia and Cragen stood outside the door to go into the press conference, she was getting more and more nervous with every passing minute that Melissa remained missing.

"You ready for this Liv?" He asked gently.

"Yes." She smiled weakly the tear trails on her cheeks she'd unsuccessfully tried to hide glistened in the strong lighting.

"We'll find her Liv." Cragen reassured as he pulled her into an embrace.

She was dying to cry some more but as the doors opened she managed to pull herself together and go to the podium with Cragen's hand in her own. Elliot was in the squad room running the phone operation.

They walked hand in hand to the microphone covered podium and Olivia took out the prepared speech, first she had to be professional, she would give all the information they were giving which was everything bar the fact the plate was a fake in case someone called in with that number plate because they hadn't taken it off. Wishful thinking or hoping, Olivia thought.

The camera lights' flashing in her eyes was distracting even though she'd done thousands of these things.

"Ok?" Cragen whispered into her ear.

"Yeah." She whispered back before clearing her throat making the room fall into silence.

"At three thirty six this afternoon thirteen year old Melissa Jasmine Cragen-Stabler was abducted from The Candy Store Bodega on the corner of Lexington and East Eighty Third Street." Olivia paused knowing that the CCTV footage would begin to play on every TV station. "She was wearing a blue cashmere coat and was carrying a pink back pack, she was also wearing her school uniform from the Sacred Hearts of Jesus Catholic School." Olivia took another deep breath and glanced nervously at Cragen as the tears built in her eyes.

"If you have any information that could help us with locating Melissa Jasmine then call the Special Victims Squad Room on the number on your screens now. Please help us bring Melissa home." Olivia whispered the last bit and the tears spilled over as Cragen rushed to her side and wrapped an arm around her pulling her into an embrace while she tried to compose herself.

She turned back to the microphone and wiped her cheeks before continuing.

"Please there is a twenty thousand pound reward for any information that leads to Melissa's safe return." Olivia finished the official part and was now able to say whatever she want while Cragen rubbed her back supportively. "If you have Melly please let her go, her family miss her so much and we just want her home. Melly if you're watching this we're not mad with you baby we just want to know that you're safe. Mommy loves you princess..." The tears chucked down Olivia's tears. "Daddy wants his Chipmunk back and your sisters and brother want you home so badly baby we're going to find you." Olivia dropped her head to Cragen's shoulder as he held Olivia he used this chance to say something.

"As you can see we all just want our Melly back. Please help us find my Granddaughter, if you have her please don't hurt her she's just a little girl." Cragen whispered before pulling Olivia out of the way for the Chief of D's.

"Thank you Captain Olivia Cragen and Former Captain Donald Cragen from Manhattan Special Victims, again if you have any information about Melissa Cragen-Stabler please call the Special Victims Unit confidential hotline on the number on your screen. As we just want to bring Melissa home safe, as you can see her Mother and Grandfather miss her so much." The Chief of D's closed it up. "If we have more information we'll call another conference at oh eight hundred hours. Thank you."

The cameras flashed again and numerous questions were fired as Olivia, Cragen and the Chief walked out into the hallway.

"I can't ... I need ..." Olivia hiccupped as she fell to her knees.

Cragen knelt down in front of her and cupped her face in his hands.

"We need to go back to the one six princess, see if anything's coming in." Cragen whispered before leaning forward and kissing her forehead.

"I want my baby back." She whispered as more tears flooded down her cheeks.

"I know and we're going to get her back but right now we need to go to the one six and you need to call your Mother and speak with the other children." Cragen told her and she nodded before letting him and the Chief help her to her shakily to her feet.

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Wednesday, September 9****th**** 2015**

**6.12 pm**

"Great job on the conference babe." Elliot whispered as he rushed over to her.

"Thank you anything usable?" She asked looking at the three drawers where the tips were organised as Cold, Crazy and Use.

"I've got officers all over this Liv." He said gently before kissing her forehead.

"Find our daughter El." She told him firmly.

"I will." He replied straight.

"Listen up!" She yelled climbing onto a chair. "Not a single tip is cold or crazy until you've checked it over do I make myself clear! Find Melissa and bring her home!" Olivia yelled before letting Cragen lead her away.

In the office Olivia called her kids while Cragen put the TV on. The press conference was playing and was on mute but Olivia knew it was replaying Olivia's breakdown because there was a family photo of Don, Anne, Olivia and Elliot and the Cragen-Stabler kids and the Stabler's all at the last policeman's ball.

"Where did they get that photo from?" Olivia frowned as she put the phone down.

"No idea Liv probably the photographer who took it. They'd have paid him a fortune for it." Cragen sighed, he hated people who made money off other people's pain.

"Where's my baby Dad?" She sighed before the tears rushed down her cheeks.

"We'll find her Liv." He told her as he took her to the couch beneath the window and wrapping her up in his arms.

"I want my baby back, I can't go through this again." She cried hard into her father's chest as he held her.

"Princess this isn't the same as with Michael." He whispered knowing what she meant by going through it again.

"It hurts as much." Olivia cried. "I just want my Melly home."

"I know." Cragen sighed.

As Olivia cried Don Cragen prayed harder than he'd ever prayed in his life. He was hurting too, his granddaughter was missing and as he prayed the memories of him with his granddaughter rushed through his mind, the first time she called him granddad, comforting her at her brother and father's funerals, her birthdays, their trips to the park, he felt the tears sting his eyes but hearing the woman he called a daughter sobbing loudly into his chest is what hurt the most. He would do anything to be able to take away her pain and sorrow.

The office door opened pulling him out of his prayer and make him turn but Olivia didn't even move as she sobbed. Huang walked in carrying what was visibly a medical bag and Cragen gave him a polite nod. He knew Olivia needed some medical attention, she was pregnant and the high stress situation couldn't be doing her or the baby any good.

"Olivia." He called to her softly.

She turned to him hiccupping while she cried but kept her head firmly on Cragen's chest.

"I just want to check your blood pressure ok just to make sure you and the baby are alright." He explained as he pulled out what he needed from his bag.

She nodded and rolled up her sleeve knowing what to expect but she couldn't stop crying as Huang got to work. Cragen softly stroked her hair knowing it relaxed her a little but it didn't matter she couldn't stop thinking about her daughter. She kept imagining finding her daughter's lifeless body and it made her break into wracked sobs.

"Ok Liv your blood pressure is dangerously high, I want to give you a sedative don't worry though it's perfectly ok for the baby don't worry about that, I need your body to relax for a little while and then when you wake I want you to take an anti-anxiety just so we can bring your blood pressure down ok?" He knew Olivia hated any form of therapeutic medication but she nodded knowing that her baby was in dangerous with her so worked up and at least while she was asleep she wasn't imagining her daughter's body.

Once she nodded Huang administered the sedative and went to sit down while Cragen rocked his daughter to sleep.

"We'll find her Liv, don't you worry we'll bring Melly home." He whispered as he rocked her and stroked her hair.

It took five minutes for Olivia to drop off to a dreamless sleep, dreamless thanks to the medication. Cragen looked at Huang waiting for him to speak.

"She'll sleep for a couple of hours, it's better than nothing." Huang explained, it wasn't a heavy sedative because it was developed specifically for pregnant women.

"She's in so much pain." Cragen whispered as a tear ran down his cheek which he made no attempt to stop.

"I know, I'm hurting for her and want her return so much so I can't imagine how much she's hurting." Huang whispered, he was known as Uncle George, he loved that little girl as he did all of Olivia and Elliot's kids.

"I know." Cragen sighed. "Can you go into the corner cupboard and bring out the camp bed, she'll get a sore neck and back on this couch."

"Sure." Huang nodded knowing exactly where the bed was kept having used it himself a few times.

Once the bed was set up Huang went to get Elliot and Fin to gently carry Olivia onto the bed and Elliot tucked her in and kissed her head.

"Hopefully when you wake up we'll have some news on our baby." He whispered before giving Cragen a nod and rushing out.

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Wednesday, September 9****th**** 2015**

**7.46 pm**

Cragen and Huang were sat on the couch talking, a uniformed officer had been in with coffee for the two of them and they had been talking about Olivia and her coping skills for a long time. They could see that she was stirring and Huang had filled a needle with Anti-Anxiety ready for when she woke up.

"How long have I been asleep?" She asked her eyes still closed.

"About an hour and a half." Huang replied gently.

"I wasn't dreaming then?" She sighed as she slowly pushed herself to sitting.

"I'm afraid not Liv." Cragen whispered as Huang picked up the needle.

"Are you still ok with taking this anti-anxiety? It's just to help keep your blood pressure down." Huang explained and Olivia nodded and sighed softly, she didn't want to use drugs but she needed to for her unborn child.

"Liv we have a lead!" Elliot yelled running into the office.

"What?" Olivia asked desperately as Huang stabbed the needle into her bicep.

"The van." He explained. "It was on fire just off the Brooklyn Bridge."

"Any ..." Olivia swallowed. "Any bodies?"

"We don't know they're still putting the fire out." Elliot explained and Olivia and Cragen jumped to their feet and followed him out.

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**So where is Melissa, who has her? Why was she kidnapped? All revealed shortly!**

**SteffieDawn **


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 Glad to see so many of you still enjoying this story, hope you enjoy the update. **

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Wednesday, September 9****th**** 2015**

**9.01 pm**

Olivia, Elliot and Cragen stood and watched as CSU crawled all over the burnt van. Olivia was terrified but they'd already been told that there were no bodies inside and that in itself was a relief in some ways, she knew her baby wasn't dead yet.

"Captain Cragen!" A voice called. "Sergeant Stabler!"

Olivia and Elliot clasped their hands as they and Don walked towards the voice. They found Ryan O'Hallaran holding a large evidence bag.

"Is this Melissa's back pack?" He asked handing Olivia the evidence bag.

Her finger traced a part where her name was almost visibly beneath the soot.

"Yeah." She nodded. "Anything else in there?"

"No we're looking for blood and fibres now but so far this is it." Ryan replied with an apologetic look in his eye.

"Ok thank you Ryan, get this into the evidence log yeah?" She told him before turning away and heading off.

"Liv I'm going to wait on evidence ok?" Elliot called after her.

She didn't reply but he knew she wouldn't mind, he did better coping with this sort of thing when he was working and actively involved in the investigation whereas Olivia seemed to cope better being the Captain and ordering everyone else around.

"We'll find her Olivia." Cragen reassured as he wrapped an arm across her shoulders.

"I know." Olivia replied uncertainly, she wasn't sure if they would find or but she needed to believe that they would.

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**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Wednesday, September 9****th**** 2015**

**10.39 pm**

"She's been missing for six hours." Olivia sniffed as she sat in the office watching the continued AMBER alert and press conference on the TV, it was still muted but knowing it was on gave them something to do.

Elliot walked into the office and Olivia knew there was news.

"Well?" She asked him.

"They found blood..."

"No." Olivia shook her head.

"Not Melissa's or they don't think it's Melly's because it was found on the steering wheel where normally a driver's finger would be." Elliot explained handing Olivia the photos that had been taken and printed.

"So the blood is the drivers?" Olivia asked hoping this would be the lead they needed.

"Probably, Melinda's running it now." He replied.

"Ok."

"She'll call you if it hit's Liv." He smiled gently knowing there was nothing else he could do at this moment but continue with the investigation.

"Anything from the phone calls?" Olivia asked.

"Nothing yet but uniform are still chasing down leads." Elliot reassured her before hurrying out and leaving Olivia and Don alone.

"They'll find her Liv." He told her firmly and she nodded as she silently prayed for her little girl.

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Wednesday, September 9****th**** 2015**

**11.11 pm**

"Cragen..." Olivia answered the ringing office phone. "Thank you."

She hung it up and Don was instantly on his feet as he'd seen the light shining in her eyes. She was now typing away at the computer and he knew that this was something big. When he heard the printer whir and Olivia bounce from behind the desk he instantly followed her as she grabbed the print out and rushed into the bullpen.

"Listen up!" She called making Fin, Munch and Elliot walk towards the crime scene board. "Mathew North was arrested back in two thousand and thirteen for sexual assault, it was drop to menacing in the third and his DNA was found in the blood in the van. Fin and Elliot here's the address, chase him down and bring him in." Olivia told them and she turned to Don who gave her a thumbs up while Munch continued working the phones.

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Thursday, September 10****th**** 2015**

**12.12 pm**

Olivia and Don watched as Fin and Elliot began tag teaming Mathew North, even if he hadn't done the kidnapping himself they knew he was involved in some way and they were determined to find out what it was he knew, they could hold him for a whole twenty four hours until he called for a lawyer and they were already charging him for providing the getaway vehicle and they had promised him that they would charge him for kidnap too if they found out he was more than the driver.

"I didn't see no girl!" He snapped for the hundredth time.

"Try again!" Fin snapped hitting the picture of Melissa that was on the table. "We know you were in the car with this girl."

"No I wasn't I swear!" He snapped.

"Then how did your blood end up on the steering wheel of this car?" Elliot asked hitting the picture of the burnt van.

Mathew ruffled his hand through his raven black locks and sighed as he looked from Elliot to Fin.

"Fine." He sighed and they knew they had him. "A friend of mine called and asked me if I would pull off an insurance scam for him, he gave me the keys and told me to pretend to nick the car and torch it and then he'd claim the insurance."

"Who's your friend?" Elliot asked impatiently.

"Tyler, Tyler Reeves." Mathew told them.

"And where can we find Tyler Reeves?" Fin asked knowing they needed this vital information to help find Melissa.

"sixty two East eighty third street."

Olivia and Don shared a look which spoke a thousand words.

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**Dun Dun**

**SteffieDawn **


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 **

**East Eighty Third Street, Manhattan, New York**

**Thursday, September 10****th**** 2015**

**1.16 am**

Olivia stood beside Don Cragen now changed into a pair of slacks and a large sweater. She clasped onto his hand as she watched Fin and Elliot hammer at the door and call that the NYPD were outside.

They watched in anticipation and desperation as the door was broken down and the cops rushed inside. Olivia mumbled prayers under her breath as she hoped for the safe return of her oldest child.

"Clear!" Voices echoed from the house to Olivia's ears and slowly the hope she had in her heart bled out and she realised that if Melissa had been there then she wasn't anymore.

"All clear!" Munch yelled from the open door and Olivia felt Don's hand squeeze her own in reassurance.

"Get CSU inside no stone get's left unturned!" Olivia yelled and she slowly turned back to the car and with her father she headed back to the one six knowing there was no need for her to stick around when it was clear she wasn't needed there.

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Thursday, September 10****th**** 2015**

**1.49 am**

"I've put an APB out on Reeves, he had a record so that's something." Olivia sighed as she dropped herself into her desk chair and looked at her father sat opposite her.

"We'll find her Liv." He reassured and she nodded, she was all cried out now and was too deep in cop mode.

George Huang who was sat in the office with them was keeping a very close eye on the expectant mother in front of him. She was dissociating and that could only mean trouble, he just hoped when Melissa was found dead or alive that Olivia would snap back into being a parent.

The phone's echoing call had all of them jumping out of their skin but Olivia was quick to pick it up and slam it to her ear.

"Cragen." She answered. "We're on our way."

She slammed the phone down and grabbed the car keys and Huang and Cragen said nothing as they followed her hurried footsteps, she'd obviously learned something new and she wasn't about to stop and fill them in on the details.

****

**Abandoned Warehouse, Manhattan, New York**

**Thursday, September 10****th**** 2015**

**2.49 am**

"Think about this Liv." Cragen told her as she pulled on a bullet proof vest.

"I have." She replied dryly.

"If she's in there and you or her get shot what about the rest of your family, our family?" He asked her desperately.

"Just make sure once everyone arrives they react ok?" She told him as she pulled out her gun and headed for the small side door.

He looked at her and nodded, all the units were miles out and it could take nearly an hour for them to arrive and Olivia wasn't about to sit and wait when her daughter could be being raped and tortured in a Warehouse a few feet away.

He wanted to go in with her but she'd made it clear he wasn't to follow her inside, this was something she was going to do alone even if it was going to cost her shield.

Her heart hammered in her chest sending pulsating vibrations to her head. She wanted to find her daughter and nothing was going to stop her, not her job and not the law. She saw a light and walked hurriedly keeping her gun at arm's length ready to shoot if necessary.

She turned into a doorway and saw her daughter sat tied to a pole.

"Mom!"

"Mel..."

A kick to the hand sent her gun flying and Tyler Reeves stepped out of the shadows. He clasped at Olivia's biceps and she at his as they struggled to overpower one another. Thoughts of her family and rescuing her daughter gave Olivia the strength she needed to hold him off but she couldn't overpower him, he was strong, muscular and visibly psychotic.

"Mommy!" Melissa squealed and she frantically searched for something she could do to help her mother.

A knee hit Olivia in the gut and she doubled over in pain until she heard it. One single gunshot. Then she saw Melissa stood shaking with her police issued weapon in her quivering hands.

"Mel." Olivia gasped running to her and taking the gun from her hands before wrapping her arms around her daughters trembling figure.

"The knife." Melissa whispered. "He was..."

"I know baby." Olivia replied, she'd seen Tyler Reeves pull out a knife too, it now lay in his dead hand.

"I had to..." Melissa cried.

"I know baby but listen to Mommy." She cupped her daughter's filthy tears stained cheeks in her hands. "When the police ask Mommy shot the gun ok? You have to tell them Mommy shot him."

"Ok." Melissa nodded before bursting out into tears and being pulled back into Olivia's arms.

"Liv! Mel!" Elliot came running into the room, he stepped over Reeves body and pulled the two sobbing girls into his arms. "What happened?"

"He pulled out a knife after kneeing me in the gut ... I had to shoot." She whispered her voice trembling with the lie that spilled from her mouth, she would tell her husband the truth eventually but not now, she couldn't tell him while CSU and EMT's were rushing into the room.

"Ok I've got you both." He whispered as he held them stopping the EMT's coming anywhere near them.

"Detective we need to check them both over." One EMT told him and he slowly let go of them and backed away.

"Check her over I'm fine." Olivia whispered stepping back and wrapping an arm around Elliot.

Melissa was untied from the railing and she was put on a stretcher to be carried out. Olivia and Elliot followed behind, Olivia frantically wiping the gun that her daughter had used to kill her kidnapper, she knew it was going to be tested and she had to make sure that no one suspected Melissa of firing the weapon. She then held it in her hand in the same way she would have if she would have shot him, just to make sure her prints were on it before she handed it over to Fin who was waiting to take it to ballistics.

Olivia climbed into the ambulance behind Melissa and said nothing. Elliot told them he would follow them in the car but Olivia still said nothing, she'd gone into shock as she clutched her daughter's still trembling hand.

****

**Mercy General, Manhattan, New York**

**Thursday, September 10****th**** 2015**

**4.11 am**

Olivia and Elliot sat beside their sleeping daughter's hospital bed. The rest of the SVU squad was outside in the waiting room.

"The rape kit was negative." Olivia told him breaking the silence. "Hymen intact, no sign of penetration, no bruising."

A sigh of relief left Elliot's body. Their little girl hadn't become a victim of rape but she was still a victim in many ways.

"Why did he take her?" Elliot asked softly.

"I don't know, she had a few bruises on her upper arms, her wrist is broken, he's no one we've arrested, we've not been involved with any of his family, I think it may have been a random snatch for ransom and when he found out he had cops kid he panicked." Olivia suggested and Elliot nodded, the idea was plausible.

"What happened in that warehouse Olivia?" Elliot asked softly.

"He kicked the gun out of my hand and went to fight me, he kneed me in the stomach and pulled out a knife and Mel ... Melissa grabbed the gun and shot." Olivia cried softly and Elliot reached his free hand over his daughter's sedated body and took her free hand in his own. "Our little girl shot someone El."

"I know baby." He whispered. "We'll get her help, it can't be Huang because he can't know."

"No one can find out that she shot the gun Elliot." Olivia told him firmly.

"I know, just make sure you and Melissa are on the same page about what happened, you wiped the prints?"

"Of course I did." Olivia snapped.

"Good, anything that doesn't add up in what you say happened can be put down to EED on Melissa's behalf, you just make sure you stick to the same story, you're a cop and have to remember extreme amounts of information in tough circumstances, one break in your story Liv and they're going to know." Elliot rubbed his thumb over her hand as he talked and she nodded in agreement.

"I know El, no one can know Melissa shot that gun." Olivia sighed, she didn't want to be involved in some major cover up but this was her daughter who would have to be arrested for murder until it was proven to be self defence, which it wouldn't be because it was Olivia he was going for with the knife, Melissa's life hadn't been in any danger when she shot the gun.

"I'm going to see everyone outside." Olivia whispered letting go of Elliot and Melissa's hand, leaving father and daughter alone for a while.

Olivia left the room with heavy shoulders and heavy heart. When she arrived the waiting room Don Cragen was the first to wrap her up in an embrace and she finally broke, the tears flooded down her cheeks and she made no attempt to stop them.

"Ok Princess." He whispered as he stroked her back. "Come on calm down, she's safe now."

Olivia took five minutes to compose herself and wipe her tears before she filled the group in on what the doctors had said.

"No rape, no penetration, broken wrist, some bruising on her upper arms, we won't really know what happened until Melissa tells us." Olivia informed them and they all felt a little bit more relaxed hearing that she wasn't raped or sexually assaulted.

"How is she?" Fin asked.

"Sedated, I requested that they sedated her for the rape kit, those things can be so traumatising and I didn't want her to know she had it done." Olivia explained. "She should sleep till morning and then they'll discharge her."

"That's great news Liv." Munch smiled softly.

"Yeah, I'll bring her in tomorrow afternoon to give her statement, once she's been home and showered and seen her siblings." Olivia informed them, she was Captain anyway so she didn't have a superior to ask her when to bring the child in.

"Ok, CSU finished up at the house Liv and they found some of Melissa's hair in the living room by a heater, we think she was tied up there because O'Hallaran found rope fibres there too." Fin told her.

"What difference does it make? He's dead." Olivia spat.

"We still have to close the case Olivia you know that." Munch told her gently.

"I know, I know but this isn't just any case is it Munch that's Melissa that's the little girl who watched her birth parents get killed and was kidnapped when she was just six years old." Olivia snapped angrily, she was too tired for this.

"I know Liv but look at what's happened in the seven years since that happened, she got two amazing fathers, yes she lost one but she still knows he loved her and she has Elliot but to top all of that off she has you, and she will need you to be strong for her now." Cragen whispered softly to calm her down.

"I know." Olivia sighed. "I know, now I'm going to go back to my baby and my husband, Dad go home to Mom so she can relax and Munch and Fin get some sleep and I'll see you at the house tomorrow."

With that she turned on her heels and left knowing she had plenty of time to talk to Melissa and make up a story that would be plausible to how Olivia shot her gun killing the perp when she was on the other side of the room.

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**Dun Dun**

**SteffieDawn **


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 - Keep an eye on the times because they are going to be happening in two locations at the same time. **

**One Police Plaza, Manhattan, New York**

**Friday, September 11****th**** 2015**

**1.01 pm**

Olivia sat facing Ed Tucker from IAB and the Chief of D's. They would be taking her statement about the events that happened concerning the shooting of her daughters kidnapping. She was terrified, one mistake in the details of her story and they would know she was lying, she had been going over it and over it in her head, Elliot had asked her numerous questions about the concocted story in order to help her but she knew, she knew one mistake and it was over.

"Captain Cragen, can you in your own words describe the events that took place in the Warehouse at approximately three am on Thursday the tenth of September?"

"After receiving a phone call from CSU regarding some information about an old abandoned warehouse in the house of our suspect myself and ex-Captain Cragen, my father, went out to the scene. Knowing that time is of the essence in these cases I suited up in a bulletproof vest and went into the building."

"Did you call for back up?" Tucker asked.

"I did but a traffic accident happened not far from where the Detectives where meaning it was going to be a while before they could get to us." Olivia explained, this was the truth so there was no worries here, it was when the lies began to build she'd get scared.

"Ok carry on." The chief nodded in reassurance, he was supporting her every move unlike Tucker who had just said she was out of order.

"When I entered the warehouse I quickly found Melissa, she was tied up and beaten. When I went over to her the perp came out of nowhere." Olivia closed her eyes briefly as she remembered the details. "I rushed over to Melissa but then he spun me around and kneed me in the stomach." Part lie, her hand rested on her tiny bump as she recalled the knee that caught her and her not worrying or thinking about the unborn child lying within her but she had the bruise to prove he'd hurt her. "We struggled a little, he had hold of me and I couldn't get a shot until I pushed him and he stumbled backwards turning in the process and that's when I saw the silver of the knife and as he went to turn around I shot him." Olivia explained. "He was close enough that had he turned he would have swiped the blade across my neck."

"So you shot him to defend yourself?" Tucker asked.

"Yes Melissa was stood behind me the whole time, he'd have had to get through me to get to her." Olivia lied, she had been on the other side of the room, in front of their perp when Melissa shot the gun.

"Ok for now we have no more questions Captain." Tucker replied before knocking the off button on the recorder and dismissing the Captain he disliked with a passion.

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Friday, September 11****th**** 2015**

**1.09 am**

"Where's Olivia?" Huang asked as he stood by the two way with Elliot and Don Cragen.

"She didn't want to hear it." Elliot replied. "She'll read the fives to find out what happened and Melissa knows she can talk to Olivia any time but she didn't want the Chief or Tucker to think she'd coerced the statement in anyway."

"She's dissociating with all of this I'm inclined to admit I'm worried." Huang sighed.

"Olivia's just fine." Elliot snapped while Cragen looked nervously at George knowing the psychiatrist was right in what he was saying.

"Ok." Huang nodded before Elliot turned up the dial on the intercom so he could listen to Olivia's eldest daughter talk about her horrific attack.

"Ok Melly, can you tell me what happened outside the candy store?" Fin asked gently as Melissa played with her rag doll in her hand, Cole had bought it for her when they first fostered her and whenever she felt sad or lonely she played with it, kept it close to her and when Michael had died Olivia had placed a piece of his blanky in the doll's pocket so Melissa could have a piece of her twin close too.

"I came out of the store and I was talking with Wendy and then the man just grabbed me and pulled me into the van, it hadn't been there when I walked in." Melissa explained.

"Can you remember the colour of the van?" Munch asked and Melissa shook her head as she pressed the doll's face into her nose.

"Ok then what?" Fin probed softly.

"We drove for ages, they tied my arms together and my legs because I kept kicking them and trying to punch them and then they blindfolded and gagged me." Melissa explained. "When we stopped they took me somewhere and they put something on my nose and mouth to make me sleep."

"Bastard used chloroform on her." Elliot sighed from the other side of the glass.

"Ok and when you woke up?" Fin asked wanting to make this ordeal pass as quickly as he could for his pseudo niece.

"I was in a room, my arms were tied up and my legs were still tied together." Melissa explained trying to blink back her tears, a habit she'd picked up off all the adults in her life who hated showing emotion.

"Anything happen while you were in the house?" Fin asked.

"No. Nothing happened until we moved to the warehouse, they tied me up again but untied my legs and then they sat a little way away just watching me." Melissa sighed. "I don't understand why but they didn't really hurt me."

"Ok Mel you said they how many of them where there?" Munch asked and he knew he hadn't been the only one to realise she was referring to more than one perp.

"Two." Melissa replied.

"Did you see the two?" Fin asked and Melissa just nodded weakly. "If you saw the other man, the one who didn't die again would you know it was him?"

"Yes and I will do a line up if you have any suspects Uncle Fin." Melissa replied and Fin forced back a smile, he forgot that the girl had two cops for parents and studied their job like her life depended on it so that she could follow in their footsteps someday.

"Good, ok can you tell us what happened when your Mom came into the room?" Fin asked knowing they needed this last titbit of information before she could go to Elliot.

"I was tied up, I saw her come in and then ... I don't know it was all so quick, one minute Mom was there and then the man hurt her because she bent over and then I heard the gun and I saw the man fall down." Melissa explained, her Mom warning her repeatedly to say that it was her that had shot the gun.

"Ok Melissa you're all done." Munch smiled gently and she nodded before getting up and going to Elliot.

****

**One Police Plaza, Manhattan, New York**

**Friday, September 11****th**** 2015**

** 1.43 pm **

After some reassuring words from the Chief of D's Olivia had started to leave one Police Plaza, when her phone rang suddenly.

"Cragen." She snapped knowing it couldn't be one of the squad because they knew she was giving her statement now and they were taking Melissa's.

"Hey Captain it's O'Hallaran, I think I have something you may want to see but come alone." He told her before hanging up. Sighing yet feeling relieved she hadn't left one pp yet she made her way over to the crime scene lab to see what they had for her that no one else could see.

She walked into the lab and found it near empty which annoyed her, they should have been making sure they had no more evidence pointing at anyone else involved in kidnapping of her baby.

"Olivia?" O'Hallaran came over to her and she gave him a curt nod.

"What have you got for me?" She asked.

"This way, keep your voice down." He whispered as he took her to his office in the back.

As soon as the door was shut he flicked on the light and pointed to the TV. She saw the screen with an image on it but until he pressed the play button she had no idea what it was.

When the thirty second clip ended her heart had landed in her throat.

"What is that?" She asked hoarsely.

"That is my personal re-enactment of what happened in that warehouse Olivia." He explained softly.

"Excuse me?" She asked her voice betraying the evil glare she was giving him.

"I know you didn't shoot him, Melissa did." He replied gently. "Don't worry Liv I'm not going to tell anyone."

"Then why make this?" She asked pointing at the screen.

"Because you'd have lied to me otherwise, you're lucky I worked the evidence from the warehouse alone, but all of it proves Melissa shot him, especially with what I heard from Warner."

"What did Melinda say?" She asked quickly.

"The trajectory of the bullet shows he was shot from someone shorter than you, possibly Melissa's height and combine that with the position of the body and the blood spatter effect it proves there is no possible way you shot him." Ryan explained gently.

"Oh my God they're going to find out." Olivia gasped, she hadn't really thought much about the physical evidence on the body.

"Don't worry, they're not Olivia I saw you were wise enough to wipe the prints off the gun, we didn't get the chance to do a residue test on you because you rushed off with Melissa and have showered since and there was no reason to suspect Melissa at the scene. Go and see Warner, she wants to talk to you too." Ryan smiled gently.

"You don't have to do this." Olivia told him.

"I know, I want to, Melissa's a very bright young girl Olivia and she deserves a fair chance in life, I'm not going to be the one to take it from her because she shot her kidnapper."

"Thank you." Olivia nodded a connection being made with the CSU tech that was deeper than it would have ever been before.

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Friday, September 11****th**** 2015**

**1.56 pm**

"Let her talk to George." Cragen tried for what seemed like the hundredth time.

"No." Elliot replied again, was his father in law not accepting his daughter's wishes?

"I don't understand Elliot, Olivia trust George and so do you and you've both let him talk to the kids before." Cragen interjected, he was frustrated and he just wanted to make sure his granddaughter was ok.

"I know, Liv and I trust Huang with more than we trust anyone beside each other but that's not the point here, Olivia and I agree that Melissa should only talk to a child psychiatrist who doesn't have any connections to the NYPD so she can have the freedom to talk without worrying that Olivia and I could find out what she talks about, her issues run far deeper than this kidnapping alone." Elliot explained as he watched Melissa sleeping softly on the couch of his wife's office.

"Ok, I understand Elliot but she needs to see someone soon." Cragen sighed.

"I know, we have an appointment for her tonight." Elliot replied before Cragen checked his vibrating phone and walked off without another word.

****

**Morgue, Manhattan, New York**

**Friday, September 11****th**** 2015**

**2.36 pm**

"Mel?" Olivia called as she walked into the dank cold space that was the morgue.

"In here!" Melinda called from the back and Olivia slowly made towards the voice until a man walked from there followed by the ME.

"Dad what are you doing here?" Olivia asked in shock.

"I could be asking you the same question." He replied angrily and that's when she realised he knew.

"Dad..."

"Save it Olivia I am furious right now so please don't talk to me."

"Dad!" She yelled but he walked out and left her seething with the doctor.

Melinda watched as her friend's defeated shoulders dropped even further while she accept the news that her father not only knew what she had done but was also very angry with her, angry enough to give her the silent treatment and since her adoption that had only happen twice before and he had every right to ignore her then as he did now.

"Olivia..." Melinda snapped her out of her thoughts enough for her to walk towards her. "I spoke with O'Hallaran, don't worry we've fixed it."

"What? How?" Olivia asked.

"After O'Hallaran and I worked it out I fixed the bullet and redid the whole autopsy..."

"Mel..."

"Don't Olivia, you're covered, you shot the gun and no one bar myself, O'Hallaran, Elliot, you and Melissa need ever know." Melinda explained.

"Your lab has a spotless reputation Melinda, don't even put that at risk for me." Olivia explained.

"I'm not." Melinda snapped. "I'm putting it at risk for Melissa."

"Thank you." Olivia whispered as she wiped away a tear. "For everything."

"Don't mention it... seriously." Melinda gave her a playful smile before she left with a little more room to breathe in her chest now.

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**Dun Dun**

**SteffieDawn **


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 - BIT OF A JUMP IN TIME HERE! **

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Friday, November 20****th**** 2015**

**11.36 am**

Olivia and Elliot had been working a very tough case involving kidnapped teenagers being sold as sex slaves. They were currently in the process of setting up a sting to take down the leader of the pack and it was turning into a pretty long morning.

After a while Olivia retreated into her office and locked the door, she rarely did this but Elliot was the only one who walked into her office without knocking and so if he found it locked, he would know she was trying to get away from him.

She rested her hands on her large twenty seven week bump as she contemplated the array of plans they had that could be used for the sting this evening. Her problem was that she knew if the sting went wrong the blame would land on her shoulders.

The ringing of the phone snapped her out of her thoughts.

"Captain Cragen Special Victims Unit." She answered in the way the Chief of D's had corrected her when she'd just answered "Cragen" he'd reminded her that she wasn't a field Detective on a Cell Phone anymore and should be aware that the people calling her now deserved far more respect.

Hey Princess

"Hey Daddy." She smiled knowing it was her father on the phone.

So what's this I hear about some sting op tonight?

"This was only decided an hour ago, Dad? Have you got someone carrying tales about me?" The anger in her voice was obvious.

I asked someone to let me know if you were doing something to put you and your son at risk.

Her son, she'd found out that she was finally having the baby boy she'd wanted since Nicole was a girl.

"Not the point Dad I can do my job!" She yelled angrily.

Then why have you not made a decision and locked yourself in the office?

She was furious.

"Who's carrying tales?" She asked trying to hide the fury from her voice.

It doesn't matter...

"It matters to me if I have someone on my squad who doubts my abilities as their Captain." She snapped.

It isn't actually someone on the squad, it's just a friend come on Princess just drop it.

"No I won't drop it ... fuck." She hung up the phone and walked to the door wasting no time in unlocking it and facing the men in the room.

She was still the only woman in a man's world. The new Detective she'd hired was a great addition to the team, Detective First Grade Nick Amaro had fit in perfectly and worked really well with herself and the rest of the squad, even though at the moment he was working with her mainly as she was still needed out in the field and with Munch working less and less out there she was needed, but Munch completed most of her paperwork so she wasn't complaining.

"Doctor Huang a word?" She asked trying to hide all emotion from her voice.

He nodded and left the conference table they'd set up in the main squad room to follow the Captain into the office. Olivia had understood her Father when he had said it wasn't someone who worked for her, because George Huang may have been a valuable part of SVU but he was FBI he wasn't working for her, if anything, he had some power to overrule her decision ... to some authority.

Guessing this wasn't a personal call he stayed standing as Olivia sat down and addressed her professionally.

"Captain what can I do for you?" He asked gently.

"Drop the Captain I didn't want to give the impression to the squad that there was something wrong." She explained her calling him by his professional title across the bullpen.

He relaxed a little and took one of the empty seats opposite her, studying her to try and figure out what was wrong.

"George, why are you telling my Dad about how I do my job?" She asked bluntly.

There was no getting out of this one for George Huang, he was busted and he knew it.

"He asked me to keep an eye on you Olivia, with everything that happened with Ali and Eli he's worrying about you." George tried to keep his voice steady but pregnant angry Olivia could be quite scary and he didn't want to be feeling her wrath today.

"Keeping an eye on me is one thing, to soothe my Father's fears because he isn't here to look after me this time but telling him that we're setting up a sting and I haven't made my mind up, telling him I withdrew to my office and locked the door? That isn't keeping an eye on me George that's damn right interfering." She snapped angrily and he was sure he was about to feel the full extent of her wrath.

"Olivia..."

"No! Don't you dare! I have every right as the Commanding Officer of this unit to take some time out and make a decision, I don't know which of our many plans are going to work best and I need to sort through them all in my mind and feel prepared going out there because my Detectives lives will be on the line and not just my Detectives but my husband's, my own and my unborn child will be out there in the field while you're sat in a truck listening in, now don't you dare think I don't have the right to lock myself away to make these decisions." She hissed, her voice deep and threatening.

"I'm sorry Olivia, I shouldn't have interfered but I made a promise to your father who is also my best friend." Huang explained as his defence.

"If you can't trust your partner it's time to get a new one." Olivia mumbled.

"What?" George asked unsure whether he'd heard her right.

"George, you're the head figuratively speaking, of this team, I may be the one that makes all the decisions but you're the person that helps us get through it, you're the one shrinking us till we realised that everything we're feeling is fine and subsequently get some sleep. I told Elliot, long ago, while he was still happily married to Kathy it was that long ago ... I told him if you can't trust your partner then it's time to get a new one ... I respect you as an Agent, as a Psychiatrist and as a Friend but by carrying things back to my dad I'm losing that respect and that trust and if I can't trust you Huang I will be reporting that we need a new psychiatrist on this squad instead of you, do I make myself clear?" She was frustrated, angry, sad, he understood it all and that's what bothered him the most because if he didn't understand then he could through a Stabler tantrum and demand an apology but everything Olivia had said was true, he was losing her respect by betraying her confidence to her father.

"Crystal." He nodded. "I'm sorry Olivia."

"Apology accepted, now go back out there and tell them we're going with the fifth plan, I think it's safest." She told him and he nodded and almost ran to the door but when he opened it he glanced nervously at Olivia just as Don Cragen walked into the room.

"Dad?" She sighed leaning back in the chair. "You can still go George." She informed the psychiatrist while her father took a seat. "Why did you come here?" Olivia asked.

"The kids are at school and with Alex and Casey for the night and your Mom and Nanny Sue are doing laundry and I was bored..."

"You're checking up on me." Olivia concluded.

"No..."

"Dad don't lie to me you've had me under surveillance by George Huang and the second things don't sit right with you then you rush in here to check up on me. I've made my decision on tonight's surveillance and I have also told George Huang that if he doesn't stop filling you in on everything I do I will ask for a different Pysch for _**my**_ squad." She explained.

"George was just doing what I asked of him." Cragen sighed gently.

"I know, but he betrayed my trust Dad in the same way you are having him check up on me, I'm Captain now you've retired and everything you've taught me over the years is being put to good use but I'm not you, I will make my decisions my way." Olivia explained.

"Sure, but you can at least allow me to be a little bit concerned about the welfare of my child and grandson." Done replied.

"I can but why come here Dad?" Olivia asked frowning.

"Because I knew you'd talk to George and I wanted to make sure you didn't fire him." He chuckled when Olivia smiled.

"Not yet." Was all Olivia could reply.

****

**5****th**** Avenue, Manhattan, New York**

**Friday, November 20****th**** 2015**

**6.41 pm**

On Fifth Avenue all the squad were in position for this take down. They'd been working on setting up some sort of sting for while with Fin going undercover to try and bring down the organisation and as soon as Fin handed over the ten thousand dollars to buy a girl then the case would be closed.

Don Cragen and George Huang were stationed in a van just out of sight. Olivia was stationed in the coffee shop as she would follow the money after the handover. Elliot was driving the van and would bring it closer when necessary. Nick Amaro was already stationed at the second check point just in case something was changed. Munch was with backup ready for something to go wrong.

"Big Brother is on the move." Elliot said so that everyone wired up could hear him.

It meant that Fin was now taking the money into the coffee shop. Olivia was the one to move as soon as the hand over was finished. She was on edge, as anything going wrong would land her up the river without a paddle.

"I have eyeball on Big Brother." Olivia whispered discreetly into her wrist.

Fin waited at the table he'd been told to wait at and was now waiting for the collector to pick up the money. A twenty year old girl sat down in front of Fin with a grin on her face and Olivia knew this to be the hand over.

"Black haired female in a pink leather jacket." Olivia mumbled. "Handover is made I'm on the move."

Olivia followed the young woman out and waited for a command prompt from Elliot.

"We have eyeball." He said as the van slowly began to move from the corner being careful not to get seen by anyone who may be watching, if anyone figured out Fin was a cop then he'd be shot.

Fin rushed to the van and climbed inside while Olivia slowly followed the girl in the pink leather jacket.

"I've got a visual on Mama." Nick said meaning he'd spotted Olivia before the girl.

"Ok she's entered I'm going in." Olivia whispered before going into the restaurant that the handover would be made.

It was like time had stood still as they waited for the girl to hand the money over to the perp. Olivia waited with bated breath for the envelope of cash to be passed on. From one hand to the other the exchange was made.

"Go, I repeat go go go." Olivia said and the doors busted open.

"NYPD Nobody moves!" Elliot yelled as Huang threw a jacket and her shield towards Olivia.

She slipped on her NYPD coat and hung her shield around her neck before joining in on the arrests. They were bringing everyone in at the hope that someone would spill their guts about the main man who was being arrested for extortion only until they could prove human trafficking, rape and soliciting sex from a minor.

"NOBONDY MOVES!" someone yelled before repetitive shots were made and it wasn't typical gun shots it was rifle.

Everyone dived to the floor and waited until the firing seized.

"Where's the back up!" Olivia called into her wrist.

"Your father told us to hold back." Amaro replied.

"Get in here now!" Olivia yelled and as soon as she'd finished the door busted open and more gun shots followed from the snipers.

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Friday, November 20****th**** 2015**

**8.59 pm**

Olivia was pacing her office in pure frustration. She was angry and didn't know what to say to anyone. Luckily the NYPD had no casualties in this instance and she was quite relieved at that but they'd had four of their suspects killed and the brass was going to want something done about it. Her job was on the line here and she knew it.

A knock on the door had her frozen.

"Come in." She called and in walked the Chief of D's and the Commissioner.

"Captain Cragen I'm sure you were expecting us." The Chief said.

"Of course." Olivia nodded knowing there was no point trying to say that this had gone ok.

"Do you mind explaining what happened with the snipers? Why were they not brought in as soon as the gun shots went off? Because we've already listened to the wire tape and you didn't stop them." He explained.

"Don Cragen interfered." She explained. "He held back the snipers."

"You had a civilian on the case?" The Commissioner asked.

"He's not just a civilian he's the ex captain of this squad." Olivia explained. "He is still licensed to carry an on duty weapon and he was just in the van with Doctor Huang and Sergeant Stabler, I was inside I couldn't see anything that suggested he'd left the van and no one had told me." Olivia was trying not to show how angry she was.

"Captain we understand that you have a lot of faith in your Father and ex CO but this is your squad now, your decisions are what make or break a case, in this instant we were lucky that the only people who got hurt where the ones trying to hurt others, but someone could have been killed. This time we're not going to take your shield but don't take your father on any operations again, having him in the office helping is one thing Captain Cragen but having him out in the field making command decisions could cost you your job." The commissioner explained before he and the chief walked out.

Olivia waited for the door to shut behind them before slumping into her chair, she knew they were right, she should have never let her father come on the operation with them but it felt right having him there, but she was still furious with him.

****

**Cragen-Stabler residence, Manhattan, New York**

**Friday, November 20****th**** 2015**

**11.03 pm**

"I told you don't speak to me!" Olivia yelled just as they walked through the door they'd been arguing since before leaving the precinct over the mess up on the sting.

"Liv..."

"Don't I'm still mad at you!" She continued to yell as they put away their guns in the locked drawer before switching on the light to the hallway.

"Anne!" Don gasped.

Olivia and Elliot both spun around to see what was going on and saw Don rushing over to the bottom of the stairs.

"OH MY GOD!" Olivia gasped rushing over with Elliot hot on her heels. "Call a bus."

Don was caressing his wife's face and Olivia held her hand but then she looked up at Elliot and shook her head, her eyes filling with tears.

"Dad." She croaked and he pulled the limp body of his wife into his arms, tears cascading down his cheek.

"Liv?" Elliot asked.

"Call Melinda." She whispered as she blinked back every tear that threatened to fall.

Elliot just nodded and went into the living room with his phone. Olivia sat on the floor holding her mother's hand as Don rocked her backwards and forwards. Every second that ticked by felt like an hour but it took less than fifteen minutes before Melinda Warner and CSU arrived.

"CSU?" Olivia asked looking at Elliot who shrugged.

"Its precaution because of how Elliot said she was found." Melinda explained and Olivia just nodded not moving from her Mother and Father's side.

"Liv I need you both too move." Melinda whispered gently as she wrapped an arm around her friend.

Olivia nodded and Elliot helped her to her feet but she didn't know what to say to her father to get him to move.

"Don." Melinda whispered but he just shook his head as the tears cascaded down his cheeks. "I'll take good care of her Don but I need you to move." Melinda continued softly.

"Dad..." Olivia croaked and that alone seemed to work.

He looked up and saw his daughter's tear ridden cheeks and carefully put his wife's body down. He rushed over to Olivia and pulled her into his arms, both of them sobbing uncontrollably.

"Melinda any idea what happened?" Elliot asked as he tried to hide his own grief.

"No not till I get her on my table I'm afraid." She explained trying to hide her own tears, she'd been good friends with her best friend's mother.

"Ok." Elliot nodded before he took Olivia and Don into the living room.

"Where's Nanny Sue?" Olivia asked knowing that the woman should have been here.

"She went to help Alex and Casey with the kids, they're a handful apparently." Don said chuckling a little as he wiped his tears.

They sat in silence until Melinda came in taking her latex gloves off in the process.

"We're moving her now." She explained and Olivia and Don clasped each other's hands and followed them out.

They couldn't have stood any closer if they tried. Their hands clasped in each other's tightly as they watched the body being placed in the black ambulance. That was a mother and a wife being taken away.

"Why?" Don asked softly and Olivia just shook her head and tried to stop the tears from falling and failing miserably in the process.

"Elliot the kids." Olivia whispered as she rested her free hand on her bump.

Elliot just shook his head and watched Olivia, the wind whipping around her making her hair flutter wildly.

"Let them be tonight." Elliot explained knowing that as soon as they were told there was going to be a lot of tears and tantrums and explaining.

"I need to ... I need to go..." She let go of her father's hand and rushed into the house.

Don just fell to his knees unsure what else to do. Elliot wiped his lingering tears knowing that he was in every right to be upset but not wanting to show it. Seconds past and Olivia rushed back out of the house and towards the car.

"Liv?" Elliot asked.

"I need to be alone." She explained and he nodded, knowing that this was going to be hard and he knew where she was going anyway.

He sent one simple text before returning his focus on the man who had just lost his wife, for now he'd have to focus on him and he would worry about Olivia afterwards.

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Saturday, November 21st 2015**

**1.12 am**

Olivia sat in her office staring into space, she wasn't ready to accept what had happened in the last two hours. The knock at the office door didn't startle her, she'd been expecting someone to find her and she knew that it would be someone Elliot had requested because the squad room had been completely empty when she arrived.

"Come in." She called as she wiped at her cheeks desperately.

"Liv?" George Huang walked in slowly and she knew with this man she didn't have to hide her tears.

As soon as he placed a hot tea in front of her and sat down her face scrunched up and she burst into tears.

"Let it all out Liv." He reassured her knowing that if she didn't she'd bottle it all up and it would be wrong for her in the long run.

His mind flashed back to the last time he'd been sat in this office with a grieving Olivia. He'd been sat behind the desk then and it was after she'd lost her fiancé, he'd been desperate to get her to open up but she wasn't having any of it, she was practically catatonic with everyone but Melissa.

"She can't be dead." Olivia mumbled through her tears. "She can't be."

Her eyes snapped shut once again as her shoulders shook with more cries. George Huang knew better than to say anything yet, she was just going through the first stage of grief and there was nothing wrong with that.

"I need her George, I can't ... she was there... with Cole and now ... I can't ..." Olivia hiccupped.

As much as he wanted to, he still said nothing because whatever he said now would fall on deaf ears and so there was no point but just sitting there so she could talk was better than having her sitting in the semi dark office saying nothing to no one and bottling it all up.

"How do I tell the kids?" Olivia asked looking at George showing she expected an answer.

"Well Melissa is thirteen now, she understands and she's dealt with death before so she will be the one to understand quickest, Nicole understands a bit about death too because she knows about her father, Lili and Lexi are going to need it explained to them and will understand but Ali and Eli are too young, they'll grieve because they'll feed off everyone else's emotions, they'll see everyone is sad but they won't understand why." Huang explained.

"There was only Melly last time, when Cole and Michael died, I don't know how to deal with their grieving George." She explained.

"You just have to let them grieve, let them cry, let them be angry, let them ask questions and answer them the best you can." George explained.

"Nicole is going to be devastated, she was Granny's little girl." Olivia sighed.

"She was the only one biologically her grandchild right?" Huang asked and Olivia just nodded.

"Yeah, it was like a special bond was there because of that you know?" Olivia explained. "I can't ... she's gone." Olivia broke out into more sobs.

Huang sighed softly, he was going to be needed for this family, they were all going to be grieving and he knew it was going to be tough for them all.

****

**Dun Dun**

**SteffieDawn **


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 **

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Saturday, November 21st 2015**

**10.21 am**

Olivia had fallen asleep in the early hours of the morning with her head on the desk. She had no intentions of going home yet to the grief that would be waiting for her. She was hurting inside, in pure agony at the thought that her Mom wouldn't be there for her anymore, her Mom was gone.

She was startled awake by the ringing phone and as she glanced at the clock she realised someone had told her unit to keep away as she was sleeping.

"Captain Cragen Special Victims." She answered slowly.

Hey Liv it's Mel.

"Oh hey Mel everything ok?" She asked knowing that Melinda would be calling about something to do with her Mother or a case.

Yeah I've finished the autopsy and filled out the report do you want me to bring it over?

"No, I'll come down there now." Olivia replied.

Ok see you soon.

Melinda hung up the phone and Olivia slowly put the receiver down. This was reality now and she wasn't sure if she was ready to face it.

As she stood up she looked out into the bullpen and saw Nick, Fin and Munch hard at work at their desks. Elliot's desk was empty which was a good thing, that meant he was still with her father, something she knew she should have been doing.

She walked out into the bullpen and she could feel the sombre atmosphere.

"Liv." Fin smiled gently and pulled her into an embrace.

"Thanks." She whispered as he held her.

"We're all here for you and for Dad ok?" He reassured her.

"I know, I'm going to the morgue and then I'm going home to meet the kids, if a big case comes in call Queens SVU their going to take any tough cases from us but if you need me for anything don't hesitate in calling me ok?" She spoke to no one in particular.

"Just go be with your family Liv." Munch told her and she just nodded before hurrying out not wanting the detectives to see her in tears again.

****

**Morgue, Manhattan, New York**

**Saturday, November 21st 2015**

**11.11 am**

For the first time in her life Olivia hesitated before going into the morgue. This was different. This wasn't a case where they'd seen the body at the crime scene, this wasn't anything like that. This was her Mom and her father, her husband and herself had arrived home to find her lifeless body at the bottom of the stairs.

"You don't have to come in you know." Melinda smiled reassuringly as she came out to join her best friend.

"I know but I want to." Olivia replied solemnly.

"Why Liv? Why do you want to?" Melinda asked gently.

"You sound like Huang." She laughed weakly.

"I do my best." Melinda teased gently knocking into her shoulder playfully.

"I have seen some of the most disgusting bodies who have had who knows what done to them ... why am I scared of going to see my own Mom's body?" Olivia explained her eyes closed as she remembered her father clutching tightly to the body and sobbing.

"Because this isn't a case Liv, this is your Mom the woman who adopted you and for the last seven years has been there for you every step of the way." Melinda explained. "You don't have to see this body on the table."

"But if you want to I will be there by your side."

Olivia's eyes fluttered open and she turned her head to see her Father coming towards her with tear stained cheeks and blood shot eyes.

"Dad." She whispered before the tears cascaded down her cheek, she hadn't even seen Elliot standing a few feet behind him.

"We'll do this together princess." He told her as his hand cupped her cheek and he stroked a thumb across her tears.

"Ok, let's do it." She nodded standing up and taking his hand.

"I'll wait here for you." Elliot whispered gently knowing this is something Father and Daughter needed to do alone.

"Thank you." Olivia whispered back before following Melinda inside.

Her heart was hammering inside her chest to the point it rang in her ears. Her mind was going crazy as she walked slowly hand in hand with Don towards the body. Melinda waited patiently for them and one look from Olivia and a small nod of the head let her pull back the blue sheet and reveal Anne's face.

"Anne." Don gasped his tears flowing freely.

Olivia cupped a hand over her eyes and turned her head away as she cried, more because of Don's reaction than anything else. He bent over the body and cupped his hand over his wife's lifeless face.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

The scene in front of her broke Melinda's heart. She'd known the woman on her table now, she knew her well, the grieving family consisted of her best friend and her father. This wasn't normal for her and she knew the second they left she'd have to take some time out to cry herself, because right now she was struggling to hold back her tears.

"What's the COD Mel?" Olivia asked her friend.

"She had a heart attack Liv, she must have had it at the top of the stairs but she was dead before she hit the bottom." Melinda explained and Olivia just nodded gratefully.

"So would she have died regardless?" Olivia asked.

"There was nothing that could have stopped this from happening." Melinda replied and again Olivia nodded.

"Come on Dad." Olivia whispered pulling him into a tight embrace.

While the two held each other and sobbed Melinda covered the body back up out of respect to them both. She then went into her office out of sight where she could let her own tears fall as she didn't want Olivia to see her cry.

"We need to tell the kids." Olivia informed her father when his sobbing began to subside.

He just nodded, he was too heartbroken to speak so he let his daughter lead him away from his wife's dead body and back out into the corridor to where Elliot was waiting.

****

**Cragen-Stabler Residence, Manhattan, New York**

**Saturday, November 21st 2015**

**12.26 pm**

Everyone sat in the living room waiting for the kids to arrive. Elliot kept making hot drinks while the other two sat in complete silence. He didn't know what to do or say to make either of them feel better so he found it easier to say nothing at all and be there if his wife or father in law needed him.

He had never seen Don Cragen like this. He'd seen Olivia grieving when Serena Benson died and then when Michael died and the again when Cole was shot so he kind of knew what to expect with her but with Don Cragen he only knew one thing, that last time he'd grieved for a wife he'd become an alcoholic, and he could only pray that his father in law wouldn't do that again.

When they heard a key in the lock everyone wiped their tears and sat a little upright. Melissa was old enough to have her own key so she was letting everyone into the house. The kids ran into the living room and they instantly sensed that something was wrong. Alex and Casey came into the room with their son Zachary and they also could tell something was wrong and looked around questioningly.

Alex looked at Casey when she realised what it was, they could tell by the atmosphere and the person not sat in the room what had happened. They weren't sure if they should still be here but Elliot looked at them and nodded his head towards the kitchen. Taking six month old Zachary with them they went into the kitchen with Elliot leaving Don and Olivia to tell the kids.

"Babies I need you all to sit down." Olivia whispered as she held Ali and Eli on her knees and the other kids gathered around them.

"Mommy where's Granny?" Nicole asked weakly almost as if she knew what had happened.

"Babies, Granny's gone to heaven." Olivia explained softly, Nicole and Melissa instantly burst out in tears, Melissa running off and Nicole diving into Cragen's arms.

"Like Cole and Michael?" Liliana asked.

"Yeah baby she's going to be there with them now watching over us." Olivia explained.

"Mommy?" Alexandra whispered.

"What baby?" Olivia asked.

"I don't want Granny to go." She explained.

"I know baby, none of us wanted Granny to go but we're not allowed to chose when it's our time, our turn. It was Granny's turn to go and so she had to go." Olivia explained as softly as she could but her heart was breaking piece by piece.

"Mommy I feel really sad." Liliana whispered.

"That's ok princess, Mommy feels real sad too, that's ok to feel sad when someone goes to heaven." Olivia replied.

"Can we go upstairs?" Alexandra asked.

"Yeah baby you can go upstairs." Olivia knew they wanted to cry, they were very much like Elliot when it came to being sad in public.

Olivia and Don just watched as the identical brunette twins rushed out of the room and Olivia held tighter onto Ali and Eli.

"They'll be ok." Don whispered as Nicole finally let go of him and rushed off upstairs.

"Yeah." Olivia nodded before putting the babies down and they went over to their grandfather both of them feeling the sadness clouding the family.

Olivia went through to the kitchen where Elliot, Alex and Casey were sat with steaming mugs of Coffee. Zachary sleeping in the bassinette Olivia kept around for her friends' kid.

"He's getting big." Olivia smiled gently as she watched the sleeping boy.

"Yeah, you looking forward to doing all this again?" Alex asked.

"I thought you were planning another one." Olivia commented as she sat down and took her husband's tea, he drank the same as her when she was pregnant knowing that kissing her made her tempted to have a coffee.

"We were but we're not so sure now, Zachary's just perfect." Casey explained as she looked over her grieving pregnant friend.

"We were just talking about maybe you'd like Ali and Eli to stay with us again at least tonight." Alex smiled gently. "We know they're too young to understand so maybe you'd find it easier to deal with the rest of the troupes if they aren't here."

"Would you mind? I mean you have Zach to look after." Olivia explained.

"We wouldn't ask if we minded." Casey explained.

"I appreciate it guys, thank you so much." Olivia smiled.

"Hey they're our God Children, what more could we do for them than care for them when we're needed." Alex smiled making Olivia feel a tiny bit lighter with some of the pressure being pulled off her shoulders.

"Now, how are you feeling?" Casey asked as she also remembered how Olivia had struggled with the deaths of her son and fiancé seven years ago.

"Oh you know, I feel a little lost at the moment, I mean I can't ... I can't quite believe that she's gone." Olivia explained trying to hide the tiny tears dripping down her cheeks.

"We're here for you if you need us Liv ok?" Alex smiled as she took her friend's hand.

"All the way." Casey chipped in and Olivia smiled gratefully.

"I'm scared that the kids aren't going to cope with this, Melissa's probably breaking things, Nicole will have curled up in a ball and cried herself to sleep and Lili and Lexi are probably lying in bed together crying and I don't know what to say to any of them to help them." Olivia whispered.

"They don't expect you to know what to say, especially Melissa who understands that you're grieving too." Alex reassured her.

"I know but Lexi and Lili haven't dealt with death before, not in the way Melissa and Nicole has." Olivia explained.

"Nicole wasn't alive when Cole died." Casey replied not understanding.

"No but she's still grieved for him, Elliot and I agreed to never hide her real father from her and when we go to Church on a Sunday we always go to the grave, me, Anne, Melissa and Nicole and she's been through the same grief as Melissa has in regards to Cole, she's grown up knowing he's dead but he loves her very much. Lili and Lexi haven't had to deal with any of that."

"How did you tell Lexi and Lili?" Alex asked.

"The same way I told Melly about Michael, explained that they had to go to Heaven and couldn't come back." Olivia replied.

"Ok Liv I know this is probably not what you want to hear now but you need to sit them all down and say that she died, explain what death is and explain in layman's terms how she died." Alex explained.

"What? Why?" Olivia asked in utter shock at her friend.

"I did my psychology course when I was pregnant and one of the aspects was children and grief, it's important when someone dies that Children understand why and how so that they can grieve properly." Alex told her.

"So you're telling me I did it wrong with Melly?" Olivia asked frowning.

"No, she understood death before she came into your care because of her parents, she knew about death and what it meant, Huang told her and Michael about death so when Michael was going to heaven she knew it meant dying and probably appreciated your description and the same with Cole but Lili and Lexi don't understand." Alex explained as gently as she could.

"Should I go tell them now?" Olivia asked and Alex nodded.

"Don't wait, because the longer you wait the harder it will be."

With that Olivia hurried up the stairs to the twins' room. Just as she thought she found them cuddled up in one bed both sobbing.

"Lil, Lex, can we talk?" Olivia asked and they both sat upright and made room for Olivia between them.

She climbed in and took one girl under each arm and they rested their heads on her breasts and a hand on her growing bump.

"You know when Mommy said Granny had gone to heaven and we don't get to chose when we go?" Olivia started and both the girls nodded. "Well what Mommy should have said is Granny died."

"What's died mean?" Lexi asked.

"When someone dies it means their heart stops working for some reason, lots of people die like Michael your big brother and Melissa's twin and Cole Nikki's Daddy, they both died." Olivia explained gently. "Cole died because someone bad hurt him, they hurt him so bad that his heart stopped working. Michael died because when he was born his heart didn't work properly and then it stopped working all together."

"How did Granny die, did someone hurt her too?" Liliana asked looking up at her mother.

"No baby, see when people get older their heart does too and Granny's heart just got too old and decided not to work anymore." Olivia said deciding it was the best way to describe a heart attack to her five year olds.

"So when someone dies, their heart stops working and that means that it can't be fixed?" Alexandra died.

"Yeah baby that's what it means." Olivia nodded grateful that they understood.

"So Granny's heart stopped working and it can't be fixed, so she's now gone to heaven." Liliana stated.

"Exactly, and it's ok to be sad and angry and hurt that Granny died. Mommy's really sad and so is Daddy and Grandpa." Olivia knew to reaffirm that it was ok to be hurting, that she was sure about.

"I miss Granny Mommy." Lexi cried and both girls started to sob.

"I miss Granny too." Olivia whispered as her own tears began to fall. "I miss Granny lots and lots."

"Mommy why do people die?" Alexandra asked through her sobs.

"I don't know baby, it's always different but Mommy believes that people die because it's just their time too but then they go to heaven and even though we can't see them they're always there with us and watching after us." Olivia explained.

"She went without us being able to say bye bye." Lili pointed out.

"When someone dies baby they don't know that they're going, they can't stop it happening, so when someone dies we have a funeral so everyone can say goodbye." Olivia explained.

"Are we having a funeral for Granny?" Alexandra asked.

"Yeah in about a week we will because there is a lot of organising to be done before hand, but we go to Church to have the funeral and have people over for food and drink afterwards so that everyone that loves the person who died can remember them." Olivia told them and they accepted it instantly.

Banging from the room across the hallway made everyone jump and Olivia looked at her two little girls and they just nodded, telling her without words to go to see their older sister.

Olivia kissed them both on the head and climbed out of the bed before rushing over to Melissa's room.

She found her eldest child throwing books around and she had to duck when one came flying at her.

"Mom." Melissa gasped running up to her.

"Hey it's ok Mel." Olivia whispered as she held tight to her daughter. "It's ok to be angry baby."

"Why did Granny die Mom? It's not fair!" She sobbed into her Mom's chest.

"Granny had a heart attack baby, her heart just gave up, none of us saw it coming." Olivia explained. "And I know it's not fair baby, I really do but it happened and in time we'll accept it."

"It went from my birth parents to Mikey then Daddy and now Granny, I can't keep losing people." She sobbed.

"I know, baby I know how you're feeling but death is a part of life and it happens and yes it hurts when it happens but it's a part of life that has to happen." Olivia explained as best she could to her heartbroken teenager.

"It's not fair!" Melissa yelled pulling away from her mother and kicking the chest of drawers.

"Mel..."

"Just leave me alone!" She yelled kicking the drawers again.

"Ok, just know you can talk to me about this any time ok?" Olivia replied but a flying book had her leaving the room quickly.

Once the door was shut she saw Nicole walking towards her with bloodshot eyes and tear stained cheeks.

"Come here Nic'." She whispered pulling her six year old into a tight embrace.

"Is Granny really with Daddy and Mikey Mom?" Nicole hiccupped.

"I think so baby." Olivia replied.

"Will she be put in the ground in the same place?" Nicole continued.

"I hope so." Olivia nodded.

"And will we still be allowed to go talk to her like we do Daddy and Mikey?" Nicole asked.

"Absolutely." Olivia nodded, that was one thing that wouldn't change because she needed to talk to her Mom more than ever.

"Ok." Nicole nodded. "I'm gonna go bed now."

Olivia let her daughter go and watched her disappear into her own bedroom before going downstairs.

Don had joined Elliot, Casey and Alex in the kitchen.

"Where's Alyah and Elysah?" Olivia asked.

"Play room." Elliot replied referring to the old library that had been turned into a giant playroom for the kids.

Olivia just nodded and sat down beside her father, resting her head on his shoulder.

"I love you princess." He whispered to her.

"I love you too Daddy." She replied closing her eyes as a tear slipped through and down her cheek.

"We'll get through this you know." He told her firmly and she just nodded, hoping and praying that was true.

****

****

**Dun Dun**

**SteffieDawn **


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10 **

**Cragen-Stabler Residency, Manhattan, New York**

**Friday, November 27th 2015**

**9.01 am**

In the living room of the Cragen-Stabler home, everyone sat in complete silence. It was deafening to everyone in the room because no one knew what to say to break it.

Everyone was dressed in black clothing, dresses and suits, ready for the day ahead that was going to be difficult for each and every one of them.

Tammy was Jeffries now Hollow was there with her husband and son Cole Junior. They may have not been close but they had flown out as soon as they'd heard about Anne's death and had been staying in the house with the family.

Other than them the only ones there were the Cragen-Stabler's. Don was sat beside Olivia, clutching tightly to her hand unable to consider letting her go. Elliot was sat with Liliana and Alexandra on either side and Alyah and Elysah on his lap. Nicole and Melissa was sat on the other side of Olivia holding tight to each other.

"The cars are here." Tammy said breaking the silence.

Slowly everyone began to move, knowing that this morning was going to be tough, knowing that before the day was out a lot of tears would be shed, a lot of heart would still be broken and a lot of people would still be grieving.

The planning of the funeral had been tough. Most of it being left to Olivia with the final decisions as Tammy said she wasn't sure who her mother really was after she married Don and Don too caught up in his grief to say much.

The funeral would take place in the same Church as they visited every Sunday and then she'd be laid to rest beside her Son and Grandson.

****

**Blessed Hearts Church, Manhattan, New York**

**Friday, November 27th 2015**

**9.27 am**

The cars came to a stop and one by one the family exited. Munch, Fin, Nick, Elliot, Cragen and George were carrying the coffin inside and Olivia stood beside Tammy with Eli and Ali in a double buggy while they watched the coffin being lifted.

Slowly they made their way into the Church the song Wind Beneath my Wings echoed. Olivia blinked back her tears and she felt Tammy's hand squeeze her shoulder gently as they walked.

They all took their seats and waited as pictures were placed around the coffin and the flowers were brought in. 'Mom' 'Granny' 'Wife' were the three largest but there were a few small bouquets too.

Olivia looked at one of the pictures and let out a small sob. It was a professionally taken one of her and her Mom from the Mommy and Me photo shoot she'd bought as a gift to Olivia on the day the adoption was finalized, the day of her birthday or re-birthday as Don and Anne had joked.

"It's ok." She heard Elliot say in her ear as he clutched her hand tightly.

The song came to an end and the vicar stood in front of everyone.

"We've come together to day to say our goodbye's to Anne Cragen. Loving Wife of Donald Cragen, Loving Mother of Cole Jeffries, Tammy Hollow and Olivia Cragen-Stabler, and Grandmother of Michael, Melissa, Nicole, Alexandra, Liliana, Alyah, Elysah, Cole Junior and one yet to be born." He began.

Olivia felt the tears sting her eyes. 'One yet to be born'. A grandson she'd never get the chance to meet.

Before Olivia even realised they were up on their feet to sing Amazing Grace and as soon as it was over it was the family's turn to speak.

Olivia and Don went up hand in hand. She straightened out her maternity dress and rested one hand on her bump while the other clung to Don's hand.

"This week has been a nightmare for our family." Don began. "We lost a part of the glue that kept us all bonded together." He explained further hiccupping back sobs as he did. "Olivia and I tried to write a speech numerous times this week but we couldn't put into words what Anne meant to either of us. She was a fantastic wife, I loved her with every ounce of my being, she was a fantastic mother, she gave me Olivia in a way I never thought I could have her..." He looked at her and she gave him a reassuring and grateful smile. "... Her grandkids were the most important thing in her life and life at the Cragen-Stabler house is never going to be the same without her." He sobbed and turned into Olivia who held around him before realising she had to say something.

"Mom... oh mom." She whispered closing her eyes as tears flowed freely down her cheeks. "I couldn't have asked for anyone better to adopt me." Olivia whispered loud enough for everyone to hear through the speakers. "I loved Mom so much, she brought light into my world when it was at its darkest, when he eldest son Cole died, I was engaged to him and I thought my whole world was coming to an end, but she made sure it didn't. When I was pregnant with her first grandchild she moved heaven and earth to make sure everything was going to be ok, she married Dad, they adopted me, she made life perfect for our family and ..." Olivia hiccupped as a strangled sob escaped her throat. "And Dad's right..." She cried. "Life isn't going to be the same again because my Mom's gone. The person who made life easier for everyone, dad's right in calling her the glue because she got us through all the bad times, he strength, her love, her determination. She was a magnificent woman and those who have been lucky enough to have met her will be happy to agree that she was an absolute shining star." Olivia explained. "I love you Mom and I miss you."

Once she was done she and Don held onto each other for a while before going back to their seats trying to compose themselves.

"Please watch this photo array created by the family." The vicar said as the projector went on.

As the photos played the song "A song for Mama" by boys to men which had been the one Olivia chose with Tammy.

By the end of the song there wasn't a dry eye in the house. Olivia was wrapped up in Cragen's arms with Tammy holding around her on the other side. She was a wreck, there was no denying that and the rest of the funeral for her past in a blur and before she knew what was going on they were stood above the grave watching the coffin being lowered into the hole beside where her son and grandson were buried.

Olivia held onto Cragen the whole time, while Elliot looked after his eldest children Alex and Casey took care of Ali and Eli who'd fallen asleep in their pushchair halfway through the funeral.

After the service was finished everyone left the graveside to go to the hotel where the wake would be conducted. Everyone but Olivia and Don who said they'd catch everyone up.

They were now sat on the ground beside the open grave. Olivia had her head on her father's shoulder and he had on arm around her and the other on her bump.

"I can't believe she's gone." Olivia sniffed.

"Neither can I." Cragen asked. "I can't stop thinking about our wedding day and how happy I was."

"I can't stop thinking about the day you gave me the finalized adoption papers." Olivia replied.

"We have plenty of memories to keep us going Princess." He told her. "She was a magnificent woman."

"It's my fault she's dead." Olivia whispered which made Don jump and look at her in confusion. "I made her stressed with watching the kids and she had a heart attack and it's all my fault." She sobbed.

"No Princess, no it isn't. She wouldn't have let you send the kids to day care and you got a Nanny when you became Captain even though I was home more often." Don told her as he cupped her sopping wet cheeks in his hands. "Don't you dare blame yourself for any of this. It was an accident Princess, it was nature taking its course."

"But..."

"No buts Princess, it was just her time to go." He explained firmly before wrapping her up in an embrace and sobbing with her.

****

**Macy's Hotel, Manhattan, New York**

**Friday, November 27th 2015**

**12.03 pm**

Olivia and Don finally joined the guests at the hotel. She made swift work of checking on her children and husband before mingling with the guests and disappearing.

"Where has she gone now?" Elliot asked as he searched for her.

"No idea but Elliot she's not doing good." Done told his son in law as they stood by the bar.

"What do you mean Don?" He asked frowning.

"She thinks Anne's death is her fault." He explained.

"No, she can't ..."

"She does." Don interrupted.

"What's going on?" George asked as he joined the two men.

"Liv thinks her Mom's death is her fault." Elliot explained.

"She told you that?" He asked and as Elliot shook his head Don pointed at himself. "What exactly did she say Don?" Huang asked gently turning into the shrink instantaneously.

"Said that it was her fault because she had her Mom watch the kids causing her stress and leading to heart attack." Don hiccupped as he held back a sob.

"Where is she now?" He asked as he scanned the room.

"No idea." Elliot shrugged. "I was just looking for her."

"Mind if I go?" Huang asked knowing he needed to talk to Olivia Elliot shook his head knowing that George could probably make her see sense better than he could.

"Ok, I'll be right back." Huang replied before disappearing into the crowd.

He found Olivia outside in the back. She was shivering with cold as she sat without a coat on.

"Here." Huang smiled passing her the fleece blanket he'd found by the door.

"Thanks." She replied softly as she pulled the blanket around her frozen shoulders and wiped away the tear tracks on her cheeks.

"You know that this isn't your fault right?" George asked and Olivia shook her head, her face scrunching up as more tears spilled down her cheeks.

"It is." She whispered.

"No Liv it isn't, believe me that the stress didn't cause the heart attack." George explained.

"You can't know that." She spat.

"How can you?" He replied and realisation hit Olivia briefly.

"Not the point, if ..."

"Don't Olivia, guilt is the second stage of grief so I'm not going to try and stop you from feeling guilty but I am going to stop you from blaming yourself." He told her firmly.

"I can't talk to them about this." She whispered.

"Who Elliot? Your Dad?" He asked.

"Any of them." She explained as she suppressed more sobs.

"Then talk to me Olivia." He told her.

"I don't need a shrink though." She replied softly.

"No but I'm a friend too." Huang smiled gently.

"You don't know how to take the shrink cap off though George." Olivia explained.

"No that's true, but I won't shrink every move you make, just the advice I give is based on years experience as a psychiatrist. Talk to me like you would Alex and Casey Liv, and I will just listen if that's what you want." He reassured her.

"I'm scared." She told him.

"What are you scared of Olivia?" He asked as silent tears dribbled down her cheeks.

"Of something happening to Dad." She replied softly. "I couldn't bare it..."

"Liv?" He questioned seeing more to her distress.

"Will you talk to him George?" She asked softly as she took his hand but didn't look at him.

"Of course I will but why Liv?" He asked the concern etched into his voice.

"I think he's drinking again." She whispered.

****

****

**Dun Dun**

**SteffieDawn **


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11 – This is a case, bit of mixing it up before we go back and see what the family are up to **

**West 233****rd**** Street and Broadway, Manhattan, New York**

**Monday, November 30th 2015**

**4.21 am**

"Ok so what have we got?" Olivia asked as she approached the crime scene with Elliot close behind her.

"Olivia? I didn't know you were back yet." Melinda smiled gently.

"Yeah well no rest for the wicked Mel, so what have we got?" Olivia didn't want to talk about personal stuff over a dead body.

"Oh yeah, female early twenties stabbed four times one a direct blow into the heart." Melinda explained.

"Raped?" Olivia continued.

"And sodomized." Melinda sighed, these cases turned her stomach more than simple homicides.

"Post or pre?" Olivia asked.

"Post-mortem, killed her raped her and then sodomised her." Melinda explained.

"Fluids?" Olivia asked.

"No." Melinda sighed. "But plenty of bruising and tearing so definitely a rape."

"Time of death?"

"I'd say somewhere between midnight and one am."

"Ok so any ID?" Olivia continued.

"Not on the body but her purse is just beside you." Melinda pointed and Olivia turned her head to see a small black clutch bag.

She opened it and found a wallet containing an ID.

"Jasmine Parker age twenty two she lived on Walton Avenue." Olivia read from the card.

"Well I'll let you go and get this one back on my table, I'll call you with any results later on." Melinda smiled as two techs came over with a body bag.

"Thanks Melinda." Olivia replied before going over to Elliot and getting some evidence bags.

"Well?" He asked.

"We have an ID but it's only four in the morning so why don't we head over to the House and throw together some case files ready for the squad?" She suggested and Elliot nodded in complete agreement.

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Monday, November 30th 2015**

**7.30 am**

"Ok listen up!" Olivia called from the crime scene board as Elliot handed over the case files. "Jasmine Parker age twenty two was found murdered, raped, and sodomized on the corner of West two hundred and thirty third street and Broadway. Munch and Fin I want you both to go visit the family address is in the file, Amaro you and I are going up to NYU to search her dorm room for anything that can help us and Elliot you're going back to the Crime Scene to canvass with uniform. Now the Press is all over this one and the Brass wants us with a perp yesterday so get a move on."

"Why are the Brass and Press on this?" Fin asked.

"Because I found out at five o'clock this morning that Jasmine Parker is the Commissioner's God Daughter so no stone is left unturned do I make myself clear?" Olivia called and after mumbles of yes from the squad they moved out.

****

**Jasmine Parker's Dorm Room, NYU, Manhattan, New York**

**Monday, November 30th 2015**

**8.36 am**

Olivia and Nick were stood outside the dorm room waiting for someone to open it up, they knew she shared the room but had knocked and were yet to receive an answer.

"Maybe she's not home?" Nick suggested but the glare from Olivia made him shut up quickly.

"Open up it's the police!" Olivia yelled as she knocked on the door.

"What?" The girl said opening up.

"I'm Captain Cragen this is Detective Amaro we're here to talk to you about Jasmine Parker." Olivia explained to the red head in front of her.

"Why has something happened to her?" She asked looking hurriedly from Olivia to Nick.

"She was found dead this morning." Olivia replied.

The girl's hands flew to her mouth and her eyes were wide in shock.

"Oh no, no." She gasped.

Olivia being the most motherly wrapped her arms gently around the young woman and allowed her to cry into her shoulder. It took nearly five minutes for her to compose herself enough to let Olivia go and sit down.

"So what's your name?" Olivia asked as Nick took out a small black notebook.

"Madison, Madison McKinley." She replied shakily.

"Ok Madison can you tell us a bit about Jasmine?" Olivia asked softly.

"Jasmine and I have been friends since pre-school." Madison reached over for a picture on the bedside cabinet and handed it to Olivia.

It was of two little girls no older than four completely covered in paint.

"That's us." She sniffed. "We've been through everything together."

"Ok can you tell us what Jasmine would have been doing up near Broadway?" Olivia continued.

"Her fiancé, Jake Nash lives on West two hundred and thirty third street." The girl replied getting onto her feet and going over to a chest of drawers. "They've been together for four years, they were getting married in the new year." She explained as she handed Olivia a photograph.

"That's him?" She asked pointing to the only male in the photo.

"Yeah, that's me, Jasmine and Jake at the engagement party back in April." Madison explained.

"Ok, can you think of anyone who would want to hurt Jasmine?" Olivia asked carefully.

"No, everyone loved her." Madison replied.

"Was she into any clubs, had a job?" Olivia asked.

"She worked at a dress shop up on Fifth, it's called Floribelle's. And she also went to band, she played the saxophone, also was a part of the Drama club here on campus." Madison replied.

"Ok Thank you Madison, if you can think of anything else that may be important can you give us a call?" Olivia asked handing her card over.

"Of course Captain." She nodded. "Please find whoever hurt my best friend." She whispered as tears slipped down her face.

"I'll do my very best." Olivia replied before she and Nick left.

They walked in near silence across the campus back towards the Sedan. Both of them wondering about the case, who, what, when, where and why were their questions but they yet had no answers.

"Didn't you think that maybe her best friend act was a bit much?" Nick asked as they got into the vehicle.

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked confused.

"Well I've told parents that their kid has died and they haven't cried for that long." Nick explained. "I just find that most people go into shock at first but she went straight into uncontrollable tears."

"Listen Nick, good observation but you can't tell if someone's the perp by their reaction to the news because I told my kids that their grandmother had died a week ago, Melissa threw around everything in her bedroom and beat up her chest of drawers, Nicole sobbed her heart out for hours and barely said a word to anyone and Liliana and Alexandra held onto each other and cried in between asking questions or just talking about their Granny with each other, my Dad sat in silence crying and I went around checking that everyone else was ok. Everyone reacts differently to grief." She shoved the keys angrily into place and started the car while Nick sat back knowing he'd just shot himself in the foot.

"Sorry Cap I didn't think." He whispered.

"It's ok Nick and call me Olivia huh? I hate being called Captain and don't worry about it, you know when I told my kids about their Gran I knew how each one was going to react before I'd even told them, because they're my kids and I know them inside out. She's a suspect anyway just because she knew the girl but for now we're going to visit the fiancé and hope he can give us something." Olivia replied before turning her complete attention to the road.

****

**West 23****rd**** Street, Manhattan, New York**

**Monday, November 30th 2015**

**8.41 am**

Elliot knocked on what felt like the hundredth door that morning, in all honesty, it was only the fifth.

"Hello?" An older woman answered.

"Hi I'm Sergeant Stabler from Manhattan SVU, I was hoping I could ask you a few questions." Elliot smiled gently at the woman.

"Of course Sergeant, what can I do you for?" She asked crossing her arms over her chest.

"Have you ever seen this woman before?" He asked holding a photo up of Jasmine.

"I'm afraid not." She replied. "Who is she?"

"Her name's Jasmine Parker." Elliot replied as he returned the photograph to the file.

"No name doesn't ring a bell either." The woman shrugged.

"Ok she was killed on the corner onto Broadway, did you hear anything going on outside sometime between eleven and two am?" Elliot asked remembering to stretch out an hour before and an hour after the suspected time of death.

"Uh no I was in bed by ten and with the pills I take I'm dead to the world Sir." She replied.

"Ok thank you for your time." Elliot nodded.

"You're welcome." She replied before going back to the house.

Elliot slowly made his way to the next house hoping someone was having better luck than him.

"Hi." A man answered after Elliot knocked on the door.

"Hi I'm Sergeant Stabler from Manhattan's Special Victims I was wondering if you could answer me a few questions." Elliot smiled reassuringly.

"Of course." He nodded.

"Do you know this girl?" Elliot asked holding up Jasmine's photo once again.

"No I don't I'm sorry." He replied.

"Ok did you hear anything going on out here sometime between eleven and two this morning?" Elliot asked.

"Actually I did, at first I thought it was a cat but then I looked out the window and saw two girls arguing with each other ... actually can I see that photo again?"

Elliot passed over Jasmine's photo and the man scanned it carefully.

"It could have been here, I can't be one hundred percent sure because it was dark but one of them definitely looked a lot like her." He explained.

"Ok can I have your name, address and phone number?" Elliot asked.

"Most certainly." He handed Elliot a business card. "My cell is on there to."

"Ok did you hear what the women were arguing about?" Elliot continued hoping that this would be a break in the case.

"One of them called the other a 'dirty whore' and the other one yelled that she didn't do anything and was in return called a stupid bitch." Doctor Carlisle replied shrugging.

"Ok if you think of anything else call us and I'll be in touch soon." Elliot smiled handing over a business card just as Olivia's Sedan pulled up outside the house.

"Of course Sergeant thank you." The doctor nodded before disappearing into the house leaving Elliot to go meet his wife.

Olivia smiled and embraced him softly when they were close.

"Did you get anything?" Elliot asked.

"Yeah we found out that she was engaged to be married to the person living in that house..." Olivia pointed to the one next door to the one he'd just come from."

"Oh name?" Elliot asked.

"Jake Nash, I sent his name to the squad room and someone should be running it for me now, we spoke with her best friend and apparently she had no enemies, she worked in a dress shop and went to band and drama club." Olivia replied. "You get anything?"

"Yeah the Doctor that lives here heard girls yelling out here last night and thinks maybe one of them is our girl, he said he couldn't be sure though." Elliot shrugged.

"Ok so why don't you and I go interview the fiancé and Nick why don't you go back to the precinct and find out anything you can on Madison McKinley and Jake Nash?" Olivia suggested.

"Sure." He nodded and Olivia threw him the Sedan keys before walking off with Elliot.

They knocked on the door and it was answered almost instantly.

"Can I help you?"

"Are you Jake Nash?" Olivia asked him and he nodded while Olivia and Elliot showed him their badges.

"Come in." Nash replied opening the door and showing them into the living room.

"I'm Captain Olivia Cragen and this is Sergeant Stabler we have a few questions for you regarding Jasmine Parker." Olivia explained as she and Elliot sat on the love seat and Jake took the arm chair.

"Jasmine and I are getting married in January, why has something happened to her?" He asked desperately.

"Jasmine was killed last night." Elliot replied and the man's mouth opened in shock.

"No." He shook his head as the tears began to slip down his face. "No no no."

"I'm afraid so, her body was found on the corner of here and Broadway so can you tell me if she was here last night?" Olivia continued.

"Yeah, she left here around eleven and I offered to drive her but she said she'd get a cab from Broadway because I'd been drinking." He explained. "I can't ... no. Do her parents know?"

"Yeah they've been notified." Olivia replied.

"I need to go and be with them." Jake said getting to his feet.

"We have a few more questions for you Mr Nash." Olivia said quickly.

"What do you want to know?" He asked retaking his vacated seat.

"Did you and Jasmine have any problems in your relationship?" Olivia asked gently knowing most people burst at this question.

"No, we had arguments but which couples don't, but we were happy we were getting married, the wedding is organised everything is paid for and I was looking forward to making her my wife..." Tears slipped silently down his cheeks as he spoke.

"Did either of you have any enemies? Anyone with a grudge?"

"The only person I can think of is Madison McKinley, she and I used to date in high school and when Jasmine and I got together she was a little bit jealous but I thought they'd sorted it out, Madison said she was happy for us." He replied.

"Anything else you can think of that we need to know?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah, she was pregnant." He whispered and Olivia dropped her hands to her own bulging stomach in reflex.

"What happened to her Captain? How did she die?" He asked in a near whisper.

"She was stabbed, raped and sodomized." Olivia replied.

"No." He shook his head in disgust. "Are you sure she was rapped? We had sex last night before she left."

"We're almost one hundred percent certain but we will need you to submit a DNA sample so we can eliminate you as a suspect." Olivia replied softly, even though Melinda had said no fluid it could have been hidden inside her.

"Of course." He nodded.

"I'll send someone here to take a sample, if you think of anything else please call us and we're very sorry for your loss." Olivia said softly as she handed over her card.

****

**Parker Residence, Walton Avenue, Manhattan, New York**

**Monday, November 30th 2015**

**8.48 am**

"So can you think of anyone who would want to hurt your daughter?" Fin asked as Munch took notes.

"No, she was a well liked young woman, she was finishing school this year, was getting married, she was pregnant and she and Jake were happy, I can't think of anyone who would want to hurt our little girl." Mrs Parker cried as she held onto the Commissioner's hand.

"Mr Parker?" Munch asked turning to the arm chair where the father sat motionless.

"No the only person who ever argued with Jasmine was her best friend, Madison McKinley but they were best friends and argued over boys and makeup nothing ... nothing that could possibly lead to murder." He replied.

"Ok and where can we find Madison McKinley?" Fin asked.

"She shared a dorm room with Jasmine at NYU." He replied. "But I'm telling you, she wouldn't kill her best friend, they've been friends since preschool, joined at the hip their entire lives." He explained.

"Ok thank you, we'll be in touch if we have anymore questions." Munch said softly and they shook everyone's hands before being led out by the commissioner.

"Well?" He asked.

"We don't know, we'll get back to the station house now and meet up with everyone else and see where Captain Cragen wants to go from here, Sir we can't give you any

more information you know that." Munch explained softly.

"Ok tell Olivia I'll call her later on." He explained wiping under his eye.

"Of course." Munch replied before he and Fin walked out. ****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Monday, November 30th 2015**

**10.03 am**

Everyone met up in the conference room to share their information because it was quieter. They were all sat around the table with the fresh hot coffee Olivia had bought for them ready to get at least a suspect from their enquiries.

"Ok so Munch and Fin what have you got?" Olivia asked.

"Well nothing, not really except a message from the commissioner saying 'tell Olivia I'll call her later'. Since when have you been on first name terms with the Commissioner Liv?" Munch teased.

"I'm not, I don't know his." Olivia shrugged. "Ok Nick what have you got for me?"

"Jake Nash has a record for theft." He explained passing everyone the mug shot photo and details of the crime.

"He nicked a pregnancy test when he was in high school." Olivia chuckled lightly. "Somehow I don't think that's connected to this case."

"It could be Liv." Elliot turned to her.

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked.

"Well her best friend dated Jake in high school which means probably the pregnancy test stolen was for her, Jasmine's now pregnant with his kid, Jake said they'd been arguing because she'd been a little jealous." Elliot explained.

"Madison McKinley?" Munch asked looking at his notes.

"Yeah why?" Olivia asked.

"We got her name but apparently they've been best friends since pre-school according to her father they're joined at the hip." Munch explained.

"Ok so Madison told me that she and Jasmine were best friends too, Jake said there was a little jealousy, Elliot found a neighbour who'd said that he heard two women arguing and said one looked a lot like Jasmine. I think we have our first suspect." Olivia explained.

"Yeah but are you forgetting one thing?" Fin asked making everyone look at him.

"What?" Olivia frowned.

"She was raped and sodomised. So is it really going to be a woman?" Fin asked.

"You never know these days, ok Munch and Fin go back to NYU and ask Madison if she'd mind coming in and answering a few questions, bring her here and wait till I get back to question her, Elliot go see O'Hallaran and find out if CSU got anything from the crime scene and Nick and I will go see Warner." Olivia explained.

"Liv got a sec?" Elliot asked and Nick left the room quickly.

"What is it El?" She asked softly.

"Why you working with Nick and not me?" He asked.

"Because I can work with Nick and you can't without getting pissed with him for being a rookie, you and I know that if we work together defence attorney's try and use it against us in court. What's wrong baby you jealous?" She teased him.

"No but you're my pregnant wife and I don't want some rookie not watching your back." He explained.

"Oh unlike you who watched my backside for years you mean?" She teased.

"You..."

"I know what you mean baby and Nick's a good cop, I wouldn't have hired him if I didn't trust him ok?" Olivia asked, she didn't want her working with Nick Amaro to cause any trouble between herself and her husband.

"Ok, I'll see you in a bit." Elliot replied before letting her go, he trusted her too much to ever consider that she was cheating on him but he was just scared of something happening to her and him not being there to have her back.

****

**Morgue, Manhattan, New York**

**Monday, November 30th 2015**

**10.36 am**

Nick and Olivia walked side by side into the morgue to be greeted by a heart warming smile by Melinda Warner.

"So Mel please tell me you've got something for us." Olivia replied.

"Yeah I do." Melinda smirked grabbing her clipboard. "Four stab wounds only one fatal, straight into the heart so she died instantly." Melinda began. "The rape and the sodomy however is strange, there was no penile penetration."

"What do you mean?" Nick asked feeling the bile rise in his throat at the hazardous guess that had come into his mind.

"She was raped with a foreign object." Melinda explained.

"Can you tell me what that object it?" Olivia asked hopefully.

"Heck yeah and as it happens go down to CSU because they have the object."

"Now we're talking and Elliot is on his way down there now." Olivia replied.

"Ok so she was raped and sodomized with a hockey stick." Melinda explained.

"Oh no way." Nick whispered as he swallowed the bile that he'd almost spewed.

"'Fraid so, made a real mess of her." Melinda explained.

"Any sign of a struggle?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah, nothing under her nails but she did fight, see the bruising on her cheek, eye and jaw well they're from a punc and from the mess on her knuckles she punched back." Melinda explained.

"Ok can you tell anymore from these bruises?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah whoever it was has small hands." Melinda explained.

"Or a woman?" Olivia suggested.

"Yeah could be, but how often do we see a woman raping someone?" Melinda asked.

"The point is it happens."

"Oh I almost forgot, she was about ten weeks pregnant too." Melinda added hurriedly.

"The boyfriend told us she was." Olivia replied as she turned to Nick. "Madison is becoming more and more likely by the second."

"Yeah, lets got see if Munch and Fin have bought her back yet." Nick suggested and the look from Olivia reminded him that she was in charge.

"Sorry." He whispered.

"You're ok." She smirked having just enjoyed the power trip. "Call us if you get anything else Mel!"

And with that they headed back to the precinct.

****

**Crime Scene Unit, One Police Plaza, Manhattan, New York**

**Monday, November 30th 2015**

**10.39 am**

"O'Hallaran please tell me you got something?" Elliot smiled as he greeted the crime scene tech he was a good friend too.

"Well we have your rape tool."

"Huh?" Elliot frowned.

"She was raped with this." Ryan explained handing him the bagged hockey stick.

"No way." Elliot gaped feeling a little sick.

"Yeah, Warner ran it and the DNA is a match to our vic and has vaginal cells so that's definitely it." Ryan sighed.

"Well does it have any prints on it?" Elliot asked hopeful.

"No but it did have a hair stuck to the end and it isn't your vics, so it may be your perps." Ryan explained showing a dish with the hair in.

"Male or female?" Elliot asked knowing it would be a guess.

"I'd say male, too short to be a female's." He explained.

"Colour?" Elliot asked.

"Dark brown or black." He replied.

"Well that is the first hint we have that it isn't our suspect." Elliot sighed.

"How come?" Ryan asked enjoying talking suspects and perps with the Sergeant.

"Because our suspect is a blonde haired woman." Elliot replied sighing again.

"Ah right, no I don't think that hair is your gal's however the hair may not be your perp's it could just be anyone who's held the stick because the tape where it was is a little lose. A hair on your hand could have gotten stuck there." O'Hallaran explained.

"The likeliness?" Elliot asked.

"I don't know man." Ryan shrugged.

"Ok call me if you get anything else yeah?" Elliot replied before leaving.

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Monday, November 30th 2015**

**11.12 am**

Olivia sat in her office waiting for their suspect to arrive. The phone had been ringing non-stop all morning and now she was sat there it was starting to get on her nerves.

"Cragen." She snapped angrily as she picked it up for the twelfth time in a row.

"Captain Cragen?"

"Commissioner, my apologise." She replied knowing that she could be in big trouble for snapping on the phone.

"No it's understandable I'm sure you've been busy." He explained.

"Of course, I'm sorry for your loss sir." Olivia replied softly.

"Thank you Captain, listen what can you tell me so far?" He asked and Olivia knew she had to be very careful what she said.

"We're bringing in a suspect sir, but we have no physical evidence linking anyone to the crime yet. I'm waiting on our ADA's to help us with a search warrant but until then there's nothing much we can do." Olivia explained gently.

"Can I come down for the interrogation?" He asked.

"Of course sir, but don't bring Jasmine's parents." Olivia reminded him.

"I know the drill Captain, I'll see you soon."

And with that he hung up leaving Olivia to take a deep breath and hope that if Madison McKinley was a murderer then she would confess so they could close this case quickly.

Deciding she needed a shrink on this case she quickly called Huang's cell and found that he was already in the squad room so he came into her office.

"Hey Liv." He smiled taking a seat.

"Hey, so have you caught up on the case?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah." He nodded.

"So what do you think?" She asked knowing that he would already have an opinion.

"Well I don't think McKinley is the perp." He told her honestly.

"Why not?" Olivia asked.

"I think it's a man, a man with a lot of rage." He replied.

"Ok." Olivia nodded.

"Plus I think it's someone who knows a bit about forensics." He explained.

"Why do you think that?" Olivia asked desperately.

"Because there was no prints, no footprints, no nothing, I think whoever this is has been cleaning up his tracks." Huang replied just as the phone began to ring.

"Cragen." She answered giving a gentle finger to Huang to say that he shouldn't leave.

"Hey Olivia it's Ryan."

"Hey what have you got for me?" Olivia asked.

"Out of interest I asked Warner to run the DNA on the hair against the foetus."

"And?" Olivia asked.

"The hair on the weapon belongs to whoever fathered that baby." He explained.

"And let me guess it doesn't match Jake Nash." Olivia sighed.

"Exactly."

"Ok Thanks Ryan for being interested in the case." She laughed a little.

"You're welcome if I find anything else I'll give you a call."

With that she ended the called ad looked at Huang.

"What is it?" He asked softly.

"A hair was found on the hockey stick that was used to sodomize Jasmine, the DNA on the hair is a paternal match to Jasmine's foetus." She explained.

"That changes everything." He sighed.

"Yup." She nodded in agreement. "No who on earth are we looking for because the DNA doesn't match Jake Nash the fiancé."

"Who were the males close to her?" Huang asked.

"Uh Her Dad, Jake and ... shit." Olivia looked at Huang in shock.

"Who?" He asked.

"The Commissioner." She replied. "Her Godfather."

"What are you going to do?" Huang asked knowing she had to think fast.

"I'm going to call in IAB because he's now a suspect in a rape homicide, in the meantime I want Nick and Elliot to interview the girl and I want the parents in here and in an interrogation room." Olivia explained going into the bullpen.

"Ok listen up!" She yelled. "Elliot, Nick get ready to interrogate Madison but she's no longer a suspect..."

"I thought people were suspects until they were cleared with evidence." Nick asked.

"Listen we know this perp is a man ok?" Olivia replied.

"How..."

"Evidence, cold hard evidence so the likeliness that it's Madison is slim to none however until she give us something she's here for twenty four hours." Olivia explained. "Munch and Fin bring in the parents so we can question them... and Commissioner, good to see you again maybe you could come into my office?" She grimaced towards Elliot who knew exactly what she was talking about.

"I thought I was allowed to watch in on the interrogation." He bellowed.

"Circumstances have changed so if you'd like to wait in my office?" She suggested.

"Sure." He nodded before hurrying off.

"Tucker's on his way." Huang informed her.

"Thanks."

****

**Dun Dun**

**SteffieDawn **


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

**An: Ok I have to explain this now, I was re-reading losing and saw that I had made Olivia and Elliot know each other for only 5 years in 2008 but then in a later chapter I said eight years, I also thought I had made her be 43 in that story and so in this one she would be 49 however that seems not to be the case I made her younger so I am now unsure whether to stick with Olivia being nearly 50 in this story or not so to make it easier on us all I am not going to mention her age again and everyone can just decide for themselves how old she is. **

**Ramble over on with the show. **

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Monday, November 30th 2015**

**12.31 pm**

Olivia and Ed Tucker were sat in the conference room discussing the case.

"Olivia this is a heck of a situation you're in." He sighed as he looked over the case file.

"I know Ed, I was convinced it was the best friend until Ryan O'Hallaran asked Olivia to run the hair on the hockey stick against the foetus he says out of interest but I think he had a hunch and went with it, turned out his hunch was right." Olivia sighed.

"Yeah but now the police commissioner is a suspect and we can't exactly go 'excuse me sir you're now a suspect in your God-Daughter's murder would you be so kind as to give us a DNA sample?' I mean come on Olivia." He replied the frustration etched into his face.

"Why not? If he's innocent he won't want to impede the investigation and we can clear this mess up." Olivia shrugged.

"Yeah and then want your shield for even suspecting him." Ed replied.

"But if he was guilty then he'd refuse and we'd find a legal way to compel a DNA sample." Olivia snapped.

"Oh come ..." He was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Yeah." Olivia called and Huang poked his head around the door.

"You're going to want to hear this." He explained and the two of them hurried out and followed him to the interrogation room.

Olivia, Huang and Tucker looked in as Amaro and Elliot comforted a sobbing Madison. Olivia quickly turned up the intercom so they could listen in.

"Explain to us what happened Madison." Elliot said in the voice he reserved for the victims or his kids.

"He came to visit Jasmine, but she was out shopping for a bridal tiara and said it was something she wanted to do alone, so I stayed in to do some work. I told him she wasn't there and he asked if he could come in to wait for her, so I told him that I didn't know how long she was going to be but he said he didn't mind waiting. I let him in and gave him a soda and apologised that I needed to work. He said fine and took Jasmine's desk chair but then he started talking to me and asking me what I was working on..." Her sobs became a little more erratic at this point. "I told him I was writing a paper on criminal law and he said he could help me, I didn't see why not so he moved the chair closer and read over what I had written and did some changes and then as he was helping me he started touching me and stroking my shoulders and then he moved to my thigh..." She hiccupped and sipped at the water. "He did it the whole time I was writing the paper and then when I finished I thanked him and hoped he would move away but he didn't, he started telling me I was beautiful and maybe I could do something to show him how grateful I was ... he-he-he moved closer to me and I told him I didn't understand and he kissed me, it was gentle but I pulled away and said I didn't want to and I didn't think it was right but then he said I owed him and when I stood up to walk away ... he-he-he pushed me on-onto the bed and then he was on top of me and kissing me and then he had his hand touching me then I asked him not to I said I didn't want to and was beg-begging him to stop but-but-but he wouldn't a-and then-then he-he tore off my-my clothes and then he-he raped me." She broke out in wracked sobs and Nick and Elliot comforted her and calmed her down a little.

"Who was it Madison?" Elliot asked.

"Jasmine's God Father, David Powell." She replied.

"When did this happen?" Elliot continued.

"The morning before she was killed, I went to meet Jasmine from Jake's house, and we argued because I told her he was a sick fuck and I was going to the police but she was beginning me not to because she was sure he was her baby's dad and if he was then she was going to go to the police, she just needed the baby to be born so she could have a DNA test done, we bumped into Mr Powell while arguing and he offered us a ride home. I refused and walked off and I heard Jasmine argue with him asking him why he hurt me when he said he loved her and then-then I heard her scream so I ran as fast as I could."

Olivia turned the intercom off to see that Alex and Casey were stood behind her.

"Hey guys." Olivia sighed rubbing her forehead, she felt a bit dizzy from the situation.

"I think we have enough to arrest David Powell." Casey informed her.

"Slight problem." Olivia sighed. "He's the Commissioner."

"What?" Alex gasped.

"Yeah, so can I do the honours?" Olivia asked knowing they had to arrest him.

"Yeah arrest him for the murder of Jasmine Parker and the rape of Madison McKinley." Casey replied.

"We have no proof of the rape though." Olivia sighed.

"We don't know that yet, we haven't investigated it." Tucker replied. "But we have a complaining and a history, so walk into your office arrest him and bring him in here if he doesn't ask for a lawyer Olivia then you and I can interrogate him."

"Ok." Olivia nodded.

She walked ahead of Tucker who walked slightly ahead of Alex and Casey. They marched into the office and David Powell stood up, having been waiting for Olivia for quite some time.

"Did she confess?" He asked.

"No, but she did give us our killer." Olivia replied.

"Then why are you standing here and not out there arresting him?" He bellowed.

"Oh I am here to arrest him, I'm here to arrest you Sir." She replied and his face fell. "David Powell, you're under arrest for the murder of Jasmine Parker and the rape of Madison McKinley, you have the right to remain silent, if you give up that right anything you day can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney, if you give up that right anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law do you understand these rights as I have read them to you?" She slapped handcuffs onto his wrists and led him straight into an interrogation room Tucker and the ADA's hot on their heels.

Once he was seated Olivia and Tucker went back into the bullpen knowing they needed a plan of action.

"We want you to record this interrogation Olivia." Alex told them.

"Sure." Olivia nodded.

"Just so we can prove that it was by the books to any lawyer who tries to get this thrown out of court, everything you do from now on has to be done by the books." Casey informed them. "I'm going to get a judge to compel a DNA swab and you can interrogate him until he either asks for a lawyer or confesses."

Olivia and Tucker grabbed a tape recorder and went back to the interrogation room. They found Huang, Elliot, Munch and Fin looking through the two way.

"Hard to believe isn't it?" Munch sighed.

"What that the man who's supposed to run the NYPD is a rapist and a murderer?" Fin asked.

"Yeah." Munch replied.

"I would just love to know how old Jasmine was when he first abused her." Elliot chipped in.

"Well maybe we'll get a confession out of the slimball and he'll tell us, he's got nothing left to lose now and he knows he'll go down for this." Olivia replied before going into the interrogation room followed by Ed Tucker.

"Sir you have the right to have your attorney and or union rep here with you before being question would you like us to call someone for you." Olivia said as soon as she'd hit record.

"No, I wave my right to counsel." He replied.

Olivia and Tucker sat down opposite the Commissioner. For a moment they were both silent, eyeing him up and trying to figure out the best way to take him. Olivia was confused, this was a man she respected, the man who made sure she did her job right, the man who walked around every day in a uniform that demanded people to listen, demanded people to respect him and yet he still went out and raped to young women.

"You don't need to size me up Captain." He said eventually. "I would like you to get me some pen and paper as I would like to confess to the crimes I have committed."

"You're confessing to murdering Jasmine Parker?" Olivia asked in surprise, she really hadn't expected it to be this easy.

"I am, and I am also confessing to the rape of Madison McKinley." He replied.

"Ok well we'll get you the pen and paper." Tucker said getting to his feet and walking out.

Olivia switched the off button on the recorded and looked at her superior.

"Why did you do it?" She asked.

"I can't answer that." He replied sadly.

"Can't or won't?" Olivia asked.

"Can't, I don't know what I did, I mean I know but I don't understand but please Captain understand that it was just the once with both girls, I didn't hurt Jasmine when she was underage either because I am sure you think I have." He was grabbing at her wrist and as Olivia tried to pull away she felt dizzy again.

"Let go of me." She said firmly and he did allowing her to walk straight out.

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Monday, November 30th 2015**

**4.28 pm**

Olivia and Tucker waited for the confession to be written up and then processed it before taking the commissioner to central booking. They cuffed him and Olivia and Tucker shared a look that told each other the exact plan.

"No please don't do this." The Commissioner said as Olivia and Tucker held his biceps and led him towards the stairs.

"Is that what Jasmine said when you raped her?" Olivia spat angrily, the more she'd been thinking about this case the angrier she'd been getting towards her superior.

"Don't I deserve a little dignity?" He asked as they walked down the stairs.

"No, you didn't give Jasmine or Madison any." Tucker hissed as they headed towards the door.

As soon as it was open camera lights flashed towards them and both Olivia and Tucker looked at each other smugly.

"You're enjoying this aren't you?" Powell hissed at Olivia who suddenly clutched her head in her hand a stronger dizzy spell coming over her.

"Olivia?" Tucker asked and she shook her head and looked at him. "You ok?"

"Yeah I'm good." She nodded.

"No when we've dropped this scum off I'm taking you to Mercy to get checked out."

"Ed..."

"Don't argue with me Cragen or I'll just tell Elliot you've been having dizzy spells all day and he'll drag you in." Tucker replied and Olivia knew better to argue.

"Why don't you smile for the cameras?" Olivia asked the commissioner as they walked away and put him into the squad car.

"He deserves every headline they print tomorrow." Tucker laughed while he took the driver's seat and Olivia took the passenger side.

****

**Mercy General Hospital, Manhattan, New York**

**Monday, November 30th 2015**

**5.45 pm**

"Ugh so much for getting home to my kids early." Olivia sighed as she slumped back in the waiting room chair.

"Well better safe than sorry, you wouldn't want anything happening to baby Cragen-Stabler would you." Tucker replied.

"I know, thank you for insisting I came to get checked out but you don't have to wait Ed." Olivia replied, her superiority really did bring some more respect and Ed Tucker was one who had become a very strong allay.

"How are your kids? You've got six right?"

Olivia thought it was adorable that he was trying to pass the time by getting to know her a bit.

"They're ok, dealing with the death of their Granny at the moment of course but they're ok, and I had seven kids and four step children but we rarely see them these days." Olivia explained.

"Of course Elliot has four from his first marriage so his what? Twelfth kid on the way?" He looked at her in shock.

"In some ways, it's confusing if I'm honest, my eighth, no more though I've warned him that he's getting the snip after this one, I'm too old." Olivia laughed.

"I can't imagine any woman being pregnant seven times, I felt for my wife carrying three times." Tucker laughed softly.

"I didn't have Eight pregnancies." Olivia smirked reaching into her purse for her wallet.

"I'm confused." Tucker replied and Olivia chuckled and removed a few pictures from her purse.

"Melissa my eldest daughter she's thirteen and this ..." Olivia changed the photo. "Is her twin brother Michael, he died seven years ago." She explained.

"I'm sorry Olivia, I didn't know." He whispered in shock as he looked at the last photo Olivia had taken of her eldest son.

"Biologically neither one are mine, myself and my ex fiancé Cole adopted them when they were five." Olivia explained. "They were a case we ended up working together and Cole couldn't handle having to hand the kids over to ACS and asked if we could take them, when the family refused to take them Cole asked if we could keep them. We were still fostering them when Michael got sick." Olivia explained.

"What happened?" Tucker asked gently as Olivia gazed at the picture.

"He got beaten up, his first day at his new school and he got beat up, he passed out in the car and I knew something was wrong, they took him to surgery for internal bleeding then a doctor told me he had a heart condition that he'd been born with, twelve hours he was in surgery and they were the longest twelve hours of my life up to that point." Olivia took a deep breath, it never got easier to talk about. "He was in a coma and then he got an infection ended up on life support, we switched it off on the seventeenth of June two thousand and eight, just five days after the adoption was finalized." Olivia explained.

"Must have been tough. I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to one of mine." Tucker replied gently.

"It killed me." Olivia replied honestly. "I've never felt that much pain in all my life but I had Cole and Melissa to keep going for you know, a little girl lost her brother not long after losing her parents, it was tough but we got through it as a family."

"How long after did Cole die?" Tucker asked knowing that story well, he had been the one to defend Olivia when she'd gotten into trouble for not wearing her dress blues at the funeral.

"He died on July the first." Olivia replied.

"Tough few weeks." Tucker replied.

"I wouldn't have gotten through it had it not been for Elliot." Olivia replied.

"I bet, so Melissa isn't biologically yours that's still six pregnancies." Tucker commented and Olivia went back to the family photo.

"Nicole was my second child, she's biologically Cole's." Olivia explained as she was the only one with dark olive skin like her.

"She looks like you." He commented.

"She looks a heck of a lot like Cole too." Olivia smiled, she loved hearing how her kids looked like her.

"After Nicole who's six there's Alexandra and Liliana, they're both five and my first biological babies with Elliot." Olivia explained. "They were born on the 30th of December while Nicole was born a year earlier on 1st of January, perfect start and perfect end to two thousand and nine." Olivia smiled, it was the best year of her life, the year she married Elliot too.

"I'm sure so I'm guessing they're twins." Tucker smiled.

"Identical." Olivia smiled. "Even I mistake them for each other sometimes and apparently it's the mother who always knows the difference, but looking at one quickly I've called Lexi Lili and vice versa." Olivia laughed.

"Ok and so that leaves two." Tucker smiled.

"Alyah and Elysah my three year olds." Olivia smiled. "Nightmare pregnancy but it was all worth it."

"Another set of twins?" He asked in shock.

"Yeah and again identical except that Ali has dark brown eyes like me and Eli has blue eyes like Elliot." Olivia smiled, Eli was the only one with Elliot's eyes.

"That's adorable, but six girls? I would hate to be Elliot and Don living in that house!" Tucker laughed.

"Well you should have heard the celebration they had finding out this little rookie was going to be a boy." Olivia laughed too.

"Oh that's wonderful that you're having a boy next." Tucker smiled. "So do you have nicknames for all your kids? I noticed you had for the twins."

"Yeah Melissa's known as Melly by me but Elliot calls her Chipmunk because she asked Munch what a Chipmunk was when she was five and it kind of stuck. Then Nicole Anne, I named her after her father and grandmother, I call her Nikki but her Granny used to call her Colley. Then there's Alexandra who I named after Alex Cabot because she helped deliver them..."

"Alex Cabot delivered your twins?" He asked in shock.

"Yeah didn't you hear where they were born?" Olivia asked in surprise, the delivery of her baby girls had been all around the force.

"No." He replied.

"Alexandra and Liliana were born in my dad's office on the floor. Alex was the only one there because they were out on a job, she had delivered Alexandra by the time EMT's arrived." Olivia laughed.

"Oh right." He smiled.

"Yeah so Alexandra is nicknamed Lexi and Liliana is nicknamed Lili, then there's Alyah and Elysah who are Ali and Eli." Olivia smiled. "So there's Melly, Nikki, Lexi, Lili, Ali and Eli." Olivia smiled.

"You didn't ..."

"I did choose their names so I could cut them down, it just seemed right after Melly choosing Nikki to nickname Nicole, I purposely did it with the rest of the kids." Olivia laughed.

"So you chosen any names for your son?" Tucker asked.

"Elliot and I have been discussing it, he's dead set against Elliot junior so we're going to name him after my Mom, Dad and Elliot." Olivia smiled.

"That's not an answer." He smiled.

"Andreas Donald Elliot Cragen-Stabler." Olivia smiled. "Andreas because my Mom's called Anne, then Donald after Don Cragen."

"That's a long name." Tucker smiled. "But it's a nice name."

"Thank you, I think so too."

"Olivia Cragen-Stabler!" A nurse called.

"At last!" Olivia said as she got to her feet but suddenly she stumbled and went dizzy luckily Tucker had stood too and grabbed her before she fell.

"Ok?" He asked as she steadied herself.

"Yeah just got up to fast." She mumbled before following the nurse. "You can come you know Ed." She called and he didn't hesitate in following her, Elliot Stabler would kill him if anything happened to his wife and unborn son.

They were put in a side room and they quickly took blood and told her they were going to get an ultrasound machine.

"Did you know I hate hospitals?" Olivia asked as she sat on the bed.

"No but it's obvious." He smiled at her from the chair beside.

"Why?" Olivia asked in shock.

"Because the only time you weren't agitated was when I talked to you about the kids, that seemed to relax you." He smirked.

"Wow, you're good you should have been a cop." She replied sarcastically making them both laugh.

They sat there for thirty minutes before they returned with the sonogram machine.

"Just want to see how baby is doing ok?" She smiled.

"Sure." Olivia nodded and rolled up her top so it sat below her breasts and braced herself for the cold of the gel.

"Now let's see Baby Cragen-Stabler." She smiled rolling the pad over the ever growing bump. "Here we are."

Olivia smiled as she looked at her unborn son, it never ceased to amaze her when she saw her baby on the black and white screen, that was her kid and it was growing inside of her.

"Everything looks fine and that is a strong and healthy heartbeat." She grinned. "I bet you're both very excited parents." She smiled looking from Olivia to Ed Tucker.

"Oh no... uh no he isn't ..."

"Oh I'm sorry I just thought..."

"It's ok, he's just a colleague and saw that I was having the dizzy spells and knowing my husband would commit murder if anything happened dragged me here." Olivia laughed and so did Tucker because that was his exact thinking.

"Ok well I'll just go and get your blood results and see what we have ok." She smiled before leaving Olivia to wipe her stomach and roll down her top.

"I should call Elliot." Olivia sighed guessing if something was wrong they'd keep her here.

"Do you want me to go do it?" Tucker asked gently sensing her discomfort.

"Would you ..." She looked down in embarrassment. "Would you wait until they come back with the result of the blood work, I don't want Elliot to worry if it's nothing."

"Sure I'll wait." He smiled just as the nurse came in with a doctor.

"Mrs Stabler when was the last time you ate anything?" She asked and Olivia bit her bottom lip in thought, she couldn't actually remember.

"Uh..."

"Ok when was the last time you drank anything?" She asked.

Again Olivia thought, she remembered buying everyone coffee but she didn't drink hers and then when they were in the conference room she had a drink in front of her but she couldn't actually remember drinking it.

"Ok from your medical records I found that you had a very complicated pregnancy three years ago?"

"Yeah with my twins, I fell off a ladder though." Olivia commented.

"Yeah and ended up on mandatory bed rest, Mrs Stabler have you been explained the risk to you and your foetus with this pregnancy?"

"Of course I have." Olivia snapped and Tucker could see her getting worked up and stood up to defend her.

"Could you just tell us the result of the blood work?" He asked before anyone could say anything else.

"Yes, she's dehydrated and her blood sugar level is too low, nothing a bit of fluid and a meal won't cure." The doctor snapped.

"Then can we sort that out so we can leave?" Olivia snapped back.

"Mrs Stabler, I am very close to having you admitted as a risk to your foetus so I suggest you don't ..."

"I'd like to see you try Doctor ..."

"Millfield." She replied.

"Doctor Millfield as Captain Cragen here and her husband Sergeant Stabler would have you in court for a civil suit in a heartbeat.

"I'd have her in court for endangering the welfare of a child." Doctor Millfield replied hurriedly.

"We'd like to see you get that past a judge with two of the best ADA's in the country defending her and have you thought of asking Mrs Stabler why she failed to eat or drink today?" Tucker was visibly furious and Olivia quite liked seeing him defend her even though she was angry too.

"Mrs Stabler?" Doctor Millfield asked.

"Uh not that it's ANY of your business, I lost my mother a week ago and it was my first day back at work and we had a case involving the God Daughter of the Police Commissioner, I've barely had a moment to go for a bathroom break." Olivia explained.

"You should be on maternity leave by now."

"You should go through sensitivity training." Olivia snapped back. "I would also like you to either treat me and get me another doctor or get me the discharge papers."

"Mrs Stabler my concern is the welfare of your unborn child..."

"That's it!" Olivia snapped. "Come on Ed, I can feed and water myself now this case is closed."

She almost jumped from the gurney and walked out followed quickly by Ed Tucker.

"Olivia..."

"I don't want to hear it Ed, but I am hungry and there's a pizzeria around the corner that Elliot and I used to go to, why don't we stop there and celebrate the fact that we did a good job today?" She smiled as they walked towards the car.

"Fine Pizza it is." He replied.

****

**Cragen-Stabler Residency, Manhattan, New York**

**Monday, November 30th 2015**

**10.36 pm**

After letting Elliot know where she was and going for food with Ed Tucker, Olivia had gone back to the precinct to finish up some paper work. Tomorrow would be the day where the squad would undergo their yearly psychological evaluation and she'd completely forgotten about the paper work she had to finish before her own evaluation.

Now she was home and even though it was late she had nothing better to do than crawl into bed beside her husband and sleep, yet she wasn't tired. The house was in darkness and complete silence so she went to put her gun in the lock drawer but a noise in the kitchen distracted her.

The panic that swept her body was nothing compared to the need to make sure no one else in her family got hurt, they'd all been hurt far too much and the death of her mother just added to that.

She'd only been dead a week. Everyone of them was dealing with it and Olivia felt a need to protect her family, to be strong while they hurt, she hadn't even really let the news sink in but she was sure as hell going to make sure nothing else could hurt her family.

Slowly she made her way into the kitchen with her trusted Glock at arm's length. Her hand pushed against the door and quickly returned to the weapon as she slowly entered switching the light on in the process.

"Put the gun down Princess." A soft friendly and calming voice slurred towards her.

"Dad?" She asked as she lowered the weapon and walked into the room.

"Yeah." He nodded and that's when Olivia spotted it.

She closed the kitchen door while her mind processed the images of the objects she'd just seen on the table.

_Put the gun down Princess. _

No. No, no, no, there was no way. She slowly turned back to her father and her breath hitched in her throat, she'd guessed that this might be happening but to see it with her own eyes was like someone stabbing her in the chest.

"Dad." She whimpered and he looked up at her, his eyes portraying all the hurt he felt.

"Couldn't sleep Princess?" he asked and she naturally shook her head in reply, had he not known she was out until now.

"Why dad?" She asked nodding her head towards the objects in front of him.

"Why not." He shrugged and it was a statement not a question.

Olivia could feel the tears burning in her eyes but they weren't about to fall, not now, not while she needed him to tell her what on earth was going through his mind.

He saw it. All the emotion she was trying so desperately hard to hide and that just made him reach forward.

"Don't." Her voice pleaded as he clutched the glace of brown liquid his eyes avoiding hers.

"Why?" He asked his eyes fixed firmly on the glass. "I have nothing left to lose."

That statement was like a punch in the gut to Olivia. Everything she felt for the man she called Dad came rushing to the forefront of her mind as reasons she could give him not to drink the liquid and just as she had expected him to, he pressed the glass to his lips and knocked it back.

"Me." She whispered and his eyes finally met with hers.

"You what?" He asked drunkenly and Olivia knew that the half empty bottle had all been drunk by him, no one in the house but her mother was a whiskey drinker and that bottle was brand new.

"You still have me left to lose." She whispered closing her eyes so she wouldn't have to see his reaction.

"No." He shook his head. "I've already lost you."

"No you haven't Dad I'm right here!" She cried wanting him to realise it for himself.

"I lost you the second I put the first glass to my lips." He explained. "I'm sorry Princess."

"Dad you've not lost me, not yet." She replied as she placed her gun on the counter and walked towards him.

She quickly grabbed the whiskey bottle and ran to the sink and quickly watched the brown liquid vanish knowing that it wouldn't really make much of a difference but it somehow made her feel like she had some power over the situation. Once the bottle was empty she placed it on the counter and leant on the sink. The images sweeping her mind was of the years of abuse she'd sustained at the hands of her drunken mother, she had been a victim then, she'd fought hard to not be a victim since.

"Why did you do it?" She asked without turning to look at him.

"I don't know." He replied. "I wanted to not feel again."

"Not feel? Not feel anything? Dad what about love? I know you're hurting because of Mom..." She turned to face him and found he'd walked to lean on the counter opposite the sink. "I know you miss her and feel like you're dying inside without her but we all are, I am, I lost my Mom ... and now ... now I'm losing you to." She surpressed the tears from falling but the cries was audible in her voice.

"I'm sorry Princess." He whispered reaching a hand towards her face but as soon as he stepped closer the smell of the alcohol hit her nostrils.

"It's too late to be sorry Dad... I can't believe you did this." She explained. "You need ... you ... why?"

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologising!" She snapped as quietly as she could. "You drank Dad! Does thirty years of sobriety mean nothing? Mom would be so mad right now!"

"I know, I let you all down." He whispered sadly.

"You let yourself down Dad." She sighed. "I can't have you here drunk, my kids ... I don't want you around my kids if you're drinking."

She couldn't believe what she was saying but she knew it was necessary, she had to be firm with him and let him know that what he was doing was hurting her and would hurt her family.

"Princess?" He asked.

"I'm sorry Daddy, but I can't have you around the babies when you're drunk, tomorrow you pack your bags and go to your house or rehab or somewhere because you can't stay here until you're sober again." She told him. "Now go to bed."

She watched him walk out the door and headed for the stairs. Taking a deep breath she started raiding all the cupboards and found every bottle of alcohol in the house before tipping it down the sink, at least he wouldn't be able to drink anymore tonight. Once that was done she went into the living room and called a friend, asking him to meet her at the one six.

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Monday, November 30th 2015**

**11.23 pm**

Olivia sat in her office chair looking out at Fin who was had stayed late to finish his paperwork on the Parker case, he had been surprised to see her back at this time of night but had accepted that she was there and let her go without questions.

George Huang arrived five minutes later and slipped into the office without a word to the Detective. He saw Olivia with tear tracks down her cheeks and though she hadn't explained what had happened he had a bad feeling he knew.

"I caught him." Olivia sighed as she wiped her cheeks.

"Your Dad?" He asked.

"Yeah, drinking whiskey at the kitchen table when I got in." Olivia sighed.

"Did you talk?" Huang asked.

"Yeah, he said he didn't want to feel and said ... he said he had nothing left to lose." She explained and Huang could see the hurt etched on her face.

"What did you say?" He asked half intrigued half unsure if he wanted to know as this was his friend.

"I said me but then he replied that he'd lost me when he put the first glass to his lips." Olivia explained.

"I told him he had to leave, that I couldn't have him drunk around the kids, told him to go back to his old place or to rehab or anywhere but he couldn't be at home with his grandkids, was I wrong?"

"No." Huang replied firmly. "Your father told me some of the stupid things he did when he was drunk Olivia, you're in every right to make sure your children don't see any of that." Huang told her straight. "Did you think of your Mom when you saw him?"

"Serena or Anne?" Olivia asked.

"Either." He replied.

"Both." She nodded and he wasn't surprised by that answer.

"In what sense?"

"I told him Mom would be mad at him, which she would, she always bragged to her friends how well he had done in not having a drink for thirty years, she was proud of him and then I thought of Serena, and the abuse and I thought my babies couldn't go through any of that, not that I think Don would ever raise a hand to them, but they shouldn't have to witness their grandfather drunk."

"That's understandable Olivia, how did he take you asking him to leave?" He asked.

"I don't know, I could barely look at him George, he's my Dad and he's lived with me for the past seven years and ... I'm scared it will make him worse." She explained.

"It's a risk you have to take though Olivia, I care for you and your kids and I care for Don too but you're completely right in saying that your children shouldn't be subjected to seeing your father drunk. I'll go talk to him tomorrow and see if he'll go to a clinic but either way, I'll help him pack up and hopefully he'll see the mistake he's made and see sense." Huang reassured.

"Thank you." Was all Olivia could reply.

****

****

**Dun Dun**

**SteffieDawn **


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13 – This is a really long Chapter, I want you to get inside the minds of Olivia and Elliot so this is the squad's yearly psych evaluations and my first SMUT chapter for this story, hope it's been worth the wait. **

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Tuesday, December 1st 2015**

**08.11 am**

"Morning everyone!" Olivia called as she stepped out of her office gathering everyone's attention. "Today is the day of our yearly psych evaluations so fill out these forms and then when it's your turn go speak with Doctor Louisa Burn." Olivia explained as she handed out the forms.

"Why isn't Huang doing them?" Fin asked as he took the form from Olivia.

"One PP thinks he's too close to the squad so from now on, for yearly psych evals we have an objective outsider coming in." Olivia explained. "Now I am hoping none of you will have me in front of the Morris Commission but if there is anything you want to talk to me about please do my office door is always open." Olivia smiled as she placed the last form in front of Elliot.

"I have to do this too?" Elliot groaned as Olivia sat in the desk beside his chair.

"Even I have to do it El." She smiled gently at him. "Just don't say you want to kill the perps this time ok?" She laughed softly and he smiled back.

The room was in near silence as everyone filled out the personal details and Olivia knew the second they got to the questions about family and friends everyone was going to be chatting, she just wondered who it was going to be first.

"Ok seriously how bad is it going to look when I say I have had twelve kids?" Elliot asked and Olivia laughed, she loved how he considered Michael as his own too even though she had still been with Cole when Michael had died.

"Oh baby I think she'll know you have a very healthy sex life." Olivia smiled.

"And super sperm!" Munch chirped making everyone laugh.

"Ok seriously it asks for Mother's details do I put Serena's or Anne's?" Olivia asked looking around at her Detectives.

"Put both?" Fin shrugged.

"Yeah and that's not going to raise any questions." She sighed.

"Just put Anne's then, she was more your Mom than your birth mother ever was." Elliot smiled.

"No I'll put both or she'll ask me why I didn't mention the woman who gave birth to me." Olivia sighed, she hated these things, every single year since she'd been at SVU she'd had to endure a psych eval that required her to fill an expansive form, she'd managed to get out of it a few times having been on maternity leave or making some excuse so Huang would be the one to evaluate her and not the outsider.

"How objective is this woman really going to be?" Munch asked.

"What do you mean?" Olivia frowned, she wasn't sure where this was going but she knew it couldn't be good.

"Well we have to fill out these forms about our marriages, kids, families in general, our childhoods, I mean isn't she going to look at yours and Elliot's and have a heart attack that you're having your eight kid and his twelfth? She's going to thing you have an overactive sex life or something and that you get thrills from doing this job, she's going to look at mine and as usual think I can't settle because I've had four divorces, I hate these things." He moaned.

"Ok first of all eww on what you said about me and Elliot, we have a healthy sex life and he's a devout Catholic and we're bring our kids up as Catholics so we don't use protection simple as and I can't help it if the sperm finds the egg, I didn't plan on having this many kids when we got married it just happened and secondly you've had plenty of shrinks telling you about your divorces I'm surprised it still bothers you." Olivia explained.

"Hey I can't help it if they all think the same thing about me having had four wives, there's nothing I can do about that but I am bored of hearing the same thing." Munch explained.

"Hey Nick did you have psych evals when you were in Brooklyn narcs?" Fin asked changing the subject before Olivia got pissed.

"Nope, barely ever saw a shrink there, I think I've seen one more often since I've been here than I had in my life before." He laughed.

"Comes with the job Nick." Olivia smiled at him, he may have been a rookie at SVU but he really did fit in just fine. "Right well I'm first up so I am going upstairs and El when Alex and Casey get here can you give them a form each and tell them to stick around."

"Alex and Casey have to do it too?" Fin asked.

"Yeah they do, they're as much a part of this squad as you lot are." Olivia explained before slowly heading for the stairs, her bump ever growing getting a little in the way now.

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Tuesday, December 1st 2015**

**09.03 am**

"So tell me what you do to relax." She didn't hesitate in starting.

"Uh to relax?" Olivia asked in confusion.

"Yeah after a tough case."

"They're all tough." Olivia snapped, she didn't like that Louisa was insinuating that they had easy cases.

"Ok after any case, what do you do to relax?" She repeated her question showing that she wasn't going to take any of Olivia's deflecting tactics.

"I cuddle with my husband, I watch movies with my kids or I have a coffee with my Dad." Olivia explained simply.

"Are you close to your Dad?" She asked gently.

"I don't understand the relevance." Olivia shrugged.

"You said you relax by having coffee with your Dad. Are you and he close?" She asked.

"Uh, we're ... I don't know it's complicated." Olivia shrugged, she wasn't in the mood to talk about Don Cragen.

"Ok, what makes it complicated?" Louisa continued.

"I don't know why does it matter?" Olivia asked as Louisa started to look through the questionnaire she'd filled out.

"You're adopted." She noted.

"Yes but I don't see the relevance." Olivia replied as she rubbed her hands nervously across her thighs.

"I don't know what's relevant or not that's why I'm asking you questions." She explained.

"Fine, my Mom died ten days ago." Olivia sighed, she hadn't want to bring this up as it was still too painful, too raw.

"I'm sorry for your loss." Louisa said softly.

"Thank you." Olivia replied.

"But how does that complicate your relationship with your father?" Louisa asked and Olivia saw that there was no way Louisa was going to drop this.

"My father suffered with alcoholism, before I even knew who he was, he started drinking after his first wife died." Olivia explained and Louisa could see where this was going. "He's been sober for thirty years." Olivia's voice dropped to a whisper as she spoke. "He ruined that when my Mom died."

"Your father started drinking again?" Louisa asked to clarify.

"Yeah, I caught him last night." Olivia replied weakly, she could still see the bottle and the glass in his hand.

"That visibly affects you Olivia." Louisa noted.

"Yeah, my biological mother was an abusive alcoholic but you knew that as you've read my file from Huang." Olivia hissed angrily.

"Of course." Louisa replied embarrassed that Olivia had caught her out. "Did you take time off to grieve?"

"Yes, I took some time to grieve." Olivia replied.

"How did you grieve?" Louisa continued.

"What?" Olivia frowned getting flustered with this line of questioning.

"What did you do after your Mom died to deal with it?" Louisa asked.

"I held my Dad, then I told my kids and then my husband held me." Olivia replied. "Then I came down here and spoke to George Huang."

"You called a psychiatrist?" Louisa asked in surprise.

"George is a friend, not just a psychiatrist, I needed someone slightly more impartial to talk to and I didn't call him, I actually never asked who did but I came here and then he showed up, I'm guessing it was Elliot." Olivia explained softly.

"How did she die Olivia?" Louisa continued.

"She had a heart attack, she had it when no one was there, at the top of the stairs and according to the medical examiner she was dead before she hit the bottom." Olivia replied. "Me, Elliot and Dad came home from work, Dad and I was arguing as we came through the door, we have this little cabinet with a lock drawer and that's where we keep our guns from the kids. Elliot and I were putting away our guns when Dad saw her."

"You and your Mom close?"

"Yes, we are, extremely. There's a running joke in our house that I'm Daddy's girl at work and Mommy's girl at home. My Mom used to be this upper class woman who came from money and she wouldn't even let me curse in public under my breath without having something to say about it then all of a sudden she's helping bring up my kids, when her own kids were brought up by Nanny's, my Mom is a magnificent woman and I hope that when I'm older I'm exactly like her."

"Where were the kids?" Louisa continued.

"With their aunts." Olivia replied.

"Your husband's sisters?" Louisa asked unsure whether or not she'd read that Elliot had siblings or no but with Olivia's file in front of her she knew it wasn't Olivia's sisters.

"No, my best friends and their God Mother's Alex Cabot and Casey Novak, their nanny was there to Nanny Sue." Olivia explained.

"Why did you choose SVU?" Louisa asked moving on much to Olivia's relief.

"My Mom was raped and I'm the proof of that but again you knew that it's in my file." Olivia explained.

"How do you deal with disturbing cases?"

"What do you mean?" Olivia frowned.

"When you have a really disturbing case, what do you do to cope with it?"

"I talk to my husband or my father or call George Huang." Olivia shrugged.

"How do you deal with cases involving children?"

"I don't understand." Olivia frowned, she was sure there was a second agenda to each question.

"You have children yet you see some of the worst cases imaginable, things children should never ever experience, how do you cope with that?"

"I see my girls in every case that involves a child, I have nightmares after cases but I don't see our vics I see my kids but then I go to their rooms and I see them sleeping and I'm ok." Olivia explained honestly.

"So you have trouble sleeping?" Louisa continued.

"Not really, I don't have trouble getting to sleep but I have trouble staying asleep sometimes, I do have nightmares when I've worked a child homicide or a child rape but then once I've seen my girls and seen that they're alright I'm alright." Olivia explained firmly.

"Ok tell me a little bit about when your daughter was kidnapped." Louisa said surprising Olivia.

"What do you want to know?" Olivia asked.

"How did you cope with it?" Louisa asked straight and Olivia sighed.

"I didn't." Olivia replied honestly. "I was given a sleeping aid by Doctor Huang and then I was injected with anti-anxiety medication to keep my blood pressure down for the sake of the baby." Olivia explained, she wasn't ashamed that she had to have drugs to cope with the disappearance of her eldest child.

"What was going through your mind when you found out she was missing?" Louisa asked gently.

"That I'd kill whoever took her." Olivia spat.

"Which you did right? You shot him." Louisa replied.

"Because he was waving a knife at me." Olivia replied. "I'd gotten in front of Melissa and he waved a knife towards me and I shot him, I killed him as that is what we are trained to do it was a reflex." Olivia explained as calmly as she could but Louisa noticed how defensive Olivia got.

"You run this unit, how do you cope with that?" Louisa moved on as she had so many questions yet so little time.

"What do you mean how do I cope with it?" Olivia frowned, she was starting to get pissed off with the double meaning questions.

"You know when a case comes in and you have to make some tough decisions how do you make them?" Louisa explained.

"I talk to Elliot, as my Sergeant and my husband I trust his opinion but I nine times out of ten go with my gut instinct, I like to look at every possibility from every angle and once I am satisfied then and only then will I make a decision." Olivia explained straight, she wasn't going to let the doctor in front of her question her leadership skills.

"How does it feel to have your husband working for you?" Louisa asked.

"He doesn't work for me, maybe he does on paper but we're still partners, we've been partners for sixteen years and a promotion isn't going to change that, the only difference is now that I have an office and he has to knock to come in which he rarely does anyway." Olivia laughed softly. "Elliot is a good cop and an amazing husband, we stand through everything together and yeah if we have a case and a decision needs to be made on the spot I make it and he goes with it, our relationship hasn't been affected by the change in position, he was promoted to Sergeant before I became Captain but he stood by me when I got the promotion actually he told me that out of the options I was the best choice, he even said if it had been offered to him he would have turned it down because of the crap that can be flung at you when you're running a unit can be dangerously smelly and he didn't want to deal with that, he knows his anger would get the better of him in front of the Morris Commission and he would lose his shield." Olivia explained.

"Ok." Louisa nodded as she scribbled down in her legal pad. "I have to ask what are you doing about Maternity leave?"

"You're asking me about Maternity leave? You should speak with the squad and find out that I don't do maternity leave hence why I gave birth to my girls on the office floor." Olivia chuckled at the memory. "I will know when I can't do my job because it's too much and Elliot will take charge with John until I come back and again I will know when I'm ready to come back, with Lexi and Lili I was only off for two months but with Ali and Eli I was off for seven, these things change depending on the situation, I'm not ready for maternity yet even though I am entitled to take it, my work here is too important." Olivia explained.

"Ok tell me a little about your children." Louisa told her and Olivia looked at her, what did she want to know?

"They're my children, them and my husband and parents are my entire world." Olivia replied.

"You have seven children?"

"Number eight on the way." Olivia grinned as her hand stroked her bump.

"So tell me something about them all."

"Melissa and Michael are twins, Michael died in June two thousand and eight, Melissa dealt with it pretty well. Nicole was born January the first two thousand and nine and she knows that Elliot isn't her biological father but she's ok with that, then Alexandra and Liliana are five they were born on the thirtieth of December two thousand and nine my perfect end to a perfect year and they're my first children with Elliot and are identical twins, then there's Alyah and Elysah and they're also twins they're three years old and they're Elliot's too, they're identical except Ali has brown eyes and Eli has blue eyes." Olivia explained.

"Why don't you tell me a little about Nicole's biological father?" Louisa suggested and she instantly saw Olivia's hand fly to the chain around her neck which still held her engagement ring from Cole, she'd never been comfortable with taking it off and Elliot was the one who'd told her not too as it meant something to her and it would mean something to Nicole too.

"Cole, he uh he died." Olivia shrugged as she fingered the ring, her thumb stroking over the engraving of the word 'together'.

"How did he die?" Louisa probed knowing that Olivia wasn't comfortable with the conversation making her pursue it further.

"He was shot in the line of duty." Olivia said.

"That's the official term I guess why don't you tell me what you know happened? How much were you told about the situation that cause him to be shot?" Louisa continued.

"No one needed to tell me anything Louisa, I was there, I held him when he took his last breath so yeah shot in the line of duty may have been the official term but I was rescuing a little girl I handed her over to the uniformed officer and turned around to see my partner leaning over Cole's body. I screamed and I ran to him and I held him, he told me he loved me, he told me he loved Melissa, I told him I loved him too and he died." Olivia spoke through gritted teeth. "My fiancé was murdered in cold blood."

"When was that Olivia?" Louisa asked her tone much softer at seeing how affected Olivia was by the topic.

"July the first two thousand and nine." Olivia replied. "Two weeks after our son died."

"That must have been a tough time in your life." Louisa replied gently.

"Yeah, I wanted nothing more than to eat my gun but I had a four year old to live for, I had to make life worth living for her and I think I succeeded at that." Olivia replied.

"There's a notation in the file I got from George Huang that you stood on a roof top after your fiancé's death, why don't you tell me about that?"

Olivia chuckled, she and George had spoken about that numerous times and she was sure he believed her when she had said she wasn't suicidal.

"Cole and I used to meet up on the roof during our lunch breaks or just when we'd been working a tough case and needed to be together. After he died I was given a box of things off of his desk and I just wanted to look through them in peace. I went to our place and our place happened to be on the roof. After going through the box I stood on the wall leaning against the small tower block just looking out over Manhattan and talking to Cole, just how we did when he was alive, I was never suicidal, I didn't plan on jumping and when I saw that my Dad had gotten a jump team out and hearing him tell him that I had scared him hit somewhere deep and I got down, all I wanted was to feel close to my fiancé." Olivia explained dryly and bitterly.

"Ok well I think we're done." Louisa smiled as Olivia got up.

"Thank you, I'll send Elliot up." Olivia smiled gently before she hurried out the door hoping she hadn't said anything to land her in front of the Morris Commission, cleaning up her Detective's mess would be easier than cleaning up her own.

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Tuesday, December 1st 2015**

**10.09 am**

Elliot saw Olivia run into the office and the slam of the door had everyone turning their attention to the office.

"Shit something rattled her cage." Fin sighed knowing if Olivia had gotten upset the chances were they all would.

"Yeah and now she's down here it's my turn." Elliot sighed getting to his feet. "Fin if she isn't out before I'm back could you check on her, make sure she's ok, I don't want her stressing out with the baby." Elliot explained.

"Sure man." Fin nodded before he watched Elliot heading upstairs.

After seeing his wife upset Elliot knew that this wasn't going to be an experience he wanted to relive any time soon, he was hoping he would be able to keep his temper in check throughout his psych eval or he would be causing more problems for Olivia with her now being the Captain of the unit she was the one who would have to go in front of the Morris Commission and sort out the mess they made.

"Sergeant Stabler." Louisa smiled extending her hand.

"Doctor." He shook it nervously.

"Louisa." She replied as her hand signalled the couch.

"Elliot." He replied.

"Ok so ..." Louisa flicked through the questionnaire that Elliot had handed her as she tried to pinpoint where to begin her line of questioning.

"Tell me about your wife." She smiled softly.

"You just met her and upset her might I add." Elliot replied gruffly, he hated anyone who caused his wife any pain, emotional or physical.

"Olivia wasn't upset with me and I didn't upset her Elliot, she got upset when we were discussing something, now tell me about Olivia from your point of view." She said calmly.

"She's Olivia." He shrugged. "She's my wife, the love of my life, we may have only been married six and a half years but I have been in love with her for sixteen years. She's given me four beautiful biological children two step children whom I adore, she's amazing." He replied.

"Tell me about you children, you have four from a previous relationship right?" She continued.

"Yeah, they all live with their Mother in Florida, they visit in the holidays but since our family has grown they visit less and less because of space." He replied.

"How old are they?"

"Maureen is eighteen, Kathleen is seventeen and Lizzie and Dickie are fourteen." He replied quickly.

"Ok tell me about the children you live with." She moved on.

"Well Melissa is the oldest and she's thirteen, she calls me Dad but she knows she isn't mine, she also knows she was adopted that Olivia isn't her biological Mom too but that doesn't bother her, she knows we love her as much as the rest but she knows about Cole being her adoptive father, it's his name on the adoption papers and she knows that." He explained. "I'm sure Olivia has told you all of this already."

"She told me a lot about your children but I want to hear it from you." She smiled softly and Elliot nodded.

"Then there's Nicole who's six, she's also not mine but I've been there from her first breath. She knows about her real Dad but she still calls me Dad." Elliot replied. "Then I have four with Olivia biologically and one on the way, two set of twin girls Alexandra, Liliana both five, and Alyah and Elysah both three."

"How do you feel raising another man's child?"

"I forget sometimes that she isn't mine, I was there through Olivia's pregnancy, I was there when she went through eight hours of labour and after the clock chimed midnight and our baby girl screamed for the first time I didn't care and I still don't Nicole is as much my child as Lili, Lexi, Ali and Eli are and the same goes for Melissa." He replied.

"Ok, so how do you feel having Olivia as your superior officer seeing as she is your wife?" Louisa moved on again and Elliot was already bored with her questioning.

"How should I feel?" He asked.

"Does it bother you? Do you find it difficult to follow her orders?" Louisa explained.

"It doesn't bother me and I don't find it difficult following her orders we were partners for eight years before we were married and then another six until she was promoted, when I was promoted from Detective to Sergeant she was still my partner and then when she got the Captaincy I was happy for her, she may be my superior but we're still a team and yes she throws orders around but that's her job and I don't mind following those orders because that's what I used to do when Don was in charge, my job hasn't changed since Olivia took over, she and I still work a lot together even though it's less than what we used too and that's her decision because she knows defence lawyers use our marriage as an excuse to get their clients off and she doesn't like that."

"Ok what do you find most stressful about this job?"

"The long hours, sometimes Liv and I will work a case for seventy two hours and we don't get to see our kids and that kills us, but we get through it and we always make is up to the girls." Elliot replied.

"What do you mean make it up to them?"

"After a long case we take a day off or the weekend off just to spend time with our kids, we go to the park, out to eat, and just normal family things." Elliot explained. "I know it's hard for our kids when they don't see us for three days but we do try and spend as much time as we can with them and we call them every night before they go to bed."

"Do you think you or Olivia struggle more with the hours?"

"Olivia, definitely, she misses her girls you know before we had the kids all she ever wanted was to be a Mom and now she is one she often thinks she isn't doing a good enough job raising them but she can't imagine being a stay at home Mom, even though we could afford it if she retired, she owns our home outright, we don't have to worry about the kids school fees they're covered till they graduate and then their grandfather opened trust funds for them and there is already enough to cover their college fees so our kids would not be less off if Olivia and I didn't work but neither one of us can imagine life without this job." Elliot explained.

"So tell me what you do to relax."

"I spend time with my family, cuddle up with my wife or take my kids out somewhere because as soon as I'm with them I relax." Elliot replied and Louisa smiled a little knowing Olivia had said nearly the exact same thing.

"Why did you chose SVU?"

"Sex should be a good thing right, I've always said no one should use sex to hurt someone, sex is supposed to be a beautiful thing for humans to experience and the thought that someone used it against someone, to hurt them both physically and mentally used to make me so sick I had to do something about it." Elliot shuddered remembering how strong he used to feel.

"Used to?"

"Well it still does but not in the way it used to, I've worked this job for sixteen years, the shock that I used to get over he said she said rape cases doesn't happen anymore, I mean some cases still shock me but others don't because I've already seen it over and over again, I still think sex should be beautiful but I am not shocked that people use it for power, I have seen too much for it to affect me in the way it did sixteen years ago." Elliot explained.

"Tell me a little about your sex life." Louisa said as Elliot talking about sex had her intrigued to follow a different route.

"What do you want to know? I obviously have on my wife has four of my kids and is carrying a fifth." Elliot explained.

"Do you find your sex life affected by the job?"

"No, we have a rule that we don't talk about work in the house and we've kept it for six years. If we want to talk we usually do it in the car and we do talk, we have to talk or otherwise what we see will affect us and not in a good way but our sex lives are perfectly healthy, my wife is an attractive woman with a healthy sexual appetite, there would be something seriously wrong with me if we weren't having sex ... plus I think I'd be questioning the paternity of my unborn son." Elliot explained with a snigger at the end.

"Of course but on average how many times per week do you have sex?" Louisa continued.

"Three maybe four, it depends what type of week we've had, sex has been few and far between recently with the death of her Mom looming over her. She's had a stressful few weeks but before all that some weeks we'd have sex every day sometimes twice to three times a day." Elliot shrugged as Louisa scribbled down in her notepad.

"Do you experiment in the bedroom?" Louisa moved on.

Elliot adjusted himself in his seat, he really didn't feel comfortable telling this shrink about his sex life especially remember what had happened to Jeffries sixteen years ago. Her sex life end up having her moved to Vice.

"Yeah we have done, I'd put it in another way, our sex life isn't boring." Elliot replied.

"Then tell me some of the stuff you've done in the past." Louisa was talking like it was just another conversation but the talk about sex with Olivia was really starting to affect him.

"We've done a lot we've been married six years." Elliot shrugged. "And we don't just have sex in the bedroom either."

"Have you ever had sex in public?"

"Yes." Elliot replied.

"Can you be more specific?" Louisa asked the questions not fazing her in the slightest as over the years she'd heard it all.

"The car, central park at night, up against a wall in an alley way, we've done a lot." Elliot shrugged trying not to think about it too much.

"So you admit you've broken the law then." Louisa smirked.

"Yes." Elliot replied sheepishly. "But you know you're talking about my sex life when Olivia and I don't just have sex, we've never just had sex we always make it special even in the car and up against the wall of an alley way, we make love Doctor every single time." Elliot explained firmly.

"Ok." Louisa nodded with a hint of a smile on her face. "I think we've covered everything."

Elliot nodded quickly thanked her and left because if he didn't touch his wife soon he was going to be in a lot of pain.

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Tuesday, December 1st 2015**

**11.02 am**

Fin spotted Elliot coming down the stairs and knew it was his turn to sit in the chair and have his head shrunk. He gave Elliot a curt nod as they passed and Elliot returned it but he rushed straight into the office to his wife.

"Hey how did it go?" Olivia asked as soon as the door was shut.

"How much did she ask you about our sex life?" Elliot asked.

"She didn't." Olivia shrugged. "Why?"

"I think she would have enjoyed it if I gave her intimate details because she really went on a fishing expedition with me." Elliot explained as he walked towards her.

Olivia could see the look in his eyes. They were darker, narrower which meant only one thing, he was highly aroused.

"Hmm and what did you tell her?" Olivia asked as she stood up and wrapped her arms around his neck, his arms going around her waist to stroke her back.

"Not what was going through my mind at the time." He laughed seductively and Olivia could feel herself becoming aroused too.

"What was going through your mind?" Olivia asked innocently.

"That we haven't had sex on this desk since it's been your office." He smirked knowing they had when it had been Cragen's office.

"We haven't had sex on this desk at all." Olivia smirked back.

"Yeah..."

"No it's a new desk Elliot." Olivia laughed. "The other one was loose so I got a new one, I think it's about time we christened it."

Elliot didn't need any more telling. His lips crashed into Olivia's and she moaned instantly letting his tongue gain entry into her mouth. It was rough, animalistic, desperate, it had been a while since he'd kissed her like this and it was going to take a lot to make him stop.

"El ... El..." She tried talking.

"What baby?" He asked as his hand began to trail along the line of her sweater.

"Are the blinds closed?" She asked as she snaked her hands beneath his shirt.

He peered over her shoulder, Olivia normally kept the blinds closed but it was worth double checking.

"Yeah." He smiled before cupping his hands on her face and kissing her again.

"Did you lock the door?" She asked as his kiss trailed from her lips down to the sensitive spot on her neck.

"Of course." Elliot smiled before he pulled away just to rip off her sweater pulling her t-shirt off in the process. "My God you're beautiful." He smiled before taking her neck into his mouth, marking her as his own even though there was no need too.

"Oh El." She gasped as his hands squeezed her over sensitive breasts.

He knew, thanks to two previous pregnancies, that when Olivia was pregnant she didn't find someone touching her nipples very enjoyable, she found it too painful but that didn't stop her from enjoying having her breasts squeezed.

"Baby..." Olivia moaned as he continued his assault on her neck.

"What?" He asked looking into her eyes.

"I need you in me." She told him and the gleam in Elliot's eyes showed he wasn't going to make her wait any longer.

He made quick work of removing her jeans and panties and his own clothing. She scratched her nails down his chest as he removed his boxers, freeing his erection that the sight of had Olivia biting her bottom lip in anticipation.

Quickly his lips were on her mouth, assaulting her as her nails scratched his back he swiped everything from the desk onto the floor. Once he was sure the desk was clear he lowered her slowly to it. Changing his mind mid lowering her, once she was flat on her back he teased her with his finger.

"El." She moaned both in frustration and pleasure at his actions.

"Oh Liv." He smiled as he buried one finger deep inside her making her hips buck.

"Fuck me El." She gasped as he entered a second finger before starting to pump into her at an alarmingly slow rate.

"Harder El." She moaned as her hands cupped her own breasts.

"Mm." He moaned as he kneeled down in front of her and clasped his mouth to her.

His tongue found her clit and he swiped at it repeatedly causing a series of small gasps to pass through Olivia's lips.

"Elliot." She moaned as he worked his fingers faster and faster.

"Come for me baby, come on." He whispered.

"Make me Sergeant." She teased in between moans.

"Captain Cragen you are a tease." He laughed.

"Oh my God Elliot don't say that again." She moaned as he hammered his fingers faster.

"What why?" He asked before his mouth found her clit again.

"Because I got a vision of you ... ahh... fucking my dad." She moaned.

"Olivia that's disgusting." He laughed as she moaned loudly, he knew by the noise she was getting very close.

"Don't say that then." She laughed breathlessly. "Oh El!"

"Come on Liv." He said gruffly and just then her hips bucked and she bit hard on her bottom lip to stop herself screaming as her orgasm took over her contorting body, Elliot sucking harder driving her through her climax and lapping up everything she was giving him.

"Oh baby." Olivia panted as Elliot removed his fingers from inside of her and pulled her up to sitting.

"You still taste amazing." He whispered before assaulting her mouth again knowing she was getting whatever remnant of herself from his lips. "But we're not done." He smirked almost evilly and pulled Olivia down from the desk. "Turn around."

Olivia bit down on her bottom lip and did what she was told, she turned to face the desk and felt Elliot push gently on her back knowing he had to be careful of her ever growing bump. She stepped back so the bump rested in the empty spas between her thighs and the desk.

Elliot's hands snaked up and down her back moving her hair so he could kiss her neck, he trailed his kisses down her back as his hands massaged her backside.

"Ready baby?" He asked gently.

"Hmm." She moaned which he took as a yes.

He made quick work of entering her. He enjoyed seeing her neck bend back in pleasure himself preferring to watch her than submit to his own desire of allowing his eyes to roll back into his head.

"Want me to take it slow?" He asked quietly knowing Olivia was still coming down from her first orgasm and not wanting her to overdo it.

"No." She said firmly, sex was risky in the office, so she needed to make sure they both got their release before they were caught.

He started to move, at a slow pace but Olivia knew he wouldn't keep it slow for long. His hands still explored her back as she gripped tightly onto the sides of the desk.

"Fuck El." She moaned as he picked up the speed.

"Liv." He moaned back as he gripped her hips pulling her to meet him half way the sound of their slapping skin the only other noise in the room.

It became faster quickly and Olivia knew this wasn't going to last long, she was on the edge but she was just waiting for him, she didn't want to let go without him.

"Fuck El." She moaned again.

"Baby I'm close." He told her.

"Oh yeah." She moaned. "God El..." She continued her knuckles turning white with the grip she held on the desk.

"Oh Liv..." The rest of the moan was cut off by the shrill ring of the office phone.

"Shit." Olivia gasped and with Elliot still inside her she reached over to the far end of the desk that hadn't been cleared as it contained the phone and laptop and she picked it up.

"Captain Cragen Special Victims." She answered and Elliot chuckled not letting her get away with it that easy.

He started to slowly move as his hand stroked her ample bottom.

"Yes sir." Olivia said and Elliot knew she was suppressing a moan by how her head was bent and her hand covered her mouth.

"No problem sir." He heard her say so he started to moved a little faster and Olivia rolled her neck in response.

"Ok bye." She hung up and let out a deep moan. "Fuck El that was the Chief of D's."

"What did he want?" Elliot asked keeping up the medium pace for a moment.

"Just to tell me when I go in front of the Morris Commission to dress comfortably, he knows I won't be able to wear my blues." Olivia explained before letting out a deep moan again that had Elliot speed up a little more.

"Ok." Elliot replied. "Now where was I?" He said seductively making Olivia moan again.

It didn't take long for them to find that speed and as they had both been so close anyway it was minutes until they were both suppressing their screams of ecstasy.

****


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Tuesday, December 1st 2015**

**5.23 pm**

Olivia had found the day both physically and mentally exhausting. Now she was sat at her desk (After Elliot had cleaned up the mess he'd made!) and doing paperwork while her squad were working some open cases.

A knock on her door had her sighing knowing exactly what was coming.

"Come in." She called without lifting her head from her paperwork. "Just a second." She said without looking knowing exactly who it was.

Olivia quickly signed the form and placed it into a manila folder before placing it on the very neat out tray.

"Louisa." Olivia smiled signalling to the chairs in front of her desk. "So how sane is my unit?"

"Well I was pleasantly surprised to see how close of a unit it was, I know partners are generally closer than married couples but I found this squad to be very close like a family." She said and Olivia smiled, it didn't take a shrink to tell her that.

"But?" Olivia asked knowing there had to be something bad in there.

"Sometimes a family can be too close." She sighed. "Your squad has no life outside of this unit, your ADA's are best friends who live together who have a kid together and are having a second kid together yet both are straight?" She questioned.

Ok, Olivia knew that what Alex and Casey had done was strange, they were her best friends and them, her and Melinda were like sisters so she supported the fact that Alex has Zachary through envetro fertilisation and now Casey was three months pregnant thanks to science but she thought it was great that they were living together and bringing up their kids together.

"It's unconventional I'd admit." Olivia replied.

"But then they're your best friends Olivia, they're the God Mother to some of your children as are John Munch and Fin Tutuola so you can see what I mean, you married your partner, your Captain adopted you, can you see the picture I'm building?"

"So you're saying my unit is too close?" Olivia asked frowning.

"Way too close and there's nothing I can do about it."

"So you're not going to recommend that this unit is turned on its head then?" Olivia asked having been suspecting that her recommendation would be too have some of the detectives transfer out.

"No because unsolved sex crimes would be on an up for the first time in sixteen years." She smiled and Olivia understood that the fact that they were all so close was what made their unit work.

"Ok so what else have you got for me?" Olivia asked knowing there had to be something bad in there.

"Well I am recommending that yourself, Elliot and the Detectives see a sex therapist for six months..."

"Excuse me?" Olivia asked in complete shock. "A sex therapist?"

"Yes from what I have gathered none of you are comfortable about talking about sex in a good way, you see and discuss the worse uses for sex on a daily basis but when I asked what interests you in the bedroom everyone clammed up."

"You never asked me anything about sex so how can you determine if I need one?" Olivia asked angrily, this was one thing she was going to fight.

"Fine when was the last time you had sex Olivia?" Louisa asked with seriousness etched into her face.

Olivia blushed, the last time she'd had sex with Elliot had been around six hours ago on the desk but she couldn't exactly tell the shrink that without raising some very odd questions.

"My point exactly." Louisa smiled taking Olivia's silence as an answer.

"But why should we feel comfortable talking about sex with a shrink?" Olivia asked not understanding the point of it.

"Like I said you discuss the worse uses of sex imaginable to human kind yet when asked about sex in a good way you don't answer and I don't think it's because you're all embarrassed I think it's because none of you are used to it, none of you see that you can talk about the good aspects of sex in the same way you talk about the bad aspects of sex." Louisa explained gently and she could see that Olivia didn't like it one bit.

"Fine would we go with our significant others?" Olivia asked.

"Maybe it depends on the therapist, maybe they'd like to see you alone first and then with your other half." Louisa explained. "I'll give you a business card to a great therapist for you afterwards and I will be making these recommendation to the Morris Commission so I suggest you take the card and put it to use with your squad as soon as." Louisa smirked and Olivia could feel her blood boiling.

"Anything else?" Olivia asked.

"Yes I recommend that you have some ongoing therapy." Louisa said softly as Olivia's face hardened. "With someone other than George Huang."

"Why?" Olivia asked trying to keep her temper in check.

"You admitted not to coping when your daughter was missing, you admitted that you had nightmares when you work cases with kids, you also admitted to being suicidal when you lost your son and fiancé, you said you'd kill the person who kidnapped your daughter and you haven't grieved for your mother, you talked about her in the present tense and not the past tense which tells me you haven't accepted her death." Louisa sighed. "I'm sure you can see why I am asking you to have something on going."

"Fine, anyone else or is it just me?" Olivia asked knowing that if this got back to the Morris Commission they would take her Captaincy in an instant.

"No I want John Munch , Nick Amaro and Fin Tutuola too as well." She said.

"Are you telling me the only ones who don't need a shrink are my husband and the ADA's?" Olivia asked in surprise.

"I am." She nodded.

"Ok so why the other three?" Olivia asked knowing that these psych evals weren't confidential so she had a right to ask and prepare a defence for the Morris Commission.

"Well Fin said he has dated five previous victims and is disheartened that after they had been intimate a few times they dumped him and moved on from him, John Munch said he fantasised about and believed that anyone who touches a child in a sexual manner should be subject to castration and he'd enjoy the pleasure of doing it himself." She explained as she read from her notes.

"And Nick?" Olivia asked as she tried to keep her emotions in check from what she had just learned.

"Misses his wife, is struggling to bring up his kid, isn't really ready to handle sex crimes but really wants too. I just think he needs to talk with someone before this unit gets to him, he could see George Huang though, he needs someone to talk him through the cases makes him understand that the emotions he's feeling are normal, that he's allowed to feel them."

"Right, well you better go present your files for the Morris Commission while I deal with my squad." Olivia hissed, she was pissed and her unit were about to feel her wrath.

"Ok well here is the details for the sex therapist and here is a business card for a friend of mine who's a psychiatrist you could use the only one I would recommend use George Huang is Nick Amaro as he is new and hasn't found his feet in the unit yet." Louisa smiled. "Good day Captain."

"Yeah bye." Olivia said as she looked at the business cards in her hand and the out the window through her now open blinds.

The only person in the bullpen that she needed to see was Fin and with the rage building inside of her she knew she was going to let him and Munch feel the brunt of it. She marched to the door and pulled it open so roughly the glass in it rattled catching Fin's attention.

"Detective Tutuola get in here now!" She yelled across the bullpen causing the unis to look in shock.

Fin took a deep breath guessing that for some reason Olivia was angry and it was directed at him. When he went into the office he found Olivia pacing across the floor and he was sure she was about to explode. As soon as he shut the door she was screaming at him.

"You told the shrink you had relationships with victims?" She yelled.

He decided it would be best to say nothing at this point.

"You do realise I am going to have the Morris Commission up my ass about this right? You have to see a shrink ongoing and it's not allowed to be Huang and if you are lucky they may let you keep your shield at the end of this and until this mess is cleaned up you're benched do I make myself clear?" She was frantic.

"Yeah." He mumbled not wanting to give her any reason to yell any longer.

"Now be prepared to have to face the Morris Commission with a defence for what you did Fin I don't know if I can't believe you did it or I can't believe you told the shrink!" Olivia explained. "Now get out of my sight." She held the office door open for him and he left like a puppy with his tail between his legs just as Elliot and Munch walked in.

"Detective Munch get in here!" She yelled and Elliot looked on in shock as Munch hurried to the office.

She slammed the door shut behind him and stared at him.

"You told the shrink that you'd like to castrate child molesters?" She asked him her voice lower now but the anger still punctuating every word.

"Yeah wouldn't you?" He asked her.

"Not the point John, she's telling the Morris Commission that and you're going to have to make a defence ready for me to present to them now until that's done to an adequate standard you're bench on top of that you're going to see a shrink and no it isn't optional." She explained quite calmly considered how harsh she'd been with Fin.

"Sure." He nodded. "Anything else."

"Not for the moment, just send me Nick in." She said having seen the younger cop walk in through the window.

Nick came in as soon as John had told him and Olivia was sat now behind her desk.

"Hey." He smiled as she signalled to the empty chairs in front of her.

"Nick do you like being here?" She asked him.

"Of course I do, I'd tell you if I didn't." He replied.

"Good, the shrink seems to think you're not handling missing your wife, bringing up your daughter and our cases would you agree?" She asked him.

"I told her sometimes it was hard to juggle it all, shit did I get you into trouble?" He asked her blushing.

"No Nick, but you may be asked to have a defence for the Morris Commission and you are required to see a shrink ongoing." She informed him.

"Yeah sure, anything." He replied and she nodded her head to the side and he nodded to her and left leaving her to collect her thoughts because now she had to tell the unit that they would all have to see a sex therapist and to make it easier she was going to tell them all at once.

Deciding not to delay the inevitable she went back to the door and called all of them into the office having them sit down either in the chairs by her desk or the couch while she sat uncomfortably in her office chair.

"According to our resident shrink we all have a problem talking about sex." Olivia said awkwardly. "She's making a recommendation to the Morris Commission that we all see a sex therapist."

A bomb could have gone off and it wouldn't have distracted anyone's attention from Olivia. She nervously looked around at her squad and could see that none of them were pleased.

"We have to see a sex shrink?" Elliot asked with a hint of laughter in his voice.

"Yeah, because we can't talk about sex in a good way or something, I lost the woman when she said sex therapist." Olivia sighed and everyone in the room laughed awkwardly.

"Shit man how fucked up is this squad?" Fin asked.

"Oh don't worry about it she said we're all too close she thinks Alex and Casey raising Zach and having a second kid together even though they're straight and in no relationship together is proof how too close we are and the fact I married my partner and my Captain adopted me, so you know this unit is fucked up but Fin she was right in one thing we are a family and family's stick together through thick and thin and we're going to get through this." Olivia explained. "If you're worried about your Morris Commission defence come talk to me and I'll help you best I can but I have to write up my own defence too."

"Your own defence, fuck Liv what did you say to her?" Elliot asked in shock.

"I thought I was being careful Elliot but apparently I'm not, hold on I said I wanted to kill the person who kidnapped Melissa, I spoke about my Mom in the present tense which meant I haven't dealt with her death and haven't grieved or something oh yeah I also said after Cole died I wanted to eat my gun so yeah I have to make a very strong defence before I am asked to take an early retirement." Olivia sighed as everyone looked at her in shock. "I also have to see a shrink guys so it isn't just the three of you."

"I'm the only one who doesn't have to see a shrink?" Elliot asked in surprise.

"Yeah El so count yourself lucky ok?" Olivia smirked as she knew he thought he'd be the one that had too.

"So about this sex therapist thing..."

"Yeah is anyone going to fight it because if not I'll set up the appointments." Olivia replied to Fin's on coming question.

Everyone shook their heads, they knew better than to fight the Morris Commission on anything.

"The Morris Commission is looking for someone's ass to chew because of everything that happened with the Commissioner and so please be on your best behaviour no bending any rules nadda guys." Olivia told them.

"Yeah we get it Liv we won't let you down." Munch smiled.

"Good now Elliot and Nick finish up the write ups on the Martina case please and make sure all your fives are filed and finished." Olivia smiled. "Munch and Fin finish up whatever fives you have file them and work your defence for me to present until then I am heading out, if you need me I'll be on my cell." Olivia replied grabbing her coat.

Everyone but Elliot filed out the office but he stood staring at his wife while she gathered her stuff.

"What El?" She asked annoyed at how he was looking at her.

"Where are you going?" He asked her knowing it wasn't like her to rush off like this.

"I'm going to see my Dad." She sighed. "I'm just hoping he's going to be sober when I get there George has been with him all day and I hope he's kept him sober but I don't know." She shrugged heavily.

"Liv are you sure you don't want to go on Maternity now and leave me with all this mess?" He asked as she wrapped her arms around him.

"No El, work is keeping me distracted from thinking about my Dad you know, it's killing me knowing how bad he is and even though I knew this was going to happen and I had guessed it was happening until I saw him with the bottle and that glass in his hand I ... I was in shock El." She told him as he kissed her forehead.

"Go be with your Dad and I'll see you at home ok?" He smiled as she pulled away.

"Yeah, don't be too late though I'm shattered." She said as she headed out the office leaving a very concerned husband behind her.

****

**Jeffries Residence, Manhattan, New York**

**Tuesday, December 1st 2015**

**6.49 pm**

"Hey Liv." George smiled as Olivia walked into her Mother's old house for the first time in a very long time.

"Hey George how is he?" She asked.

"Depressed." George replied. "He hasn't had anything to drink today but I think that's because I've been here, nothing to do with the fact he didn't want one."

"Yeah, George is there anything you can do for him?" Olivia asked.

"We've talked a lot today, but I can't give him anything until I know he won't drink because otherwise I'm signing his death warrant." George sighed he hated adding more stress to Olivia but he knew she needed to hear it.

"What do I do?" Olivia asked desperately.

"There's nothing more you can do Liv, you've been doing everything right so far and it's all up to him." George explained as he rubbed his hand over her shoulder and bicep trying to comfort her a little.

"I'm going to lose him George and I couldn't bare it ..." She blinked back her tears and suppressed the sob that was building rapidly inside her.

"I know Liv, how did the psych evals go today?" He asked gently.

"Oh don't even ask." Olivia sighed as she went into the living room where her dad was sitting almost catatonic. "Hey Dad." She smiled and tried to be cheerful.

"Hey Princess." He smiled getting up and embracing her. "Daddy why did you chose to come here?" Olivia asked him softly as she scanned his eyes for answers.

"Until we moved in with you this is where your Mom and I lived, this is where I want to be." He replied as they sat down on the couch side by side and Huang taking the armchair opposite to watch them interact.

"How was work princess?" He asked taking on of her hands in his own and holding it in his lap.

"Fine." She smiled softly.

"You always were a bad liar Liv." He laughed and she saw a little more of her real Father shine through in him.

"It was a really shit day Dad we had the annual psych evals and the Morris Commission are going to eat me for lunch but it's nothing I can't handle." She told him straight.

"Oh princess, what did you so now?" He asked her softly.

"What made you think it was something I did?" She laughed.

"I just assumed ..."

"It's ok Dad I told the shrink that I wanted to kill Melissa's kidnapper that's all." Olivia shrugged.

"But you ... hold on you never killed him did you, Melissa did."

Olivia gasped and looked at Huang, he didn't know and he should never have found out.

"Daddy I shot him." Olivia said firmly hoping he'd catch on.

"No that's just what we told IAB and one PP you didn't shoot him Melissa did." Cragen replied.

"What's the alcohol done to my Dad's brain?" Olivia asked and Huang shrugged.

"I've never seen anything like this before Liv sorry without doing research I can't tell you."

"He's so ... simplistic." She couldn't find a better word as he stroked her hand and stared into space.

"I know, he's been like this all day, he can hold a conversation but then his mind just wanders." Huang replied and she sighed and turned back to look at him.

"Daddy?" She asked and he turned back to her and smiled. "Daddy are you going to stop drinking?"

"I haven't had one all day." He replied.

"Yeah but when me and George finally leave are you going to have one?" She asked.

"I don't know." He replied honestly which just broke Olivia's heart, she didn't want to hear that from him. "Tell me more about work." He told her.

"Well the shrink made a recommendation that we all see a sex therapist." Olivia laughed at her father's expression. "Exactly, but she's also making that recommendation to the Morris Commission so I have no option, I've called and made an appointment for everyone."

"Oh Liv you've had a really tough day haven't you Princess?" He stroked her cheek and she found herself melting at his touch.

"Yeah but like I said before nothing I can't handle Daddy,I have to see a shrink and so does Munch and Fin and our new Detective Nick but Elliot's in the clear." Olivia smiled.

"Why does Fin and Munch have to see a shrink?" Cragen asked.

"Well Munch said he'd like to castrate child molesters and Fin's been dating victims and yes that's plural." Olivia sighed. "It's been a very tough day Dad but I'll sort it."

"You need to look after yourself Princess you and this little boy." He rubbed his hand across her growing bump.

"I know Dad, now I'm going to head off ok I need to have a few words with George, I'll see you in the morning." She stood up and embraced her father and kissed him and walked out of the room with George behind her.

"George fancy some food?" She asked him.

"Yeah I'll grab my coat." He smiled knowing that it meant Olivia needed to talk.

****

**Cragen-Stabler residence, Manhattan, New York**

**Tuesday, December 1st 2015**

**7.41 pm**

When Olivia and George arrived the house Nanny Sue warmed up some dinner for them and they went through to study down in the basement to eat and talk.

"So you had a tough day?" George asked as soon as they were sat on a couch each eating and relaxing.

"Oh seriously George I could have punched that therapist." Olivia laughed.

"I imagine so." George smirked, he'd been on the other side of Olivia's anger so he really felt for the poor shrink.

"I mean, she sat there and told me that my squad needed to see a sex therapist, I didn't know what to say to the woman, she and I didn't even talk about sex while I had my one on one with her right so I asked her how did she know that I needed to see a sex shrink and she asked me when was the last time I had sex, it wasn't that I couldn't answer her because I could easily have but it was because telling her when the last time I had sex would have disgusted her and I didn't want to do that so she took my silence as an answer and proof of why I needed a sex therapist." Olivia explained.

"When did you last have sex?" Huang asked the curiosity in his eye obvious from the moment she said it would have disgusted the shrink.

"Around lunch time." Olivia replied.

"Where?" George asked.

"On the desk in my office." She smirked as George laughed.

"Now I get why you didn't want to tell her that." George managed to say through his laughter.

"Exactly, I mean I can talk about sex in most situations but apparently everyone in the squad can only talk openly about the bad aspects of sex and not the good." Olivia explained.

"I'm with her if I'm honest, I know you're ok with openly talking about sex but the guys maybe not so much." George explained.

"So do you agree that I need a sex therapist?" She asked in shock.

"Not really but there's no harm in learning a few new things." He smirked and Olivia laughed. "So come on other than the fact you wanted to kill Melly's kidnapper what else did you tell the shrink that's gotten you into trouble?" George asked.

"You read me like an open fucking book you know that?" She laughed, it was strange how close she and the psychiatrist had come over the years, these days they were close best friends.

"I try." He shrugged and fluttered his eyelashes making Olivia laugh. "Now spill!"

"Ok I talked about Mom and according to her I talked about her in the present tense so apparently that means I haven't grieved or haven't accepted her death, I also said that I wanted to eat my gun when Cole and Michael died, and I said I had nightmares when we work cases with kids except the vics are my girls." Olivia sighed. "Am I that much of a whack job?"

"No Liv, everything you said doesn't make you crazy but did you really want to eat your gun when Cole died?" He asked in surprise, she'd always maintained a stand that she wasn't suicidal.

"I won't lie George at times it seemed like the best option but every time the thought came into my head I thought of Melissa and the feeling went away." Olivia explained.

"That's fair enough." He replied sipping at the wine Olivia had given him while she drank orange juice.

"Do you really think I haven't grieved for Mom?"

"I don't know Liv do you feel like you've grieved?" He asked her softly.

"I don't know George, I still can't believe she's dead you know, it's really odd." She explained.

"I'm sure it is." He nodded. "Maybe you haven't been able to grieve you've been so busy and making sure the kids are all ok and then everything with work and your Dad, have you thought about taking early maternity?"

"I have but I don't want too, I need to work George too keep busy for my babies." She explained.

"You need time Liv, but I just don't want the grief to hit you and then send you into a depression or shock because you have to look after your mental health for the baby." George informed her.

"I know George, I really do but I don't know how to explain it, my kids, Elliot, my job, they keep me going you know they make me want to get up in the morning and live that feeling when we close a case is unexplainable, I get the jitters just thinking about getting a result." Olivia explained.

"Well see a therapist talk to me and we'll make sure everything stay good for you ok?" He smiled and she nodded gratefully.

"You're a star George." She smiled.

"I try to be." He grinned back.

****

****


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15 **

**Jeffries Residency, Manhattan, New York**

**Wednesday, December 2nd 2015**

**9.16 am**

After spending the morning preparing to go and stand in front of the Morris Commission for the first time this week Olivia decided to call in and see Don before heading over to one police plaza.

She used her own key to enter the house hoping to find her father sober and find him trying to beat the alcoholism once again.

"Dad?" She yelled from the entrance hall. "Dad it's Liv!" She called again but when no reply came she wondered if he was still in bed or was even here.

She walked into the living room and smiled, he'd fallen asleep watching TV and she couldn't help thinking that he looked adorable that was until she saw two empty bottles of Vodka on the table in front of him, with a sigh she went over to shake him awake and help him find some asprin for his hangover.

"Dad time to wake up." She sighed as she shook his hand.

She withdrew it quickly though, his skin was cold to the touch and her heart began to hammer loudly in her chest.

"Dad this isn't funny wake up." She said shaking him a little rougher by his dressing gown.

He didn't move. She slowly pressed her fingers into the crook of his neck hoping that he was just deep in sleep because of the alcohol.

Her heart plummeted. There was no rhythm coming from beneath her fingers and even though she prayed that she just wasn't pressing in the right place she knew that the reason she didn't feel it was because it wasn't there.

She pulled out her cell phone and found the number she needed.

Warner.

"Hey Mel it's Liv I need you at my Mom's old place." She told her friend.

Liv what's happened are you ok? Her voice was hurried in a panic.

"I'm fine ... uh ... it's my Dad." She said slowly.

Ok Liv don't move I'm on my way.

And with that the phone went dead. Olivia sat down on the small beanbag beside the arm chair and rested her head on her Father's arm before clutching his hand.

"Why did you do it Dad?" She asked. "You knew this could happen." She sighed angrily. "I should have checked the cupboards before I left, I should have known that you'd do this Dad."

She took another deep breath and rubbed her cheek further into Don's arm as she clutched onto his hand, a million things going through her mind at once.

She sat there without moving until she heard a knock on the door and she knew it was Melinda. Slowly she removed her hand from Don and made her way to the door. Behind it she found Melinda and a couple of the men that worked with her and George Huang.

"Liv are you ok?" He asked wrapping her up in a tight embrace.

"Yeah, he's through here Mel." Olivia said pulling away from George and going into the living room where she held her father's hand once more.

"Liv..." Melinda asked softly.

"Yeah?" She asked.

"I'm going to take good care of him, I promise." She told her friend.

"I know." Olivia nodded. "Just five minutes? Please?" Her eyes pleaded and Melinda and her co-workers walked out leaving the psychiatrist with his friend.

"Liv you wanna talk about it?" He asked.

"What's there to talk about?" Olivia asked her eyes not moving from her father's face as she pulled his hand to her cheek.

She made his hand rub her cheek in the way he had done the previous evening, she just needed to feel his touch once more before she let Melinda take him.

"I love you Dad." She whispered as she placed his hand back on the chair. "I love you so much."

She stood up and stroked his face before leaning over and embracing him, then she pressed her lips to his cheek in the way she did every time when she said goodbye for any reason.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered before walking straight out the room and straight out of the door leaving a shocked George Huang and a teary eyed Melinda behind her.

****

**A/N: This bit happens before the next bit so check the time and place!**

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Wednesday, December 2nd 2015**

**12.13 pm**

George Huang walked into the bullpen in almost slow motion, he couldn't get his head around what had happened. Don Cragen had been a very influential and important person in his life having him working at SVU for so many years, he was grateful to the older man for giving him such a great job and in the process great friends especially in Olivia.

Automatically he walked towards the office and knocked on the door but when he went to open it he found it locked.

"Olivia's down in one pp she's meeting the Morris Commission this morning." Fin informed him.

"What? I didn't think she'd go after what happened this morning." George replied in shock.

"What do you mean what happened this morning?" Elliot asked coming from his desk over to the psychiatrist the worry evident in his face.

"She found Don Cragen's body this morning." He informed the group.

They all stared in complete shock at the news. Elliot's mouth fell open and his eyes began to dart around quickly.

"Would Olivia have gone to the Morris Commission?" Elliot asked the doctor as he held tightly onto his biceps.

"I don't know Elliot she's your wife." George replied.

"You were the last person to see her, to talk to her what was her demeanour like how was she behaving?" Elliot asked as he began panicking inside.

"She was cold, she wasn't crying, she said goodbye and that she loved him and hurried off. I don't think she's accepted her Mom's death so I don't think this has hit her so yeah my best guess is that she's down in one Police Plaza." Huang replied and as Elliot grabbed his car keys so did Munch and all everyone hurried out of the bullpen, Nick Amaro included.

****

**The Morris Commission, One Police Plaza, Manhattan, New York**

**Wednesday, December 2nd 2015**

**11.59 am**

Olivia sat back in one of the cold hard wooden seats as each Captain took turns in hearing what the Morris Commission had made of the annual psych evals, from what she could understand every single NYPD unit had been subject to them or would be and they all had been reviewed or would be reviewed by the members of the Morris Commission.

"Captain Cragen Manhattan SVU." The new Commissioners voice boomed across the room.

Olivia choked back a sob that came when she heard 'Captain Cragen' and walked up to the podium waiting to find out what the Morris Commission made of her squad.

"Captain Cragen I think there are some major issues in your squad, yourself and three of your detectives have been asked to receive ongoing therapy?" The commissioner asked.

"That is what the Doctor recommended." Olivia replied her voice calm compared to the nerves in her stomach.

"Detective Tutuola said he had been dating victims?" The Commissioner asked in shock.

"According to the doctor that is what he said." Olivia replied.

"And Detective Munch said he'd personally like to and fantasized about castrating Child Molesters?"

"I believe that is what he said Sir." Olivia replied.

"And you Captain, you said you wanted to kill your daughters kidnapper, you said you wanted to eat your gun sometime six years ago, you haven't taken time to grieve and you admitted to having nightmares about your children being the victims when you work cases involving kids?"

"I did." Olivia replied.

"Are you running a unit or a mental health clinic?" He asked sarcastically.

"With all due respect Sir." Olivia began angrily, her teeth gritted while she spoke. "Firstly the content of those reports should be confidential, second of all I have been seeing someone ongoing because of these issues and ..."

"Olivia!" Elliot yelled running into the room.

"Captain Cragen your whole unit come to defend you?" The Commissioner chuckled while Olivia's heart hammered in her chest.

"Not that I know Sir, I am not quite exactly sure why they are here." Olivia spat as she leant into her microphone. "Now where was I, oh yes, the recommendations that the Doctor made yesterday have all ready been put into place and I will be keeping a closer eye on the unit in the coming weeks." Olivia explained.

"Excuse us sir!" Elliot called up to him.

"Sergeant Stabler here to rescue your wife?" The commissioner asked.

"Not exactly I'm here to find out what on earth she's doing here." Elliot replied.

"Elliot, why are you here?" She asked him angrily turning away from the microphone.

"Ok guys seriously we don't want any marital spats going on we have a few more people to see today." The Commissioner sighed in a bored voice.

"Sir, Commissioner, my wife found her father's body this morning." Elliot said and Olivia stared at him.

"You had no right ..." She said angrily as everyone on the table stood up.

"Captain? Did you find the body of your father and your Captain Donald Cragen this morning?" He asked in shock.

Olivia didn't know where to look, she looked at the Commissioner then at Elliot then at George.

"She did, I think she's in shock." George jumped in. "It was moments before she came here." He explained.

All the people on the table took off their hats, Don Cragen may have retired but he was still a brother in blue and he was going to get the same respect as any NYPD officer.

"Don't." She shook her head. "He's not gone." She whispered.

"Liv come on let's get you out of here." George whispered draping an arm over her shoulders.

Olivia nodded and let her unit lead her away. Elliot gave a curt nod to the Commissioner who nodded back, details regarding the Special Victims Unit could wait for a few days.

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Wednesday, December 2nd 2015**

**12.49 pm**

Olivia had demanded that they take her back to the one six and no one had argued with her. She'd ran straight into her office and locked the door behind her leaving five very concerned men outside, all five in shock, all five needing to grieve, all five terrified and worried about the woman who was their superior.

"What happened George?" Elliot asked as tears stung his eyes.

Everyone sat down at their desks and George pulled up a chair in so he made a sort of semi-circle.

"I don't know, Melinda just took the body and left, she didn't analyse it on scene." He explained.

"I can't believe Cragen's gone." Fin whispered but everyone heard and nodded in agreement.

"It's so unfair, Olivia's lost so many." Munch explained, thankful that his glasses hid his tears.

"Why is she pushing me out George?" Elliot asked as he wiped his tears with his hand.

"I don't think she wants to face it Elliot, she's just lost her Mom and she's now lost her Dad, when she finally accepts that she's going to be a mess." He explained. "She's not going to let this news hit her for a long time though, she's going to be unsure of herself and second guessing herself and she's going to be fine in talking about him and his death in the same way she is with her Mom but she isn't going to accept it, she's not ready to face the pain and so she's blocking it out." Huang explained as his own tears slid down his cheeks.

The sound of heavy boots coming from the corridor had everyone's attention at the entrance to the bullpen. As soon as the owners of those boots were visible everyone stood up. The whole of the Morris Commission was there and Elliot began to panic knowing Olivia had locked herself in the office.

"Sergeant Stabler, we've bought you Donald Cragen's enlarged duty photograph." He explained as two uni's walked in with an easel.

"Of course." Elliot nodded.

"How is Captain Cragen holding up?" He asked the concern for the female captain visible.

"I don't know we left One PP and she went straight into the office and locked the door." Elliot explained, he didn't see a point in lying to the man.

"She's still here?" He asked in surprise.

"Yeah she didn't want to go home." Elliot replied rubbing his neck uncomfortably.

"I'd like to speak with her." The Commissioner told him softly.

"I don't know if she'll speak with you, she's locked herself in there." Elliot explained his thumb signalling the office.

The Commissioner nodded to Elliot and walked over to the door and knocked.

"Go away!" Olivia's voice, sounding angry, carried out into the bullpen.

"Captain Cragen it's the Police Commissioner."

Olivia gasped from where she was sat behind the desk. She quickly ran to the door and unlocked and opened it.

"I'm sorry I ..."

"No apologise necessary Captain." The Commissioner smiled. "May we come in?"

Olivia then spotted the rest of the Morris Commission and nodded before walking further into her office.

"We came by to give you your father's portrait so it may stand in the squad room until the day of the funeral and to offer you and your family our condolences." The Commissioner explained.

"Thank you Sir." Olivia replied giving him a curt nod in the process.

"We believe he'll have an Officer's Funeral?" He asked her gently.

"Of course." Olivia replied instantly. "That's what he would want." Olivia explained and everyone nodded again.

"And Captain..." The commissioner stopped at the door and turned back to Olivia with a gentle smile. "Take some time off and be with your family, the units psych evals can wait a few weeks." He explained.

"Yes Thank you." Olivia replied again before she watched him leave and she could let out the breath hitched in her throat.

"You ok?" Elliot asked coming into the office.

"I'm fine El." She replied.

"You're not supposed to be fine Liv, your Dad just died." He explained as he wrapped her up in an embrace.

"I'm fine El, I'm heading down to the morgue ok?" She explained pulling out of his arms.

"Do you want me to come with you?" He asked her.

"No this is something I want to do on my own." She replied before grabbing the keys and hurrying off leaving her husband feeling sick with worry.

****

**The Morgue Manhattan, New York**

**Wednesday, December 2nd 2015**

**1.36 pm**

"Olivia." Melinda was shocked to see her friend here.

"Hey." Olivia smiled weakly.

"How are you?" Melinda asked gently.

"I'm fine." Olivia shrugged. "I just wanted to see him."

"Of course, he's been washed and cleaned up Liv." Melinda told her as they went through to one of the rooms in the morgue.

"Have you done the autopsy?" Olivia asked as she looked at the blanketed figure that she knew was her father.

"I have you want to know now?" Melinda asked nervously.

"No just have the report sent to my office." Olivia replied as she crossed her arms over her body.

"Do you want to be alone?" Melinda asked anxiously and Olivia nodded weakly. "Take as long as you need." Melinda replied before walking out and closing the door.

Olivia slowly walked over to the autopsy table and with a shaking hand pulled back the blue cloth to reveal her father's face.

Meanwhile outside Melinda found George Huang waiting for her.

"Is she in there?" Huang asked.

"Yeah she wants to be alone." Melinda replied. "How she taking this?"

"She isn't, I don't think she's even shed a tear yet." Huang explained.

"I almost had to ask someone else to do the autopsy, I couldn't stop crying but then I remembered that Olivia would have wanted me to do it." Melinda explained.

"I know, I was in the squad room with Munch, Fin and Elliot earlier and we were all in tears even Nick who never worked under Don cried." Huang explained.

"This is horrible, she doesn't deserve this." Melinda sighed as more tears prickled her eyes.

"I know first Michael and then Cole and now Anne and Don, she's really been through it." Huang sighed. "No one deserves this least of all Olivia and I know I'm the shrink supposed to rationalise everyone else's irrational thoughts but she's my best friend Mel, I'm closer to her than I have been to anyone in my life and I am ... I don't know what to say to her to help her."

"Sometimes George you need to just be the best friend, let someone else shrink her." Melinda replied.

"I don't know if she'll open up to anyone else Mel, it's taken me years to get Olivia to trust me in the way she does now, and I'll admit the hours shopping for those perfect Louis Vuitton shoes helped us bond but still." George and Melinda chuckled weakly.

"How she gonna get through this?" Melinda asked.

"I don't know, it's going to take a heck of a lot of support." George sighed. "I'm going to call Hendrix, Olivia knows her and I'll admit though she isn't me she's a good psychiatrist."

****


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16 **

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Wednesday, December 2nd 2015**

**8.49 pm**

Olivia sat at her desk in the near dark. She didn't want to be around anyone right now. Melinda had called to let her know the report was on the way to her and she'd decided she wanted to be alone to read it. It was here now. On her desk ready to be read but she wasn't sure if she wanted to know why she'd gone to visit her father and found his body. She found his body. An image she'd never thought she'd see and an image she knew she would never get out of her head.

She was still in shock. She'd only just lost her Mom and now her Dad too. Her heart was broken yet she still hadn't shed a single tear since she'd walked into her Mother's old house and found the dead body of Donald Cragen in the arm chair. He had looked so peaceful that at first she thought he was sleeping and then when she had touched him she felt how cold he was and she knew, even before she'd pressed her fingers to his neck and found no pulse she'd known. Her hand had automatically gone to her cell phone and she'd automatically called the same woman who had been at her house twelve days earlier and done her a favour and she knew it was the only person she could trust with her father's body, the only person who would treat her father with the respect he deserved.

A knock on the door startled her from her thoughts.

"Come in." She called quietly but the door opening was evidence that the person had heard. "George."

"Hey Liv." He smiled politely and Olivia nodded her head towards the chairs in front of her, she knew he was just as lost as she was but she also knew that he was here for her now, as a friend, a shrink, whichever way she needed him he was there for her.

"How are you holding up George?" As soon as his backside hit the chair.

"That's normally my question." He chuckled softly. "I'm fine, what about you?" He asked knowing her answer would determine in which way she needed him.

She just shrugged and he knew she needed him as a shrink or both but not a friend alone.

"I haven't read it yet." She whispered.

"The report?" He asked and she nodded while she chewed on her bottom lip. "Do you even want to read it?"

"I need to know how he died." She replied softly.

"You could just ask Melinda the COD Liv, you don't have to read it, why do you want to?" He probed carefully knowing this was going to be a very difficult session for both of them.

"I don't know." She was lying and he knew it.

"It's because you think you already know the COD." He stated and though it wasn't a question she nodded. "But you don't want to believe it." He added and again she nodded before picking up the report.

"If I read this George any excuse I have for him goes out of the window." She explained.

"Liv, I don't think he meant to die." He told her gently.

"I know that." She snapped but there was no conviction behind the statement. "I know that." She said softer and he could see her slowly begin to break.

"Then why are you so scared of your suspicion being confirmed?" He asked her.

"Because he knew." She sighed as a single tear left her eye that she quickly wiped away.

"Knew what?" Huang asked now feeling a little confused.

"Knew the risks, he knew, yet knowing the risks, he still picked up a glass and swallowed the contents."

"So you think it was a suicide?" Huang asked and Olivia shrugged, she didn't want to answer that.

Slowly she flicked open the report.

_Autopsy Report_

_Name – Donald Cragen_

_Next of Kin – Olivia Cragen-Stabler_

_Relation to deceased – Daughter_

_Cause of Death – Heart Failure caused by Alcohol Poisoning_

_Ruling – Accidental Death_

That's all Olivia could read. She knew the report had more scientific details on the other pages but she didn't need to read them.

"Warner ruled it an accident." Olivia replied to his earlier question.

"I didn't ask for Warner's ruling Olivia." Huang told her.

"I know." She said a hint of a smirk on her lip that just wasn't going to break through.

"Do you agree with Warner?" He asked.

"You already know the answer to that." She said as another single tear slipped down her cheek which she made haste in disposing of before resting her hands back on her

"I'm inclined to tell you that I don't agree but maybe this will tell you why." He said taking an envelope out of his pocket and throwing it on the table.

"What's this?" She asked.

"A letter your father gave to me when he adopted you in case anything ever happened to him." Huang explained. "I was told to only give it to you if he relapsed."

Olivia stared at the envelope like it was about to catch fire. She didn't want to read it, she didn't want to know what he would have said to her.

"Remember..." Huang started as he got to his feet. "He wrote that before anything happened to your Mother, he was stone cold sober when he wrote it and I'll leave you to read it alone but I'll be outside if you need me."

And with that he left. Left her to open the letter that the man she worshiped had written to her, the man she respected more than any other being, the man who'd loved her unconditionally without ever having to. With shaking hands she reached for the envelope and before she could change her mind she ripped it open and read its contents.

_My Darling Olivia, _

_I cannot believe that I am now your father, legally that is. You've been my daughter for many years, before either one of us even realised we had the bond and the connection to survive a personal relationship. _

_For you to be reading this I have passed on and at some point relapsed into alcohol. That breaks my heart in just thinking about it. Whatever the circumstances I hope it wasn't something happening to our family that caused it, I hope you and Elliot still love each other and that the kids (however many you have by now) are growing up to be fantastic people and that Anne, well I hope nothing has happened to her but it would make most sense, I started drinking when my first wife died I wouldn't be surprised that it would happen a second time. Whatever did happen though I hope that you don't blame yourself in any way for my lapse in judgement. _

_The chances are for me to be dead after having a relapse it's the alcohol that caused my death, scientifically speaking of course. I am the one who drank the alcohol and so the blame lies solely with me. Please don't blame yourself Princess because I know that you will be, at some point if not yet, you will blame yourself and I couldn't live with that... I guess I wouldn't have to as I'm already dead for you to be reading this. _

_The reason I am writing this letter just after your adoption is because I have something to ask. Please, whatever you do and whatever you think of me, please, don't __**ever **__doubt my love for you, __**ever**__. My love for you kept me going while I worked at SVU, I had the surging need to protect you in a similar sense to Elliot, but my protection wasn't out in the field, it was behind my office door while I made sure that whatever decision I made regarding SVU it never hurt you. I hated seeing you hurt. _

_We had many conversations Olivia, we had many arguments, disagreements, but I know that in those long talks we shared I gave you advice, I said stuff to you that I know you've carried around with you, believed in, used to help you make some important decisions. Please, don't let the circumstances surrounding my death to ever stop you from using what I said. Alcohol probably killed me Olivia or assisted in my death but never did any of our conversations (to date) take place when I was intoxicated. Everything I told you was the truth. _

_I've been wondering how many days after my death it will take for George Huang to give you this letter. Not that it's important but I want to tell you to trust him Olivia, let him guide you through all your suffering, let him be there for you and the family that you've created because it will help the two of you out in the long run. He means a lot to me as a friend and I know he will take good care of you and in the process of letting him take care of you, you will be taking care of him because he needs to help people in order to survive, it's in his genes the way SVU is in yours. _

_I'm proud to be allowed to call you my daughter now Olivia. I'm so proud of you and everything you've achieved and overcome and I'm sure when I die there will be a lot more I'm proud of. I admire you Olivia, that's a much more suitable word than proud, though I am proud of you I also admire you, I admire the person you are, the person you've fought to be and who would have thought Detective Benson would someday become Mrs Cragen-Stabler,(That is if you have made it down the aisle yet!) you've come a heck of a long way Liv and I admire you for that, for you dedication and resilience. _

_I'm going to leave this letter here because I've seemed to have said it all. There's only one thing left. Don't ever remember me as the drunk you witnessed, remember me as the Captain who introduced you to your partner and subsequent love of your life, remember me as a father who cherished you, loved and protected you in every way possible once given the chance, remember the man who loved your children._

_Remember me as the man who loved you regardless. _

_All my love Princess_

_Dad._

Olivia read the letter through and when she read the final five words that was when she finally couldn't hold it in any more. Her head fell into her hands as sobs wracked her body. Loud cries carried out of the office and into the ears of George Huang who was closing his eyes in pain at hearing a daughter's grief. He waited though, allowed her some time alone to mourn the loss of her hero.

He gave her five minutes alone before he entered the office. She was still wailing and he did the only thing he saw suitable and turned her chair so he could wrap his arms around her. She held onto him as she cried, soaking his shirt with her tears. His own tears falling silently into her brown locks as he failed to hide his own grief.

"Sorry." She sniffed as she pulled away.

"Don't apologise for grieving." He told her as he wiped his own tears and went to sit down.

"I just... reading that ... I've been telling myself, since my Mom died that he didn't love me, that I was just available for him to have someone to call a daughter because when he started drinking again he didn't care about me, he didn't think of how the alcohol would affect me but in that letter it's obvious that he did love me George, he did." She closed her eyes as the tears silently fell again.

"Olivia, I know he loved you, if anything would have happened to you he would have done exactly what he did with Anne and turned to the bottle, you meant more to him than life itself and they're his words." Huang told her firmly, as a friend he knew how much the woman in front of him meant to the older man.

"I loved him so much George. You know, seeing him often fight the battle to turn back to the bottle over the years I wished Serena could be like that, be that strong and I worshiped him and respected him for what he overcome but right now I don't feel anything but angry towards him and I don't want to hate him!"

"You couldn't hate him Olivia, you love him too much to hate him." He replied softly.

"I have to tell my kids that he's dead George but I can't even accept it myself." Olivia shook her head as more tears slipped down her sodden cheeks. "My husband is grieving my children will be grieving and I don't think I can hold it together anymore."

****

Real short chapter, next up funeral and for those of you who get upset easy have your Kleenex ready (Hint hint DeLene!) xx


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 16 **

**The poems in this fic are mine and are copyrighted too me.**

**If you don't know the songs I recommend you give them a listen before while or after to really get an affect of how the songs go with the chapter. **

**Ok so the songs in this chapter all copyrights to the respective owners. Simple Plan – Gone too soon, Lonestar – I'm already there, Kelly Clarkson – Already Gone**

****

**Cragen-Stabler Household, Manhattan, New York**

**Friday, December 12th 2015**

**9.11 am**

Olivia sat on the edge of her bed clutching at a photograph of herself and Don Cragen. It had been taken years before he adopted her at a policeman's ball. She remembered it like it was yesterday, when he had asked her to dance she'd laughed thinking he was joking but when she saw the seriousness on his face she'd accepted and taken his hand, letting him lead her to the floor. It had been a song by Simple Plan and she remembered him singing it to her as they danced, he'd joked and said it was their first father and daughter dance and ever since then she'd been a fan of Simple Plan.

"Liv?" Elliot spoke softly as he came into the room.

"Hey." She said her eyes flickering from him and back to the photograph in her hand.

He climbed onto the bed behind her and gently massaged her shoulders hoping to relax her a little as he knew this day was going to be highly stressful and as she stroked her thirty week bump it was a constant reminder that she had to be as relaxed as possible.

"You remember this?" Olivia asked signalling to the photo.

"Of course I do." Elliot smiled. "I took the photo just as you were coming off the dance floor, Don had it in his office from the day I gave him the only copy."

"Yeah, said it was one of his proudest moment, it was the third time we got highest case closure rate as partners." Olivia smiled.

"Yeah and we kept that record until I became Sergeant." Elliot pointed out.

"Thirteen long years." Olivia smiled softly.

"You always made him proud Liv, and you'll continue to do so." He told her and she smiled softly.

"I know." She replied. "Are the kids ready?"

"Yeah Alex and Casey are holding onto Alyah and Elysah, Melissa's just reading over her speech over and over again, Nicole is playing with the family photo from last summer and Alexandra and Liliana are talking in their own language so I have no idea what they're saying to each other." Elliot explained.

"I don't know what to say to them El." She whispered as tears stung her eyes.

"They know you're upset too Liv, they're not expecting you to have all the answers yet, they know they can come and ask questions but I think they're just sad and lost right now having lost both their grandparents in such a short space of time." Elliot explained gently. "You don't have to keep it all together for them."

"I know." She nodded as the tears made their way down her cheeks, splashing onto the photograph.

"Now are you ready to come downstairs?" Elliot asked.

"I don't know what to say to anyone." She whispered as he stood in front of her in his dress blues that were in perfect condition as she'd sent then to the cleaners.

"No one expects you to say anything Olivia." Elliot whispered as he helped her to her feet.

"Ok." She nodded as she smoothed her foot length maternity dress over her bump and picked up her suit jacket.

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Friday, December 12th 2015**

**10.16 am**

Olivia stood in the middle of the bullpen with Elliot's arm around her. The photo of her father had gone now to be set up at the hotel where they'd hold the wake but now in its place was pine box draped with the American Flag. As per Olivia's request Don Cragen had spent his last night at the one six where he had worked and done his duty. Now they were here to take him on his final journey and Olivia clung to Elliot's hand.

"Baby I need to help." Elliot whispered and she finally released his hand so he could stand with Munch, Fin, Nick and three uni's who had worked under Captain Donald Cragen.

Olivia stood alone clutching tight to the NYPD flag in her hand as the box was lifted onto the men's shoulders and carried towards the elevators, she followed slowly behind wiping her tears on the back of her hand as she walked only when her vision became too blurred.

No word was spoken the whole way to the hearse. No words could have been said that would have made the situation any better. Outside the one six the press went berserk taking photographs but the only sound that could be heard was of the flashing camera's the silence was a mark of respect for a fallen hero. Three squad cars were in front of the hearse the lights already flashing with uniformed officers stood by the door ready for when they would set off.

Officers who were working instead of attending the funeral (which were very few) had lined up outside the precinct to respect a wounded cop.

Olivia thought she wasn't breathing as the coffin was lowered and placed into the back of the hearse. The flower arrangements that had been organised and made were then added inside, the one most prominent to Olivia was the white blue and yellow 'Daddy' almost exactly the same as Melissa had for Cole. On the other side which Olivia couldn't see from where she stood rubbing her bump, wind lapping her hair around her tear ridden cheeks was the blue yellow and white 'Granddad' but she knew it was there.

The back of the hearse closed with a soft click and then the officers driving the squad cars climbed inside all of them watching in their mirrors for when they were ready to set off at exactly ten thirty am.

Olivia glanced down at her watch, it was only twenty past so for a moment she stood with her co-workers from the one six, all of them hand in hand not caring who was watching. On Olivia's jacket was her father's Captain Shield with all his commendations and her own beside it without any Captain commendations as of yet but two of her Detectives ones on the other side were her father's medals from years before. On the collar were the small gold one six from her own uniform, her way of showing she was still a part of the squad even if she couldn't fit into her dress blues which she knew in difference to Cole, her father would have wanted except she was heavily pregnant and they didn't make dress blues in maternity sizes.

Tears slipped down Munch, Fin and Elliot's cheeks as they did Olivia's, Nick having stepped to the side out of the way with the other Pole Bearers as he hadn't worked under Don Cragen and he felt he wasn't supposed to be a part of this moment where four Detectives said goodbye to their superior officer.

Fin who was stood on Olivia's left gave her hand a gentle squeeze and she rested her head onto his shoulder as the tears slid silently down her cheeks. Elliot who held her left hand used his free hand to hold the bridge of his nose as he tried to suppress his tears but try as he might he was failing. John Munch holding Fin's left hand had pulled off his usual dark glasses opting for plain ones which didn't hide his tears.

A tap on Elliot's shoulder told him it was time to go and the four along with the pole bearers went to the side of the hearse to walk the route to the church. The roads had been closed off for this occasion, it was such a tragic loss. Olivia pressed her hand to the glass of the hearse knowing that in a moment they would set off, she had been determined to walk beside the car even though everyone had told her not too, she'd been told to walk with her family behind the hearse but she couldn't do it, she needed to be by his side one last time and this was the closest she was going to get.

The whole journey, no one said a word, they just cried silent tears and thought of Don Cragen.

****

**Blessed Hearts Church, Manhattan, New York**

**Friday, December 12th 2015**

**10.39 am**

As they slowly arrived outside the church Olivia could see the line up of uniformed officers, all of whom had worked at the one six while Don Cragen was in charge. The Morris Commission were all ready to walk in behind the family too not that anyone noticed them, they were all caught up in their own and each other's grief. Olivia met her children and embraced and kissed them while the men went to pick up the coffin.

The only noise around the church was the rustle of the December winter wind and the crunch of footsteps on the gravel. Fin, Elliot and Munch couldn't stop their tears from falling as they straightened up at the edge of the gravel path ready to walk through the line up of officers and into the church with Don Cragen's body on their shoulders. Melissa held tight to Olivia's hand as she stepped behind them ready to follow them inside, her other hand holding tight to the NYPD flag that showed she was the next of kin. Nicole held onto Casey's hand who was also holding onto Zachary's hand, Lili and Lexi were either side of George and Ali and Eli were either side of Alex all ready to begin the walk with the men from the Morris Commission behind them.

In complete silence they walked to the mouth of the church and then they halted waiting for the echoing notes from the song Olivia had chosen for this occasion.

_Hey there now, _

_Where'd you go_

_You left me here_

_So unexpected_

Slowly the walk into the church began. Everyone was stood watching as the Officers walked in with unstoppable tears tumbling down their cheeks and with no free hands to wipe them they were there for all to witness.

_You changed my life_

_I hope you know_

_Cuz now I'm lost_

_So unprotected_

The song was very Olivia and Don, it was why she'd chosen it but not only because it spoke volumes about her relationship with him but because she knew most of the song referred to everyone at the one six especially herself, Elliot, Munch and Fin.

_In the blink of an eye_

_I never got to say goodbye_

The walk was agonisingly slow for everyone and as the lyrics of the song touched everyone close to Don's hearts the tears became unstoppable.

_Like a shooting star_

_Flying across the room_

_So fast do far_

_You were gone too soon_

_You're a part of me_

_And I'll never be the same_

_Here without you_

_You were gone too soon_

At the front of the church Olivia stood at a complete stand still as the coffin was placed down on a stand and the picture of Don in his blues a smaller version than that which had sat in the precinct was placed on top of the American Flag covering the wooden box.

_You were always there_

_Like a shining light_

_On my darkest days_

_You were there to guide me_

As the flowers were carried in Olivia stepped forward to take Elliot and Fin's hands once again. The four of them stood together looking at the coffin and at the pictures while the large flower arrangements were put in place.

_Oh I miss you now_

_I wish you could see_

_Just how much your memory_

_Will always mean to me_

It was an emotional moment for everyone. The four lead Detectives that had worked under Don Cragen stood hand in hand looking at his coffin. Every breath in the room was hitched, every eye had at least a tear threatening to spill except the people who would occupy the front pews of the Church who had hundreds of tears flowing freely yet silently.

_In the blink of an eye_

_I never got to say goodbye_

The four stood in the front had been listening to this song only two days earlier in Olivia's office where they all sat facing the chair behind the desk that Don Cragen had once growled orders from. They'd enjoyed non alcoholic beers and wine while Olivia had played the songs she had chosen for this occasion and shown them the photo array that would play during the service in between numerous speeches.

_Like a shooting star_

_Flying across the room_

_So fast do far_

_You were gone too soon_

_You're a part of me_

_And I'll never be the same_

_Here without you_

_You were gone too soon_

They'd spoken about Don in a happy manner, joking about some of their memories with him and his family but when this song had played they'd all quietened down and dissolved into their own memories, to reflect on how this song stood for each of them.

_Shine on, shine on_

_On to a better place_

_Shine on, Shine on_

_We'll never be the same_

_Shine on, Shine on_

To Olivia this song was a promise to a father that he would live on in her heart and mind. How he would be missed in the lives of his grandchildren.

_Like a shooting star_

_Flying across the room_

To Elliot it was a message from a son in law, how Don would be missed but remembered in his families lives.

_So fast so far_

_You were gone too soon_

For Fin, it was a reminder of how short life could be even to those we think will live forever, a man he'd almost worshiped as he respected him.

_You're a part of me_

_And I'll never be the same_

When it came to John Munch it was a clear indentation of the inevitable that death does come to those who live eventually, a man he'd worked for, loved, respected, honoured was gone and this was a reflection of that.

_Here without you_

_You were gone too soon_

For everyone else it was a reflection of the pain the lost one's loved ones were feeling, their heartache, their pain and their sorrow.

_Shine on, shine on_

_You were gone too soon_

_Shine on, Shine on_

_You were gone too soon_

_Shine on, Shine on_

_You were gone too soon_

_Shine on, Shine on_

When the song came to an end everyone stood for a moment and thought of Donald Cragen.

****

**Blessed Hearts Church, Manhattan, New York**

**Friday, December 12th 2015**

**11.00 am**

Once everyone was seated everyone listened to the priest introduce the service with a sombre voice that sent chills down people's spines.

"Today we have gathered to say farewell to Captain Donald Cragen of Manhattan's Special Victims Unit..."

Ex Captain, Olivia thought a sob strangled in her throat, she was pleased though, that they were treating him and his death like he had never left the one six, he deserved that much.

"...A beloved father to Olivia Cragen-Stabler, and Father in law to Elliot Cragen-Stabler, grandfather to Melissa and Michael, Nicole Anne, Alexandra and Liliana and Alyah and Elysah Cragen-Stabler. Honoured Commanding Officer of Captain Olivia Cragen, Sergeant Elliot Stabler, Detective John Munch and Detective Odafin Tutuola. Many of you will step forward and say your farewells today addressing your friends, families and co-workers but remember that he will be waiting for you. 'The Lord gave his only begotten son Jesus Christ so that whomever believes in him should have ever lasting life.' When our time comes we will meet again."

As the Priest continued Olivia looked at the photos she had chosen to put around the coffin. She wanted him surrounded by friends and family. There was a picture of her and him, the family picture from the last barbeque that Fin had taken. A photo with him when Nicole was born, when Lili and Lexi were born and when Ali and Eli were born. It had been tough choosing just a handful of photos and George had been the one to help her do it, he'd also been the one to create the photo montage that would play after the speeches were done.

"First to speak is Commissioner Mathew Rockwell." The Priest took his seat while the commissioner walked to the podium to address his audience.

That's exactly what they were, an audience, to him who didn't know Don Cragen yet was about to talk about him in such a intimate manner.

"Captain Don Cragen of Manhattan's Special Victims Unit was a well loved Commanding Officer, that's obvious from the emotion displayed already this morning. His unit gave him his fair share of problems including fraternization..." Even Olivia laughed weakly here as did many others in the congregation. "...As an officer of the law he took his job seriously, he liked to push his Detectives and get results. I have to admit I worked very little with this great man."

Olivia sighed, had he actually worked with him at all?

"But from what I've heard over the past ten days, he was indeed that, a great man. He loved his unit or his family as he called them, and considering half of them were his family I'm not surprised ..." Again more sombre laughter came from everyone especially the Special Victims Unit. "... But more importantly he loved his real family, he adored and worshiped them and lived for them, he sadly lost his wife a few days before his own life was cut short. As an officer, you expect often enough to be killed in the line of duty and have a short life, though that is not what happened here his death was still tragic and sudden and unexpected. As a Captain, he liked to get results, he wanted to catch sex offenders, child molesters and what many of us would call monsters, none of us know how he did it for so long but something tells me it has something to do with the very heavily pregnant yet beautiful young woman sat here who he called a daughter ..."

Olivia's heart swelled as the tears continued to cascade down her cheeks, she knew she wouldn't be able to escape this and she knew ever speech was going to mention her relationship in some way but it didn't stop it hurting and feeling like a stab wound every time.

"...I feel privileged to stand here today and talk about him, he was truly an amazing officer with numerous commendations, awards and medals way too many to even begin mentioning but none of it mattered to him unless he got results and with his team of four or the fantastic four as they are known across the NYPD Olivia Cragen, Elliot Stabler, Odafin Tutuola and John Munch. Now I would like to invite Detective John Munch from Manhattan Special Victims Unit to speak on behalf of the squad."

The Commissioner stepped down and John stepped up. First though Olivia had to stand to accept and embrace and condolences from her superior and she was surprised to find his embrace lasting quite a while he muttered words of comfort and support into her ear and it worked it calmed her down a little which surprised everyone.

Once he walked away a very old looking John Munch stood in front of the microphone, he was going to read a speech that the fantastic four had written together saying what they would have said had the four of them still been Don's Detectives. His eyes were swollen and bloodshot, his creased skin amplified making him look much older than Olivia last remembered, but in saying that, she was sure she looked twenty years older now too.

"Thank You Commissioner. This speech was written by those of us known as the Fantastic Four, we still laugh at that, actually while we were writing this speech we remembered back to the first time Captain Cragen told us we'd been nicknamed that, it was the morning after a policeman's ball and our unit had gotten an award for highest case closure rate in the entire NYPD for the year and we were all extremely proud of ourselves. Captain Cragen was giving us a speech about how proud he was of us and then he mentioned that someone had called us fantastic four and that was it, we all started running around calling each other by superhero names and this lasted the entire day, it's one day that we remember spending laughing in our squad room and not crying over victims. While we were writing this speech we listened to the songs that will be played today, we talked, we laughed and we cried over our fallen commanding officer, he was a great man and the four of us feel so honoured to have been able to be a part of his legendary team and I know you'll all agree with me that his team was and is legendary. I'm sure many of you here have your own stories to tell of the wonderful man that Don Cragen was. One we discussed while writing this was his wedding day, none of us who worked for him except his daughter can remember him ever looking so happy and in love, and he did, if you were lucky enough to be a guest at that wedding you witnessed the love that emulated from his eyes and heart that day. We remembered his granddaughter's Melissa's sixth birthday and how he almost put his back out spinning her around the dance floor enjoying the squeals of delight echoing from her lips. Fin or Detective Tutuola and I told Olivia and Elliot about the moments after she had told us she was pregnant with Nicole and we found out about her and Elliot's relationship and about his relationship with Anne, it was a shock but after the heartache that had been in the precinct from the death of Cole Jeffries we were all so happy to see the happiness, the pride in his eyes when his grandchildren were born, we feel so honoured to have been a part of that because as much as Captain Cragen was our CO, Don was our friend, he was a father figure to us and no one could ever replace him that's why we feel privileged that his daughter is the one that has taken over the unit because no one else could do it, no one but Olivia could run the squad the way Don did it. There's not much else for us to say except that Don, you are already sorely missed by each and every person who ever worked under your command, and the world, our world, will never be the same without you in it. I'd now like to invite Captain Olivia Cragen from Manhattan's Special Victims Unit, the Daughter of Captain Donald Cragen up here." Munch finished and headed to meet Olivia who was being helped to her feet by Elliot.

"Thank you." She whispered into John's ear as he embraced her.

"You can do this Liv, ok, for Dad." He whispered into her ear before kissing her cheek.

"For Dad." She replied before letting him go and taking the agonizingly slow walk up to the podium and facing the sea of blue that was the congregation.

"First, I'd like to say thank you all so much for coming, I'm sure my Father would be as shocked as I am at the respect and loyalty shown to him here today." Olivia turned away and cleared her throat as she wiped at her cheeks trying to hide the telling tear tracks.

"My Dad is and always will be my Hero." That was all she could say before the tears began to flow down her cheeks but she glanced over at her family and nodded at Elliot a push for her to carry on.

"The things he achieved throughout his career are only a small factor that contributes to that. The man you knew as Captain Cragen I knew as Dad. He's the man who gave me away at my wedding after giving his blessing for me to marry my partner of ten years, The man who held my hand when I gave birth to my first biological daughter and subsequently held my hand when I gave birth to two sets of twins and the reality of the matter is that I am twenty nine weeks pregnant and he isn't going to be with me next time, he's not going to be in the delivery room to meet his grandson." The tears cascaded harder down Olivia's cheeks and the impending sob she was holding back audibly trying to break free in her voice.

"And the fact of that matter is that I will grieve for my dad every single day for the rest of my life, if I thought his actions and words meant something before they mean even more now because every action and every word has been, there will be no more sitting in the warm library talking about how cruel the world can be. There will be no more cuddling on the couch watching a movie because we've had a tough day. There will be no more memories created only memories remembered. I will never be able to forget you Dad; I will never be able to go a day without thinking about you, without remembering you." Her knees vibrated and she knew they were going to give way, she glanced over at Elliot pleading with him to help her and her prayers were answered when Fin and he rushed over to her.

They linked arms with her and clutched her hands so any weight she couldn't hold onto would lay on them and she would at least stay upright.

"You can do this Liv." Fin whispered softly and she nodded as her face screwed up with cries that she wasn't ready to let go of yet.

"I received a letter from my Dad, he wrote it when he adopted me but I only received it a few days ago, he said in it he was proud to call me his daughter and I couldn't understand why but I do know and understand why I am proud to call him my father." Olivia's voice was ebbed with unvoiced cries and everyone in the congregation knew it wouldn't be long before they were set free, they hoped that she could get through this because everyone was witnessing a daughter's heartache and there wasn't a single dry eye in the room as she spoke.

"He will always have an important place in my life and in my heart and nothing will ever be able to fill the hole that has been left by losing you and I am so sorry, I am sorry that I didn't realise how bad things had gotten, I am sorry that I didn't make you get help when I knew the problem was there. I love you Dad, I love you more than you will ever know, you changed me so much, you influenced my life more than I could even begin to explain and while so many people are here for a dedicated loyal police officer I am here for the man who gave me my life, it wouldn't be this way if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have my husband, my kids, my friends, none of this would be mine if you hadn't had faith in me all those years ago and I will always, always be thankful for that Dad, you gave me a chance and I took it, I will always be thankful and grateful to you, My best friend, My Hero, My Dad." Olivia's voice was frenzied now, her panic and fear etched into every syllable to the point George rushed from his seat and over to her knowing that if someone didn't help her now she wasn't going to make it through the rest of the speech let alone the rest of the funeral.

"Liv take a deep breath." He told her as Fin and Elliot moved her back from the moment from the microphone.

"I can't ..." She croaked and it was loud enough for everyone in the room to hear. "I want my Dad!" She sobbed and no longer could Elliot and Fin hold her up.

They gently lowered her to her knees where she collapsed sobbing into Elliot's arms. He held her, his own tears cascading down his cheeks at his wife's heartache.

"I need ... I need my Daddy ..." She hiccupped her body wracked with sobs in her husband's arms who was looking at George pleadingly.

"Olivia do you want to go sit down?" Huang whispered as he stroked her hair softly having learned from both Elliot and Don that it was the easiest way to calm Olivia down.

"No I want ... I need to ... I need to finish..." She hiccupped the sobs subsiding slowly.

"We'll help you." He promised as they all helped her to her feet, the tears still streaming and the hiccups still audible but it was obvious that she was determined to get through this no matter what.

Her bangs glued to her sweat filled forehead and other pieces of hair attached to her sodden cheeks but she didn't care about how she looked. With Fin and Elliot holding around her tight and George clutching her hand she was determined to make it through the rest of the speech.

Olivia closed her eyes for a minute to try and compose herself once more before continuing. "I was online a few days ago, looking for some ideas for what to say here today, until I was reminded that whatever I said today should come from the heart, but I found this and I knew I had to read it to you.

"Daddy, I'm not ready to say goodbye,

So long, ta-ra or farewell.

This moment has come far too soon

And it makes me want to yell"

It was obvious to everyone that Olivia's composure was hanging on by a thread but everyone felt a new found respect towards her and her determination to get through this.

Daddy, I will miss you

Now that you're gone.

Without you by my side,

I don't think I can be strong.

Her voice cracked on the last line and she felt George's hand squeeze her own as a reminder that he was there for her.

Daddy, For so long you've been there

Helping me through times tough,

But now that you're not here

Everything looks rough.

Daddy, I know you're in heaven now

Watching over me

My children and my husband

My entire family

She looked at her sobbing children and her heart ached even more and as a sob passed her lips she breathed deeply hoping she could make it to the end.

Daddy, I never imagined this day

When I would stand at your grave

Having to say goodbye

And pretend to be brave

As she spoke this verse her voice was barely a hoarse whisper but the deafening silence in the room made it audible for all and it broke their hearts just that little bit more

Daddy, you're my best friend

And I can't think clear without you

I'll always be your princess

And you'll always be my hero

Huang bowed his head as the tears chucked down his cheeks, he'd heard Don cry and call Olivia his princess so many times that it hurt to hear her say that she'd always be his princess.

Daddy, I'm not ready to say goodbye,

So long, ta-ra or farewell.

But now the time has come

And I promise ... I won't yell.

She barely made it as she spoke the last three lines in a soft whimper her knees finally gave way and she fell sobbing hysterically onto the floor. Melinda could see that Olivia was hypervenalating and with George sobbing himself she knew she had to help. She ran from her seat beside Casey and knelt down in front of Olivia.

"Look at me Liv." She said softly. "That's it look at me and breath in one, two, three and out ..." Olivia's out breath was a loud sob cracking more and more at the spectators hearts.

Huang who had composed himself was holding Olivia's wrist and looking at his watch counting in his head as Melinda continued to breath and Elliot held around his wife kissing her head as she tried to regain herself but the panic attack just seemed to be getting worse. Melinda looked at Huang who shook his head to show that Olivia wasn't calming down any time soon, she'd bought the whole service to a complete standstill.

"Liv I need you to breathe if we don't get your breathing controlled in the next two minutes I'm calling a bus." Melinda explained and she nodded as she took a shaky inhale.

It took nearly five minutes to get Olivia's breathing under control for her to be carried by Elliot to her seat. She stayed in his arms as Melissa walked up to the podium with her poem.

"Me, Nikki, Lexi and Lili wrote this from us and Ali and Eli for Granddad." She explained as she wiped her own tears from her chocolate eyes.

After a heart wrenching poem written by the kids it was time for the photo montage.

The music began to play and everyone stared at the wall where the projector played the film, his dress blues photo with the year of his date of birth and date of birth shone as the introduction to the song played.

_He called her on the phone_

_From a lonely cold hotel room_

_Just to hear her say I love you_

_One more time_

The first few photos were ones they'd managed to dig up from Don's early days as a cop, when he was in uniform and then a Detective, photo's Olivia didn't even know existed until now.

_When he heard the sound_

_Of the kids laughing in the background_

_He had to wipe away a tear from his eye_

Next were pictures of him as Captain of SVU, at press announcements, from the paper, at policeman's balls, receiving and giving commendations, each one with its own memory especially to the fantastic four who could remember the memories behind these photographs.

_A little voice came on the phone_

_Saying Daddy when you coming home_

_He said the first thing that came to his mind_

As the three lines most important to Olivia played it showed a series of photos of her and Don when she first started at the unit, some taken at parties, some taken in the squad room, some taken when he'd given her commendations, one of her first ever commendation and the smiles on both their faces filled the screen, filled the hearts of those watching as the pride etched in both of their faces, some of the people in the congregation didn't know she was adopted and just saw typical fatherly pride but those who did know saw a relationship of a father and daughter just beginning to grow into what it became.

_I'm already there_

_Take a look around_

_I'm the sunshine in your hair_

_I'm the shadow on the ground_

_I'm the whisper in the wind_

_I'm your imaginary friend_

_And I know_

_I'm in your prayers_

_Oh I'm already there_

As the chorus played later photos showed but still of him as Captain and before Olivia's adoption but she could see the aging in him, it looked strange because she couldn't remember him looking that young, she thought he never changed in all the years but of course sixteen years did change a person in so many ways.

_She got back on the phone_

_Said I really miss you darling_

_Don't worry about the kids they'll be alright_

The pictures now arrived at ones of Don and Anne and the tears flooded down Olivia's cheeks yet she couldn't look away, her vision was just clear enough for her to see.

_Wish I was in your arms_

_Lying right there beside you_

_But I know that I'll be in your dreams tonight_

They were now on wedding photos of Don and Anne and the tears and sobs from Olivia came harder and harder, she could remember how happy they had been on that day, she remembered walking her mother down the aisle to a beaming Don Cragen who she had never seen so happy, not until the day she married Elliot.

_And I'll gently kiss your lips_

_Touch you with my fingertips_

_So turn out the light_

_And close your eyes_

Photos of her kissing her father, her mother kissing her father, Melissa kissing him and then one of him the day Nicole was born kissing her head tenderly. It tugged on everyone's heart strings.

I'm already there

Don't make a sound

I'm the beat in your heart

I'm the moonlight shining down

I'm the whisper in the wind

And I'll be there until the end

Can you feel the love that we share

Oh I'm already there

Pictures of her wedding day, walking down the aisle arm in arm with a teary but happy Don Cragen, picture of him hand her hand over to Elliot, picture of their father daughter dance. At that moment she would have given anything to share just one more moment like that with her father and as a sob echoed from her throat everyone in the church knew that too.

We may be a thousand miles apart

But I'll be with you wherever you are

She shook with wracked sobs as more family photos were shown, birthdays, Christmases, parties, NYPD balls and celebrations.

I'm already there

Take a look around

I'm the sunshine in your hair

I'm the shadow on the ground

I'm the whisper in the wind

I'm your imaginary friend

Can you feel the love that we share

Oh I'm already there

Only photos of Olivia and Don played now, from over the years they'd had together and it broke her heart even more

Oh I'm already there.

On the last line one consistent photo showed of Don kissing Olivia on the cheek and Olivia grinning like a Cheshire Cat and beneath it she read.

"Remember me as the man who loved you regardless, All my love Princess, Dad." With the finalized adoption date beneath it.

That was it, the words that had finished his letter had Olivia broken, she trembled in the seat she'd taken back halfway through the song, her hands gripped tight to the edge turning her knuckles white and as the priest retook the podium to close the service she wasn't listening, she was sobbing silently, her body vibrating with the cries.

As the Priest ended the service Elliot, Munch and Fin hurried off to pick up the coffin and Olivia passed the blue NYPD flag to Melissa who clutched it tight because soon The Commissioner would be passing her the flag that had been on his coffin for the last four days.

Kelly Clarkson's Already Gone echoed as the pictures were moved and the coffin took its final journey. Olivia filed in behind it as she held tight to Nicole's hand while George helped support her from the other side. Her legs felt like Jello but she was determined to walk.

Once outside into the open air the coffin was held in placed and all the officers from the funeral lined up with yells from The Commissioner. Then there was nothing but the wind as they fell into a minute's silence.

Olivia trembled against George as she struggled to stand and he squeezed her hand gently as he tried his best to be there for her in the way Don had asked him too in a privet conversation the day before his death.

After the silence a trumpet began to sound while the church bells rang, they walked slowly to the grave where he would lie with his wife for eternity.

The service continued by the grave and as soon as it was done Olivia stood trying to keep her composure as the horn sounded again. All the officers saluted including Olivia, she wasn't going to disappoint her father even if she was grieving, she was doing what she knew he would expect from her. Even though her body was shaking with sobs she kept her hand in place, her eyes shut tight trying to regain some composure.

As Amazing Grace began to sound and the salutes were lowered Olivia watched as the flag was taken and Elliot and The Commissioner folded it in perfect tandem, it was almost beautiful.

She felt proud of Elliot as he folded the corners of the flag, in the way he'd been taught many years ago she was surprised he remembered how exactly to do it but he was while the commissioner held the other side tight in his hand.

Once the folding was complete Olivia watched as the Commissioner saluted and then Elliot passed the flag over to him before he saluted, it was heart wrenching knowing what this meant.

The Commissioner walked to her with the flag and she breathed deeply. He stood in front of her and looked into her pain filled eyes.

"Your Father did his duty, to America, to the NYPD and to his family, his work here is done. Olivia he's proud of you, he always will be, take this flag and remember him." The Commissioner spoke with such softness Olivia was almost taken aback but as he handed her the flag she closed her eyes and allowed the tears to fall silently down her face.

The Commissioner saluted once more and turned and left and the trumpet sounded for the last time as the coffin was finally lowered to the ground.

The people at the graveside left slowly to go to the hotel but Olivia felt paralyzed to the spot. She held the flag close to her chest as she shook with silent sobs. This was the worst pain she'd ever felt in her entire life and she couldn't hide that.

"Liv?" Elliot whispered softly.

"Where are the kids?" She asked snapping out of their thoughts.

"Alex and Casey have already gone with Melinda and George to the hotel." He replied and she noticed that it was only herself, Fin, Munch and Elliot standing at the grave now.

She slipped her hand into Elliot's who slipped his into Munch's and Munch into Fin and they peered down at the pine box in the six foot hole. Each of them lost in their own privet thoughts of the man who'd commanded them for more than sixteen years. Silent tears slipped down their cheeks as they sent up silent prayers of goodbye before they turned around changed hands and walked away together.

****

I know it was long and I don't know if any of that flag thing was right with the NYPD I mean I know they do it but I don't know if I did it right but yano you get the picture, I hope you're not all sobbing too much *cough cough* DeLene *Cough Cough* anyway this story isn't over!

Still to come – Olivia deals with her grief with a little bit of help from a Gay Psychiatrist (yes I am turning George into a very privet very feminine gay man that he only lets come out when he isn't working and he's going to be based on my gay best friend. Then Olivia still has to face the Morris Commission and despite the fact they know the heart ache she'd been through they're still not going to go easy on them and the detectives of the one six get grief counselling on one day and sex therapy on another, so loads more to come!


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

**Sorry for those of you who found the previous chapter difficult to read it wasn't easy to write, I'm not a sadist who finds dying pleasurable or anything like that I swear! LOL!**

**SONGS – SIMPLE PLAN I don't own them copyright to whomever owns it, good band you should give them a listen I hadn't heard any of their songs till writing the previous chapter and I have now listened to almost every song I could find on youtube!**

**Song 1 – Astronaut **

****

**Ritz Hotel, Manhattan, New York**

**Friday, December 12th 2015**

**1.13 pm**

As per Olivia's request the Simple Plan CD was playing in the background quietly. She'd requested it because her father loved the band and it was what they listened too when they were together, it's what he listened to at ten at night in his office filling paper work while she complained she was bored and ate away at his liquorish wands.

_An anybody here me?_

_Or am I talking to myself?_

She stood on her own now. Staring at the photograph of him in his dress blues with the NYPD flag draped loosely on the side.

_My mind is running empty_

_In this search for someone else_

_Who doesn't look right through me_

_It's all just like static in my head_

It was hard to see. It was a symbol that he had gone, that his duty was done. _What about his duty to me? His promise to me?_ She knew she sounded selfish but she didn't care, she wanted no needed her father back.

_Can anybody tell me why?_

_I'm lonely like a satellite?_

As the song filtered into her head so did her father's voice. "You'll never be alone with a heart like yours."

Yet she felt alone now. She'd never felt more alone in her entire life.

_Coz tonight I'm feeling like an Astronaut_

_Sending SOS from this tiny box_

_And I lost all signal when I lifted off_

_And I'm stuck out here and the world forgot_

_Can I please come down?_

_Coz I'm tired of drifting round and round_

_Can I please come down?_

In her head memories played but they weren't ones of her and her family, they were of her more than nine years ago, before she'd even met Cole Jeffries, memories of lonely tear filled nights after hard cases in her apartment all alone with no one to talk to, she felt lonely then but she felt lonelier now.

"Olivia?"

She almost jumped out of her skin as a hand gently brushed her shoulder.

"Ed? Sorry you scared me." She laughed weakly as her heart rate slowed to normal.

"Sorry." He grimaced but gave her a reassuring smile after. "How are you?" He asked softly.

"I'm ok." She said turning back to the photograph.

"He was a great man Olivia." Ed told her as he stood by her side and looked at the photograph.

"Yeah he was." Olivia nodded in agreement, Ed didn't know how great he was too Olivia.

"The amount of times he covered for you and Elliot is shocking." He chuckled and Olivia even cracked a gentle smile. "But that's not all that made him a great man Olivia, he loved you very much even before he adopted you."

"I know, I loved him too, I was watching the pictures and seeing the photos from fifteen years ago... we had a relationship beyond Captain and Detective even then." She sighed softly and wiped a stray tear from her cheek.

"You were his world, you, his wife and your children were everything, he didn't want to retire when he did because he wanted to continue making the world safe for you and the children." Ed told her softly.

"If he hadn't retired maybe he'd be alive today." Olivia whispered weakly.

"You can't think of the what if's Olivia, they don't change what happened." He whispered just as a tray of soft drinks came past, Olivia had requested no alcohol be served on trays only at the bar.

Ed grabbed them a drink each and once Olivia took it in her free hand he lead her to the lobby where there were some arm chairs in the corner that were empty.

"You shouldn't be on your feet to long with the baby." He told her and she nodded gratefully, it was hard to see Ed Tucker as the same person who tried to destroy her career once upon a time was the same man sitting in front of her.

"We've changed our minds on the baby name." She told him as she stroked her hand along her stomach.

"Go on?" He smiled.

"Donald Andrew but we're going to call him Donny." She smiled.

"That's a lovely name." He smiled at her glad to see her talking about something happier.

"I had reservations about calling him Donald, but Donny is sweet and when he's older he can cut it to just Don." She said tearfully.

"Liv?" He asked gently knowing there was something else going around her mind.

"He was there every time." She croaked.

"Every time what?" He asked not understanding.

"Every time I gave birth, he held my hand when Nicole was born, it wasn't planned but I was so scared and when he came in with Mom to just let me know they'd arrived I grabbed his hand and I couldn't let go. When I was pregnant with Alexandra and Liliana he came to the Lamaze classes with me and Elliot because he wanted to make sure he knew what he was doing when the time came and he was there when Alex Cabot delivered the first and he was there when the EMT's delivered the second and he held Liliana in one arm and my hand in his other the whole way to the hospital. With Alyah and Elysah everything went wrong and I fell off a ladder and was put on mandatory bed rest and he was there when my babies were born via c section reassuring me that everything had gone alright and that the girls were beautiful and alive." She sniffed hard as the tears cascaded down her cheeks. "He's not going to be there this time."

"No Olivia, he might not be there in person." He knelt down in front of her and held her hand tight. "But he'll be in here." He pressed her hand just above her breast to signal her heart and a sob escaped her throat.

He didn't care who saw as he pulled her shaking figure into his own in a comforting embrace. He gently stroked her back as she tried to compose herself.

"He'll be watching over you Olivia, making sure everything is alright for you and your little boy." He whispered into her ear as he rocked her gently. "His body won't be there with you in the delivery room but his soul will be."

"I know but I just miss him so much." She cried weakly just as Elliot walked over.

His eyes connected with Ed's and they shared a nod, Elliot was relieved someone was holding his wife because she wasn't talking with him, she wasn't telling him her fears, her sadness and having anyone comfort her was better than no one.

"Liv?" He whispered gently and she looked at him from Ed's shoulder.

"I can't do this El." She whispered.

"I know baby." He whispered as he stroked his hand through her hair as she held tight to Ed trying to will herself to stop crying.

"I need some air." She finally said feeling herself becoming a little too closed in.

She removed herself from Tucker's arms and kissed Elliot's lips tenderly.

"I love you." She told him as she peered into his blue eyes, that was her way of apologising to him that she was the way she was right now because she knew had she apologised he'd brush it off.

"I love you too Liv." He whispered before she walked off her hands resting on her bump as she headed for the door way.

"She'll be ok." Ed said as he sat back down on one arm chair and Elliot took the one Liv had occupied.

"I know. She's strong but she needs to let go first, she doesn't want to breakdown, she doesn't want to feel the pain so she's blocking it out. Once she's cried properly and let it all out she'll start to heal." Elliot said having heard so many people say it recently he knew it was true.

"Exactly." Ed nodded as he sipped at his drink.

"I just hate seeing her like this you know, we're all grieving for Don and it's like she's scared of hurting us anymore and so she won't talk to us, she's opening up more to people like you who isn't hurting as much." Elliot explained.

"Well I'm glad I'm of some use." Ed smiled gently.

"Thanks Ed, for holding her like that, she's barely let me touch her since he died." He explained.

"She's an amazing woman Stabler, why do you think I voted her for Captain." He smirked as Elliot's jaw fell open.

"You voted for her? I thought you'd have chosen Munch." Elliot said in shock.

"No, Don had a heart of gold Stabler, he felt every case hit him and you need someone like that running SVU, no one will ever do it the way Olivia will." Ed explained with a soft smile on his face and Elliot was in the same position as Olivia, wondering who this man sat in front of him was because it wasn't the lieutenant that had tried to get them split up as partners six years before.

"You know you're a good man Ed." Elliot told him. "I never thought I'd hear myself say those words." Both men chuckled.

"I just hope Olivia can grieve soon and be herself again." Ed sighed.

"She'll never be the old Olivia again without Don in her life, she worshiped the ground he walked on." Elliot sighed heavily. "She really was Daddy's little Princess."

****

**The Ritz, Manhattan, New York**

**Friday, December 12th 2015**

**1.49 pm**

As Olivia stepped outside into the bitter cold air with the flag from the coffin held to her chest she sniffed hard before she let a sob escape.

_Hey Dad, Look at me_

_Think back and talk to me_

_Did I grow up according to plan_

Another Simple Plan song echoed from the conference room that the wake was being held in and she listened as the words hit her heart.

_And do you think I'm wasting my time_

_Doing things I wanna do_

_But it hurts when you disapprove all along_

_And now I try hard to make it_

_I just wanna make you proud_

_I'm never gonna be good enough for you_

_Can't pretend that I'm alright_

A memory attached itself to this song. Another night late in the precinct when Olivia had been pregnant with Alexandra and Liliana, she and Don had been filling out some DD5's in his office and this song had been playing and as she had listened to it she had looked at the man in front of her and wondered how the song attached itself to him and her.

_And you can't change me _

_Cause we've lost it all_

_Nothing lasts forever_

_Sorry I can't be perfect_

_Now it's just to late_

_And we can't go back _

_I'm sorry I can't be perfect. _

The next time they'd listened to it, she'd secretly learned the words and was dancing around the office singing it much to Don's amazement as he loved Olivia's singing voice and as the song had finished he'd told her that she was most definitely good enough for him and that he didn't disapprove and was proud of her in so many ways.

He'd reassured her that the lyrics meant nothing in their relationship and that it was just a song. But now stood here unable to tell him anything or here him reassure her in any way she thought the words were just right. They had lost it all and nothing did last forever, his death proved that as her happiness had gone with him a piece of her heart had gone to his grave with him. And it as too late, too late to tell him he was sorry, not just about not being perfect but sorry that she'd ruined his life, sorry that they couldn't go back and change anything, sorry that she hadn't stripped the cabinets of alcohol that night, sorry she hadn't taken him home and watched him so he couldn't drink. She couldn't help but think his death was all her fault.

"You need to stop blaming yourself." George whispered and she just closed her eyes as another silent tear ran from her eye, she clutched tighter to the flag as he pulled her in and hugged her tight.

"I'm so sorry Olivia." He cried. "It's all my fault."

"No George, how could you even begin to think this is your fault?" Olivia asked.

"I should have made him go to rehab, I should have checked the kitchen cabinets before we left." He sobbed uncontrollably into her shoulder.

She rested her cheek against his head as her own tears slipped harder and faster.

"It's not your fault George, in no way are you to blame for this, I don't blame you in anyway so please don't blame yourself." She whispered.

"No but I blame me, I should have ..."

"No George, you did more than I ever expected you too, you spent the day with him, trying to talk some sense into him but you just couldn't." She cried hard.

No more words needed to be said between the friends. They just kept their arms tight around each other and sobbed every emotion they could possibly have coursing through their veins.

****

****

**Ok so much shorter than the last chapter but because I want to move the story on a bit now.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Monday, December 15th 2015**

**8.27 am**

"Ok listen up!" Olivia called as she came out of the office with determination in her bloodshot eyes.

It was obvious she'd barely stopped crying in the past three days but she had been determined to come back to work and she wasn't going to let the fact she had lost her father or that she was thirty weeks pregnant stop her.

"Thanks to the folks at One Police Plaza we have a grief councillor coming in this morning and it is not up for debate, everyone will speak with him and he will decide if anyone needs ongoing classes, on top of that they want adequate defences from Fin and Munch and myself to be presented on January fifth without fail so make sure you get that done. Your appointments for the sex therapist has been made for next week and Munch, Fin and Nick I've made appointments for you to see Doctor Olivet at the end of the week, none of this is optional so I don't want to hear any arguments. Until then Elliot and Fin, I want the two of you to revisit Dawn Cooper and find out what she's hiding so we can catch her rapist and Munch and Nick I want you to see O'Hallaran he says he might have something for us on the Fielding case." With that she turned on her heels and went back into the office letting everyone get on with their tasks.

A knock on the door had her squirming, she wasn't in the mood to argue with any of her team.

"Come in!" She called.

She was surprised to see George walking in looking as bad as she felt.

"Hey I thought I told you to take the week." Olivia smiled gently.

"Well I was bored and knew you wouldn't take anytime off so thought I'd come hang here with you." He smiled weakly back.

"You're right but that's because I'm a stubborn son of a bitch." Olivia laughed. "This grief councillor one police plaza has got coming in, will you do me a favour and sit down with him?" Olivia asked gently.

"Yeah sure. For you." He smiled and Olivia nodded gratefully.

"Then when we're both done we're hitting the shops because I am in dire need of some retail therapy."

Both of them laughed even though there was no happiness behind it, they needed to laugh about something or they'd just cry.

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Monday, December 15th 2015**

**8.49 am**

When the grief councillor arrived Olivia showed her to a room which had been set up for Huang's sessions. He wasn't pleased to see someone else sitting his arm chair but he'd made a joke of it by putting four boxes of Kleenex from his desk drawer on the small coffee table in front of the couch which had Olivia in stitches of laughter especially at the face of the grief counsellor who looked at them angrily because this was a serious matter.

It was Olivia who would be going first so she was glad George was giving her something to laugh about before she went to talk to Doctor Foster the very young and attractive grief councillor.

When it was time she winked at George playfully who was going to wait in her office while she sat and talked about her feelings armed with only a Kleenex.

"Hi Olivia." He smiled gently.

"Hey Doctor Foster." She replied.

"Please call me Tobias." He smiled at her.

"Tobias." She replied as she sat on the couch and brought her legs up crossing them in front of her which she had found a relatively comfortable position with her bump.

"How far along are you?" He asked softly and Olivia knew he was just getting her to open up a little bit before he hit her with the hard questions.

"Thirty weeks." She replied as she rested her hands on her stomach. "He's active today." She added when her face contorted as she received a hearty kick in the ribs.

"You're expecting a boy?" He asked.

"Yeah my first little boy." She smiled happily as she lightly stroked her stomach with the tips of her fingers.

"Have you chosen a name?" He asked.

"Yes Donald Andrew." Olivia replied straight not realising that she was giving Tobias the gateway into the hard questions.

"Donald after Donald Cragen?" He asked very softly which was just to coax her into talking.

"Yes and Andrew after Anne Cragen his wife." Olivia replied straight as she had promised herself she'd be open with Tobias in the hopes of regaining some control on her emotions.

"So you and Don were close?" He asked the intrigue etched on his brow.

"You don't know anything do you?" She asked in suprise.

"All I know is that I was asked by the Morris Commission to come and help the staff of the Special Victims Unit cope with the loss of their former CO, I know nothing of how close you were as a unit except that it's obvious that you were close to need a grief councillor." He explained and Olivia let out a laugh and a sigh at the same time, she knew that this man had no idea what he had let himself in for. "So you and Don Cragen were close?"

"Do you only know my first name?" Olivia frowned.

"It's all I need to know and you're deflecting." He smiled.

"You obviously didn't read any of the papers this morning that had the funeral splashed across every page." She sighed again, she really wasn't in the mood to explain how complicated all of this was going to be to the young man in front of her, he'd let himself into a very complicated web of a squad where the relationships had many points to it.

"No I wanted to come in here with an open mind so I avoided the papers, I bought them so I could look at them when I left here." He explained further.

"Oh." Olivia replied.

"So I'll ask again were you and Don Cragen close Captain?"

"Wow from Olivia to Captain in five questions, that's shocking." Olivia replied.

"And you're still deflecting." He sighed as he scribbled something on the legal pad in his lap.

"Wow George Huang would have already given me a detailed explanation to why I was deflecting yet you've told me twice why I'm deflecting without an explanation." Olivia smirked, she wasn't sure what was going through her mind but being co-operative had definitely left the equation.

"Would you prefer to talk to George Huang?" He asked her simply with no emotion to show if he was offended by what she said or not.

"I've spoken with George every single day, he's grieving too." Olivia replied solemnly.

"Right, why don't you want to tell me whether you and Don were close?" He asked her his voice soft and soothing again, he was worse than George at trying to coax.

"It's complicated." Olivia sighed as she felt another hearty kick in her gut.

"What makes it so complicated?" He continued but Olivia had other ideas.

"You knew my name was Olivia and you knew I was Captain how come you don't know my surname?" She asked him.

"I didn't look or if I did I can't remember, I prefer working with first names and I remembered that the Captain was female and you're the only female I'm going to see today." He replied. "Now what made your relationship complicated?"

"My name is Olivia Cragen-Stabler." Olivia told him as she watched the confusion fill Tobias' face. "I'm Don Cragen's daughter." She explained.

"Oh." He said in surprise. "I didn't know he had any children, there was nothing in the information given to me by the Morris Commission."

"I was adopted." Olivia replied. "So biologically he didn't have any children."

"Right I think I'm with you. So you and Don were close then?" He asked.

"Yes." Olivia nodded.

"Many father and daughters don't have close relationships were you only close because of work?" He asked.

"No he lived with us until a few days after my Mom's funeral." Olivia sighed as the memory of what she did filled her mind and tears filled her chocolate eyes. "Sorry." She sniffed grabbing at a Kleenex and dabbing beneath her bloodshot eyes.

"When did your Mom die?" He asked gently.

"Twentieth of November." Olivia replied.

"This year?" He asked in surprise.

"Yeah, and Dad died on the second of December." Olivia replied weakly, she was still in disbelief that there had been so little time between her parents death.

"It must be tough trying to deal with your parents dying within such a short space of time." He noted.

"Of course." Olivia sniffed, she didn't have much to say on the matter.

"How did your Mom die?" He asked her as he peered at her softly with gentle grey eyes.

"Heart attack, my husband Elliot, Dad and I came home from work and found her at the bottom of the stairs, it's what killed my father." Olivia explained.

"Elliot? As in the Sergeant?"

"Yeah Elliot Cragen-Stabler, my husband and my Sergeant." Olivia replied.

"What do you mean by it's what killed your father?" He asked and Olivia frowned and rolled her eyes.

"My father started drinking again after my Mom died, and his cause of death was heart failure due to alcohol poisoning, losing my Mom killed my Dad." She replied again as she willed herself not to cry.

"And how does that affect you? Knowing that losing your Mom caused your Father's death?"

"Are you asking if I blame my Mom?" She asked him her eyebrows raised questioningly.

"Why do you blame your Mom?" He asked back.

"Do you always answer questions with questions?" She asked.

"You did it first." He smiled and Olivia laughed softly.

"No I don't blame my Mom." Olivia replied.

"Do you blame anything? Anyone? Or do you believe it was just an accident as the ME ruled it?"

"It wasn't an accident it was suicide and I blame myself." The tears cascaded like a waterfall as Olivia talked and Tobias could only listen as she finally opened up her mind to him. "I knew he was drinking again and when I caught him I was so mad that I told him he had to leave, I couldn't let my kids grow up around an alcoholic not like I had so I told him he couldn't live with us anymore, two days later and he's dead and it's my fault because I didn't help him, I didn't check the cupboards for the bottles that I knew were there, no one is to blame for his death other than me." Olivia was yelling and sobbing hard by the end and Tobias had to just let her rant.

"I'm not going to tell you it's not your fault Olivia." Tobias sighed.

"Because you agree with me." She sniffed as she dabbed her wet cheeks.

"No because you won't believe me if I told you anyway so I don't see the point in wasting my breath but what I do see is a heartbroken daughter who isn't grieving properly because she's too busy blaming herself. Do you have children Olivia?"

"Seven." Olivia replied.

"All girls?" He asked remembering she had said that this baby would be her first boy.

"No, Michael, my adopted son died seven years ago." Olivia explained weakly.

"Oh I'm sorry." He frowned, he should have done some research because it was obvious the woman in front of him had been through a lot.

"Do you and his father talk about him much?" He asked.

"That's impossible." Olivia frowned.

"Oh is Elliot not Michael's Father?" He asked getting more confused by the second.

"No Cole my ex fiancé is Michael's father and he's dead too." Olivia explained the anguish obvious on her face.

"My, Olivia I'm sorry." He apologised desperately.

"It's ok I grieved for them seven years ago and moved on with my life, they're in my thoughts almost daily but I dealt with their deaths, it's not the same as losing Mom and Dad." Olivia explained. "Michael died from a heart condition and Cole was shot in line of duty a couple of weeks later." Olivia was fed up of explaining to people about Cole and Michael, this was the reason she preferred talking to George because he knew her history so she didn't have to explain it to him.

"Maybe we should leave this session here." Tobias suggested gently.

"Why?" Olivia asked knowing she'd allocated an hour and a half for each of them.

"I think you require something more than just councilling Olivia, I think you'd benefit from some bereavement therapy." He explained.

"Are you serious?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah, I think it would do you some good." Tobias replied.

"No." Olivia stood up and scrunched up the tissue in her hand. "No I don't need any form of therapy I just need to deal with this in my own way and you're not going to change my mind on the matter and you can report whatever you want to one pp because I'm going on Maternity leave soon and I won't have to bow down to their every orders." Olivia explained before marching out and down to her office with fury running through her veins.

When she got into her office George could see the anger in her face and decided to say nothing for a moment.

"Fucking hell." Olivia spat as she flicked through the phone book on her desk.

"What are you doing Olivia?" He asked her with a warning in his voice that he would stop her from doing something she might regret.

"Giving Commissioner Rockwell a piece of my mind." Olivia replied through gritted teeth.

"Liv think about this..." He told her gently.

"I already have." She replied as she punched in the numbers and held the phone to her ear.

"Commissioner Rockwell please, it's Captain Cragen Manhattan SVU." She was trying to keep the anger out of her voice.

_Olivia, how are you?_

"Oh I'm fine but I would like to let you know that any therapy offered by this grief councillor is going to be made optional for my squad as well as the sex therapy that was made mandatory." Olivia failed to hide how angry she was.

_What did the grief councillor say to upset you Captain?_

"To upset me?" She hissed angrily. "Upset me I've just lost my parents it doesn't take a grief councillor to upset me Sir." He spat.

_I think we should talk about this in person, I'll be in your office in thirty minutes._

The line went dead and Olivia looked at George as the reality of what she had just done sunk in.

"Shit." She breathed.

"I told you to think about it, what did he say?"

"He's coming here." She replied her eyes wide in complete shock at what she had done.

"Well you better prepare some sort of apology to him or something but it's my turn with the big bad doctor so I'll see you in a bit and come get me if you need me." He smiled and gave her a reassuring wink before leaving her to process everything that she'd just done and said.

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Monday, December 15th 2015**

**10.04 am**

Olivia paced the office nervously as she waited for the commissioner to arrive, she was wondering what on earth made her think she could put one of the highest men in the NYPD in his place without some form of retribution.

The knock on her door startled her from her thoughts and she took a deep shuddering breath as he Superior walked in.

"Captain." He said nodding his head and closing the door.

"Commissioner." She breathed. "Uh I've uh been thinking and I'm really sorry ..."

"Don't apologise Captain." He said cutting her off.

She stared at him wondering if she was about to be suspended for what had said because there was no way she would get away with the way she spoke to him.

"Why don't we sit down?" He signalled to the couch underneath the window and Olivia nodded and sat trying to hide all trace evidence of nerves from her face.

"Again..."

"Don't even try and apologise Olivia, I understand." He told her softly.

Olivia wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry, this was her superior officer, he was supposed to make sure she made her squad followed the rules and that she toed the line and if she didn't he was the one that was supposed to punish her but as he took her trembling hand into his own she wondered what on earth was going through his mind.

"This hasn't been an easy time for you or your family or your squad and I understand that, I've already pulled the plug on the compulsory sex therapy and if you don't want to go to grief therapy then that is your choice unless it begins to affect how you do your job." He smiled as a tear trickled down Olivia's cheek, she'd been a crumbling mess lately, crying at the slightest thing and she wasn't putting it down to hormones.

He leant into her and cupped her chin, using his thumb to wipe her tear. She didn't even know what was happening until she felt his lips on hers. It took her a moment to regain herself from the shock as she flapped her hands then pushed his broad chest and job to her feet.

"I... I..." She stuttered before running out of the office, pulling so hard on the door the glass shuddered grasping everyone's attention.

"Liv?" Elliot asked jumping to his feet as he saw his wife's face, she was obviously shaken up about something.

"He kissed me." She said as the commissioner came out of the office.

"He did what?" Elliot he growled the anger in his voice unmistakable. "He kissed you?"

"Yeah." Olivia nodded as she wiped her sleeve across her mouth trying to remove any remnants of Commissioner Rockwell.

Elliot flew towards the commissioner and pinned him up against the door frame of Olivia's office.

"El!" She yelled in shock as Fin, Munch and Nick all dove at him and grabbed his shoulders.

"You ever. Lay a hand. On my wife. Ever again. I will make sure that you won't be able to touch another woman again, you're lucky I don't arrest you for Sexual Assault." He hissed viciously as he gripped tight onto the front of the Commissioner's uniform.

The Commissioner looked scared, he's obviously expected Olivia to kiss him back not run out to her husband.

"El come on man he isn't worth it." Fin whispered as he continued to hold Elliot's shoulder.

"Get out of here." Elliot spat. "And don't come back without a reason." He let go of the Commissioner but didn't move as he wanted to shoot the man.

The Commissioner glanced apologetically at Olivia as he rushed out of the bullpen. Olivia let out the breath that had been hitched in her throat as Elliot rushed towards her and wrapped her up in an embrace.

"Are you ok?" He asked as he held her tight to him.

"Yeah, ugh I feel so disgusting." She whispered.

"I know baby, I don't think he'll come here again in a hurry." Elliot chuckled, he'd seen how shaken the Commissioner looked it was why he didn't punch him.

"I can't believe he kissed me, what possessed him?" Olivia asked into her sleeve as she wiped her mouth desperately.

"I don't know, but he won't be doing it again." Elliot smirked.

"No." Olivia smiled. "Right Munch you're in charge of setting up the Christmas gift exchange this year so get started, we're having this party this year even if it kills me in Memory of Don Cragen." She called and everyone grinned, Olivia had obviously started to accept this and was trying to make something positive come out of it.

****

**Yeah I kinda changed my mind about the coming Chapters so a bit of a jump to the next one, let's get Christmas and birthdays out the way and then **


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20 **

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Friday, December 20th 2015**

**11.49 am**

At Manhattan SVU everyone was still bogged down by the shock of losing Don Cragen, he may have retired and Olivia had taken over a long time before he passed but that didn't stop him from visiting every other day and they were really feeling lost without his presence in the squad room.

Olivia had hung his photo up in the squad room with the date he became captain to the date he died on a small golden plaque beneath it, she thought it would help and somehow it did.

As Christmas had gotten closer Olivia and Elliot had really started to miss Anne and Don, it would be their first Christmas as a couple without them and the loss of the two was evident in their home lives. The children were still grieving and it was tough for the two of them to manage, they were very thankful for the presence of Nanny Sue as she was a light in the darkness for them.

The family was no organised for Christmas and Olivia's determination to make it the best Christmas she could was evident in their house, every room on the ground floor had been decorated from top to bottom.

Munch, Fin and Nick had been making the holiday spirit felt in the squad room too, they'd filled the place with trimmings and for the first time ever in the SVU squad room was a Christmas tree and it gave the place a very welcoming feel, something Olivia had never expected.

Olivia had made sure that their holiday traditions would not be dampened by the loss of Don Cragen, as per usual Munch would come round and join the family for their traditional lunch, he being the only one who would be alone at Christmas Olivia had made sure he would still be joining them this year, and again as tradition, she was having everyone over in the evening to have dinner and they would have movies with the kids and movies after the kids went to be and their guests would sleep over night, which had become more and more difficult as Olivia and Elliot's family grew but then Olivia was stubborn and hadn't let it change anything because Christmas before Elliot had been no fun, she'd never had anyone to celebrate it with and she never wanted her family to experience a bad or lonely Christmas.

Tonight was the night of the Christmas party in the squad room, which as usual would mean drunk detectives, lots of mistletoe hanging around and the gift exchange which was their secret Santa which was limited to twenty dollars as every year they bought each other proper gifts to be shared at Olivia and Elliot's home on Christmas day.

Olivia was sat at her desk trying to figure out what to do with the squad when she finally took her maternity leave which she had planned for after the Morris Commission hearing when she would have only six weeks left of her pregnancy.

She knew leaving Elliot in charge was what was best for the squad but he would be on paternity leave for the last week and two weeks after and Munch hadn't been keen on taking over plus that would leave them two staff short so she was hoping to find a couple of Detectives to cover them over until Elliot returned at the least.

A knock on her office door startled her, she looked out the window and didn't recognise the man standing there.

"Come in!" She called, getting up and down was becoming more and more difficult as time progressed and so she spent more time at her desk than anything else.

"Captain Cragen?" The man asked.

He was dressed in a very expensive looking business suit and Olivia had a feeling this was something important.

"Yes? You are?"

"My name is Anthony Woodhall I am the person who co-signed your mother and father's wills." He explained and Olivia felt her stomach drop, she'd not even thought anything about their wills when they died, it hadn't occurred to her in the slightest so she hadn't expected this visit.

"Uh please sit down." She said pointing to the seat in front of her.

She quickly closed the file she was working on and put the computer on sleep so that the person couldn't read anything about their case and waited for him to begin.

"Ok so like I said I co-signed your parents wills, and I'm just here to disclose it to you as their next of kin and so that you can make any arrangements." He explained opening his briefcase on his lap.

"Ok." Olivia replied unsure what else to say.

"Did they ever discuss the contents of their wills with you Captain?" He asked as he searched for what he needed in his briefcase.

"Uh no , it's not something we ever discussed." Olivia replied her throat dry she hated this, having to sit here and see what her parents were down to just material possessions, she remembered what it had felt like when she had found out about Cole's will, it killed her seeing what he was down to a few million dollars, cars and property.

"Right here they are." He said handing them over.

The first she opened was Don's. He had no family but her and her kids. She was shocked as she read down everything. He'd left his house to her, his pension, his medals, everything except for the children's trust funds which would still be taken out of his pension until the day they turned twenty one or had a child whichever came first, Don and Anne had been depositing Money aside for the kids since they'd been born, Melissa and Nicole's was slightly larger from the money from Cole that they had, Melissa and Nicole both received regular payments from Cole's old apartment which was still being rented out, Olivia still hadn't the heart to sell it and had thought it would be a nice place for Melissa when she was older if she needed it or she would at some point sell I but the extra money it deposited into Melissa and Nicole's trust fund had been appreciated.

She next turned to Anne's. She had Olivia, Tammy and Cole until he passed. The first thing Olivia did was just scan through it. That's when her heart almost stopped completely. She glanced up at the date on the top of the will and the swallowed hard, it had been revised since Tammy and Anne had a big fall out and Tammy had told Anne that she was no mother of hers. Olivia remembered the argument like it was yesterday, she was in complete and utter shock now though, her Mom had written Tammy out of the will leaving everything to her.

"So is everything in order?" Anthony asked.

"I uh…" Olivia didn't know what to say.

"I guess you're in shock what were you expecting to see Captain?" He asked gently.

"I don't know I hadn't even thought about their wills if I am honest." Olivia explained closing the files and putting them on her desk.

"Well the deeds to their houses and everything are in there all you need to do is sign the papers at the back and mail them to me and then that it will be it everything will be transferred into your name." He explained.

"Yes of course." Olivia nodded she was still in shock but she remembered how everything worked from when Cole died.

"Ok well I best head off if you need anything please call." He handed her a business card and then walked out leaving her still speechless looking at the small files on her desk wondering what she was supposed to do now.

Tears filled her eyes. She didn't know why but she missed her Mom and Dad even more at this moment.

"Liv?" Elliot asked coming into the office, he never knocked which often annoyed Olivia.

"Hey." She replied wiping her tears quickly.

"Liv who was the suit?" He asked.

"Mom and Dad's lawyer." She replied. "He co-signed their wills." She explained.

"Oh." Elliot said taking the seat the lawyer had sat in two minutes previously.

"They left me everything Elliot." She whispered the disbelief obvious in her voice.

"Everything?" He asked.

"Everything. Mom left Tammy nothing." She explained, she spoke with Tammy once a month and they emailed pictures of their kids over to each other every now and again, trying to be sisters who lived in different states, but Olivia never got the vibe that her sister accepted her after Cole died.

"Wow." Elliot said in shock.

"What do I do Elliot?" She asked and he just looked at her in surprise she was asking him.

"Olivia you don't need to think about any of that right now." Elliot told her, he didn't want her getting stressed with the baby.

"I could have done without this." She sighed.

"Worry about it after Christmas babes, I was just going to tell you I was going to the dry cleaners to pick up our clothes for tonight and then I'd pick the kids and Nanny Sue up later ready for the party and I wanted to ask if you needed anything from the house."

"The gifts are in the wardrobe." She told him.

He got up went round to her and embraced and kissed her before leaving her be once again.

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Friday, December 20th 2015**

**7.39 pm**

The party at the one six was already in full swing. Everyone was eating, dancing and drinking. Elliot, Fin and Munch were going around with a camera each determined to take as many photos as they could. Olivia was sat with Ali on her lap while Casey sat beside her with Eli and Alex with Zachary.

"Liv put the kid down and come dance!" George yelled over.

"No I don't think I can do much dancing." She laughed signalling to her bump.

"Oh come on Liv I've asked them to put 'Treat her like a lady' on just for you!" George replied as he came over and took her by the hands.

"George…"

"Liiiiiiiiv." He groaned and Olivia laughed loudly just as the song began to play.

It was their song. Hers and George's that was. It had been on at Olivia's wedding and George had been stood beside her singing it softly, it then turned into the two of them singing it loudly to each other and dancing like idiots and ever since whenever they were at a party or club George requested the song.

"Oh what goes around comes around oh! What goes around comes around …" George was practically jumping up and down to the song but Olivia could barely move with her bump in the way.

After the song Olivia decided that it was time to exchange the gifts so that the kids could go home with her and Nanny Sue, she was too tired to stay.

The squad had all chipped in to buy something small for each of the kids so they wouldn't be left out when the adults exchanged their secret santa gifts. The kids opened theirs first and they all had their favourite candy boxes which would keep the occupied while the adults opened their gifts.

"Ok so the first one is… Elliot." Munch handed over the gift and he scanned the others trying to figure out who'd bought it.

Slowly he opened it and as he held it up everyone burst out laughing. It was a pair of personalised boxer shorts but on the part which went on the back it said. 'Olivia's property.'

"Casey!" Olivia laughed.

"How did you know it was me?" She questioned trying to deny it as she stroked her own tiny baby bump.

"Because it would only be you or George who would by something like that and I know who George's gift is for." Olivia replied and Casey laughed, she wasn't going to outright admit that she'd bought it but she saw no point in trying to deny it any further.

"Ok so next up is Fin." Munch handed over the gift.

"Alex." Fin smiled before he'd even began opening it.

"What?" She frowned.

"You're the only person who put's ribbons and bows on the gifts, you do it every year." Fin explained.

"Ok fine but open it already!" Alex laughed, it was true, she loved wrapping Christmas gifts and having so little to buy for she always went over the top with it.

Fin received a personalised pen set which he smiled at and thanked her for.

"Next up we have …Liv!" Munch smiled handing the gift over.

Olivia had no idea who it could be from so she slowly opened it and found an extra-large t-shirt with worlds best Mom on it.

"Munch, thanks." She smiled.

"I got it to go over your bump." He grinned. "And because I couldn't find one that had any comments on the amount of kids you had." He added making everyone laugh.

"This one is for … me!" Munch smiled happily as he began opening his gift.

Olivia looked over at George who was supressing a laugh.

"What on earth?" Munch asked as everyone else began to laugh hysterically.

"It's a pouch." Alex informed him, she didn't see it as funny as everyone else.

"Pouch?" Munch asked. "It's a trunk!"

George and Olivia couldn't breathe for laughing, which made them all guess one of them had bought it.

"Yes a pouch, you know you tuck your penis into it and then put your underwear on over it, to keep it warm." Alex explained as George and Olivia laughed so hard they were crying.

"You didn't?" Elliot asked Olivia. "You bought him a pouch in the form of an elephant's trunk?"

Olivia couldn't speak so she just shook her head and pointed at George.

"Your idea!" George laughed.

"Liar!" Olivia barked still laughing.

"Haha guys very funny." Munch replied tucking the pouch away into his pocket. "But thank you George."

"This gift is for … Alex." Munch replied handing over a pink wrapped gift.

Alex looked terrified as she opened up her gift. Inside was a baby blue teddy with matching thong.

"Uh who bought this?" Alex asked nervously looking at the men.

It was obvious she was worried that one of the men had bought her underwear.

"You gonna tell her?" George whispered into Olivia's ear.

"Not yet, gonna see how long she can hold the explosion back for." Olivia laughed, the gift was from her and she knew Alex would freak out.

"Seriously guys who bought it?" Alex asked desperately, she looked like she was about to cry.

"I did." Olivia smiled deciding not to make the poor woman wait any longer.

"Really?" Alex asked perking up instantly.

"Yeah, I did with the help of George but he wasn't imagining seeing you in it when he helped me chose it." Olivia replied laughing a little.

"Well I was, but not in a pervy way in more of a fashionista way!" George replied putting a very Gok Wan attitude on that had everyone laughing.

"Ok so next is … Casey." Munch handed over the badly wrapped item and Olivia wrinkled her nose, the gift was from Elliot, when she'd seen how badly he'd wrapped it she'd warned him to stay away from the kids gift.

Casey opened it to find a notebook and binder set. Olivia was impressed that Elliot had managed to buy something suitable on his own, she'd offered him help to find out he'd already bought it.

"Wow thank you Fin or Elliot." Casey smiled.

"How did you…"

"There's only the two of you who haven't given yet." Casey explained. "So who?"

"Me." Elliot replied.

"Oh thanks El I love it." Casey smiled excitedly.

"So this one … yeah it's for George and thanks to Casey we know it's off Fin." Munch smiled handing George the wrapped gift.

The intrigue was written all over George's face after he took the gift from Munch. As soon as he opened it he found a candy jar but when he read it he laughed loudly. Olivia took it to read to everyone else.

"After Therapy Mints, this non hysteria inducing confection to be induced orally before, during or after session." Olivia read with a smile on her face.

"That's brilliant thanks Fin." George smiled as Olivia handed him back the mints. "Right come on kids' time to go say goodbye." Olivia smiled, she was looking forward to getting to bed now.

"Is there room for me?" George asked, he didn't live far from the Cragen-Stabler's.

"Sure I'll drop you off Nanny Sue has the black SUV and I have mine." Olivia smiled.

****

**En route to Cragen-Stabler's, Manhattan, New York**

**Friday, December 20th 2015**

**9.12 pm**

"Mommy I need to pee." Liliana said from the back seat.

"Can you hold on for five minutes baby I'm sure Uncle George will let you use the bathroom." Olivia smiled as she saw George nodding from the seat beside her.

"Ok." Lili groaned.

"Won't be long now baby." Olivia replied.

"Mommy how long till Santa?" Alexandra asked.

"Four more sleeps." Olivia replied.

"Ugh." Melissa groaned, she'd stopped believing when she was nine and she had always hated the pretence with the other kids.

"Mel." Olivia warned glancing in her rearview mirror at her daughter.

Olivia had just stopped at a red light but as she pulled away she failed to see the driver who hadn't stopped until it ploughed into them.

****

**You knew a car crash was coming sometime so yeah. **


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 20 **

**A/N : For Tori and DeLene who I think would actually be tempted to kill me if I didn't update quickly!**

****

**Corner of West 86****th**** and Columbus Avenue, Manhattan, New York**

**Friday, December 20th 2015**

**9.36 pm**

"Mom! Mom!" Melissa's frantic yells and Lili and Lexi's cries woke Olivia.

She groaned.

"Oh my God Mom!" Melly called leaning in between the passenger and driver seat.

"Lex Lil?" Olivia asked groggily.

"They're fine only you and George are hurt." Melly replied. "Lil and Lex are just scared."

"Mel I need you to lean over George and get into the glove compartment pass me the radio." Olivia explained, she didn't want to worry Melissa but there was a lot more wrong than she was letting on.

"Ok." Melly replied quickly doing as she was told seeing that George was slowly coming around.

"Mel how long was I out for?" Olivia asked as Melissa handed her the radio.

"Less than two minutes, George is coming around." Melissa explained.

"This is SVU portable to central, this is Captain Olivia Cragen we've been in an auto on auto collision on the corner of … Ahhh…"

"Mom!" Melissa yelled hearing her mother scream in pain.

"Ahh … on the corner of West 86th and Columbus we need buses and fire." Olivia explained into the radio.

"Central to Portable we have dispatch any detail on injury?" A voice echoed through the radio.

"We have four passengers and a driver, three children who seem to be uninjured, I don't know about the male passenger but … but my water's broke and my legs are trapped." Olivia was trying to stay as calm as she could.

"Copy that Captain buses are on the way." Olivia passed the radio over to Melissa.

"Try calm Lexi and Lili Mel." Olivia told her.

"Liv?" George groaned from his seat.

"George?" Olivia asked just as a pain shot from her abdomen making her groan loudly.

"Liv have you gone into labour?" George asked unbuckling his seat belt.

"Yeah but I'm trapped." She groaned.

"Ok, Mel I need you to find out if you can get out of the car for me sweetie." George told her. "Try both doors."

"Ok." Melissa went for the door on George's side and it opened straight away.

"Keep an eye for car's take this and seal us off so no cars come from behind or in front of us." George passed her the crime scene tape he remembered Olivia had in the glove compartment, he'd laughed when she told him it was for emergencies but now he realised nothing could have been more right.

Melissa took the tape and climbed out of the car while George leaned over Olivia and checked her blood pressure. She had a nice big bump and cut on her head but he was mostly worried about the obvious blood between her legs.

"The ambulance is coming Liv." He whispered to her as she grimaced.

"I know!" She spat through gritted teeth. "It's too early George." She hiccupped a sob.

"I know but not by much Liv with technology these days baby's going to be fine I promise." He soothed softly just as ambulance and fire service pulled up.

Olivia was terrified but tried not to panic as firemen began pulling Alexandra and Liliana out of the car so that they could get in.

"Captain Cragen other than the obvious are you in any other pain?" A fireman asked as soon as he was sat behind her.

"Ahhh!" She yelled as she shook her head almost violently.

"Ok that's good and you sir?" He asked George.

"No I'm fine." George replied quickly as he held Olivia's hand.

"Ok sir you're going to need to get out." The fireman told George.

"I'm Doctor George Huang and I'm not moving." George told him firmly, he was a doctor, he'd been through med school just like everyone else except he'd chosen to go into the field of psychiatry.

"Ok, we need to get fluids into her can you do it from there?" The fireman asked as supplies were passed in.

"Yeah." George replied.

Outside the car they were preparing to get Olivia out, the tires were deflated and both airbags were being disabled as neither one de-activated upon impact.

"Ahhh!" Olivia screamed again as another contraction ripped through her body. "It's to early George!" She sobbed.

"I know sweetie." He told her as he started to hook her up to some IV fluids.

"How far apart are the contractions?" The fireman asked.

"Four minutes." George replied without taking his focus away from Olivia who was drifting in and out of consciousness.

"Ok we're ready to go here!" Someone shouted from outside the car.

"Right, Captain we're going to be getting you out of here soon, just hold on, you'll probably feel a surge of pain from your lower legs when we take the pressure off ok?" The fireman explained.

"Ahh ok!" She yelled as she clutched onto her stomach with one hand while she held George's hand with the other.

Casey who had left the precinct five minutes after Olivia had received a phone call from Alex about the accident. As she approached the sight she was met by a uniform officer.

"ADA Casey Novak Sex Crimes, I have instructions from Sergeant Stabler and Commissioner Rockwell, the road from here to Mercy needs to be shut off and the ambulance is to be given a police escort to the hospital." She explained. "Now where are Captain Cragen's kids?"

"They're in the fire engine Ma'am where is Sergeant Stabler?" He asked.

"He's intoxicated and there's been another accident by the precinct so I couldn't turn back to get him." She explained as the officer lead her to the kids.

"Aunt Casey!" Melissa called rushing over and wrapping her hands around her aunt.

"You ok did you get hurt?" Casey asked cupping Melissa's face in her hands.

"No just cuts and bruises, Lex and Lil are ok too but Mom's really hurt her legs are stuck and Uncle George was unconscious." Melissa explained as Casey checked the two now calmer five year olds over.

"Ok your Dad is going to hopefully meet us at the hospital, I want you to take Lex and Lil and get them in my car." Casey explained handing the teenager her car keys. "Strap them in and don't move ok as soon as I know your Mom is going to the hospital I'll take you."

"What about Nanny Sue?" Melissa asked as Casey lowered the kids from the fire engine.

"I'll call her and have her meet us at the hospital with your sisters." Casey replied taking her phone out of her pocket.

Back at the car Olivia's legs had finally been set free and they were now getting ready to remove the roof which was no easy feat in such a large car.

"It's going to be loud Captain but don't panic ok?" The fireman told her.

"Ok." She nodded. "Ooooh! I need to push!"

"Don't not yet sweetie ok?" George told her panicking now that if they didn't get the roof out soon they were going to have a serious problem, the baby wouldn't hold off much longer, the contractions were two and a half minutes apart now.

Casey had just got off the phone with Nanny Sue when Elliot rang her.

"Novak."

What's happening? Elliot's voice was filled with panic.

"Ok Elliot stay calm, the kids are fine, George is ok too probably a concussion and Olivia's ok apart from the fact she's gone into labour no other serious injuries from what they can make out, they're taking the roof off right now and she'll be out in ten minutes." Casey explained.

I'm not going to make it there Casey I'm going to meet you at the hospital just … just make sure she knows I love her.

"Of course El we'll see you all at the hospital, take care we don't need another accident."

After she returned her phone to her pocket she went back over to the car where Melissa was soothing her sisters who were hiccupping sobs at watching the roof being taken from the car which was extremely loud too.

"Miss Novak!" The uniformed officer she'd spoken to earlier came rushing over.

"What is it?" She asked desperate for some good news.

"I've been told to give you a police escort to the hospital now, the road's been closed off but they want the girls checked over before the Captain arrives." He explained.

"Ok let's go. Mel get in the car." Casey told her and Melissa didn't argue.

Inside the car they were now ready to pull Olivia out.

"This baby isn't waiting!" She screamed as another contraction ripped through her.

"Get her into the back seat we can deliver there." The fireman told George.

"We need more hands to move her." George replied.

"Ok we' need to move now!" The fireman said as Olivia screamed again, the contractions now less than a minute apart.

"Can we get her to the ambulance?" An EMT asked.

"Liv?" George replied.

"It's coming!" She yelled trying to supress the urge to push which was getting harder by the second.

"Get her onto the spinal board and gurney but this baby is going to be delivered here." George informed them.

"I'll get the supplies." One EMT replied as the others started lifting Olivia onto the spinal board and strapped her on.

They then moved her onto the gurney beside the car and unstrapped her so she could sit upright.

"Ahhh!" Olivia screamed.

"Push Liv!" George yelled knowing the more they waited the more distressed the baby was getting.

"Fuck!" She screamed as she clutched onto her knee caps feeling happy that she's warn a dress to the party so George only had to pull off the tiny thong panty she'd worn with it.

"Ok I can see the crown Liv." George told her.

"Ahhh!" She screamed again as she pushed, this was horrible.

The EMT's supporting her back looked worried at George but he looked quite calm and collected considering he had a concussion and was about to deliver his best friend's baby in the middle of the street.

"Get ready Liv deep breath …. And push."

"Fuuuuuuck!" She screamed as she pushed with everything she had.

"Ok shoulder's next Liv we're nearly there." He told her as she panted.

"I want my Dad." She hiccupped as she braced herself for the next contraction.

"I know Liv, ok get ready and … Push."

"Ahhh!" She screamed again.

"Good Liv one more and he'll be here." George told her softly as the EMT's prepared to cut the cord and hurry them to the ambulance which because of the crime scene tape hadn't gotten close enough for them to get her to it before delivering the baby.

"Ahhhhh!" She screamed pushing for longer and harder than she had been before.

"Ok cut the cord."

As soon as the cord was cut they were all rushing to the ambulance George was holding to the baby as the EMT's strapped and moved Olivia at the same time. George wrapped the baby in a silver blanket to keep him warm and clutched him tight into his chest as Olivia slowly drifted out of consciousness.

"Go!" The EMT called to the driver as soon as the door was closed and with light's flashing and siren blearing they moved.

"George?" Olivia asked as she came round.

"Right here."

"My baby?" She asked as she heard the new-born's scream.

"Yeah Liv, here." He placed the baby on her chest as she began to sob, overcome with a mixture of emotions.

"Oh my God." She cried. "Hi baby, I'm your Mommy." She cried. "Thank you George." She told him as he finally sat down beside her.

"Anytime Liv." He smiled as she laughed awkwardly.

****

**Mercy General, Manhattan, New York**

**Friday, December 20th 2015**

**10.49 pm**

Elliot was stood in the ambulance bay and he took a nervous heavy breath as the police escort pulled up with the ambulance behind it. The kids were fine and were now in the waiting room after being checked over but he had no idea on the state of Olivia.

He rushed around the back of the ambulance as the doors opened.

"Liv!" He yelled.

"El!" She called back as the EMT's pulled the gurney out, George now holding the baby again.

"Oh my God Liv." He sobbed as he took her hand.

"Our boy El." She cried.

George handed him the baby.

"Thank you." Elliot told him before hurrying in after Olivia George close behind.

"Sir you need to be checked over." An EMT told him as the team took Olivia.

"I'm…"

"No you're not the little lady told us you were unconscious for a period of time and the only reason I didn't stop you delivering that baby is because I thought the Captain was more relaxed having you there." He explained. "Now go and get checked over then you can go back to your friends."

****

**Mercy General, Manhattan, New York**

**Friday, December 20th 2015**

**11.26 pm**

Once both Olivia and baby were checked over she was able to cuddle up in bed with her very healthy new born son. The fact he was nine months early had no effect on him and they suspected had he gone to full term he would have been a big baby or the due date was off by a few weeks which was a common occurrence.

Elliot walked into the waiting room where all their family and friends were waiting.

"Mommy and Baby are both fine and healthy." Elliot smiled and a combined sigh of relief echoed around the room.

"So come on Stabler what's your boy like?" Munch asked grabbing his shoulder.

"Oh he's … he's perfect guys, he's four pounds nine so a little on the small side but … he's so beautiful." Elliot explained, he was completely overwhelmed by the events that had occurred.

"Can we see them?" Casey asked.

"Not tonight, but Olivia wants to see the kids and George and she sends her apologies but will see the rest of you tomorrow, she's tired now." Elliot explained.

"Of course send her our love El." Alex smiled as she bounced Zach on her lap.

Elliot led the kids and George to Olivia's room where she was sat jiggling the baby.

The kids were thrilled and quickly gathered around the bed to see their baby brother.

"Mom what's his name then?" Melissa asked as she bounced Ali on her hip.

"You tell them." Olivia smiled.

"Kids meet your new brother, George Donald Columbus Cragen-Stabler." Elliot smiled.

George grinned, he couldn't believe that Elliot and Olivia were naming their kid after him.

"You saved both our lives George, couldn't be prouder to name my son after you." Olivia smiled.

"Why Columbus?" Nicole asked.

"Well where Mommy had the crash, one of the streets was called Columbus Avenue so we named him after the place he was born." Olivia smiled.

"Ohh and Donald after Grandpa." Nicole smiled.

"Yeah baby." Olivia replied wiping a tear from her eye.

"You know Liv, he's watching down on you and he's so proud of you and Georgie." Elliot told her softly.

"I know El, he was there, it was almost like I could feel him with me when George came." She smiled.

****

**Haha and you all thought I'd named him ages ago! Next chapter is a big jump because I can't be bothered with writing the fluff, don't know how much of this story there is going to be left but if you want a lot more you have to let me know!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22 **

**A/N: There is a jump here just because I can't be bothered writing the fluff of Christmas or the new baby, it gets boring after writing it in nearly every fic I have lol so I am jumping to the juicy bits.**

****

**Blessed Hearts Graveyard, Manhattan, New York**

**Monday, January 5th 2016**

**9.31 am**

Olivia stood in between her parent's grave and Cole's and Michael's. George rested in the crook of her arm, he was fast asleep all warm in a thick body coat and wrapped in a pale blue blanket with a blue hat on his head.

"You know Dad he looks like you." Olivia smiled, that wasn't possible, Don had no genetic ties to her son but a lot of people had commented on how eerily he looked like his deceased grandfather.

"I have to go to work today, meeting with one p p. I know you'd go berserk if you were here, both of you would but it something that has to be done, my job is on the line but so is Munch and Fin and we already put this meeting back." Olivia sighed, they'd put the meeting back when Don died.

"I can't believe he's sixteen days already, he shouldn't even be born yet." Olivia smiled. "He's perfect though and compared to the girls he's easy, sleeps more and cries less." Olivia laughed softly.

"I know you were with me Dad." She whispered closing her eyes. "I felt you and I know that probably sounds crazy but I know you didn't miss it Dad, just like you were there the other three times I gave birth you were there with this one too."

"It's strange to think I have eight kids now." Olivia laughed. "Who'd have thought that eight years ago?" She laughed again, it was ironic how her life had changed in eight years.

"You know I was talking with Doctor Whitney after George was born and she thinks that everything with Ali and Eli was just an abnormality, she didn't think I'd be able to give birth to George naturally and considering he was early he still made it fit and healthy. They do think I was further along though, they think he was only about four weeks premature so that's good, he spent only one day in the NICU." Olivia looked at the precious bundle in her arms, he really was perfect.

"I'm going to head off now, get Georgie back to Nanny Sue so that I can get into my uniform, there's going to be fun, first time in my uniform in front of the Morris Commission." Olivia smiled, it was ironic how everything was turning around for her. "I miss you." She sighed before turning around and walking off.

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Monday, January 5th 2016**

**11.49 am**

"You know you could have let me handle this." Elliot smiled as he straightened out Olivia's shield and commendations hanging on her uniform.

"I know El but it's my mess and I can handle it, I had this defence figured out before I gave birth to Georgie." Olivia smiled.

"I know, but Georgie probably already misses his Mommy." Elliot smiled back.

"I'm sure he does but he's going to have to get used to Mommy not being around, I'm taking sporadic maternity because I'm needed here." Olivia replied, Elliot wasn't happy considering how traumatic the birth had been.

"Liv I have everything under control here." He told her as she adjusted her collar again.

"I know El, I trust you to run this place without me but I want to be here, I just twiddle my thumbs at home. Nanny Sue is great, she knows what she's doing with the kids and I don't mind spending a little time at home but being there all the time, it gets tedious you know, if I take sporadic maternity at least I'm balancing being at home and being here and I can bring Georgie here with me." Olivia explained.

"I know I know I just want you to be ok." He explained as he brushed a piece of her hair behind her ear.

"I'm fine El, everything's great, yeah I still miss Mom and Dad everyday but I've done the grieving, I'm enjoying being a Mom again and everything's near perfect." Olivia replied.

"Ok. Ok. I love you."

"I love you too." She smiled wrapping him up in her arms and kissing him deeply.

****

**One Police Plaza, Manhattan, New York**

**Monday, January 5th 2016**

**1.21 pm**

As usual everything in front of the Morris Commission was running behind. Olivia bounced her legs nervously as she fumbled with the manila file in her hands. This was something her father had done many years ago in defence of her partner, she just hoped it would work for her in the same way that it had worked for him back then.

"Captain Cragen Manhattan Special Victims." The voice boomed making Olivia jump a little but she quickly gathered herself.

"Captain, it's good to see you." Commissioner Rockwell smiled.

"Thank you it's good to be back." She replied.

"We saw the papers and of course the rumour mill in the precincts keep turning so what did you name the latest Cragen-Stabler?" He asked.

Was he here to hear her defence or exchange pleasantries?

"George Donald Columbus." Olivia replied smiling, it sounded better and better every time she said it.

"Ah so it's true you named him after the psychiatrist that delivered him, your father and the street on which he was born?" The commissioner was smirking.

"Yes it is, one of the very things on the rumour mill that was true." She laughed.

"Well we're all pleased he's doing well and yourself after the accident." He smiled and she nodded grateful for his concern even if she hadn't figured out why he'd tried to kiss her.

"Thank you sir." She said knowing that now she would be set to work.

"Ok so we're here to discuss the psychiatric evaluations made on your squad a while back now, a few red flags of course, yourself, Detective Munch and Detective Tutuola, I believe you've prepared a defence so you have the floor." Rockwell informed her and she nodded opening the file in front of her which contained scribbled notes of her defence but also a pile of pictures that she would present.

"September the ninth two thousand and fifteen was one of the days that I will never forget." Olivia began nervously hoping this would work otherwise she would be out of a job. "My thirteen year old daughter Melissa was kidnapped outside a candy store on her way home from school. She was missing for a total of twelve hours, from three thirty pm when the last sighting of her was till we found her at three thirty am. Most parents wouldn't have been as worried as I was, the reason being not every parent witness's video footage of their child being dragged into a van but that wasn't all." Olivia took the photos out of the file and held them in her hand.

"I have admitted that I wanted to kill the man who kidnapped my daughter." Olivia's voice was stern, almost the voice she used on perps as she tried to get a confession out of them. "Samantha Coldwell, age fourteen, kidnapped from Holy Trinity Prep. We found her blood and beaten after she'd been forced to work as a prostitute by her kidnapper, she was missing for eighteen days and from her victim statement she'd been working the same night she'd been kidnapped with no means for escape." Olivia placed Samantha's picture down and showed the second picture. "Megan Riley, twelve year old kidnapped from an ice cream vendor in central park and we found her five hours after her disappearance raped and sodomized." Olivia placed that picture down with a little more force. "Tamara Beckworth, aged eleven, kidnapped from the Bronx Zoo, she was held for nine days where she was repeatedly raped and beaten until she was eventually murdered." This picture was slammed down onto the podium making the men of Morris Commission eye her. "Lucile Ark thirteen, Hannah Medows twelve, Lorraine Price fourteen, Natasha Corrs twelve, Beyonce Tidwell twelve, Mary Stewart Eleven." Olivia slammed each photo down after she showed the, the frustration, the passion and the fury all evident in her eyes as she spoke. "And these are just the case I can remember from the top of my head, I could find you hundred more like them given time because I can promise you that I have worked many more pre-teen/early teen kidnap cases. I was the lead detective on every single one of the cases I just shown you, so can you imagine the thoughts going through my head in the first hour that my daughter was missing alone? If you're a parent who's seen the things I have seen during my career at SVU then can you imagine what you'd be thinking if your child went missing? What rapist or paedophile has my kid? What if she's made to work as a prostitute? What if they beat her to death or just kill her? I have seen what these kinds of cases can do to a victim, I've seen what they do to families and you'd be angry if it happened to you, I had every right to want to kill my baby's kidnapper. Every right to want that bastard dead for what he did to my baby girl Melissa. I've never heard a single parent say I want that bastard locked up for what he's done, I've always listened to parents say I want that bastard dead for what he's done and can you blame them? Can you blame me?" Olivia finished her rambling speech and took a deep breath as she waited for the Morris commission to move on.

"And on the matter of your grief?" Commissioner Rockwell asked as if Olivia hadn't just almost exploded at them.

"I've grieved for my parents Commissioner." She replied simply, she didn't feel the need to justify herself on this.

"And the matter about you having nightmares about your kids being the victims?" He continued.

"If you had to see crumpled up bodies of five year olds and raped ten year olds you'd have nightmares too Sir, their completely normal ask anyone who has ever worked at SVU me and my husband have been there for too many years to begin discussing, we've both had nightmares from tough cases but we have each other to get us through those nights." She explained with a particular emphasis on the word husband.

"Ok and Detective Munch defence? He would like to personally castrate child molesters?" Commissioner continued.

"Wouldn't we all?" Olivia replied. "When you work at SVU there is no hiding from the truth Sir." Olivia began. "We see three year olds at the hospital with severe vaginal trauma, eight year olds parents being told their baby will never be able to have babies of their own, we see little boys scared of their own shadow because of the way they've been sodomized. Leroy Hogan was eight when his uncle sodomized him with a wooden spoon, he died in hospital from blood loss. Marcy James was four when her big brother decided to play with her leaving her scared on the inside from deep scratched he did with his nails. Malaky Jordan ten years old when she finally had the courage to tell the teacher that her father had been raping her since her fourth birthday when according to him she became a big girl. So tell me please that you wouldn't like to do something to these sick men, we do what we can, we have them locked up but it isn't always enough. Malaky Jordan's father was plead out because of unsubstantial evidence, upon his release he murdered Malaky, her mother, her mother's new boyfriend and their six month old twin boys but not before he had his way with both Malaky and her mother just one last time." Olivia explained and she grabbed the pictures from the crime scene and walked up to the table with them.

The pictures were horrific, they had the beaten and broken bodies, the babies with gunshot wounds to the head, blood spattered all across the room.

"When was the last time any of you stood in a room like this? It tears a little at your heart every time we see something like this we ask ourselves why do we do it? Why do we bother doing his job to witness things like this almost every day? It's because of people like this…" She held a picture of a man up. "This is Henry Jordan, Malaky's father, we caught him as he was about to rape a five year old little girl he'd kidnapped, that's why we do this job to make sure little girls like Malaky get justice and to stop it happening to the next victim the perp has on his hit list. I can and will support John Munch's theory that all child molesters should be castrated because if Henry had been he wouldn't have been able to rape Malaky again or her mother for that matter and just because he thinks they should be that's all it is, a theory, not a fantasy as you so proudly proclaimed it but you go into one of these rooms and be a detective on a case like this and then tell me you don't think the same as myself, John Munch and the rest of Special Victims." She explained before walking back to the podium.

"And on the matter of Detective Tutuola who dated victims?"

"Detective Tutuola can date whomever he pleases, it isn't any of our concern however I did some digging, every victim he's dated was weeks if not months after the victim became a victim and they always contacted him first, he's done nothing wrong except have a life outside of his job." Olivia explained simply, she knew it would be enough, or at least she hoped it would be.

"I think we're done here, expect out result on your desk at the end of the week."

Olivia marched out of the room as quick as she could, all she could do now was hope that she had done enough.

****

**Just so I can move the story on a little. **


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

**A/N: Keep an eye on the dates as usual I skip a few days quite often so you don't think everything happens days after each other lol!**

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**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Friday, January 10th 2016**

**11.27 am**

Olivia was sat at her desk doing paper work, beside her was George sleeping in his car seat. She couldn't stay away from work, she found herself missing it too much and as a compromise so she was actually spending time with George she'd bring him in with her and stick to being behind a desk, she couldn't wait to get back out in the field though, that's one thing she missed more than anything but as Captain the events in which she had to go out into the field were rare.

A knock on the door woke George up and she groaned in annoyance.

"Come in!" She called as she leant over the car seat to pick her little boy up. "Hey baby, hey Georgie." She bounced him on her chest gently as she saw the commissioner walk in.

"Hello Captain." He nodded.

"Sorry about this." She said signalling the baby crying on her chest, she wasn't sorry but he shouldn't have even be there.

"Nonsense you're on maternity leave so being here and having him with you is not a problem, it's your office." He smiled.

Olivia rested George in the crook of her arm and eyed the Commissioner up.

"So what can I do for you?" Olivia asked as she stroked her finger along George's cheek without even looking, it was obvious the baby enjoyed the contact as he blinked bright blue eyes towards his mother.

"Well first of all Olivia I would like to apologise for what happened uh last time I was here." He said sheepishly.

"Sure." Olivia nodded.

"No it's … I shouldn't have not only are you married but you were grieving and I don't know what came over me and I think you're a very beautiful woman and a very loyal Captain and you're good at what you do and I don't want you to think that me kissing you would have any repercussions on the job and I hope we can forget it." He explained the embarrassment of what he'd done visible on his brow.

"Sure, all forgotten." Olivia smiled, she'd never forget but she could forgive.

"Good now onto the real reason I'm here, file from our review since Monday's statements." He explained signalling a file.

He went to hand it to Olivia but with George in her arms it was difficult. He placed the file on the desk and took George carefully from Olivia's arms and she nodded and gave him a reassuring smile, he didn't look like a natural when it came to holding a baby but she thought the effort was cute.

"Right…" Olivia sat down behind her desk and the Commissioner sat opposite with George in his arms.

Olivia glanced at him with the newborn and smiled as she turned back to the file to see the result.

"You know we were talking afterwards and we all agreed that you really are your father's daughter." The Commissioner smiled as he gently stroked a finger down George's cheek in the way he'd seen Olivia do seconds before.

"Really? What made you say that?" She smirked, being told that she really was like her father always made her smile, she was proud to be like him.

"Well the trick with the pictures, I mean showing us smiling teens kidnap victims and then showing us those gruesome crime scene photos I believe your father did something similar after a psych eval."

"Yeah he did sixteen years ago." Olivia replied smiling as she flicked through the file in front of her, there were reports from every person on the Morris Commission on each defence and then a group evaluation on each which concluded with what they would have to endure to keep their jobs.

"You're also very loyal to your squad Olivia, just like he was, I think you'd sacrifice yourself for your squad."

"I would Commissioner…"

"Mathew please drop the formalities." He smiled as he ran his fingers through George's thick brown hair.

"Mathew." She replied nodding, being on good terms with the commissioner could come in useful. "My father sacrificed himself for his squad numerous times, he did for me eight years ago." She remembered how horrible it had been after the mess with her brother to find out Don had nearly lost his job in defending her.

"Before your adoption?" Mathew asked looking from George a moment to meet her gaze.

"Yeah, my brother had been accused of rape, I didn't think he'd done it and when he skipped bail I sent him money and got caught by the FBI." Olivia remembered how Dean Porter had threatened to cuff her. "I worked tirelessly to prove my brothers innocence and it turned out I was right, my brother didn't rape anyone. It was a cop with a grudge who had planted evidence however there was a cop in the Chief of D's office with a grudge against Cragen and when Fin Tutuola's nephew was on trial so were we and this guy with a grudge against my dad was feeding the defence information about us, Dean Porter skipped town to avoid a subpoena but after the trial I realised I didn't want this hanging over my head for the rest of career so I gave a statement to IAB and was suspended for thirty one days and my Dad became the sacrificial lamb, if Munch hadn't made such a mess of a case there was a chance he wouldn't have been back and I would do the same for my squad, we're a close group here, we have to be, we trust each other with our lives and that matters Nick Amaro has fit into the group perfectly, it's like he's always been here." Olivia looked through the blinds at the busy bullpen with a smile on her face.

"That's an honourable thing Olivia, we don't have enough people like you in the NYPD which is a shame, maybe we wouldn't have as much bad press as we have if more of our Captains were like you." Mathew smiled.

"Hey I've caused my fair share of bad press over the years Mathew let's be honest." Olivia laughed softly.

"That may be the case but I have also seen some very great headlines in regards to you and this squad over the years too." He smiled.

"What Like …" Olivia reached over her desk and found the paper that had been there since before Christmas. "SVU Captain's miracle?" She asked showing the paper to Mathew.

"I saw that and hold on what was the other headlines uh… NYPD's Christmas Blessing and NYPD's Newborn on Columbus?"

Both of them laughed loudly making George jump but he settled instantly.

"He's a good baby." Mathew noted.

"He is, much easier than his sisters anyway." Olivia laughed softly.

"Poor fella having six big sisters!" Mathew replied. "I thought I was unlucky having three!"

"Hey he has nine big sisters if you consider Elliot's other kids." Olivia smiled, it was quite the situation.

"Yeah good point." Mathew smiled glancing at the large family portrait behind Olivia's head, the only one they had with the Stabler kids in too. "You have a truly beautiful family Olivia." He said his eyes still fixed on the portrait.

"Family's everything Mathew, I didn't know that till seven years ago but now I know what Elliot meant when he told me too many years ago. I would kill for my kids." She said looking at George snoozing in Mathew's arms.

"I'm sure you would." He smiled at her, she had a look in her eye when talking about her family that he could only describe as unconditional love and devotion.

"So the report…" Olivia smiled, they'd gotten a little lost in the conversation.

"Yeah just read it over and sign it within the next week agreeing to the terms and get it back to me." Mathew smiled getting to his feet.

"Sure thing." Olivia smiled standing up and going to take George.

"Well I'll see you soon Olivia." He smiled before heading for the door.

"Sure." She smiled and he nodded his head before leaving.

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Friday, January 10th 2016**

**1.49 pm**

Olivia had read through the report from one police plaza and found that for the most part it was good, but now she had to call in Munch and Fin and explained what they had to do as punishment if you will for what they had done.

Slowly she got out of her seat and went into the bullpen to call Munch and Fin into the office. When they saw the defeated look on Olivia's face they knew what it was about, they'd also seen the Commissioner in there with her earlier so they had known then.

They made their way over to the office without saying a word. She gave them a reassuring smile but some would have mistaken it for a grimace if they didn't know Olivia. They took the seats in front of the desk while she sat beside it looking down at a sleeping George, now she wished she'd signed off properly on her own maternity leave, that would mean Elliot would be cleaning up this mess and not her.

"Ok guys so I got the report and I'm pleased to say so far you still have your jobs." Olivia smiled gently, that was the only thing she needed to say for the relief to flood through the men in front of her.

"So what's the deal Liv?" Fin asked, he knew they wouldn't get away with it scot free.

"Well Fin you're in the clear, they think you should have a different taste in women but they agreed with me that they have no right to judge you on who you date, it doesn't affect you as a cop but if you happen to date someone who's attacker we haven't caught you're not allowed to work that case and so I hope if that ever occurs you'll come to me." She explained.

"Course Liv." He replied gently.

"Good now Munch, you have to see Huang twice a week for the foreseeable future and you're on desk duty until he clears you but I don't see that being too long if I'm honest." Olivia explained to the older man.

"Yeah ok." He nodded.

"Now if you agree just sign here and Munch I'll set up your first session with George." Olivia smiled handing forms over to them to sign beside her own signature.

"Liv what about you?" Munch asked.

"Huh well I have to go see a grief therapist for the foreseeable future and anger management too." Olivia explained with a chuckle.

"Anger Management?" Fin asked in surprise.

"Yeah something to do with how worked up I got when presenting my defence." Olivia grinned. "But believe me guys it was worth it the look in the eyes of some on the Morris Commission I genuinely thought they were scared of me when I approached the table so I don't mind one bit." Olivia grinned cheekily.

"So what about the grief therapist thing? You agree with that? Fin asked.

"No but I think they couldn't break through my defence about me wanting to kill Mel's kidnapper and so they had to do something and as I didn't even try to defend my grief just said "I have grieved for my parents" they decided that it wasn't a defence." Olivia smirked, she could see right through what the Morris Commission were doing, they wanted to show that they did take action even if action wasn't necessary.

"Ok well thanks Liv for making sure we still had a job." Munch smiled.

"Hey anytime." She smiled just as George began to fuss. "Get back to work." She told them and they both smiled and hurried off leaving Olivia to sort out the baby and send in the papers for the Commissioner.

****

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**Yeah I don't know what to do with this story anymore so any ideas would be appreciated! **


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

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**Doctor Rosie's office, Manhattan, New York**

**Friday, January 10th 2016**

**5.26 pm**

Olivia sat in a small office facing the woman she'd been told to call Rosie. She was a psychologist and grief councillor. It was obvious to Doctor Rosie that Olivia was pissed off, she was sat back in her seat staring intensely at the doctor almost as if trying to read her, or trying to get inside her head as if she was a perp.

"So Olivia why are you here?" Rosie asked shaking her hand through her short black hair.

"Because the men in the Morris Commission seemed to think that I haven't grieved for my parents." Olivia replied sounding bored already.

"It says here that they asked you come after your psych evaluation said you hadn't grieved for you parents and when asked to present a defence you failed to do so." Rosie explained looking at the manila file that Olivia had to hand over to her as requested by one pp.

"Yeah well I thought telling them that I had grieved for them would be enough obviously I was wrong." Olivia sighed.

"Ok well why don't you tell me a little about your parents?" Rosie suggested sitting back in her arm chair with her legal pad on her lap, pen in hand and her eyes transfixed upon Olivia.

"What do you wanna know?" Olivia shrugged, she really wasn't in the mood for any of this and just wanted to get it over and done with.

"Well let's start with your Dad, what kind of relationship did you have with him?" Rosie smiled softly, she knew Olivia had no desire to be here so she was going to make it as painless as she possibly could.

"Dad and me were close." Olivia replied thinking that was enough.

"What made you so close?" Rosie asked making Olivia sigh.

"What makes a child close to their parent? I don't know all I know is I had a close relationship with my Dad." Olivia replied frustration etched into her voice.

"Ok why don't you tell me how you and your Dad spent time together?" Rosie asked understanding Olivia's agitation, the questions she was asking weren't easy, they were often interpreted in different manners by clients but Olivia was a cop who didn't interpret questions well, she wanted someone to be direct with her.

"Uhh…" Olivia sighed, she really didn't want to get into all this now.

"Ok did you and your Dad talk often, just the two of you away from the rest of your family?" Rosie asked trying to make it easier on the woman in front of her.

"Yeah, often at three in the morning in the study." Olivia replied, she'd spent hours with Don in the study drinking coffee or hot chocolate or her with a glass of wine when she wasn't pregnant.

"Ok and what did you talk about?" Rosie asked.

"Often it was something that had happened at work, victims, perps, Elliot." Olivia explained.

"Who's Elliot?"

"My husband." Olivia replied.

"Ok so you said you and your Dad talked at three in the morning, did this happen because he lived with you?" Rosie asked trying to clarify everything.

"Yeah, my Mom and Dad lived we me and my family." Olivia replied.

"And who is your family?" Rosie asked understanding that this was an easier topic for Olivia, they could get back to the hard questions.

"My daughters, Melissa, Nicole, Alexandra, Liliana, Alyah and Elysah." Olivia replied. "My son was born after my parents died."

"Ok so tell me something interesting about Melissa." Rosie smiled, this was going to be an easy way of building a conversation with Olivia.

"Melissa Jasmine Cragen-Stabler, she's thirteen, she has blonde hair and brown eyes." Olivia replied.

Rosie nodded and scribbled in her legal pad._ Prefers talking about cold hard facts, appearance not likes and dislikes._

"And what about Nicole?" Rosie continued.

"Nicole Anne Cragen-Stabler, She turned seven on the first of January, she has brown hair, brown eyes and olive skin." Olivia replied without even batting an eyelid, this was harmless she thought.

"Ok and Alexandra?"

"Alexandra Rose Cragen-Stabler, brown hair brown eyes, identical twin of Liliana age six." Olivia replied.

"Liliana?" Rosie asked knowing exactly where she was going now.

"Liliana Casey Cragen-Stabler, brown hair and brown eyes, identical twin age six." Olivia didn't know what Rosie was doing but kept going anyway.

"Alyah?"

"Alyah Ruby Cragen-Stabler age three brown hair brown eyes identical twin of Elysah." Olivia replied. "Elysah Sapphire Cragen-Stabler age three identical twin of Alyah brown hair and blue eyes." Olivia smirked she hadn't bothered waiting for Rosie knowing what would come out of her mouth.

"And your son?"

"George Donald Columbus Cragen-Stabler age sixteen days blue eyes and brown hair but eye colour could still change." Olivia shrugged.

"Ok so did you have any reason to choose your children's names?" Rosie asked and Olivia stared at her intrigued at where this was going but she decided not to.

"Nicole Anne was named after her father Cole and her grandmother Anne." Olivia replied and she watched as Rosie began to scribble ferociously in her notebook. "Alexandra Rose was named after her godmother, the woman who delivered her Alexandra Cabot, Liliana Casey was named after her godmother Casey Novak, Alyah and Elysah was just because we like the names and George Donald Columbus was named after the man who delivered him and my best friend and shrink, his grandfather and the street on which he was born." Olivia explained and she waited as Rosie continued to scribble, waiting for the next question.

"You didn't say anything about Melissa." Rosie noted.

"I didn't name her." Olivia explained.

"I don't understand." Rosie frowned, of course, it wasn't in Olivia's file that she hadn't given birth to Melissa.

"I adopted Melissa and her twin brother Michael when they were six." Olivia replied.

"Ok what happened to Michael?" Rosie asked.

"He died of a heart condition when he was six." Olivia replied glumly, she knew this would happen eventually but she hadn't expected to mention Michael so soon.

"Ok and Nicole's father is different from the rest?" Rosie asked.

"Yeah Cole." Olivia nodded.

"Who is he?" Rosie asked and Olivia let out a frustrated sigh.

"My ex fiancé."

"Didn't work out between you?" She asked gently.

"No he was killed." Olivia replied. "Shot in the line of duty actually." Olivia explained.

"Ok." Rosie nodded. "When did Michael die?"

"When he was six that's seven years ago now." Olivia replied. "Nearly eight."

"Did you deal well with his death?" Rosie continued.

"Yes, Cole and Melissa got me through it." Olivia sighed, Michael's death had been hard to deal with, she remembered the pain as if it was yesterday.

"And Cole's death?" Rosie asked.

"Was harder to deal with but I had to survive for Melissa." Olivia replied.

"When Cole die how did you cope?" Rosie asked softly, her voice coaxing Olivia to open up to her.

Olivia's hands clutched her thighs tightly, she hated talking about death and dying in general considering her line of work, talking about her loved ones was much harder.

"Elliot got me through it." Olivia replied.

"Your husband?" Rosie asked to clarify.

"Yes, he and I got together not long after Cole's death, he was there for me and Cole's Mom… my Mom told me that he was in love with me, told me that I should go for it and I did." Olivia replied. "I think the feelings for Elliot were always there, but he was married with kids and was off limits so I found someone else and that someone was Cole." Olivia explained.

"Ok when you said Cole's mom you changed it to your Mom can you explain that to me?" Rosie asked her voice still soft and coaxing.

Olivia groaned, she hated having to explain her family relations to anyone, that's why she preferred talking to George Huang, he already knew so she didn't have to explain.

"Anne, Cole's Mom married Don Cragen and then they adopted me, I already called them Mom and Dad, when Cole died Anne and I got very close, I think we had to in some ways, I had called Don Dad for years and when Anne and Don started dating it was really strange the woman I called Mom because she was like my Mother in Law and then the man I called Dad … ugh it was really strange after they got married they asked me if I would allow them to adopt me so it was official, they said they were oo old to have any real kids of their own but they already had me and wanted it legal and I wanted that too so I went ahead and let them adopt me." Olivia explained best she could.

"I think I'm with you." Rosie smiled. "So Don and Anne your parents adopted you how long ago?"

"Seven and a half years ago." Olivia replied, it sounded so stupid now, she had been all for the adoption then and she had been for the past seven and a half years but hearing it now just made her wonder why on earth she had done it, it was just pointless.

"How did you know Don Cragen?" Rosie asked.

"He was my Captain." Olivia sighed. "He was my boss but we were always close, from the day I started working at the one six I think he wanted to look out for me, to protect me in any way he could and we bonded you know, I never had a father figure in my life and I know that is in the file so I am not going into it, but Don was a father figure to me and we just got so close, the whole calling him Dad thing started out as a joke at first, I'd get in trouble and you know how kids go 'Daaad' in a whiny voice well I would do it but I did it once and my co-worker at the time John Munch pointed out that Don looked proud and his eyes would light up when I did it so the next time we were talking in his office I said 'thanks Dad.' And watched as his eyes lit up and then I would continue to do it in privet or in front of my coworkers and the more I used it the more natural it became until he adopted me and really was my Dad." Olivia had a gleam in her eyes that showed Rosie how much the man she was talking about meant to her, she wasn't sure what feelings where behind the eyes though, was it sadness or sorrow or love and devotion? She couldn't be sure but all she knew was that the feeling was powerful.

"Can you tell me any special memories that you have of your parents? Maybe your dad in particular?" Rosie asked softly.

"Their wedding day." Olivia answered as soon as the question was asked which made Rosie smile, it was obviously a strong memory containing a lot of emotion.

"Ok tell me about that day Olivia." Rosie smiled.

"Well it was just as special day you know? My Mom … before she married … was this upper class trust fund child but she still loved me you know but my Dad changed all that, when I walked her down the aisle … she was shaking on my arm, I had never seen her like that, but she was so happy and you could see the love in her eyes from the second we arrived outside the Church and then when we were walking down the aisle I looked over at Dad and his eyes were transfixed on Mom and I had never seen him looking like that, the next time I saw him looking like that was at my wedding, except at my wedding there was that hint of sadness there you know but not with Mom, just love." Olivia smiled softly as she spoke, the memory was powerful, more powerful than any other at that moment.

"Tell me something about your husband." Rosie smiled, she saw a flicker in Olivia's eyes when she mentioned her own wedding and she wanted to see what it was.

"Elliot is …. Elliot, he's my best friend, my only love he's … he's my soul mate." Olivia smiled as did Rosie, she'd never heard someone talk about their husband like that before.

"So you believe you were meant to end up with Elliot?" Rosie asked.

"What after Cole died?" She waited for Rosie's nod. "Yeah, I do."

"How is your relationship with your husband since your parents death?" Rosie asked deciding to take an alternate route to the grief.

"It's … ugh it's complicated." Olivia sighed. "We … I don't know I just don't think he understands how much it hurts you know but he's hurting too I mean they lived with us, he's seen them almost every day for seven and a half years and when Dad died, Elliot was a mess because he was like a Dad to Elliot too, for years, even before I joined SVU Dad was a father figure to Elliot and Elliot … I don't know, I don't think he has been able to deal with his own grief very well when Dad died he didn't know if it was ok for him to cry sometimes but you had four of us and we needed each other when Dad died, we'd all worked under him and the days after the funeral we were splashed across every page of the newspapers and it was tough none of us knew what to make of it all."

"So you had no one to talk to about your feelings regarding your father's death?" Rosie asked.

"No, everyone I talked to were grieving too." Olivia sighed as the realisation hit her, she hadn't talked to anyone about her feelings surrounding her father's death, ok she talked to George a little but not much as he was grieving too he was close to her Dad too.

"I watched your Father's funeral Olivia…" Rosie began and Olivia's eyes flickered nervously, she'd almost freaked out when one pp said the funeral would be televised, it was stupid but it was for a pilot project by the government to stop cops, marines and soldiers from turning to drugs and alcohol when things got too much, they wanted to use Don't funeral to show the effects on everyone involved in the person's life.

"And?" Olivia sighed raising her eyebrow.

"I wanted to talk about your speech." Rosie informed her and she nodded weakly. "You called him your hero."

"He was … is my hero, always has and always will be." Olivia replied tears stinging her eyes but she wasn't going to let them fall.

"What made him your hero Olivia?" Rosie asked.

"He was there, whenever I needed him Rosie he was there, he saved me in so many ways and he was just there for me when I needed him and that makes him my hero. I know he achieved a lot in his life, especially as a cop but none of that mattered to me none of it matters it was just that he was there. You know he was there every time I gave birth to my kids? I never asked him to be there, I never asked him the first time when I gave birth to Nicole, he just came to let me know they were at the hospital and I took his hand and I couldn't let go, even though Elliot was there I wanted my dad there too and he was and he was there every single time except with George." Olivia replied.

"Tell me about George's birth." Rosie said softly as she continued to watch Olivia closely her grey eyes hooked onto Olivia.

"It was … traumatic." Olivia sighed. "I gave birth to him after being in a car crash, he was supposedly nine weeks early but the doctors are convinced they had my due date wrong by about four or five weeks because he was born healthy."

"You named him George Donald Columbus, it's a nice name, full of meaning." Rosie pointed out.

"Yeah, George was in the car with me when we were hit and he probably no he did save both of our lives, mine and baby Georgie's, then I had to name my first biological son after my Dad and it was Elliot's idea to name him Columbus as that's where he was born." Olivia replied already feeling like she was missing having her son around.

"We'll leave it there for today Olivia, same time next week?"

"Yeah I guess." Olivia nodded. "Thanks." She said hurriedly before rushing out, she hated any form of counselling but hated having to talk about her dead parents even more.

****

****

**I have some ideas now thanks for those who sent me some they're good and I don't know if I'll use any but this chapter is just for the sake of it really I'm going on with the story in the next chapter. **


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

****

**Cragen-Stabler residence, Manhattan, New York**

**Friday, January 10th 2016**

**8.12 pm**

Olivia was knackered when she walked in to the house, it had been a long day and emotionally it had been exhausting.

"Liv is that you?" Elliot called from the living room.

"Yeah." She called back slipping off her coat and shoes before going to meet him.

She didn't expect to find him in a foul mood but the look on his face proved he was.

"What's wrong?" She asked as she stood in the mirror pulling the bobby pins she'd used to keep her unruly hair out of her face.

"Where were you?" He asked almost accusingly.

"Grief therapy as ordered by the Morris Commission, I told you that I had to go." Olivia replied no liking his tone one bit as she turned back to face him.

"Did you forget Nanny Sue had a dinner engagement tonight?" Elliot asked and Olivia groaned, she had forgotten.

"El…"

"Don't El me Liv I was called from work to come home to watch the kids when you were supposed to be here, your phone was off what do you think has been going through my mind?" He asked her angrily.

"I'm sorry Elliot I forgot ok? I didn't try to but my mind has been a bit preoccupied today." Olivia replied trying not to have an argument.

"You're sorry?" He asked getting to his feet.

"Yeah El I'm sorry what else can I say?" Olivia asked knowing this was about to turn into a full blow out that she wasn't in the mood for.

"Olivia if you'd take your maternity leave like you were supposed to your mind wouldn't be so preoccupied!" He yelled angrily.

"Excuse me? Elliot I have every right to take as much or as little leave as I want and I am sorry that I prefer doing some work, I miss my job El, I'm not made to be a stay at home Mom!" She yelled back.

At the top of the stairs Melissa sat with Nicole, Alexandra and Liliana, the four of them listening to their Mom and Dad fighting, they'd been fighting a lot more since Olivia had their brother.

"How am I being unreasonable Olivia?" Elliot's loud voice echoed to their ears.

"Why are Mom and Dad fighting Mel?" Nicole asked innocently.

"I don't know Nic." Melissa sighed.

"Do they hate each other?" Liliana asked and Melissa shook her head, she was trying to listen to what was going on between her parents.

"Elliot you've barely been her since George was born! Last time I checked I wasn't a single parent!" She screamed at her husband, she was infuriated now.

"Liv I've been here more than you!" Elliot yelled back.

"Yeah maybe you have but I'm the one who's been with the kids, did you even remember that Lili and Lexi had a dance recital last week? I did text you to remind you of the time and I saved you a seat beside me but I didn't hear anything about it off you and you didn't even mention it the next day!" Olivia screamed.

"Yeah I missed one dance recital because of a case Liv, you've always been the one to do those things anyway, you would do them with your Mom." Elliot explained angrily.

"Yeah El when was the last time you saw any of our kids do any of their activities? They do plenty of them yet you never go and see anything Elliot, I don't think you've stepped foot into that school since Lexi and Lili were born!" Olivia screamed viciously.

"That's unfair!" Elliot yelled back.

"How is it unfair Elliot? I never asked to do this alone!" She yelled tears prickling her eyes.

"What do you want me to do Liv?" Elliot yelled.

Melissa wrapped her arms around her sisters, she hated hearing her parents arguing but she knew it hurt her younger siblings even more because they didn't understand why there was so much yelling.

"You want me to leave SVU don't you?" Olivia asked her voice dipping a little in shock.

"Liv…"

"You do just admit it!" Olivia said defiantly.

"I think maybe you could cut back on your hours to be a Mom." Elliot replied softly.

"To be a Mom? To be a … Elliot when was the last time you tucked one of our kids into bed not including tonight? When was the last time you watched TV with them or read with them? And you say I need to cut back on my hours?" Olivia was fuming.

"Olivia I can't help what cases we get! I don't ask for cases that keep me away for days on end you should know that!" Elliot yelled.

"But you're never home! Never. There are sometimes you have to push past your own exhaustion to spend time with the kids but you don't. I prefer having to push past the sleepiness to spend just an hour with OUR kids, and that's what they are OUR kids."

"Five out of seven." Elliot mumbled under his breath.

"Oh… oh my God you … Elliot get out of my sight!" Olivia screamed, she'd heard him.

"Liv I …"

"I don't want to hear it get out of my sight!" She spat angrily just as Melissa came into the room with tears streaming down her face.

Elliot realised just how loud he'd actually said what he had for Melissa to have heard.

"Mel…"

"Don't." She shook her head and rushed into Olivia's arms.

"Go Elliot." Olivia hissed.

Elliot looked at the two in front of him before rushing off, he knew he wouldn't be able to say anything tonight to correct his mistake.

"He didn't mean that Mel." Olivia whispered as she comforted her daughter.

"Mommy?" Nicole came into the room with her tears running down her cheeks too, she'd heard and Olivia felt her stomach turn.

"Come here baby." Olivia whispered opening one arm for Nicole to rush into. "Does Daddy not love us because he's not really our Daddy?" Nicole asked with such heartache in her voice that Olivia almost crumbled.

"No bay Daddy loves you very much, he was just angry with Mommy, he didn't mean it baby." Olivia told her, she knew what she was saying was true but even she was having a hard time believing it.

"Why did he go Mommy?" Nicole asked.

"Because Mommy was angry with him and told him to Nikki, he'll be back in the morning ok?" Olivia said softly. "Now both of you, it's late go to bed."

"Love you Mom." They both mumbled before rushing off up the stairs.

Olivia did the one thing she could at that moment and called her best friend to come over.

****

**Cragen-Stabler residence, Manhattan, New York**

**Friday, January 10th 2016**

**9.49 pm**

"Hey." George smiled as Olivia opened the door.

"Coffee's brewed and the fire's lit in the study." Olivia smiled.

George knew the way and he walked off as Olivia went upstairs to grab her robe, she loved wrapping up in it.

Once they were both in the study George watched Olivia's finger circle her mug as she stared into the dancing flames in the fireplace. He knew something had happened as soon as she'd called him, she didn't call him at night to come over unless it was serious, most things they could talk out on the phone.

"Elliot in bed?" George asked deciding to break the silence.

"He's not here." Olivia replied and George saw the flicker of sadness in her eyes.

"What happened?" George asked and she turned to look at him and smiled awkwardly.

"We fought." Olivia shrugged trying to pass it off as if it wasn't a big deal.

"What did you fight about?" George asked becoming the shrink instantly.

"Everything how neither one of us are here for the kids and I kept reminding him that they were our kdis and it's not the fight that bothers me George we fight often you now that but it's the fact he said only five out of seven were his and Mel and Nikki heard him." Olivia explained. "He's never said anything so cruel before."

"Oh Liv I'm sure he didn't mean it." George switched into friend mode instantly.

"My girls heard him say that they weren't his, Nicole is convinced he doesn't love her now and Melissa looked like someone had shot her George. My kids have been through enough, they don't need this."

"Well I'm here for you and the kids Liv you know that." George smiled realising she needed a friend now and not a shrink. "So what are going to do about it?"

"I think I'm going to take them to California for a week or two, I am officially supposed to be on maternity." Olivia explained.

"You're running away." George pointed out and Olivia looked at him.

"No I'm taking a break George, Melissa can spend some time with her aunt out there and I can try and reconnect with my kids." She replied bitterly.

"And what about Elliot?" George asked.

"He can do what the hell he wants." Olivia replied sighing, she wasn't in the mood to argue with George because she knew he would defend her husband if he thought she was in the wrong.

****

**Cragen-Stabler residence, Manhattan, New York**

**Saturday, January 11th 2016**

**9.49 am**

After George left the previous evening Olivia called the bank and transferred money out of her savings account into her daily one which she kept only a small amount so she wouldn't spend her inheritance. She'd texted Elliot to ask if he was working in the morning and he'd said yes so she had gone ahead and booked flights for herself, the kids and Nanny Sue to fly out of JFK and to California for two weeks, she didn't care anymore that she was running away, the kids were excited especially Melissa as it had been nearly six months since she'd last seen her aunt and cousins.

"Melissa have you packed?" Olivia called from Alexandra and Liliana's bedroom.

"Yeah Mom where's my red bathing suit?" She asked.

"Bottom drawer!" Olivia called back as she debated what items of clothing to pack for the twins.

Nanny Sue was packing for Ali and Eli which was two less people for Olivia to worry about.

"I'm done." Nanny Sue smiled coming into the bedroom and tucking her honey blonde hair behind her ear.

"Thanks Nanny Sue." Olivia smiled. "This break is going to do us all a world of good."

"Elliot coming?" Nanny Sue asked innocently, she didn't know much about the troubles in the marriage.

"No, he has to work and I need to get away." Olivia smiled softly, she wasn't about to let Nanny Sue in even if she could see that the older woman sensed more going on than she was letting on.

"Ok well the kids are done so why don't you go finish your own case and I'll take these down to the cars?" Nanny Sue smiled.

"Sure thanks Sue, you're an angel."

"I try!" She replied heartily.

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Saturday, January 11th 2016**

**11.22 am**

Elliot was in a foul mood, with Olivia not in he was left to run the department and with her not answering her phone it was just making things worse.

"Ok Munch seriously finish your paper work on the Rodrigez case before Alex comes in here to chew my ass out again!" Elliot yelled for what felt like the hundredth time, Munch and paperwork didn't mix and Olivia was the only person who seemed to be able to get him to do it.

To top everything off the Commissioner just walked into the bullpen and Elliot hated the man for trying it on with Liv.

"Commissioner what can we do for you?" Elliot asked.

"Well seeing as your wife let us no notice in telling us she was taking a full two weeks maternity leave I'm here to supervise for a few days…"

"Liv's taken two weeks Elliot? You never mentioned." Munch said surprised.

"Because I didn't know." Elliot sighed. "What is this woman playing at?" He mumbled going over to his phone and trying to call her again.

"What is it?" Fin asked after Elliot slammed the phone down.

"Well according to the commissioner Liv has taken two weeks maternity and she hadn't even told me and now she isn't answering her phone." Elliot sighed.

"Do you think something's wrong?" The Commissioner asked his concern rising with Elliot's.

"I don't know, we've been fighting and last night she kicked me out after Mel and Nikki heard me say that only five of our kids are actually mine … I didn't mean that I didn't love them but she just kept saying 'OUR KIDS' and I lost it and I didn't think Mel or Nic would hear." Elliot explained.

"Right Stabler go home and check if everything's ok and call me and let me know." Rockwell sighed. "I want you to fix thihngs with your wife before SVU goes down the drain."

****

**I have some ideas now thanks for those who sent me some they're good and I don't know if I'll use any but this chapter is just for the sake of it really I'm going on with the story in the next chapter. **


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

****

**Cragen-Stabler residence, Manhattan, New York**

**Monday, January 13th 2016**

**7.49 am**

Elliot dragged himself into the bullpen. He still didn't know where his wife and kids were and he was scared that he wouldn't, he was scared she'd left him for good and taken their kids with her. Munch, Fin, The Commissioner and George Huang were getting increasingly worried about Elliot, it was obvious he'd been drinking the night before and now he looked like he'd not changed his shirt.

"Stabler a word?" Rockwell called from the door of Olivia's office.

Elliot sighed and pushed his chair back and lazily walked into the office. When he looked around at all the pictures Olivia had put on the wall of their family he felt the tears build in his eyes, he missed them, he missed her more than he ever thought possible.

"Elliot you need to find your wife." Rockwell said and Elliot stared at him.

"What do you expect me to do she isn't answering any of my calls!" Elliot yelled angrily.

"She wouldn't have been able to get far without money, I want you to track her cards, see what she last spent money on and where." Rockwell explained.

"Ok." Elliot nodded. "Thank you."

"Get on it." Rockwell informed him and Elliot looked happier than he had since he'd discovered Olivia had packed up and taken the kids.

****

**The Strand, Manhattan Beach, California**

**Monday, January 13th 2016**

**10.27 am**

Olivia and Nanny Sue were walking down The Strand in Manhattan Beach. They'd had a relaxing few days and Olivia seemed happier than she had since before she'd lost her parents. She walked hand pushing George's pushchair while Liliana and Alexandra held onto the sides beside her. She had her hair coloured again, just some golden streaks throughout. She wore large sunglasses to shield her eyes from the blissfully warm January sun and a long white skirt with a simple white tank top and grey flimsy cardigan. Nanny Sue was witnessing a dramatic change in her employer but a good change that she would do nothing to stop, she walked beside Olivia pushing Alyah and Elysah in their double buggy with Nicole beside her. Melissa was staying with her aunt and they were heading to meet them. Olivia had spoken with Maureen since being in California and she'd found out they were in San Francisco staying with Kathy's parents and they would be joining them in the afternoon which all the kids were looking forward to seeing their siblings, and the Stabler's looking forward to getting to see George much sooner than they thought would be possible.

The group finally turned up Second Street and walked to the café that everyone had agreed to meet at on Manhattan Avenue. Olivia had laughed a lot, she was at Manhattan Beach and now going to Manhattan Avenue when she'd escaped from Manhattan needing a break.

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Monday, January 13th 2016**

**11.11 am**

"Yes!" Elliot yelled as he slammed down the phone gaining everyone's attention.

"What is it Elliot?" Fin asked in surprise.

"I found Liv!" He beamed.

"Well?" Munch called as Elliot typed more details into his computer.

"She's in Manhattan Beach California." Elliot grinned happily, just knowing where his wife and kids were made him feel better.

"Who does Liv know in California?" Fin frowned, he had a memory like a fish sometimes.

"Melissa's biological aunt and cousins." Elliot replied as he clicked print and rushed over to get the documents he wanted.

Once he'd printed what he needed he rushed to the office and he didn't even bother knocking choosing to drop the papers in front of the Commissioner visibly pleased with himself but still not quite looking like himself.

"So she's California." The Commissioner sighed as he flicked through the information. "She didn't even try to cover her tracks Stabler." He noted that Olivia had paid for everything with her cards which a cop who was running away wouldn't do.

"I know, but Sir I need to go and see her, try and save my marriage." He explained.

"I know, I want you out on a flight tomorrow, finish what you can of your paperwork and then hand it over to one of the rookie's this time tomorrow you will be well on your way to saving your marriage." Rockwell smiled.

"Thank you." Elliot said and the boss could see that the words spoken were sincere.

"I want her back too, she's too much of an asset to SVU, we can't afford to lose her Stabler so don't screw this up."

****

**Manhattan Avenue, Manhattan Beach, California**

**Monday, January 13th 2016**

**11.36 am**

Olivia smiled as she watched her kids with the Daniel's. She was sat beside Caroline Daniels, Melissa's biological aunt who she'd met when she had been heavily pregnant with Nicole and had stayed in touch with for Melissa's sake.

"So How's Elliot?" Caroline asked seeing that he wasn't there.

"Oh he's fine, working but I'm on maternity and thought I wanted a break." Olivia smiled.

"Oh that's good." Caroline smiled sensing Olivia didn't want to talk about her husband and so decided to change the subject.

"The kids are growing up wonderfully Olivia." She noted.

"Thank you." Olivia smiled. "So are yours I can't believe Samantha's a woman now, I mean she was hardly a teenager when we met." Olivia smiled.

"You're lucky to have caught her, she's in school up in Oregon." Caroline smiled.

"Well I'm glad I came when I did then." Olivia smiled, she adored Caroline's eldest, they spoke on the phone quite often.

"She's trying for a transfer to NYU though, she thinks the big apple is for her." Caroline smiled. "I'm just not too comfortable with the distance."

"We're there Carol, I'll make sure she's ok." Olivia smiled and Caroline nodded gratefully, she wouldn't expect anything less from the woman who had adopted her niece.

"Mommy when can we go swimming?" Lili asked across the table.

"Once everyone's had lunch Lil." Olivia replied, the kids were dying to go swimming yet again in the hotel pool and she wasn't going to deny them. "You'll come back with us?" Olivia asked Caroline.

"Of course, Samantha packed everyone's swimwear just in case." She used her fingers for inverted comas making Olivia laugh softly.

"It's so good to be back out here." Olivia smiled. "I don't know why I always seem to escape to Cali."

"It's a beautiful state." Caroline replied deciding not to comment on the fact Olivia had said 'escape'.

"Yeah and you guys are out here." She smiled as Montana came over to hug her.

Montana had been only four when Olivia had met her, the now twelve year old wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck and rested her head on her shoulder.

"You ok Monty?" Olivia asked as she ran her hand through her golden locks, she was a double of Melissa so it was obvious to anyone they were somehow related.

"Yeah I missed you all Aunty Livia." Montana sighed enjoying the comfort she was getting from Olivia's hand in her hair.

"I missed you all too Montana. So much." Olivia replied turning her head so she could kiss Montana's.

"When I'm older I want to come live in New York so I am by you." Montana smiled.

"Really? Well we'll see about that." Olivia laughed as she tickled Montana's belly before the pre-teen ran off back to her cousin.

"She thinks the world of you." Caroline told her.

"I think the world of her too." Olivia replied as she looked at her daughter and cousin talking with each other even though she couldn't hear them.

"I know, she still comments that you still have the picture she made the first time you came here." Caroline smiled.

"I keep everything the kids make or give me, I can't help it." Olivia shrugged.

"Your kids will love you for it when they're older and want to look back through their memories." Caroline told her. "They'll appreciate you just that little bit more."

"Maybe." Olivia smiled as she turned to look at George sleeping in his pushchair.

"He's beautiful Olivia." Caroline smiled. "I saw online about how he was born."

"Wow you really do keep checking up on us huh?" Olivia laughed.

"Well I have to know what the best cop in New York is up to as much as I can." Caroline smiled back.

****

**Manhattan Hope Hotel, Manhattan Beach, California**

**Monday, January 13th 2016**

**2.14 pm**

"Olivia!" Lizzie's voice echoed from the doorway to the roof pool.

"Hey Elizabeth!" Olivia smiled getting up to receive an embrace from her fourteen year old stepdaughter.

"Hey Liv." Dickie smiled as he walked over followed by Kathleen and Maureen with Kathy.

"Hey guys." Olivia smiled as they each gave her a welcoming embrace. "Oh I've missed you." She sighed as she looked at the four of them.

"We've missed you too." Maureen smiled as Kathy sat down unsure what to say.

"The kids are all in the pool I see you have your swimwear why don't you go and join them?" Olivia suggested and they all nodded and hurried off as there was no signs of George around for them to fawn over, he happened to be in the room with Nanny Sue having a nap.

"Hi Kathy how are you?" Olivia asked sitting back down in her seat beside the blonde woman.

"I'm fine Olivia and you?" She asked softly, it was hard to think this woman was the woman Olivia had punched and been arrested for seven years ago, since she'd moved with the kids she'd had a friendlier relationship with her ex-husband's new wife.

"Good." Olivia replied unsure how else to put it.

"So what happened?" Kathy asked pushing her sun glasses up and turning her head towards Olivia, her eyes squinting a little in the sunlight.

"What do you mean?" Olivia frowned.

"You run Olivia, when something goes wrong you run and you've ended up in California with your kids without any preparation so it's obvious you ran and seeing as Elliot isn't with you it's either for your safety or from him so which is it?" Kathy asked.

"You know me too well." Olivia sighed as she looked out over the pool at her kids and step kids playing with their cousins.

"I was married to your husband for fifteen years ten of those while he was in love with you. Of course I know you Olivia but you're not getting out of it that easy, what happened between the two of you?" Kathy asked keeping her gazed fixed upon Olivia.

"We fought." Olivia replied finally turning to look at Kathy, lifting her sun glasses too in the process.

"That's no surprise the two of you fought like dogs in the past, what was so different this time?" Kathy continued and Olivia sighed, she knew that there was no getting out of this one.

"We were arguing about neither one of us being around for the kids because we're always working, I asked him when was the last time he was at one of our kids events and I reminded him that they were our kids and that I wasn't in this to be a single parent and he said only five out of seven were his." Olivia explained trying to hide that tears pricked her eyes.

"Oh Olivia…" Kathy sighed. "If you didn't know Elliot has a disease commonly known as foot in mouth disease, seriously, he didn't mean that and you know it even if you chose to run away from it you know he didn't mean to say that at all." Kathy informed her.

"The kids heard Kathy." Olivia sighed. "Melissa and Nicole heard him say that only five of the kids were his and I wasn't going to sit there and let them have their hearts broken, they've already lost one father and I am not going to stand there and watch as they lose another."

"Liv get it into your head, he loves them, he loves Melissa and Nicole as much as he loves the other nine of his kids." Kathy was straight up with her, she wasn't going to sugar coat anything for her.

"I know but they heard him Kathy you should have seen their faces." Olivia whispered, she hadn't got that image out of her head yet, it was all too fresh in her mind.

"I can't imagine it Olivia, I can't begin to think how they must have felt but give him a chance to tell them himself, give him the chance to be their Dad again before it's too late." Kathy sighed. "He loves you and his kids more than anything else in the world and I bet he's worried sick not knowing where you are."

Olivia's head snapped towards her, she hadn't mentioned not telling Elliot where she was with the kids.

"I'm not stupid, if you run away you don't tell the person you're running from where your running to." Kathy smiled.

The conversation was changed as Nanny Sue came up with a bouncing George in her arms.

"I've got the float if you want to take him into the water Olivia, he's already in his swim nappy." Nanny Sue smiled handing the nineteen day old baby over to his Mommy.

"Thanks Sue, I think I'll do just that." She smiled as she had him lean on her bent legs at the thighs and held tight to his hands as he bounced happily.

"You wanna go swimming Georgie?" Olivia asked in a mock baby voice as she pulled happy faces towards her son.

"Pass him back so you can change." Nanny Sue smiled and Olivia quickly handed him over and took off her skirt and tank to reveal a simple white two piece.

"She's had seven kids and still looks like that." Kathy shook her head towards Nanny Sue as Olivia took George back in her arms.

"Kath…"

"No Olivia don't you dare say I'm as thin if not thinner than you, I know that but the point of the matter is that I have horrid stretch marks and skin that dangles all horribly, I could never wear something like that." Kathy smiled. "You can tell you did all the lotions and work outs throughout your pregnancies."

"I didn't do any work outs except for chasing perps and running all over New York chasing leads." Olivia laughed. "But I did do all the lotions."

"You're so lucky." Kathy sighed. "I'll go put on my one piece and join you and the kids." Kathy smiled picking up her bag.

"Sure come on it will be fun." Olivia smiled before walking over to the steps with George in her arms.

Olivia gently got into the water with George. She'd taken Nicole to Mommy and Me swimming classes out of boredom when she had been on maternity leave and had loved it so had continued to teach all her kids to swim, even at age three Ali and Eli were confident swimmers. Once in the water she held George in her arms and gently swooshed him through the water on his back. It was a bit premature for her to do much else as he was so young, with her other children they didn't start until four weeks old and George wasn't even three yet. He was happy in the water which was a good thing, the first time she and Elliot had taken Lexi and Lili they had screamed for the first twenty minutes which had made it very difficult to teach them anything but George was definitely a water baby.

As Kathy walked over she smiled seeing Olivia pull faces and blow softly on her son's face, it was obvious to Kathy that Olivia was a great Mom to her children and she was a little jealous that she hadn't had any more after her twins with Elliot even though she was remarried.

"He loves the water." Kathy smiled as Olivia put him into a float designed to have him lying on his back with about a millimetre of water on his back.

"Yeah he does." Olivia smiled as she gently rocked the float still maintaining eye contact with him as he giggled at her.

"You took all of them swimming?" Kathy asked looking over to where Alyah and Elysah where holding hands getting ready to jump into the pool.

"Yeah, had to find something to do over maternity, my Mom saw and add for Mommy and Me swim classes when I was off with Nicole and she suggested I give it a go, I liked swimming was on the swim team at school so I thought why not and I carried on with all the kids." Olivia explained as she gently pushed the float back towards where Nanny Sue was with the towel.

"You getting out?" Kathy asked.

"No just George, he's not even three weeks old yet he shouldn't be in the pool more than fifteen minutes." Olivia smiled as she kicked her legs so she was swimming while pushing the float. "Once he's out Nanny Sue will feed him and we can go join the others."

Kathy smiled, it was a rare occasion that she and Olivia could spend some time together and with their kids without Elliot, the awkwardness of talking since Elliot and Kathy's divorce was gone, the accusing and the strong dislike had passed and now they could actually start to consider each other friends, it was a strange day but little did Olivia know that tomorrow would be even stranger.

****

**I have some ideas now thanks for those who sent me some they're good and I don't know if I'll use any but this chapter is just for the sake of it really I'm going on with the story in the next chapter. **


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

****

**Manhattan Hope Hotel, Manhattan Beach, California**

**Tuesday, January 14th 2016**

**1.46 pm**

Olivia and the kids were back at the pool on the roof of the hotel. After breakfast they'd been to do some shopping but then after lunch the kids had asked to be allowed to go back to the pool and Olivia hadn't objected. She now sat with a book while the kids played and Nanny Sue sat beside her with George sleeping in a bassinette shaded by a large umbrella.

The kids laughter filled the air and Olivia was listening to them with one ear while enjoying her murder mystery novel.

"Daddy!" Alexandra and Liliana's voice echoed around the roof top.

Olivia froze. There was no way … or there was but her heart was hoping he was there and her head was hoping he wasn't. She pretended not to have heard for a moment but then when her whole body was suddenly shaded she looked up from her book and saw Elliot.

He looked like he hadn't slept since Olivia and the family had left, and the truth was Olivia knew he hadn't.

"Elliot." She said taking off her sunglasses.

"Liv." Elliot replied his eyes hooked onto Olivia's.

"Maybe we should go inside to talk." Olivia suggested swinging her feet from the deck chair and standing up. "Nanny Sue we'll be in the room."

With that the two of them made their way to the room Olivia had for herself and George in the hotel. They walked in silence, their minds contemplating what the conversation they were about to have would be like.

Once in the room Olivia went into the bedroom and pulled on a floor length halter neck maxi dress and a flimsy white cardigan before she sat down on the bed waiting for Elliot to talk.

"Why did you run Liv?" Elliot asked her weakly.

"Elliot, my kids heard you saying that you weren't their father, they were hurting and so I bought them away from the source of that hurt." Olivia told him firmly.

Elliot felt the wind leave him, he couldn't believe he'd even said such a thing, he was still in shock with what had come out of his mouth.

"Liv I'm sorry." Elliot whispered.

"It's not me who you should be apologising too." Olivia replied firmly, as much as she wanted to throw her arms around him and say everything was going to be ok she couldn't she had to make him speak with Nicole and Melissa first.

"I know but I have to apologise to you too, Olivia you're my wife and I love you very much please come home with me." He was pleading.

"Not yet, Elliot the kids love it here and so do I, we're here for two weeks and then we'll come home but I am not coming home anytime sooner." Olivia informed him straight.

"Ok uh, I was wondering if I could take Melissa and Nicole out for the afternoon?" Elliot was hoping to make it up to the girls.

"If they'll go with you but what about of the rest of the kids, they haven't seen you since we left either." Olivia replied.

"I know I was hoping we could do dinner, all of us as a family." Elliot told her.

"Sure." Olivia replied nodding.

"Elliot walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her. For a moment she hesitated but quickly her doubts left her mind as she thought of what Kathy had said the previous day. She didn't want to argue with him anymore, she wanted to just be with her family and enjoy it.

"I love you." He mumbled into his ear and Olivia could hear the cries locked in his throat, she could tell he thought he may have just lost them all forever.

"I love you too Elliot." She replied her voice cracking at the mere thought of losing him.

****

**The Strip, Manhattan Beach, California**

**Tuesday, January 14th 2016**

**2.54 pm**

Elliot walked hand in hand with Nicole down The Strip. Melissa walked a few paces ahead. It seemed to Elliot that Nicole was much quicker to forgive then the teenager walking ahead of him, she'd only agreed to come because Olivia had persuaded her to.

"Chipmunk do you want a bear when we get to build a bear?" Elliot asked, he knew thirteen would be a little old for teddy bears but he had to ask.

"Stop calling me that." She told him angrily.

"But I've called you Chipmunk since you were sick years old." He replied a little disheartened.

"Yes well I'm not six anymore." Melissa snapped.

"Ok I'm sorry." Elliot replied gently.

Melissa said nothing more and carried on walking. Elliot sighed, he didn't know where to begin asking for his teenager's forgiveness, he couldn't remember things from Maureen and Kathleen and the twins had barely been teenagers when they had left New York.

When they arrived at the build a bear factory Elliot didn't know where to begin, he wanted to buy one for everyone but he had no idea how or where to start.

"Mel." Elliot called the teenager to his side.

"What?" She snapped, she really wasn't going to make this easier on him.

"Uh well if you don't want a bear could you help me with everyone else's?" He asked her.

"I didn't say I didn't want a bear." Melissa replied a little softer.

"Oh ok if you want a bear sweetie you go right ahead and make one." He smiled and she nodded and joined Nicole's side where she was trying to choose which bear she wanted.

Elliot went to enlist the help of one of the workers who could help him make bears for everyone else. Someone quickly joined him while he chose which bears he wanted for his family.

He chose a cat each for Liliana and Alexandra, they adored cats and couldn't understand why they weren't allowed a real one at home. He then chose dogs for Alyah and Elysah and he chose a rabbit for George before choosing a simple purple bear for Olivia.

Melissa chose a polar bear for herself, a sheer white and fluffy one that she thought was adorable and Nicole finally settled on a penguin.

Together and with the spotty teenage boy who worked in the store they chose outfits and created their bears. Elliot recorded messages to put in Olivia's for fun and proceeded to dress them with the Melissa and Nicole laughing at the variety of choices and options.

It took nearly three hours to complete everything and leave the store. Nicole was far more excited about her bear than Melissa was but Elliot was sure that was to do with the six year age difference.

"Daddy can we get some ice cream now?" Nicole asked as she took his hand.

"How about we go back to the hotel and give everyone their bears and then we can all go out for ice cream together? Daddy wants to spend some time with the twins and Georgie too." He explained.

"Ok!" Nicole beamed, she was really happy about seeing her father again and seemed to have forgotten what he had said back in New York,

"Are you ok with that Chipmunk?" Elliot asked forgetting that she had asked him not to call her that.

"Whatever." She replied shrugging her shoulders.

She clutched her bear in one hand and carried one of the carrier bags from the store in the other. Not that she would ever admit it but she had really enjoyed spending some time with her father, it seemed all of a sudden that everything was going to be ok but she had to admit she still felt uneasy about something that she couldn't even begin to explain.

****

**The Strip, Manhattan Beach, California**

**Tuesday, January 14th 2016**

**5.36 pm**

When Elliot walked into Olivia's hotel room she found all the kids in there with her watching a movie while she fed George his bottle.

"Hey." She smiled as he came over and planted a chaste kiss on her lips. "Have fun?"

"Yeah." Elliot smiled as he placed the bags on the floor.

He proceeded to take the bears out one at a time and hand them over to his girls who all squealed with excitement at his choices and learning what their father had named their bears.

"I'll put George's in here." He smiled as he walked over to the travel cot. "I thought we could go out to dinner together and then Nicole asked for ice cream so after dinner we could go to that ice cream place on the strip."

"Sure." Olivia replied less than enthusiastically.

"What's up?" He asked sensing something strange about her.

"Nothing." She shrugged as she burped her son.

"Liv…"

"Elliot not now." She snapped quietly and he glanced over at the children who had suddenly become very quiet and weary of their parents.

"Girls why don't you go and get dressed for dinner ok?" Elliot suggested and the girls nodded and complied without arguments.

As soon as the door was closed Elliot watched as Olivia placed George in his car seat and then turn to him.

"So how did things go with Mel and Nic?" She asked.

"Good Nicole is ok with me I think Melissa's a little more hesitant but she was ok and seemed to have fun." Elliot told his wife.

"Good." Olivia sighed before making the bed that the kids had been cuddled in watching the movie.

"What's wrong Liv?" He asked her as she pulled away from the embrace he was trying to give her.

She sighed, he would never understand so why should she even bother to explain, she was confused and frustrated and he was the source of all that.

"What are you doing here Elliot?" She asked him straight and he stared at her in shock.

"Making sure I hadn't lost my family." He informed her.

"Really?" She asked him with one eyebrow raised.

"Yes Olivia, Really. I almost had a heart attack when I got home and saw you'd packed up and gone, Olivia you are my wife, losing you … I couldn't live with myself if I lost you or the kids, I know I hurt you Olivia I do but I am sorry I didn't mean any of it, I love you and the kids so much you're all I have to live for and I couldn't bear it if I lost that, if I lost you." He told her tears twinkling in his eyes.

"Then you have to start remembering what we were like before the kids, before us was even an equation, I love you with all my heart Elliot but you have to allow me to be my own person, stop trying to control me and don't say you don't because you do without even realising it, trying to tell me when to work and when to be a Mom." She informed him and he nodded as one tear escaped down his cheek.

"I'm sorry Liv, I just guess I was just used to your Mom being there for the kids and not a Nanny, you know they had some family there and you would be there as much as you could be and I was scared that with your Mom gone you wouldn't be there for our kids as much and you're right in saying they're our kids and I need to make some changes, no more all nighters in work unless absolutely necessary and no work on Sunday's either, even if you have to work then I will take the kids to Mass." Elliot said and Olivia smiled.

"I love you El, I just miss us you know the way we were before I became Captain and had George." Olivia whispered and he nodded and pulled her into his arms, latching his lips onto hers in the process.

"Ugh seriously?" Melissa groaned as she walked in on them kissing.

"Sorry Mel what do you want?" Olivia asked as she pulled away from Elliot and looked at her eldest daughter.

"To let you know we're all ready to go when you are." Melissa told her Mom.

"Sure, I just need to change and get George into his pushchair then we'll go ok?" Olivia smiled.

"Sure whatever." Melissa sighed before turning on her heels and leaving the room.

"She has great timing." Elliot snorted as he laughed.

"Yeah, I think she gets that from you." Olivia winked playfully and Elliot grinned back at her.

****

**La Grooves, Manhattan Beach, California**

**Tuesday, January 14th 2016**

**6.34 pm**

Dinner was perfect, the family basked in the time they had together completely stress free with no work to get in the way, Elliot was yet to tell Olivia that he would have to fly back tomorrow afternoon. He was scared that she'd be angry and then not come home at all.

"Hey El." Olivia called over the table and he snapped out of his thoughts and looked over at her.

"What is it?" Elliot asked.

"Tomorrow we go home." She told him and he broke out into a wide grin.

"Are you sure?" He asked and she nodded happily.

"I think we've all had enough Californian sun for the winter." She smiled.

He couldn't be happier now, he was taking his family home and he was going to look forward to getting everything back to normal.

"No Mom I have barely seen Aunt Caroline!" Melissa groaned.

"Mel they're coming to ours for the Easter holidays." Olivia replied softly.

"That's four whole months away! You said we were going to be here for two weeks I was planning on spending some time with Montana!" Melissa yelled.

"Mel you can spend all the time you want with Montana when she comes to New York." Olivia replied.

"That's not fair!" Melissa yelled jumping to her feet.

"Melissa Jasmine sit down right now." Olivia warned.

"But Mom…"

"But Mom nothing Melissa we're going home tomorrow and you will see your cousins in April when they come over for two weeks ok?" Olivia asked.

"But I want to see them this week like you promised…"

"I didn't promise anything and I am not having this argument with you Melissa." Olivia replied, she couldn't understand why her daughter was being so difficult.

"Oh no you bow down to Elliot's every want but when I ask you if I can spend some time with the only family I have you're a total bitch about it!" Melissa screamed before walking off.

Olivia was shaking with anger, she couldn't believe what Melissa had just said.

"Melissa!" Olivia yelled rushing out after her daughter.

She found Melissa sat on the swing of the playground that the restaurant had. Olivia took the swing beside her and slowly pushed herself so she was swinging at a gentle speed.

"What's gotten into you Melissa?" Olivia asked as he daughter looked at the setting sun.

Melissa said nothing but shifted in her seat uncomfortably.

"You know that we're your family too Mel, I may not have given birth to you but I am still your Mother." Olivia continued guessing that Melissa wasn't going to reply to that question.

"I know." Melissa whispered wiping her cheeks from the tears that glistened there.

"And Elliot is your Dad too, he may not be the name on your adoption certificate but he doesn't love you any less than he loves the rest of your siblings and that includes Nicole, I know what he said sounded harsh but he wasn't trying to hurt you, he was mad with me and he said it while he was angry and he didn't mean a word of it." Olivia informed her and she could see Melissa nodding gently.

"I know." She said again in a mere hoarse whisper.

"Then why are you so angry Mel?" Olivia asked.

"I don't know." Melissa replied before a sob escaped her parted lips.

Olivia quickly jumped from her swing and rushed over to Melissa, wrapping her arms around her daughter and holding her tight.

"Melissa what's wrong baby? Talk to me please!" Olivia hated seeing any of her children hurting.

"I don't know what's wrong Mommy I just feel so sad all the time and I can't control it, even when I was with Dad today I was enjoying myself but I couldn't stop feeling sad!" She cried hard into her Mother's chest.

"Ok baby, it's ok when we get back to New York we'll get you someone to talk to ok?" She whispered.

"I can't stop feeling sad Mommy, ever since Nanny and Granddad died I feel so lost and alone and doesn't matter how loud I scream no one can hear me!" She cried and Olivia felt her own tears sting her eyes, hearing her daughter convey such deep emotions ripped her heart out of her chest and not because she couldn't stop it but because she knew exactly how her baby was feeling, she'd been feeling exactly the same.

"We'll get you help Mel I promise, I will do whatever I can to help make these feelings go away!" Olivia sobbed and Melissa gripped tighter to her mother.

"I'm so sorry Mommy, so so sorry." She cried.

"It's ok Melly, it's ok you can't help how you feel I promise that you will feel better once you get some help ok?" Olivia kissed her daughter's head and ran her hand through her long golden coloured hair. "Now wipe your tears and we're going to go back inside ok?"

"Ok." Melissa nodded still not letting go of Olivia. "I'm sorry Mom. I love you."

"I love you too Melissa, more than I think you'll ever know, you're my first born." She smiled.

"That makes me special then?" Melissa asked with a twinkle in her eyes.

"You're all special in your unique way and I love you all the same." Olivia smiled before kissing the tip of Melissa's nose making her smile.

****

**Sooo?**


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

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**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Thursday, January 16th 2016**

**11.02 am**

Olivia sat at her desk flicking through the holiday snaps she'd finally had printed, she was sat in her office with George asleep in his car seat. She couldn't stay away from work and thought coming in for a couple of hours wouldn't do any harm and being stuck in the house was really driving her mad.

A knock on the door startled her as she knew all the lead detectives were out on a case.

"Come in!" She called wincing as she thought she'd wake up George.

A uniformed officer walked in with a saddened expression and Olivia stood up.

"What is it Officer?" She asked softly.

"We have a walk in Ma'am, a young girl no more than sixteen." He explained.

"Ok bring her in here." Olivia said going round to the other side of the desk.

The small trembling teenager walked in with a tear streaked face, she was obviously traumatised and with a black eye a busted lip and a face full of scratches Olivia could tell this girl had been beaten too.

Olivia sat her down and got her a soda from the mini fridge before sitting down to find out what had happened. The girl told her that her name was Melissa Redknapp and that she was fourteen years old, she'd been raped the previous evening after leaving the movies and parting with her friends.

"I only had to walk two blocks!" She cried. "I thought it was safe how naive was I?"

"Melly this isn't your fault."

"Don't call me that!" She yelled.

"Call you what?" Olivia asked in surprise.

"Melly, that's what my Pops used to call me till he died." She explained sadly.

"I'm sorry, I have a little girl who's twelve her name's Melissa and we call her Melly force of habit I guess." Olivia replied glancing over at the family portrait on the wall.

"Is that your family?" Melissa asked flicking her red hair over her shoulder as she turned to the portrait.

"Family and friends." Olivia replied as Melissa got up to get a closer look.

"Oh my God!" She gasped. "That's him!"

"That's who?" Olivia asked rushing over to the shaking girl.

"That's the man who raped me! I'd know his face anywhere!" She cried as she clutched to Olivia.

"Which one?" Olivia asked her own heart beating hard in her chest, the people in the photo were people she loved and trusted.

"Him!" She cried. "That's him!" She was pointing straight at one of the males in the picture and Olivia felt her heart shatter, this girl had to be wrong there was no way … but she had to believe the victims, that's what she had always done, why change now when the suspect was the person she loved.

"Ok I need you to sit down for a moment ok?" Olivia said softly as she led the girl to a chair. "I'll be two minutes."

Olivia rushed into the bullpen and scanned the room.

"George!" She called over to the psychiatrist.

"What's up?" He asked seeing the panicked look on Olivia's face.

"I need you to watch baby George for me, I need to take a victim to the hospital and I can't say anything else so would you mind?" She asked.

"Mind? Olivia you've asked me to be his God Father of course I don't mind watching him, you do what you need to do."

"Everything you may need is in the diaper bag on the floor under my desk." She said as they walked to the office.

"Liv its fine!" George insisted.

Olivia smiled softly at Melissa and held out her hand.

"Just call me if you need me." Olivia replied before leading Melissa away.

****

**Mercy General Hospital, Manhattan, New York**

**Tuesday, January 14th 2016**

**12.18 pm**

Olivia had taken the girl in to get her rape kit done and then called the commissioner while the kit was being performed. She was trying to keep calm as she waited for her superior to arrive, she hadn't been able to tell him anything over the phone as she was still in shock.

"Olivia!" Mathew Rockwell called and she turned to him her face defeated. "What was so important that I had to cancel a meeting with the chief of D's?" He asked with a soft laugh.

"A walk in rape victim was in my office, there was no one else around, we were talking and she looked at the portrait on my wall and identified someone in it as her attacker." Olivia explained shakily.

"Ok how confident did the girl sound?" He asked.

"She saw it and crumbled, she was panicking… there's no way he did this Mathew, he's one of my best friend's he's God father to half my children!" Olivia choked back a sob.

Mathew wrapped her up in a gentle brotherly embrace.

"Who was it Olivia?" He asked gently. "Who did the girl say attacked her?"

Olivia sighed and pulled away.

"What do I do now?" She asked.

"You tell me who did it, you suspend him with pay until an investigation is carried out and you hand the case over to IAB." Rockwell replied.

"He didn't do this!" Olivia spat. "I know him as well as I know my husband, I have known him for fifteen years!"

"I know, when you hand over the case to IAB so that they can prove he did it, you and I and the rest of SVU will prove he didn't now tell me who she says raped her."

Olivia sighed and closed her eyes, she didn't want to say it because then it was real, it was real that her best friend had been accused of raping a minor, he wasn't a paedophile, there was no way he was.

"Olivia?" Rockwell asked.

"John Munch." She sighed before walking away, she couldn't do this right now.

****

**Bet you weren't expecting that, I'm too tired to write anymore that's why this chapter is short, you American's enjoy the latest episode of SVU and I will write more after I have seen it! Loves! x**


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Thursday, January 16th 2016**

**2.36 pm**

Back at the precinct Olivia sat in her office with George Huang, Mathew Rockwell and Ed Tucker, she held baby George in her arms feeding him as they talked about their case.

"He didn't do this it's a case of mistaken identity." Olivia said firmly for the thousandth time, it was almost like she was trying to convince herself as much as everyone else in the room.

"I'm sure it is Olivia but we have to investigate, now as his superior officer you can be there when he's questioned but no one else from the department can." Tucker explained.

"I know, but please he's already been suspended, conduct an investigation first, he's a first grade detective with an impeccable record." Olivia replied sternly, she wasn't about to watch them bring down one of her best Detectives.

"There's only so much strings I can pull Olivia and I'm already pulling them, but don't worry when the time comes you're the one who will be slapping the handcuffs on him when we prove his guilt…"

"If you prove his guilt which you won't." Olivia snapped back, she understood Ed Tucker was just doing his job but this was her best friend he was talking about.

"If we prove his guilt." Ed replied. "But Olivia you should go home and get some rest while the investigation is going on, spend time with your kids."

"I need to be here, Nanny Sue is on her way to pick up Georgie and then I am going to do whatever I can to prove that the little girl is confusing John with someone who raped her, it wasn't him." Olivia replied angrily.

"Captain you have to stay away from this investigation." Ed snapped, the last thing he needed was Special Victims getting in his way.

"I will stay away from your investigation." She replied just as Elliot came into the room with Nanny Sue.

Olivia quickly handed George over and watched the trusted Nanny leave before continuing to talk with the men.

"I think we're done here Lieutenant." She informed Ed, she didn't want to be on bad terms with a man she'd come to trust but right now he was risking the career of one of her Detectives and it didn't sit well with her.

"Sure, I'll keep you in the loop Olivia and I won't do anything until I have no other options." He informed her before turning on his heels and leaving.

Once the door was shut Olivia sank into her desk chair with a sigh, this was hurting her.

"Olivia, off the record here, there's nothing stopping you going to see Detective Munch regarding your children, he is as you said their God Father." Mathew smirked as he got to his feet.

"Of course, thank you Mathew." She smiled, things between herself and the commissioner were much better than she'd ever thought they would be considering the amount of trouble her father had been in with the Brass.

"I'll call back later." He replied before walking out and leaving Olivia with George.

"There's no way Munch did this." Olivia sighed getting to her feet again. "I know him, he wouldn't."

"I know Olivia but just tread carefully, he won't like it if you put your career on the line to save his." George replied.

"I know but I have to do something, if I hadn't bought the girl into the office she wouldn't have seen the picture." Olivia sighed, she couldn't stop blaming herself.

"Olivia you had no choice, there was no one else here to take her statement and you had Georgie sleeping, don't blame yourself because I promise you Munch won't be blaming you now why don't you do as the commissioner said and call by to see the God Father of half your kids?" He asked.

Olivia nodded, she had a hundred questions she needed to ask John Munch and hopefully one of them would help prove his innocence.

****

**John Munch's Apartment, Long Island, New York**

**Thursday, January 16th 2016**

**4.26 pm**

Olivia pressed the buzzer for her friend's apartment with her heart beating inside her chest. She didn't want to be here for the reasons she was, she didn't want to have to question her best friend as a suspect in a rape case, an accused suspect.

"Yeah?" Munch's voice came flooding through the intercom.

"Hey John it's Liv can I come up?" She asked hopefully.

"Liv you shouldn't be here if IAB…"

"IAB can't stop a Mother from talking with the God Father of her children, just let me up Munch." She sighed, she knew he wouldn't let her in without a fight, it would hurt him to see her lose her job over this.

Olivia went inside and climbed the stairs to the first floor where Munch's apartment was, he'd already opened the door wide and she went inside and closed the door behind her. John was in the kitchen making them both a coffee which they both would need to get through this questioning session.

"If IAB asks you were never here." He told her as he placed a steaming mug of coffee in front of her before leading the way to the living room.

Olivia had been to the three bedroomed apartment plenty of times in the past, her kids had stayed here on numerous occasions and she trusted the man in front her with their lives. His living room was decorated with simple plain cream walls which were covered in book shelves holding books about the assassination of JFK and the theories about Area fifty one.

"So what do you want to know?" John asked as soon as they were both sat, Olivia on the mahogany suede couch and he on the matching arm chair.

"I need your alibi John." Olivia replied simply.

"If I had one don't you think I'd be back at my desk Olivia?" He asked angrily. "I left the precinct at six, I went to the Chinese place around the corner and then I came home and sat watching a new documentary about the conspiracy of JFK's assassination and then I went to bed nothing more, there was no one here who can corroborate my alibi so I'm screwed." He replied.

"You're not screwed John, I will prove you didn't do this." Olivia said firmly.

"How? She's ID'd me so IAB aren't looking for a second suspect they're looking at all the evidence that points to me." John snapped.

Olivia felt for the man, he'd worked for twenty years putting away the kind of scum he was being accused of being. It hurt her to see him so angry and frustrated.

"No but I'm looking for a second suspect, someone else who did rape the girl." Olivia replied firmly.

"IAB have told you to steer clear of this investigation Captain, this could cost you your shield, don't let me be the one responsible for you losing your job." He replied sadly.

"You won't be, I'll make my own decisions thank you and if that is proving that my detective isn't a rapist that is what I'll do, now I am heading off and I am going to do what I can to prove your innocence, until then just hang tight." Olivia sighed as she got to her feet.

She went over and wrapped her arms around John as tight as she could before rushing out, feeling how tense he was just hurt her so much, he was normally the most relaxed detective in the precinct.

****

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Thursday, January 16th 2016**

**5.12 pm**

Olivia walked into the bullpen which had an unnatural sombre feel to it. It was different to the way it had felt when her father had died, this was because one of their own was being accused of being one of the people they fought for justice for.

"Elliot, Nick, Fin my office." She said and then without checking that they were complying she walked into her office leaving the door open as she waited for the men to follow her inside.

Fin came in first followed by Nick and Elliot came in last closing the door behind them. The three looked defeated too, they looked the way she felt and she wondered if she looked as bad as they did.

"Right I want the three of you to go over every inch of the statement Melissa has given, find out what time she was where and then I want you to split up, I want the CCTV footage from the cinema and surrounding area's we need to see if anyone was following the girl at all at any point in time." Olivia informed them. "This investigation is being done by IAB we're not officially on the case but …" Olivia was interrupted by the phone ringing.

"Cragen." She answered.

The men watched intently as Olivia's face reacted to the person talking on the other side, they couldn't hear what was being said but by the look of Olivia's face they knew it wasn't good.

"Can't you ask for a surrender or something?" She asked.

The men knew now what it was about.

"No Sergeant Stabler and I will do it, I am not having IAB doing this Ed." She replied in the process informing the men who was on the phone.

"I'll see you then, bye." Olivia slammed the phone down and sighed deeply.

Elliot could already see how much this case was taking its toll on his wife and he wouldn't admit to anyone but it worried him she didn't need this stress right now.

"Change of plan?" Elliot asked brining Olivia's mind back into the room.

"Yeah Fin and Nick head off to the cinema and get me those CCTV footages and also look at any stores or cashpoints and get me any footage along the route the girl took to the point she was attacked." Olivia said and the men nodded and left husband and wife alone.

"What did Tucker want?" Elliot asked as he wrapped his arms around her in comfort.

"We have to pick up Munch." Olivia sighed. "I am then to question him with Tucker. On the way I'm going to call Miranda, he's going to need a lawyer." Olivia added before hurrying out the office knowing she had to pick up her Detective and question him for a crime she was one hundred per cent certain that he didn't commit.

****

**Bet you weren't expecting that, I'm too tired to write anymore that's why this chapter is short, you American's enjoy the latest episode of SVU and I will write more after I have seen it! Loves! x**


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Thursday, January 16th 2016**

**6.28 pm**

Olivia and Ed Tucker sat facing Munch in the interrogation room. Commissioner Mathew Rockwell was stood outside making sure that Fin, Elliot nor Nick could listen in on the interrogation.

"Detective do you understand that you have the right to have a lawyer and or your union rep?" Tucker asked.

"Yes and I waive my right to counsel." Munch replied.

"Ok Detective where were you last night?"

"Home." Munch replied. "I've already told you that I have no alibi but I didn't rape anyone."

Luckily for Olivia and Munch the door swung open and Miranda Pond walked in with a smug grin on her face.

"I hope you're not talking to my client without me." She said smugly and Olivia felt relieved that the lawyer had arrived.

"I didn't ask…"

"My retainers already been paid." Miranda smiled without looking over at Olivia knowing the Captain could lose her job if it was ever found out she was paying for the defence.

John knew though, as soon as Miranda's mouth opened he knew who called her.

"We'll leave you to your client counsellor." Olivia said making Ed Tucker follow her out.

"That was hopeless." Ed snapped.

"Instead of trying to get him to confess you should try finding evidence." Olivia snapped angrily before marching to her office, the last person she wanted to talk to was Ed Tucker because he was convinced that Munch was guilty and she was sure he was innocent.

She paced her office where Nick, Fin, Elliot and Mathew had joined her, she had to wait for evidence to prove his innocence because IAB had put up barriers to stop them from getting anywhere.

When Miranda joined them in the office she was ready to get to work.

"So what have you got?" Miranda asked closing the door.

"Nothing, IAB took the CCTV tapes and we can't get copies." Olivia replied.

"I can get those, they can give them to me now or on discovery. They have to hand any evidence over." Miranda replied.

"I ran the MO through VICAB we have two open cases with a similar MO." Nick said handing Olivia the files.

"Ok… to find who raped Melissa we need to solve these cases, if we're investigating these IAB can't stop us." Olivia said.

"Good idea, how long can you keep this from IAB?" Miranda asked.

"They can search VICAB themselves I don't have to hand this over." Olivia replied glancing at Rockwell who nodded in agreement, they were interrupted by a knock on the office door.

"Enter!" Olivia called.

Ed Tucker walked in and scowled when he saw them obviously having a secret meeting.

"Olivia uh we need to interview your eldest daughter." Ed said and Olivia and Elliot gasped.

"No way!" Olivia hissed.

"We have to, she's close to the vics age and she has regular contact with the suspect." Ed replied.

"No way I have every right to refuse you talking to my daughter…right Miranda?" Olivia asked glancing at the defence attorney.

"That's right." Miranda replied.

"Olivia either let us talk to Melissa or I wright you up for hiring Detective Munch an attorney, I'm sure if we check your accounts we'll find a transfer from your account to Ms Pond's right?" Ed replied.

"That's blackmail!" Olivia yelled.

"No its fact Captain Cragen now either turn over you daughter or I'll talk to the ADA about taking you to court for hiding a material witness."

"But… but… no way!" Olivia snapped angrily.

"I guess we'll see you in court. I suggest you get your own attorney too it would be quite obvious to everyone if you turned up with the same attorney as the rapist."

"John Munch is NOT a rapist!" Olivia yelled as Tucker walked out. "Elliot call Trevor now!"

Olivia dove to her desk and grabbed her cell phone.

"Nanny Sue listen to me if any police turn up there asking to speak with Melissa you refuse, tell them you don't have parental consent and unless myself or Elliot is there no one is to talk with Melissa ok? Thank you." Olivia hung up and turned to Elliot.

"Trevor's on his way but we're not going to get to court till tomorrow." Elliot explained.

"Miranda?" Olivia asked.

"I'm going to speak with John and tell him to hang tight until arraignment in the morning." Miranda said. "And don't worry Ed Tucker doesn't have a leg to stand on about your daughter."

"Thanks." Olivia said before going over to her desk and sinking into her seat. "Nick and Fin start digging through those files and do what you want to prove that John Munch didn't rape any of them." Olivia said firmly.

Once Olivia was left with just Elliot and Commissioner Rockwell her mind went into overdrive, she could understand Tucker wanting to talk to Melissa but there was no way that Munch would ever lay a finger on her daughter… was there?

She hiccupped as sob that brought Elliot rushing to her side. He wrapped his arms around and her as she cried hard even though he had no idea why she was crying, he understood that she was still a little hormonal from having George.

"What if he did it El?" She asked as she began to calm down.

"What do you mean Liv?" He asked as he stroked a hand through her hair bringing much needed comfort to his wife.

"What if Munch did do this?" Olivia said and Elliot turned to look at her.

"What are you thinking baby?" He asked her as he looked right into her dark brown eyes.

"That we should let Tucker talk to Mel." She whispered and Elliot shook his head violently.

"No way Olivia, Melissa doesn't need these images in her head and she will also find out that her uncle is being accused of being a rapist." Elliot replied.

"But what if he hurt her?" Olivia asked. "She's not been to Munch's place alone since July when Ali and Eli had that bug."

"You don't really think he could have done it do you?" Elliot asked and Olivia shook her head.

"I don't want to think it El but when did we ever stop believing the victims?" She asked sternly.

"Don't put Melissa through this Liv." Elliot pleaded.

"She's my daughter Elliot… if he hurt her…"

"Don't Liv, there's no way he did he knows we'd kill him." Elliot snapped, there was no way he was going to believe that his best friend laid a hand on one of his children even if biologically Melissa wasn't his.

"Call Tucker, I'm going to call Nanny Sue and tell her to put Melly in a taxi." Olivia sighed grabbing her phone but Elliot grabbed her wrists.

"Think about this Olivia…" He warned.

"I'm thinking about MY daughter Elliot, and what's best for her." Olivia snapped.

"She's as much my daughter as she is yours…"

"That's not what you were saying before Cali." Olivia hissed getting to her feet.

"You know I didn't mean that!" Elliot snapped angrily both of them ignoring Rockwell who was watching and listening intently.

"Didn't you? Because Nicole still isn't sure of you!" Olivia snapped. "She's seven years old and she isn't sure whether or not you love her because you're not her Daddy!"

"That's unfair Olivia! I just want what's best for Melissa that is all don't throw this in my face every time we have a disagreement about Mel or Nic who as it happened are biologically not mine!" Elliot argued, he wasn't going to back down.

"Just call Tucker Elliot and don't make this about you for once! This is about Melissa and Munch!" Olivia snapped before walking out of the office, she couldn't stand being near him when he was being like that.

**Ok so I am still not sure whether or not Munch is guilty, I haven't thought that far ahead yet lol sorry it's been a while since I updated this story too, it's been a tough one to write. **


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

* * *

><p><strong>Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York<strong>

**Thursday, January 16th 2016**

**8.06 pm**

Olivia and Elliot stood behind the two way with Mathew Rockwell and Ed Tucker. George Huang was in the interview room with Melissa as it was the only condition Olivia had given to allow a statement to be made by Melissa.

"So Melly." George started, the two were sat around the table and Melissa was making a beaded bracelet with the kit Olivia had brought from the house, she knew Melissa would rather be doing something like that than drawing pictures.

"So Uncle George." Melissa replied and Olivia shook her head, her teenager was one of a kind yet a typical teenage girl.

"I want to talk to you about Uncle Munch is that ok?" George asked as he made his own beaded necklace with the kit.

"Uh why?" Melissa asked her attention still fixed on the beads.

"Because Lieutenant Tucker asked me to talk to you about Uncle Munch." George replied having been warned by Olivia not to tell her daughter that her uncle was being accused of anything.

"Ok." Melissa nodded. "What about Uncle Munch?"

"Well tell me what you did the last time you stayed at his apartment." George said.

"He taught me how to play poker." Melissa replied. "And he taught me about Area fifty one." She added simply and Olivia who was watching nervously with her arms crossed felt Elliot slip an arm around her calming her a little.

"Ok and what happened when it was bed time?" George asked as if it was a simple everyday question, but Melissa wasn't a child anymore and she wasn't stupid.

"Why do you want to know?" She asked and Olivia closed her eyes, her daughter didn't look the way a victim did when questioned but that said nothing.

"It's just what Lieutenant Tucker wants to know." George replied and Melissa frowned at him, she knew her mother worked sex crimes and that Munch did too.

"Uncle George?" Melissa started. "Are you asking me if Uncle Munch ever touched me or hurt me?" Melissa asked firmly.

George looked at her from his beads, his eyes met hers and he knew that he couldn't lie to her.

"Has he?" George decided to go with.

"No, never." Melissa replied angrily. "And I'd like to know who this Tucker thinks he is to even have you ask me that Uncle Munch loves me and he would _never_ hurt me that's just sick." Melissa argued.

"So tell me what you did at bed time when you slept there last." George said just to give Tucker everything he needed.

"After playing poker for a bit I had a shower and put my pyjamas on then he made us hot chocolate and we watched a documentary on area fifty one and then he borrowed me a book on area fifty one and I went into the guest room, I fell asleep reading." Melissa replied. "I fell asleep with the book on me and the book was still on the bed when I woke up the next morning so even if he checked on me he didn't come anywhere near me and I don't like that any of you think he did… Does Mom think he hurt me?" Melissa's question was one of surprise.

"No honey." George replied. "No she doesn't."

"Good because Uncle Munch would never hurt anyone." Melissa said firmly.

"I know." George replied nodding. "I'm just going to go talk to Lieutenant Tucker ok, your Mom will come and get you when it's time to go."

Olivia turned to face Ed Tucker with fire in her eyes.

"Are you happy now?" She hissed.

"Not till George says whether or not he believes her." Tucker replied.

"Well I am taking my daughter home, it's a school night and I want her bathed and in bed." Olivia walked off leaving George to talk to the Lieutenant and Elliot.

"Well?" Ed asked.

"He's never even looked at her inappropriately, she was genuinely sickened by the insinuation that he may have." George replied.

"So John Munch never touched his niece?" Ed asked to be sure.

"Never." George replied firmly.

ILB

After taking Melissa home Olivia spent some time with the rest of her kids.

"Ali and Eli are asleep as is George." Nanny Sue smiled as Olivia made them both a coffee.

"Bless them." Olivia smiled. "I'm going to barely see them until I've cleared this mess up for John."

"Hey they aren't old enough to realise it yet." Nanny Sue reassured.

"I know but Nikki, Lili and Lexi are." Olivia sighed. "Melissa understands now so she isn't as bothered by it or at least she doesn't make it obvious anymore."

"Olivia, you're a hard working Mom of seven, it's ok sometimes to be spread a bit thin." Nanny Sue explained. "The kids aren't going to hate you or resent you, you sent the kids to the best school in Manhattan and they want for nothing."

"Except love." Olivia replied.

"That's nonsense the kids know they're loved and that I know for sure."

* * *

><p><strong>Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York<strong>

**Friday, January 17th 2016**

**7.44 am**

Olivia arrived at the precinct hoping to have a lead to prove Munch's innocence before he was arraigned.

"Got anything?" Olivia asked Nick and Fin who had been working all night.

"Miranda sent over the tapes about five this morning but we haven't watched them yet." Fin replied.

"Why the hell not?" Olivia snapped, she was desperate to prove that Munch didn't rape anyone.

"Because we were chasing down leads with the other two cases." Nick explained calmly, he may have been tired but he wasn't about to lose his cool with her.

"Well please tell me you've got something." Olivia replied almost begging for an answer.

"Yeah, the first Mary Ella was raped coming from the movies with friends just after splitting up with them she was dragged into an alley and raped, Munch has a solid alibi for that one." Fin informed his superior, he was just as desperate to prove his partners innocence.

"What's the alibi?" Olivia asked.

"It happened on the day Elysah and Alyah were born, you went in on the thirteenth of April at six in the morning and had the girls via C-Section at five in the evening and we were at the hospital till gone midnight, while that rape was happening he was holding your youngest daughters." Fin replied and Olivia nodded in understanding.

"Second one?" Olivia asked knowing there was two rapes.

"Well he was on duty but we're trying to find out where he was at the time, what case was open and so on to see if it boosts our memory or more my memory." Fin explained.

"Ok so Fin you keep doing what you're doing with Nick, I'll watch the tapes." Olivia said picking up the five tapes from the desk and going towards her office. "As soon as you find anything come let me know."

"Are you going to court?" Fin asked his superior.

"Yes." Olivia replied. "I'm his Captain, I have too."

* * *

><p><strong>Superior Court, New York, New York<strong>

**Friday, January 17th 2016**

**9.11 am**

Olivia, Elliot, Fin and Nick sat in the gallery of arraignment court on the defence side to show their support. Munch was brought in to the room in handcuffs and it turned Olivia's stomach, he was not guilty and it was not fair that he was even being considered a rapist.

On the people's side sat Melissa with her parents, they gave the Detectives and their superior a dirty look when they walked in but Olivia kept her head held high for all of them.

"Docket ending zero three nine zero People of the State of New York V John Munch, one count rape in the first degree, one count using a child in a sex act in the first degree."

"Plea?" Judge Carlisle asked, he was a judge that didn't prosecute SVU's cases to avoid any bias.

"Not guilty your honour." John called shakily.

"I'll hear the people on bail." The judge replied looking over at the IAB prosecutor.

"The people request remand your honour, John Munch has no family and no community ties and should be considered a flight risk." The prosecutor called.

"Detective Munch is a well-respected SVU Detective there's his community ties, behind us here is his family Captain Olivia Cragen and her husband Sargeant Stabler who John Munch is God Father to two of their children Alyah Hope Cragen-Stabler and Liliana Casey and pseudo uncle to their other children Melissa, Nicole, Elysah, Alexandra and George so he does have a family including the forty thousand brothers and sisters in blue." Miranda called back knowing that there was no way John could wait in Rikers till the trial.

"I need a figure." The judge called.

"Five hundred thousand."

"That's ridiculous he's a cop!" Miranda argued.

"One hundred thousand cash or bond." The judge decided.

"Then we asked for a restraining order for the victim not only for John Munch but also for Olivia Cragen, Elliot Stabler, Nicolas Amaro and Odafin Tutuola who are already determined to prove the Detective's innocence even if he's guilty." The IAB Lawyer called.

"So granted the defendant and the listed people are ordered to stay fifty feet from the victim." The judge agreed slamming down the gavel.

"I'll get you out John just hold on." She said wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Don't bother Olivia most people have already determined I'm guilty." John replied his shoulders sagging showing just how defeated he was.

"Don't give up." Fin said hugging his partner. "We're close ok? We'll prove who did it and then you'll be free."

"Freedom's so overrated Tutuola." Munch said just as he was cuffed and lead away again.

Olivia looked over at the victim and for the first time in her life she felt a surge of hatred towards the girl and she knew it was because the girl was ruining an innocent man.

"Elliot I'm going to post John's bond." Olivia sighed softly. "Go and watch the rest of those tapes then take them down to Morales see how like John our suspect is then go through the evidence logs, there are tapes from the previous two victims, if we can prove the same guy did all three and there was no possible way that John Munch did the first two then he's in the clear."

Elliot nodded and Nick followed Olivia out knowing she needed someone with her and he knew that Fin had enough of seeing him around because he didn't know Munch the way the others did, but it didn't stop him caring.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

* * *

><p><strong>Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York<strong>

**Friday, January 17th 2016**

**11.21 am**

Tired wasn't the word to describe how Olivia was feeling as she sat typing up yet another report of the Morris Commission. She knew with it being the new year it wouldn't be too long before they would begin reassigning and she didn't want to lose any of her Detectives however with John Munch on trial for Rape she was very close to having to hire yet another new Detective when they had been managing perfectly with just one new rookie to train.

A knock on the office door made her sigh, she really wasn't in the mood to see anyone but she yelled for them to come in anyway in case it was something on Munch's case.

"Olivia…"

"Mathew to what do I owe the pleasure?" She asked sounding bored.

"Uh well I thought I'd hand deliver you this." He said handing over a blue file and she groaned knowing exactly what it was.

"This couldn't have come at a worst time Mathew is there anyway …"

"No Olivia don't even ask me I've already been told I'm too close to SVU as it is." Mathew replied knowing Olivia wanted a continuance with SVU's report.

"Seriously Mathew I'm supposed to be on maternity leave, one of me Detectives is going to be on trial for a rape he didn't commit and … never mind but the point is the last thing I need is this on top of everything." Olivia explained dropping the file onto her desk.

"I know Olivia but it comes with that nice gold insignia and gold and silver laurels and crown shield you get to carry around." Mathew teased and Olivia chuckled softly.

"Great." She sighed. "Warn me Mathew do they have anything on me because if they ask me to leave I'll be handing in my papers." She warned and he chuckled.

"I don't know yet, I haven't looked over any of the files myself but Olivia no one will take this job other than you so unless the commission wants to be involved in the demolition of Manhattan's SVU they're going to keep you right where you are." Mathew explained and she smiled at him knowing that he was really being kind and reassuring.

"Well I guess seeing as I'm the only one holding this place together that I can take a few hours and go over these files and myself and the rookie can work these crap while Fin and Elliot work on Munch's case." Olivia sighed knowing that meant two hands less on Munch's case was a dangerous thing for him, they were holding his freedom in their hands.

"Olivia you really need to relax." Mathew smiled going over to the coffee machine that had not long brewed.

"What's that mean?" She replied with a chuckle, the truth was she hadn't relaxed in a long time.

"It means taking five minutes to put your feet up." He smiled. "And have a coffee." He added as he brought the steaming mug over to her.

"Thanks." She smiled taking the mug from him as he stood behind her.

"God Olivia you're so tense." He said as he rested his hands on her shoulders.

"Ugh tell me about it." She shrugged but then she instantly relaxed as his fingers began to massage her shoulders. "Oh that's nice." She sighed contently as he slowly worked his fingers into her aching muscles.

"I bet." He replied. "I don't think I have ever met anyone as tense as you Olivia."

"Yeah well… sorry could you stop?" She asked and Mathew stepped back.

"I'm sorry." He said. "I didn't mean anything by it."

"I know. You don't make me feel uncomfortable or anything but Elliot wouldn't like it as innocent as it is." Olivia replied gently, she knew she couldn't let whatever he was trying happen.

"I understand Olivia, I'm sorry." He replied taking a seat opposite her with his own coffee and gave her a reassuring smile as in to say no hard feelings.

"How is everything with Elliot Stabler?" Mathew asked and Olivia pushed out a huffed breath. "That bad huh?"

"No… we just don't agree with everything you saw us yesterday when it came to Melissa. We argued like that before we married and after … I just feel like we're drifting apart."

"It happens Olivia." Mathew said softly. "My marriage … we had three kids Lucas, Holly and Mathew Junior and our relationship just seemed to fail, it ended well, I seem my children every other weekend and I have half the holidays and we're still great friends."

"I've never lived my life without Elliot really, the past fifteen years he's been there and … I couldn't do any of this without him but since Ali and Eli were born … he's not the same man … maybe he is maybe it's me that's not the same." Olivia explained, she didn't know why but she felt quite comfortable talking with Mathew about her marriage.

"Sometimes Olivia, you just have to get out, you can do it and keep him as a partner and friend or try and work it out and if it doesn't and turns sour … well your husband's already been divorced once." Mathew replied, he knew he was able to be honest with her and that she wasn't freaked.

"I just think we need some time apart to get our heads together, I don't want a divorce that's the last thing I want but … I think our bad relationship is affecting my kids." Olivia explained heavily and she dropped her head into her hands feeling defeated again.

"Talk to him Olivia." Mathew said finishing off his coffee. "Talk quietly and calmly and come to an amicable decision."

* * *

><p><strong>Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York<strong>

**Friday, January 17th 2016**

**12.01 pm**

After Mathew left Olivia had tried reading through the file that had come from one pp for COM STAT but her mind was on the conversation she'd had with Commissioner Mathew Rockwell.

He was a great guy and she knew he fancied her, not only had he tried to kiss her but the way he'd touched her earlier, it's why she'd stopped him because she had been enjoying his touch which she shouldn't have, she was married.

Dropping her head into her hands she sighed heavily. She knew she needed to talk to Elliot, but she also knew he was going to blow a fuse. One thing she knew was that she couldn't talk to him here, the conversation had to take place at home.

She glanced through the window to where Elliot was typing at his desk, Nick and Fin were out chasing down a lead in the hopes of proving Munch's innocence.

Deciding that she was never going to get any work done without talking to her husband she went out into the bullpen.

"Hey you ok?" Elliot asked seeing a far off stressed look on his wife's face.

"Yeah are you?" Olivia asked casually slipping into the chair beside his desk.

"Yeah but you're not what's up?" He questioned carefully.

"Are you happy Elliot?" She asked diving straight in, Elliot knew straight away she was serious by how she called him Elliot and not El.

"What do you mean?" Elliot replied which gave her the answer.

"In our marriage El, are you happy?" She asked again.

"Why are you asking?" He said reaffirming that she knew the answer already.

"If you were you'd have said yes first." Olivia sighed running her hand through her hair.

"Liv what's this about?" Elliot asked.

"Us El, I don't want to argue, please that's not where I was going with this I just …"

"You just what Liv? You want a divorce?" He asked.

"No! No no, I just … we've drifted apart El and … we're not a couple anymore, not how we used to be." Olivia explained weakly and Elliot reached over and took her hand in his own.

"I know." He replied. "We've changed."

"Not in a good way." She shrugged.

"What do you want to do about it then Liv?" Elliot asked her gently.

"I don't know." She whispered her voice breaking.

"You've obviously thought about it." Elliot said. "Talk to me Liv, I won't freak out if that's what you're worried about."

"I think … with everything going on … I think we should try a separation." She whispered and Elliot felt his heart breaking inside his chest.

"Is this what you want?" He asked her weakly.

"No." She replied the tears stinging her eyes as she shook her head. "But I think it's what we need."

"Ok." He nodded. "But what about the kids, our home?" He asked gently.

"I don't know." She replied shaking her head. "I haven't thought it through El, I don't want us to end up hating each other and having a horrible divorce but I want to see if there's a relationship worth saving." She explained. "Let me just be your Captain and the mother of your kids for a while and see what happens."

"Ok, your old apartment, you still own it don't you?" He asked.

"Yeah." Olivia nodded, it was near empty all the furniture was still in storage.

"Ok well how about I go there for the week days and you take it weekends, we'll switch back and forth so that the kids get their own bed every night?" Elliot suggested.

"Ok." Olivia whispered as tears spilt down her cheeks.

"We'll figure this out Liv." He said before leaning in to kiss her. "Just remember…" He whispered as he pressed his forehead to hers. "I still love you."

"I love you too." She replied. "I'm going to… I'm going to head home, the keys for the apartment is on the rack in the house."

"Ok baby, leave it all to me just get your head together ok?" He whispered and she nodded before she kissed him again.

* * *

><p><strong>Cragen-Stabler residence, Manhattan, New York<strong>

**Friday, January 17th 2016**

**2.36 pm**

Olivia sat in the study with baby George and George Huang, she'd called him unsure whether she needed her best friend or a shrink but within five minutes of him arriving she knew she needed both.

"What have I done George?" Olivia asked shaking her head softly.

"What have you done Liv?" He asked gently.

"I asked my husband for a separation." Olivia said. "He didn't argue with me on it."

"Maybe he feels the same as you, that it may do you some good?" George suggested.

"I don't know." She said her heart breaking. "I don't think he loves me like he did when we married George."

"What do you mean?"

"When we got married George we were head over heels in love with each other, our relationship was still quite new and exciting and six kids and seven years later George … I don't even know I know he loves me but I don't think he's in love with me anymore." Olivia explained and George nodded softly.

"How are you feeling Olivia?" George asked.

"I haven't ever felt so down in my life." Olivia whispered with a tear dropping down her cheek.

"How long have you been feeling like this?" George continued and Olivia looked at her best friend then down at her sleeping baby.

"Since Georgie was born." She whispered. "And I hate myself for it."

George Huang left the couch he was on and knelt down in front of his best friend.

"Why didn't you tell me?" George asked as her best friend and resident shrink.

"Because … because I didn't want anyone to think that I didn't love my baby." She replied as more tears slipped down her cheeks.

"I know you do Liv, honestly I do." George replied.

"But I don't want him." She cried. "I just keep feeling like … like if he hadn't been born everything would be ok again."

"Liv you don't need me to tell you what's wrong but I do need you to let me help you." George told her and she looked down at him and nodded.

"Please." She pleaded.

"I will, I promise." George said and Olivia nodded.

"Call Elliot." She said and George nodded and hurried off to the phone wondering why he hadn't seen this before.

He should have seen it. Olivia may have been holding George a lot but she hadn't been the same with him as she had been with her daughters, even though she'd been tired with her girls but she'd gone out of her way to play with them, talk to them, communicate with them but with George she hadn't, she'd just hold him maybe stroke his cheek, it hadn't been anywhere near the type of love she'd shown her girls.

George explained everything to Elliot on the phone and he promised he was on his way, he should have known and he was furious with himself for being so distant from his wife that he didn't notice how sick she was.

He returned to the study to find that Olivia had put George in his bounce chair and she was watching the still snoozing baby intently.

"Ok?" He asked coming to sit on the couch opposite her.

"I feel so guilty." She whispered closing her eyes.

"I know." George nodded. "But it isn't your fault Olivia."

"That's what makes me feel worse it's because I know it isn't my fault George, I know it isn't but … I feel so hopeless." Olivia sighed falling back into the couch.

"Olivia, listen to me, you went through a traumatic time while you were pregnant and you had an extremely traumatic birth." George told her and she nodded. "First we get you on some drugs and we'll get you on therapy and you'll be back to your old self in no time Liv."

"I feel like I lost who I was." She said and he nodded, he didn't have much experience with postpartum but every time Olivia had been pregnant he'd refreshed his memory and researched except for when she was pregnant with George because they'd all been caught up with Don's passing.

"Ok." She said not arguing the fact he wanted to dose her up with drugs to help her recover.

"I'll go and sort out a prescription as soon as Elliot gets here ok?" He said and Olivia nodded and looked at her son with a heavy heart.

**Ok so I am still not sure whether or not Munch is guilty, I haven't thought that far ahead yet lol sorry it's been a while since I updated this story too, it's been a tough one to write. **


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

* * *

><p><strong>Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York<strong>

**Friday, January 17th 2016**

**3.33 pm**

Elliot rushed into the house and went straight to the study where he knew Olivia and George would be. He saw his wife and rushed over to her pulling her into a strong embraced where she broke out in wracked sobs.

George nodded to Elliot and then made his way out to get his prescription pad so he could fill it for Olivia and give husband and wife a chance to talk.

"I'm sorry." She sobbed.

"Don't you dare try and apologize Olivia, I've been so caught up in my own world I didn't see that you were sick." He whispered. "I should have known baby, I love you so much and I'm the one who's sorry for not paying enough attention to you."

"I love you El, I'm so sorry." She cried and he kissed the top of her head heavily as she clutched the back of his shirt tight.

He held her tight and rocked her softly as she sobbed, he looked at his gurgling son and felt his heart feeling heavy. He really loved his wife, he was as much in love with her now as he was fifteen years ago if not more because she'd given him seven beautiful kids all of whom he considered his own even if he had been ridiculous in saying that only five were his, he loved Melissa and Nicole as much as he loved all other nine of his children.

As Olivia's sobbing subsided her hands relaxed on his shirt and her breath evened out. He knew she had barley been sleeping, she had been doing all the night feeds with George even though he woke up to do it she'd already be out the bedroom door before he opened his eyes properly.

Slowly he lowered her down to the cushion and then pulled the comforter from the back of the couch and put it over her. He looked at her and for the first time he could see how drained she looked, even in her sleep she looked disturbed and sad and he'd never seen her look so down.

Slowly he got off the couch and pulled his youngest child from the bouncer and left his wife to sleep.

"You and me little man are going to help make Mommy better." He whispered once he closed the study door behind him. "Right now Mommy's real sad but she's going to get better and you're going to realise that she's the best Mommy in the world."

George gurgled contently and Elliot smiled, he knew he would never actually understand what Olivia was going through, he couldn't imagine not loving and not wanting the baby boy in his arms but he knew that Olivia didn't choose this to happen, she didn't consciously reject her son she just got sick, he knew it was a bit like wires getting a bit crossed her mind and caused her to feel things that she didn't want to feel.

When George returned he found Elliot stood over the bassinette where baby George was sleeping.

"Hey." George said softly.

"Olivia's sleeping in the study." Elliot told him.

"Ok." George nodded. "How are you doing Elliot?"

"I'm ok. I'm confused and I won't even begin to say that I understand what she's going through George but I can promise that I am not going anywhere, I'm going to help her get through this." Elliot said firmly without peeling his eyes away from the sleeping baby.

"That's good Elliot because she's going to need you now more than ever, more than she did when Cole died, when her Mom died and her Dad." George said and Elliot just nodded in reply. "Hopefully we'll get the old Liv back."

"There's no hopefully about it George, we will get the old Liv back because she's not right at the moment, that's not her in her head right now." Elliot argued. "I should have seen it, she wasn't sleeping, wasn't eating, was distant from everyone, argumentative, she didn't want me touching her, not even in a hug so sex was out of the question…"

"And you just listed the DSM criteria for depression Elliot." George said. "We know what it is now we can treat it."

"Is it really going to be that easy?" Olivia asked from the entrance into the living room.

"It sounds easier than it is Olivia, I won't lie to you but we'll get there." George said and Olivia nodded. "Ok…" She was interrupted by the shrill ring of the house phone. "Cragen-Stabler's… shit we're on our way just don't let him do anything stupid!" Olivia yelled before hanging up.

"Liv?" Elliot asked.

"Munch wants to plead guilty." Olivia replied shakily. "We need to go."

* * *

><p><strong>Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York<strong>

**Friday, January 17th 2016**

**4.41 pm**

On the drive over to the precinct Elliot tried to talk to Olivia but she told him calmly that now wasn't the time and that she wanted to try and focus on Munch for a bit.

Once at the precinct Olivia rushed into the interrogation room where Miranda was with Munch.

"What are you playing at?" Olivia yelled at her Detective.

"Liv…"

"No! Don't you dare try and say that this is what you want to do because you cannot stand in court under oath and say you did this when you didn't!" Olivia yelled furiously.

"I have to Olivia… I can't go through a trial…"

"What about the rest of us Munch? Stop being so damn selfish and think of the rest of us, we have been working nonstop trying to prove your innocence and every hour we get closer and we won't stop until we get there…"

"I need to think about me Liv!" Munch yelled.

"Yeah well for once I'm thinking about me John! Guess what? Before coming here I faced the reality that I have postpartum and I need you Munch, I need my friends and family around me now more than I have ever needed them ever before and when I say my friends and family I mean ALL of them!" She yelled not even realising what she was actually admitting out loud.

"What?" Munch said in shock. "You have postpartum? Since when?" Munch asked in shock.

"That doesn't matter John but if you go to prison it's not going to help either of us, fight this John while we prove that you're not who they say you are." Olivia pleaded slipping into the chair opposite him. "I need you to fight this." She pushed taking a hold of his hand.

He looked at Miranda Pond as the guilt ate at him for a moment then he looked at his best friend and nodded, they were like siblings and he needed to be there for her now and she was right if he was in prison then she wouldn't be able to do that.

"Ok Liv, I won't do it." He said and she gave him a weak but grateful smile.

* * *

><p><strong>Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York<strong>

**Friday, January 17th 2016**

**5.10 pm**

After Munch left with Miranda the squad went into the bullpen to continue working on the two cases that matched the MO. Luckily they had a suspect now and they were planning on bringing him to do a line up.

"Call Alex so we can do a line up." Olivia said to Elliot. "Fin how about you and I get this son of a bitch and hopefully we can have Munch off the hook by morning. Nick can you go pick up the two vics and call IAB and tell them we think we know who did the third girl seeing as there's a TRO against us we can't go near her."

"Sure." "Yeah." "Ok." The replies came at once and everyone split up their separate ways.

An hour later their suspect was stood in the line-up and the three girls were ready to identify him, they had semen from the first rape so if she could identify her attacker then they could get a court order for DNA.

While Olivia was prepping the first girl to come in Elliot looked at the suspect in the line and he could see how like Munch the guy looked under his sun glasses.

"Ok so take your time and…"

"It's number two." She interrupted.

"Are you sure?" Olivia asked calmly.

"Yes number two that's who raped me." The young girl said.

"Ok." Olivia nodded and she led the girl out and brought the second in.

"When you see him just say the number ok?" Olivia told her and she nodded and scanned each person once.

"It's number two Captain." The girls said. "Number two raped me."

"Thank you." Olivia said.

Ed Tucker brought in Melissa and she was visibly nervous.

"Just take your time Melissa ok?" Olivia said and she nodded and stepped up to the window.

She looked from one man to the other but then she looked at number two and started to cry.

"What have I done?" She cried.

"Do you see him?" Olivia asked and she nodded.

"It's not the cop I thought it was." She cried.

"That's ok Melissa just say the number." Olivia replied knowing the little girl would be feeling very guilty.

"Number two." Melissa said. "Number two is the man who raped me."

"Ok come on." Tucker led her out and Olivia smirked at the defence attorney.

"We're three for three Counsellor." She said. "Now we'll take your client's DNA and myself and Detective Stabler will take his statement."

"Is there a deal on the table if he pleads guilty?" The lawyer asked as Alex walked in.

"If he confesses to all three rapes he'll get twenty five years for each one and parole is on the table." Alex said knowing the court appointed attorney would definitely take any deal offered.

"I'll talk to my client." He said hurrying off.

"I'll call Munch, he might want to see the man he was mistaken for." Olivia smiled feeling relieved that she and her squad had proved his innocence.


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**

**Federal Plaza, Manhattan, New York**

**Saturday, January 18th 2016**

**10.03 am**

George Huang had asked Olivia down to his office with baby George. He'd asked her to bring a baby blanket to as this was the start of therapy hoping to help her deal with the depression.

He was waiting for her arrival in his office, he'd specifically asked for George to be fully fed and changed before they arrived so that therapy wouldn't be interupted. He'd set up the couch by covering it in a plush thick comforter and closed all the blinds in the office making it really dark except for a small lamp in the corner.

The knock on his office door made him smile a little, this would have to be the first step in helping her get better.

"Hey Liv." He smiled as she walked in with baby George in his chair.

"Hey why is it so dark in here?" She asked as she walked in.

"I want to try something that helped women with postnatal, a psychologist who specialises in postpartum in Connecticut Eliza Berry, I called her and she told me the sooner I got it up and going the better." George replied and Olivia nodded nervously. "Don't be nervous Liv just go with it ok?"

"Uh ok." She replied.

"Ok I'm going to leave you alone to do this ok but I want you to take your top and bra off and strip Georgie down to his diaper, then climb onto the couch lay back with Georgie on his front on your chest and put the blanket over his back so it covers your top half and his back keeping him warm. I'll be back in ten minutes." George told her and she nodded feeling a little bit uncomfortable with what was about to happen.

Olivia waited until the door was shut and then quickly stripped Georgie down to his nappy before putting him back in his chair before quickly taking off her own t-shirt and bra. She lifted George into her arms and lay back in the couch before covering him with the blanket feeling her own skin against her baby boy's and watching the rise and fall of his body with her breath.

George knocked on the door and Olivia called for him to come back in and he smiled over at her as she was laying on the couch stroking her fingers down her son's spine.

"Ok?" He asked.

"Yeah but what is the point of this?" Olivia asked not understanding what George was trying to do with having her lying topless in his office.

"Postpartum depression causes the Mom that's you to detach from the baby that's Georgie. To stop that happening there has to be someone, that's me, to help with bonding process, when Georgie was born you missed out on the instant holding that you got with every other child because you couldn't hold him straight away and then you had to be treated for the injuries sustained in the crash so it was a good few hours between giving birth and finally holding your son. We're going to try and build the connection you should have gotten in the few crucial minutes after he was born."

"Ok but how does that have me lying topless with my near naked son on the couch of your office?" Olivia asked her eyes fixed firmly on the doctor.

"Skin to skin bonding." George replied as he brought his desk chair over to the side of the couch. "Are you warm enough?"

"Yeah." Olivia nodded before kissing her son's head softly and George Huang's heart swelled a little, it was obvious Olivia was trying.

"Ok now I want you to hold Georgie under the blanket so he can feel your hands on his back, the more frequent you touch George the quicker he will begin to recognise your touch, soon he'll be able to tell the difference between your touch and Elliot's and it will continue to develop and grow." George said and carefully Olivia slipped one hand under the blanket and then other.

"Ok?" She asked sighing softly.

"Yeah now relax your head back and close your eyes." George said and Olivia adjusted herself and closed her eyes breathing deeply.

"Good now I want you to continue to stroke George, relax into his touch as much as he relaxes into yours."

Olivia took another deep breath and felt her son adjust to her touch and it actually brought a little smile to her face.

"Good now I want you to think back to when you held him first in the hospital." George said and Olivia rolled her lips as she thought of the moment George was placed in her arms, the look on Elliot's face as he looked at his wife and son and the instant love and connection she had felt to her family as a whole.

"That's it." George whispered as he saw Olivia relax more and more into Georgie's touch.

George sat back and just watched as Olivia thought back to the day George was born, he let her mind rule the memory and didn't interrupt it any further. In minutes both Olivia and Georgie's breathing evened out and George could just smile, this was step one into helping Olivia.

He watched her for an hour, giving her body a time to rest but rather than waking her he gently shook baby George just so the baby would move and watched Olivia stir and react to the baby. Olivia woke up with a smile on her face.

"Hey baby boy." Olivia said softly as she ran finger down her son's cheek. "How long was I sleeping?" She asked turning to George.

"An hour." George replied. "I'll leave you to dress but don't dress George because I want to teach you something else, these are all things you can do at home ok?"

"Fine." Olivia smiled as she rubbed her cheek into son's head and George left with a smile if this was something she'd continue to do on her own time at home she would soon be fully bonded with her son.

Olivia placed baby George in his chair so she could change but she kept looking over at him and pulling faces making him smile awkwardly which in turn made her laugh. Once dressed she opened the office door and George came back in with a bottle of baby lotion.

"Ok that's creepy." Olivia laughed as he shook the bottle.

"It's for baby massage." George chuckled.

"Ok." Olivia nodded as George opened the blinds and let the natural sunlight into the room.

"Lay George down on his blanket on the floor." George said and Olivia did as he asked. "Now take the lotion and warm it up in your hands then rub it into George and while you do talk to George, sing to him and keep eye contact."

"Ok." Olivia said taking the lotion.

George sat back behind Olivia as she placed the lotion in her hands and pressed them to Georgie's stomach.

"I feel awkward." Olivia said.

"Want me to leave you?" George asked and Olivia nodded.

George left the room knowing that Olivia knew he recorded all sessions in his office which meant he could listen back afterwards.

"Beautiful dreamer wake unto me…" Olivia sang softly as she massaged the lotion into her son's body.

The baby's blue eyes latched onto his Mother's as she sang and rubbed her hands over his stomach rubbing lotion into his soft skin.

**Cragen-Stabler home, Manhattan, New York**

**Saturday, January 18th 2016**

**12.36 pm**

Olivia arrived home with the Doctor's words ringing in her ears, he'd told her to massage George and lie skin to skin with him every day and try talking to him while she did. He also told her to have a certain time of day every day to have a hot bath with music and a glass of wine alone something she could look forward too and she wasn't going to go against anything he asked of her.

"Hey everything ok?" Elliot asked coming to meet her in the living room.

"Yeah I think baby George enjoyed himself." Olivia laughed as she put the car seat down on the floor where her son was sleeping peacefully.

"How did it go for you?" Elliot asked taking his wife's coat off.

"You know it was nice, relaxing even." Olivia replied. "Something smells good."

"I'm making spaghetti and meatballs." He smiled and Olivia grinned, her favourite comfort food.

"Where are the kids?" Olivia asked.

"Ali and Eli are playing in the play room, Nicole and Melissa are doing homework and Lex and Lil are watching Pocahontas in their room." Elliot explained.

"It's quiet." She replied.

"It's nice not to hear Melissa and Nicole fighting and the twins playing really loud games." Elliot chuckled as he went to hang up her coat.

"Yeah, I'm going to take George up to his bassinette and then go check on the girls." She said reaching into the car seat for her son.

"Ok, lunch won't be long now." He told her kissing her on the head but moved away when he found her shrug uncomfortably.

He watched Olivia go off with his son and walked back into the kitchen, he knew his marriage was failing and it wasn't just because Olivia had postpartum. He was determined to help her get back to normal before they separated but he knew a temporary separation was inevitable.

Olivia watched her sleeping son in the bassinette. She wondered what he thought of her, if the tiny baby she'd carried for nine months loved her. Once she'd switched on the monitor and grabbed her piece she made her way out into the hallway and then to Melissa's bedroom.

"Hey Princess you ok?" Olivia asked seeing her eldest daughter at her desk scribbling away.

"Hey Mom. I'm good." Melissa smiled spinning her chair around to face her Mom.

"Melly… do you…" She walked into the bedroom and sat down on the side of Melissa's bed. "Do you feel like Mommy works too much?"

"Not really, you work less than Dad anyway." Melissa replied as she faced her Mom.

"But do you feel like we're not here for you, or me not here for you." Olivia asked.

"Mom what's with the questions?" Melissa asked with a frown.

"I just don't want any of you to feel abandoned by me." Olivia said and Melissa sat on the bed beside Olivia and wrapped her arms around her Mom's waist.

"Mommy, when that man killed my birth parents you and Daddy Cole rescued me, you took me in and I know you love me as much as you love all my sisters and brother. I could never feel abandoned by you." She said as Olivia ran her hand through her daughter's waist length blonde hair.

"I love you Melly." Olivia said softly.

"I love you too Mommy." Melissa replied giving Olivia a gentle squeeze. "But are you really ok?"

"Yeah baby, Mom just got a little poorly after having Georgie and I guess I'm feeling a bit insecure." Olivia replied honestly, she had to remember her little girl wasn't so little anymore.

"You need to take care of yourself more Mom." Melissa replied.

"I know but with seven kids to take care of and a full time job it takes a lot of time." Olivia said softly.

"Well don't you worry about me Mom because I'm a big girl now." Melissa teased and they both laughed softly.

"Ok well I'm going to check on your sisters ok lunch will be ready soon." Olivia said getting to her feet.

"Sure and Mom if you have time later could you help me with Spanish verbs?" Melissa asked.

"I'll make time you know that." Olivia smiled before kissing her daughter's head and leaving closing the door behind her.

She smiled once the door was shut, she remembered the scared six year old she and Cole had adopted and it was hard to think that girl was thirteen years old with a mind of a thirty year old. She went to the bedroom next door and went in to find Nicole in the same position as Melissa, bent over her desk scribbling away.

"Hey Nic what you doing?" Olivia asked going in.

"Writing a story for English Language." Nicole replied putting her pencil down.

Olivia smiled at her seven year old who was a combination of her and her first love. She had her Mother's hair and eyes but her father's mouth, nose and jaw line.

"What's it about?" Olivia asked sitting down on the bed.

"About me and Daddy going for a picnic in heaven." Nicole replied and Olivia felt an ache in the pit of her heart.

"You miss him don't you." Olivia stated and Nicole nodded.

"Mommy would he love me like you love me?" Nicole asked spinning her chair to face her Mother.

"Course he would Nicole, remember how I told you he's watching over you?" Olivia asked and Nicole nodded in reply.

Olivia reached over and took the picture of herself and Cole that Nicole kept on her desk, she looked at the man she thought she would marry and have a family and the tears built in her eyes.

"You miss Daddy don't you Mommy?" Nicole asked climbing onto Olivia's lap.

"Every day baby, every day." Olivia replied as she wiped her tears away.

"Tell me a story about you and Daddy, the one about when you first met." Nicole said and Olivia smiled.

"Let's cuddle up then." Olivia said climbing onto the bed properly and Nicole curled up under her arm.

"Ok Mommy had a really bad day in work, she'd been fighting all day with Daddy Elliot and was tired and cranky so went to a bar to get some peace. Daddy Cole saw Mommy sitting on her own by the table and came over. He introduced himself and said he worked for Missing Persons and then I introduced myself and said I worked Special Victims, and he said he heard I'd had a tough day. Then he bought Mommy a drink and we talked and talked and barely touched our drinks and we were laughing and talking all night then he gave me his card and I gave him mine and then the next day he found an excuse to come up to see me in work." Olivia said her voice soft and full of tender love.

"Mommy was it love at first sight?" Nicole asked.

"I think so, I never felt for anyone the way I felt for your Daddy Nicole." Olivia told her. "When he died I was so lost, I thought I'd never love anyone the way your Daddy again."

"Do you love Daddy Elliot the way you loved Daddy?" Nicole asked.

"It's not the same, I do love Elliot more and more than I ever thought possible but it's a little different because your Daddy was my first true love, Elliot is the man I fell in love with afterwards." Olivia explained. "But I do love Elliot very much he's my husband, I wouldn't have married him and had babies with him if I didn't love him."

"But it's not the same as with Daddy?" Nicole questioned.

"No baby, if your Daddy hadn't died I don't think I'd have fallen in love with Elliot, he got me through all those difficult times when I was pregnant with you and missing Daddy."

"I love you Mommy and I love Daddy Elliot too but I don't think I love Daddy Elliot in the same way as I would love my real Daddy." Nicole whispered tearfully.

"That's ok, love comes in all shapes and sizes and just because you love someone differently, it doesn't mean you love them any less." Olivia told her daughter gently.

"I love you Mommy." She said hugging her Mother tight.

"I love you to Nicole. So much." Olivia replied hugging her daughter tight. "Now finish your homework, lunch will be ready soon so keep your ear out for Daddy on the intercom." Olivia said before getting up and leaving, feeling the need to wipe away her tears.

After shutting the door, regaining her composure and making her way to older twins bedroom she smiled at the scene.

They were both asleep, their limbs tangled around each other, Liliana sucking her thumb while Alexandra held her own ear, their comforts. Olivia switched on the light knowing if they slept to long they wouldn't sleep at all that night. She walked over to them and gently shook them awake before switching the TV off and letting them both wake up properly.

"Mommy." Liliana said reaching her arms out for her mother and Alexandra copied.

"You two have gotten too big for me to carry you both at once." Olivia chuckled and they both pouted making Olivia laugh harder they were exactly alike in almost every way that it was comical. "Let Mommy sit down then I can have hugs with both of you."

She sat in between the two six year olds and they quickly wrapped up in their Mom making Olivia smile.

"Nice nap?" Olivia asked as she ran her hands through her daughter's fine hair.

"Yup." They both replied.

"Good, have you got any homework?" Olivia asked.

"Yup."

"You need to do it."

"We will." They spoke in unison making Olivia laugh again.

"Well get it started then, so we can have tomorrow to do something good together." Olivia smiled and both girls jumped off their mother's lap and hurried over to their conjoined desks making Olivia laugh. "Daddy will call when Lunch is ready." She said before kissing both of their heads.

"Love you." They both called without looking.

"Love you too." She replied before slipping out of the bedroom thinking four down two to go.

The downstairs playroom was Olivia's next stop. She found her three year olds both playing with Nanny Sue and rather than disrupt the game she just stood by the doorway and watched for a minute until she felt two strong arms slip around her waist.

"Hey." She said naturally relaxing into the touch.

"Everything ok?" He asked and she nodded in reply. "What's up Liv? Talk to me?" He was almost pleading in his whisper.

"I'm such a bad Mom." She said slipping from his grasp and walking to the kitchen.

"Hey no you're not." Elliot said following her.

"They should hate me Elliot." She whispered and Elliot sighed and stood in front of her cupping her face to make her look at him.

"No they shouldn't." Elliot said firmly. "They love you Olivia, they love you like you're God or something."

"I'm never here El, Melissa asked me to help her with Spanish 'if I had time' no child should ask their parents if they have time for them." Olivia whispered as tears spilt down her cheeks.

"Olivia you have seven children, Melissa is old enough to understand that you have very little time to help with homework and things it doesn't mean you don't spend enough time with her." Elliot replied.

"I feel like I can't do this anymore, like… like I've been questioning why I had them all." Olivia whispered and Elliot felt his heart cracking, she was worse than he thought at first.

"Liv, you and I need to separate and focus on the kids." He said and she nodded in agreement. "You need to focus on you."

"I don't want them to think I abandoned them for my job." Olivia said and Elliot shook his head.

"They won't ever think that." Elliot said.

"When Mom and Dad were alive I could do it you know? Dad wouldn't let me work too much and there was Mom and me doing everything with the kids."

"You feel like you're doing it all on your own." Elliot sighed and she nodded guiltily. "I'm the one who's been abandoning the kids Liv, it's my fault you're like this."

"El I'm going to set up Mom's old house up for me, we can come to an agreement about the kids and custody and I'm your boss so I can make sure we have different time off to suit the kids, it's for the best isn't it?" Olivia asked.

"I think it is Liv. We'll tell the kids after lunch, let's have one good meal together first before we tell them." Elliot said and Olivia nodded in agreement. "I'll lift the food and you call the kids then we can enjoy lunch and then we'll talk to the kids and Nanny Sue."

"Ok. I'm sorry El." Olivia whispered weakly and he could see how defeated she looked.

"Don't apologise Olivia, we'll get through this even if for now we need to be apart." Elliot replied before kissing her head heavily. "I love you don't ever forget that."

"I love you too." Olivia replied.

**Cragen-Stabler home, Manhattan, New York**

**Saturday, January 18th 2016**

**2.12 pm**

After a nice and relaxed family lunch Olivia and Elliot sat down with the kids and Nanny Sue. Elliot was sat on the arm chair with Ali on his lap and Olivia sat with Lexi and Lili under either arm, Eli sat with Nanny Sue and Nicole and Melissa sat on beanie bags on the floor.

"Ok kids, Mommy and Daddy are going to have some time apart." Olivia said softly.

"We're going to live apart for a while." Elliot said looking around at his kids.

"Mom who's decision was it?" Melissa asked.

"It's a joint decision Melissa, we want to put all our time into you kids and we think it's best if we do it apart." Olivia replied honestly.

"I'm living with you Mom." Melissa said.

"We're splitting custody Melissa we don't know how yet, we'll talk about it in a bit when you kids are off doing your own thing." Olivia replied firmly.

"I'm living with you Mom. He's not my Dad or my adopted father and so he has no custody rights to me." Melissa said getting to her feet.

"Mel …"

"My decision is made, if you two want to be stupid and split up that's fine with me but I am not staying with Elliot!" Melissa yelled before storming off.

"I'm living with Mommy too, sorry Elliot." Nicole said getting to her feet and hurrying off after her big sister.

"I'm sorry El." Olivia whispered.

"It's not your fault, we can get a court order to compel them both to have visitation with me…"

"El you heard Melissa you haven't adopted either of them so you actually have no rights to either of them." Olivia whispered and Elliot sighed and nodded. "They'll come round."

"Ok." Elliot nodded.

"What do we do for tonight?" Olivia asked.

"I'll take the guest room tonight and we'll talk after the kids go to bed about what we do tomorrow." Elliot replied and Olivia nodded as she held her children tight.

**Next Chapter - Olivia moves into Anne's old house**


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

* * *

><p><strong>Anne Cragen's house, Manhattan, New York<strong>

**Sunday, January 19th 2016**

**9.36 am**

Olivia stood alone in the living room of her Mom's old brownstone. Melissa and Nicole were packing what their bedrooms up saying that they would never stay with Elliot again which broke his heart but he knew that they'd probably come round.

The terms of the custody agreement they had drawn up together the previous evening was that they Olivia had full time custody of both Melissa and Nicole unless they asked otherwise, until the foreseeable future George would only be with Elliot every other weekends which was Elliot's decision because he knew Olivia had to bond with their son or she'd reject him and that would make them both worse off, as for the twins they would change week to week on Monday's after school, Olivia was going to make sure that herself or Elliot finished work before dinner on their week.

She had already put an advertisement that she was looking for a Nanny and that Nanny Sue would stay with Elliot. This was right, she knew it and Elliot knew it and they just hoped whatever happened from here on out was for the best. Olivia had hired back Eliza, the young British maid who had once worked for her Mom, she'd found Eliza working in a bistro and Eliza had jumped at the opportunity to have her old job back which had pleased Olivia, she couldn't have hired anyone else for the job.

Eliza was already hard at work pulling dust covers off and making up the beds. Olivia had already planned on having decorators in to turn her Mother's old fashioned house into a modern family home fit for her children but until then they would have to keep it as it was.

"Ma'am I've done the bedrooms what would you like done next?" Eliza asked in her thick British accent.

"First I'm not my Mother so call me Olivia and uh fancy doing the grocery shop?" Olivia asked unsure what the maid's job had actually been other than making tea when her mother had guests and cooking all the meals.

"Of course would you like to draw up a list?" Eliza asked.

"No just get whatever you want." Olivia said pulling a check book out of her purse. "All you'll need to do is fill the amount at the till."

"Ok the freezer is on so it should be ready to hold food by the time I get back, anything particular you want for tea… I mean Dinner?"

"Uh Melissa and Nicole love turkey dinasours." Olivia laughed. "With fries and salad."

"Sure thing." Eliza said before curtsying and hurrying out, Olivia making a note to tell the young woman not to curtsey and that she could wear whatever the hell she wanted, she thought it was brilliant and funny that the young woman had put on the uniform she wore when she worked for Anne and Olivia didn't want the woman to feel like a slave even if she was getting paid for it.

"Knock knock."

"George hey." Olivia smiled seeing her best friend standing in the doorway of the living room.

"Hey Elliot said I'd find you here." George replied.

"Did he say why?" Olivia asked.

"No he told me I should come talk to you here so here I am." George explained.

"We're separating." Olivia said and George nodded. "We both think it's for the best."

"I won't tell you if it is or not because only you and Elliot know that but at least you already have someone else to live."

"I have been thinking though, I was going to go back to my old apartment but with seven kids there was no way that we could fit completely into it so I had two choices here or Cragen's, why did I choose here and not my Dad's?" Olivia asked turning to the shrink.

"I don't know, maybe because you feel like you want to be closer to your Mom or that you feel that here you'll be more like your Mom to your kids?" George suggested.

"Yeah I guess." Olivia shrugged. "Melissa and Nicole have refused to stay with Elliot."

"How come?" George asked leading Olivia over to the couch.

"He's not their Dad, Melissa made the decision first and Nicole followed suit, Nicole has always been close to Mel because Elliot isn't their Dad." Olivia replied. "I'm guessing she is just following what her big sister said."

"What's the rest of the custody agreement?" George asked.

"Well Elliot has the twins this week and I have them next week, George will have every other weekend with Elliot until he's older." Olivia explained and George nodded in understanding. "I don't want my marriage to fail."

"It might not, separating and divorcing are completely different." George said.

"I told him to see other people." Olivia said. "I don't want him to be lonely."

"What did he say in reply?" George asked.

"He told me to give things ago with Rockwell." Olivia laughed.

"Are you going to?" George continued and Olivia just shrugged in reply the conversation interrupted by the shrill ring of her phone.

"Cragen." She answered. "Ok… no I'll come pick them up now. Bye."

"Well?" George asked.

"Nicole and Melissa are all packed and want to leave." Olivia explained. "I need to go and pick them up. Elliot's week starts tomorrow but he's keeping George tonight."

"Liv?"

"Just so I can settle in here and Elliot won't see him for two weeks, or won't have him over night for two weeks anyway." Olivia explained and George nodded. "I need to get the girls you stay here?"

"Sure thing I'll see you in a bit."

* * *

><p><strong>Cragen-Stabler home, Manhattan, New York<strong>

**Sunday, January 19th 2016**

**10.12 am**

Olivia walked into what was her family home and found Melissa and Nicole sat there waiting.

"Can we go now?" Melissa asked.

"Yeah get in the car I'll be there in a bit ok?" Olivia asked and the two hurried off. "El?"

"Living room." He called and Olivia hurried in to see him sitting there holding his youngest son.

"Ok?" She asked.

"This isn't the end Liv." He said and she nodded.

"I know."

"Call me if you need anything." He said looking up at her and she nodded. "I love you."

"I love you too but sometimes that isn't enough El." She whispered.

"I know." Elliot replied.

"Go out there and have fun El." Olivia said. "For me?"

"If that's what you want." He replied with a sigh.

"If you don't have a date before the girls come to mine I promise you that I will set you up on a blind date with some freak." She laughed and he leaned forward and kissed her lips.

"El." She groaned pulling away.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"I know." She nodded. "Me too."

* * *

><p><strong>Cragen Household, Manhattan, New York<strong>

**Sunday, January 19th 2016**

**3.46 pm**

The large house was deathly quiet. Olivia and George were sat in the warm study while Melissa and Nicole unpacked in their chosen bedrooms. Eliza was getting ready for dinner in the kitchen leaving the two adults in complete privacy.

"It's going to take weeks to get this place set up to be my own." Olivia sighed sitting back in the old fashioned couch with a glass of wine.

"Yeah but you'll get there." George replied and she nodded.

"You know when I got married, I thought that was it you know? I really thought my life was made from there on."

"Olivia no one gets married thinking they're going to separate, if you thought that you'd never get married." George said and Olivia nodded in agreement.

"I think if we do divorce it will be simple and straight forward, Elliot signed a pre-nup because Mom was worried about my inheritance from her and from Cole and just for the sake of it they wrote in Don's money, neither one of cheated and the separation has been simple." Olivia replied and George nodded in agreement. "He can have the house, I have two houses and two apartments so I don't need our family home."

"Liv don't even think like that right now, just focus on getting yourself used to being alone again." George said and Olivia nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, I have to get used to being single again even if technically I'm married." Olivia sighed looking at her bare ring finger, she and Elliot had both taken them off. "It's a whole new ball game."

**Next Chapter – How do they work together when they've seperated**


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

**A/N: I love the mixed reactions to the separation I have some screaming for E/O to get back together and get their act together and then others want to see something between Olivia and Mathew, maybe I can please both audiences!**

* * *

><p><strong>Cragen Residence, Manhattan, New York<strong>

**Monday, January 20th 2016**

**7.21 am**

"Melissa! Nicole! Hurry up!" Olivia yelled up the stairs, she already badly missed her intercom system and added it to the list of things she needed to do to her Mother's house.

"Olivia I can drive the girls to school if you want." Eliza said seeing how stressed Olivia was.

"You don't mind?" Olivia asked.

"Of course not." Eliza replied. "I worked as a Nanny for a while after your Mother told me she wasn't coming home."

"You did?" Olivia asked. "Eliza… how would you like to earn a little bit more by being the kids Nanny too?"

"Really?" Eliza asked her eyes wide in a smile.

"Yeah, we can discuss terms of employment because on some days you're going to have seven kids running around but I'm sure we can come to come agreement, I mean our Nanny's used to do all the cooking and cleaning anyway." Olivia replied and Eliza smiled and nodded. "Just stop wearing that uniform and wear whatever the hell you want."

"Sure." Eliza nodded.

"Uh the delivery of the new bed is at four and can you ring the intercom company that I wrote down on the white board in the kitchen I want it in every room."

"I know Olivia and Melissa has gymnastics and Nicole has Piano I'll drop them off and pick them up." Eliza smiled.

"I'll be home for six, if something comes up I'll call and I'll have George tonight and the Crib arrives at two…"

"I know, go have a good day." Eliza laughed putting Olivia's scarf over her.

"Ok I'm going. Girls! I'm going!" She yelled up the stairs.

"Bye!" They both yelled back and Olivia rolled her eyes and hurried off.

* * *

><p><strong>Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York<strong>

**Monday, January 20th 2016**

**8.02 am**

Olivia was pleased to see she had arrived before Elliot. She went straight into her office and was surprised to see Mathew Rockwell sitting there.

"Mathew? What do I owe this very early morning visit to?" Olivia asked.

"COM STAT." He replied and Olivia sighed and nodded.

"It's been a bit of a weekend Mathew I've barely look at the file." She replied honestly.

"Well your unit has the highest case closure in the NYPD so I wouldn't worry if I was you." Mathew smiled.

"Good, any of my staff need to worry?" Olivia asked.

"Nope." Mathew replied.

"Then what are we doing here?" She asked skimming through the files in her desk.

"I just thought I'd find an excuse to call by. Your husband called and said you might need a friend."

"My husband?" She asked raising her eyebrows. "Son of a bitch."

"What?" Mathew asked.

"We separated yesterday." Olivia told him.

"He called me last night." Mathew replied and Olivia shook her head and laughed softly. "What?"

"We told each other to see other people." Olivia explained. "I said if he didn't have a date in the next week I'd set up a blind date with a weirdo." Olivia chuckled. "He specifically told me to hit on you."

"He did?" Mathew asked.

"Yeah." Olivia blushed seeing how perked up Mathew became hearing that.

"So if I asked you to dinner?" He asked cheekily.

"Why are you asking?"

"Italian?"

"Carbonara."

"Tomorrow?"

"Eight O'clock." Olivia smiled her eyes still fixed on the file in her hands.

"Meet you at Luigi's west hundred an eighth." He said getting to his feet.

Olivia just smiled as he walked off, there was no harm in having some fun if that's what Elliot wanted her to do.

When Elliot arrived he brought George through in his car seat.

"Everything ok?" He asked as Olivia took the gurgling baby into her arms.

"Yeah you?" She asked feeling awkward.

"Yeah." He nodded.

"Uh I need your fives of the Delany case for COM STAT on Friday." Olivia told him.

"Sure." He nodded.

"Can you make sure all uni's have their paperwork up to date because some of them will be leaving us the department is cutting uniforms at the precinct by twenty percent." Olivia said.

"Ok." Elliot replied nodding.

"That's all." She told him as she closed her office blinds.

"Ok." He nodded again before walking out and leaving Olivia to whatever she was doing guessing she felt awkward.

Olivia closed her office door and stripped George down to his diaper before removing her own top half and then like George Huang had told her she sat back in her chair with the blanket to cover her and held her son.

"I'm sure you kept Daddy up all night huh?" She asked as her son blinked his bright blue eyes up at her making her smile. "Things are changing buddy and I don't know if they're for the better or not but you won't remember all of this so you're lucky." She continued as he grasped at her finger and put it into his mouth.

A knock on the office door had her groaning and shifting to make sure she was completely covered.

"Come in!" She called and she was surprised to see Mathew Rockwell enter again. "Ok what do you want?" She asked suspiciously.

"I was going to go back to the office but I thought we could have coffee and just talk." He said placing a fresh carton of coffee on her desk.

"Ok. Thanks." She replied as she stroked her hand over her son's blanket covered back. "Sorry I thought I'd have an hour or two alone." She said knowing that he could see she was topless because he could see her shoulders.

"My ex-wife used to carry out children around naked on her bare chest, it's supposed to be a bonding thing or something, she didn't cover up with a blanket like you do though." He said and she smiled.

"Yeah, George Huang taught me this, said I should try it whenever I had some alone time with my son and the first night away from him last night since he was born, it was really strange so I just thought I'd remind him who Mommy is." Olivia explained and Mathew smiled.

"It's adorable." He said and she nodded before kissing her son's head.

"He's Momma's boy." Olivia said and Mathew nodded in reply.

"I wanted to ask you, are things going to be awkward between you and Stabler now?" He asked cautiously.

"I guess they will be but we're professional you know, we've almost always kept work and privet separate…"

"You can't do that in this job Olivia." He said and she sighed and nodded.

"That's true but I think we can remain professional." Olivia said.

"If not … there's going to be an opening in Bronx SVU for Captain… we want either you or Elliot to consider taking it." Mathew said.

"How come?" Olivia asked.

"Because John Munch never wanted to take captaincy and you and Elliot have …"

"No I mean how come there's an opening." Olivia said.

"Oh their case closure rate is only forty four percent and yours is double that and the brass thinks they need someone more experienced to take it. That's what is going to be the big announcement at COM STAT."

"I'll talk to Elliot, see if he's interested, I mean now we're separated he might take it but who knows he may have taken it even if we were still together." Olivia shrugged.

"Well if he doesn't want it you still can…"

"I could never leave Manhattan SVU Mathew, my life has always been here and this is where my Dad worked you know and I took over from him, it means too much to me and I'm already Captain I don't need to go through it all again." Olivia said and he nodded his understanding.

"The choice is yours Olivia your job here is safe." Mathew smiled getting to his feet. "I'll catch you later."

"Yeah." She replied before watching him go leaving her to think about losing Elliot to Brooklyn SVU.

* * *

><p><strong>Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York<strong>

**Monday, January 20th 2016**

**1.49 pm**

"Stabler a word!" Olivia called the office door.

Elliot felt resentment at being called 'Stabler' by his wife but he didn't say anything as he walked into the office without arguing.

"Sit down Elliot." She said and Elliot took one of the seats while she took her own behind the desk.

"Liv are you going to tell me what this is about?" Elliot asked as she was studying him intently.

"You know its COM STAT tomorrow." Olivia said and Elliot nodded in reply though it wasn't a question. "I've been informed that an opening will be made as Captain in Bronx SVU and… I've been told that the job will be offered to you."

"Captain of Bronx SVU?" Elliot asked.

"I was told that they want you or me running the department, I won't leave here, I'm already Captain. It's your choice El, I won't make you leave but if you want to take it I won't stop you either." Olivia explained. "I'm telling you before the brass do so you can have a chance to think it over, weigh up the pro's and con's and then make whatever decision you think is the right one for you." Olivia explained and Elliot nodded.

"How did you know?" Elliot asked.

"Know what?" Olivia frowned.

"Know that they were planning on releasing the Captaincy spot at Bronx SVU and that they were offering it to one of us?" Elliot explained.

"Rockwell was here this morning telling me, you saw him come in here." Olivia replied and Elliot nodded and frowned.

"Do you want me to take it?" Elliot asked.

"I don't want to lose my Sergeant." Olivia replied. "But I want you to make the decision for yourself, I won't hold it against you whatever decision you chose to make."

"Fine." He replied getting to his feet and Olivia followed suit.

He walked to the door and Olivia followed him.

"Liv what are we doing?" He asked turning back to face her.

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked.

Elliot grabbed her and kissed her hard.

At first she was taken by shock but then she kissed him back. Her arms snaked around him and her lips didn't leave his as his hand snaked around her slender frame. The kiss was hard, passionate mixed with anger and frustration.

He pushed her up against the door making it rattle and letting everyone know in the squad room that something was happening in there especially when Elliot clicked the door locked.

It took seconds for him to lift her into his arms holding her tight against him as she wrapped her legs around his waist crossing them tight behind him.

His hands stroked up and down her sweater covered back and she moaned subconsciously into his mouth. Slowly he made his way over to the old leather couch that had been the victim of their office antics numerous times and he lay her down on it.

Once he was nearly lying on top of her he dropped her lips and looked into her eyes. Their breathing was ragged, like they were nervous. He stroked his hands down her clothed body and she watched his eyes rake over her body following the pattern of her body.

He slowly lifted his eyes back to her face and then kissed her gently, there wasn't the rush that there had been when he first kissed her. Her hands stroked up his back half lifting his shirt with it which gave him the go ahead to peel off her sweater.

She sat up to help him take it off and then lay back so he could stroke up and down her ribs slowly towards her breasts stopping underneath her bra almost as if seeking permission to touch her there. The arch of her back was permission enough and as he leant down and latched his lips onto hers once again he slid his hands beneath her back to unhook the offending garment.

When he reached up pulling the bra off she found her chance to begin taking his shirt off one button at a time. Her fingers danced nimbly from one small plastic button to the other wasting no time once the last one was done to push the shirt from his shoulders and he helped by taking the sleeves off, dropping it onto the floor for her before pressing his lips to hers again, enjoying the feel of her breasts rubbing against his chest.

She moved her thigh that was pressed between his legs, teasing him a little and when he groaned she laughed playfully. He stroked his fingers all the way down and pulled at her slacks. She rose her hips up to let him pull them off and he took her panties with them leaving her lying there in all her glory while she went for his belt buckle.

He helped her take off the belt and then his trousers and skin tight boxer shorts before he lay on her naked. As he kissed her she stroked her hands up and down his bare back feeling him shiver at her touch.

They breathed in tandem as they continued to kiss and feel each other's skin on skin. Olivia separated her legs and Elliot lined himself between them. He snaked one arm around her shoulders and pulled her up to him a little and she kissed him softly sucking his top lip into his mouth.

He slipped inside her and enjoyed the look that flushed across her face and he smiled smugly enjoying the ego boost her reactions gave him. He pulled her hand into his free one, one still wrapped around her shoulders. He held their hands in between them and as he started to slowly move he kept his eyes on hers. They didn't speak, or give any vocal reaction, the years of having to keep very quiet at home with the kids and the fact that they were in the office with fifty cops outside in the squad room, they had plenty of practise keeping silent. Throaty breathless whimpers were all they gave off as they slowly rocked their hips in tandem and kept their eyes on each other.

The closer to their peak they got the harder it was for them both to remain calm and steady in their movements and kept their eyes on one another. They both had a thick sheen of sweat covering their bodies. Olivia's side bangs stuck to her cheeks and a red blush crawled up from her neck.

Elliot felt Olivia close around him and he pressed his forehead to hers as she arched her back further, her climax taking over her body and causing it to vibrate and contort oddly. It pushed him over the edge. Olivia wrapped her legs around him and pulled him into her, pushing him as deep as he could into her feeling him fire his seed into her.

"Oh my God." He whispered as he lay his head down on Olivia's chest both of them breathing heavily.

"I know." She replied running her fingers through his sweat filled hair.

"What are we doing Liv?" He asked again without even moving, still planted deep inside her.

"I don't think that we should talk about that in this position." She chuckled weakly.

"I love you so much Liv." He said softly turning his head so he could look into her eyes through the valley of her breasts.

"I love you too El." She replied. "You know that."

"I do." He sighed softly causing goose pimples to rise on her breast. "I know living separate is for the best Liv but the thought of you going on a date or kissing another man, it kills me Liv." He told her honestly. "You've got a date with Rockwell haven't you?"

"He asked me but if it bothers you so much I'll cancel." She said honestly.

"No I want you to go." He replied from his heart. "I think I'll take the Bronx job." Elliot said.

"Ok." Olivia replied her cheek rubbing into Elliot's head.

"You really ok with that?" Elliot asked.

"Of course I am El, you'll be captain, you'll be earning more, in control of your hours, and it's a great opportunity for you El." Olivia spoke softly and Elliot could hear the sincerity in her voice.

"Ok." Elliot nodded.

"If we're working different precincts maybe it will save our relationship, our marriage." Olivia said and Elliot nodded in agreement.

"But for now we'll live apart." Elliot said. "Try and put the spark back in our love life and our marriage, try and give our kids the attention they deserve."

"I'll talk to Mel and Nikki, they'll come round and agree to see you El." Olivia replied.

"I hope so. I mean I've been Nic's Daddy since she was born even if she does know about Cole." Elliot said.

"I know, I know you love Nicole and Melissa as much as you love the rest of our kids El." Olivia replied softly.

"I spoke with Maureen this morning." Elliot said from nowhere.

"How are my darling step children?" Olivia asked, she missed them and thought of them often.

"They're good, thinking of coming up to stay for two weeks while the kids are with you, they want to make sure I'm taken care of even though Nanny Sue will still be with me." Elliot chuckled.

"Well they better come and see their step mother and half siblings while they're visiting I mean they've only seen George once since he's been born." Olivia replied with a smile.

"I'm sure they will, Kathy's coming down with them too, she wants to see you." Elliot said as he rubbed his cheek into Olivia's chest.

"Ok." Olivia nodded. "I'm sure we'll go for coffee."

"Yeah." Elliot nodded.

"El…"

"What?" He asked heavily, he was close to sleep.

"As much as I am enjoying lying naked here with you we have work to do and there's a high probability that someone will come and knock on that door at any moment." Olivia laughed and he rested his chin on her chest so he could look at her.

"I don't want to move." He said with a smile on his face.

"Neither do I but if we don't we're going to get caught." Olivia laughed and Elliot reached up and kissed her hard.

"I love you." He said.

"I love you too." She replied before kissing him again as he climbed off her and passed her clothes over.

"This room stinks of sex." Elliot chuckled as he pulled on his boxers.

"Well it's me who has to sit in here all day with people come in, as long as no one from the brass turns up I think we're good, no one is going to comment on husband and wife making love on the couch." Olivia laughed as she pulled her bra on.

"So when are you going on this date with the Commissioner?" Elliot asked as he buttoned up his shirt.

"El don't do this." Olivia groaned.

"What?" He asked innocently.

"If you don't want me to go just say it, seriously because if you don't I won't." Olivia replied and he shook his head.

"Olivia if you want to go on a date with this guy, have a good time and end up sleeping with him that's your choice, ok? I don't mind what you do." He told her as he leant in to her, one arm either side of her.

"Ok fine but whatever I do with whomever and vice versa can we not talk about it? When and if we ever get back together then we can tell each other who we had dates with and who we slept with but until then it's none of our business what the other does." Olivia said and Elliot nodded in agreement, he would feel the same if he had a date and she was questioning him.

"Fine." He said giving her one last kiss before he walked out of the office leaving her shake her head and wonder what on earth they were doing.

**Next Chapter – Ha, bet none of you expected that! ;)**


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37**

**A/N: Sorry it's been so long and I know I've changed this chapter, the reason I got bored with it was because I no longer liked where I was going with the case, this story isn't about the case it's about the personal family life. So I hope someone is still reading!**

**Cragen Residence, Manhattan, New York**

**Monday, January 20th 2016**

**7.36 pm**

Olivia sat holding baby Georgie as she sat in the study with George Huang. He'd come over to check on her but he wasn't going to tell her that even though she knew it inside.

"So how was working with Elliot while you're separated?" George asked as Olivia was pulling faces at her son making him smile and pull faces back.

"It was different." Olivia replied. "Everyone in the squad room knew straight away when they saw me snapping orders about paperwork and saw neither one of us were wearing our wedding rings."

"Do you think they expected friction?" George continued and Olivia shrugged.

"I can't tell you what they were thinking but there wasn't any friction but he's not going to be at SVU much longer so it doesn't matter…"

"What do you mean? He's leaving?" George asked in complete shock.

"He's taking the Captaincy at Bronx SVU, but don't say anything none of us are supposed to know that the job is even available till after COM STAT tomorrow." Olivia replied hurriedly.

"Wow, you and Elliot working different boroughs, that's going to be different." George said and Olivia nodded.

"I mean we've worked together for sixteen years George it's going to take a while to adjust." Olivia replied honestly. "But I think it's for the best, it may even save our marriage."

"Maybe." George replied with a smile.

"I'm going to put little man down." Olivia said as George began falling asleep in her arms. "I'll be down in a minute."

George watched Olivia take her son up the stairs and he wondered whether or not Olivia even wanted her marriage saved, he didn't know whether there was a marriage there worth saving but what he did know was Olivia wanted to save her marriage, she wanted to save her relationship with her husband but he knew them working apart could go either way, save them or ruin them.

When Olivia came back downstairs she seemed to relax a little more which made George smile.

"So did you and Elliot talk about things other than work?" George asked and he saw the smile play on Olivia's lips. "Oh come on you have to tell me!"

"We … well if you count talking having sex on my office couch then yeah we talked." Olivia laughed and George's mouth fell open in surprise he knew that Olivia and Elliot had sex in the office in the past, if he was right Ali and Eli were conceived in Don Cragen's office.

"Seriously?" He asked.

"Yes, he is my husband and the sexual attraction is always going to be there George." Olivia replied with a shrug.

"Yeah but you're separated, I mean you have a date tomorrow night and you're still sleeping with Elliot?"

"He's my husband! Mathew knows we're just separated and there's a high probability we'll get back together." Olivia shrugged, there was nothing wrong about having sex with her husband separated or not.

"Ok." George nodded. "I mean you're right, he is your husband but do you really want to string the Commissioner along? It could have detrimental effect on your career if this goes wrong Liv…"

"Maybe so but he's the one that will get the hassle for dating one of his Captain's." Olivia replied shrugging, she had thought about it and Mathew seemed like a decent enough guy.

**COM STAT, One Police Plaza, New York**

**Tuesday, January 21st 2016**

**9.36 am**

Olivia sat back in her seat and watched as different Captains, Sergeants, Lieutenants and Inspectors took to the seat in front of the desk and listen to the Morris Commission report on how they ran their units.

She was scared they were ruthless in their reports and every time they said something negative she felt a shiver down her spine.

Commissioner Mathew Rockwell was sat in the centre and he was doing most of the talking but when he was quiet he'd glance over at Olivia and smile softly which would make her blush and then she'd hope no one had seen.

"Captain Gregory Roach Bronx SVU."

Olivia watched as the current Bronx Captain walked up and took the seat in front of the Morris Commission and for once she listened intently to what was said.

"Captain Roach what is your current case closure percentage?" Rockwell asked and Olivia could see a gleam in his eye that almost scared her.

"Forty four percent." He replied.

"Forty four percent? Has Captain Cragen arrived?"

Olivia knew he knew she was there so she stood up and he smiled at her.

"Captain Cragen what is your current case closure rate?" He asked.

"Eighty Seven percent Sir." She replied and he nodded.

"And how long have you been Captain?" He asked.

"Five months Sir." She replied and he nodded again and smiled.

"Captain Roach how long have you been Captain of Bronx SVU?" Rockwell asked.

"Eight years." He replied weakly.

"Eight years… and in that eight years what's the highest your case closure rate has been?"

"Fifty nine percent." He replied visibly ashamed.

"Fifty nine percent… Captain Roach you've got your twenty haven't you? Why are you still in this job?"

"I enjoy my job Sir." He replied simply.

"Enjoy it? But you don't do a good job of it, more than half your cases are cold and it is absolutely unacceptable you have two choices Sir, put in your papers or transfer because Bronx SVU needs a shakeup starting with you."

Olivia was still standing there feeling uncomfortable and she wasn't sure if it was safe for her to sit down or not yet but Mathew Rockwell was too busy to give her a look to let her know she could sit down.

"Yes Sir." He replied.

"We're done then." Rockwell said and Captain Roach got out of the seat and flashed Olivia a filthy look.

"Manhattan SVU." He called and Olivia made her way over to the chair Captain Roach had just occupied.

"Captain Cragen your case closure rate is higher than it has been in ten years, it's obvious that the unit is running smoothly under your command. You currently have no fresh cases, can your unit handle half the fresh open cases from Bronx SVU?"

"I believe we could handle it." Olivia replied trying to hide her nerves reminding herself that her uniform with a white shirt showed a position of power, she was higher ranked than most people in the room other than the Morris Commission most in the room were Lieutenants or Sergeants.

"Then Captain Roach will have those case files to you today. Of course then there is the matter of Captaincy of Bronx SVU, Captain Cragen are you interested or can you think of anyone ranked higher than Detective who would be interested who has years of experience and has taken their Captaincy exam?"

"I'll be honest and say that my place is Manhattan SVU but I do know that Sergeant Stabler has an interest in uh moving on." Olivia replied.

"Then we'll discuss the matter with Sergeant Stabler then and leave you to get back to work." Rockwell said and she could see the gleam in his eye when she nodded and got up to leave.

As she walked out of the room she had an extra sway in her hips and she could feel Mathew Rockwell's eyes on her skirt covered backside making her chuckle to herself.

Once outside in the open air she took a deep breath and was almost scared to death when there was a tap on her shoulder.

"Captain Roach?" She asked as her breathing normalised.

"Sorry Captain Cragen I didn't mean to scare you. I was wondering when I should deliver the files to you?" He asked and Olivia could hear the resentment in his voice.

"Sooner you get them to me the sooner I can put my Detectives to work Captain." She replied as she dug in her purse for her car keys.

"Of course, I'll have Detective Russo drop them off sometime today, I'll be cleaning out my office." He said.

"Ok. Thank you." Olivia replied before walking off she had no interest in talking with the man any longer and he took the hint and let her go.

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Tuesday, January 21st 2016**

**10.47 am**

All ears perked up at the clip clapping of heels. They were all surprised to see Olivia walking in full uniform as they had been expecting one of the ADA's not their Captain.

"Any new cases?" She asked as she took her hat off and pull her hair bobble out before shaking her hair free from the hold it had been in all morning as it was so long these days she had tucked it into the back of her shirt.

"Nope and for the first time in my life I am up to date with paper work." Munch replied making everyone laugh.

"Ok, we're being given half of Bronx SVU cases." Olivia informed them. "When the cases are handed over to us I'll work with Nick and Munch and Fin I want you to work together. Someone come get me when the files arrive. Stabler, my office." Olivia said as she loosened up her tie a little to give her room to breathe.

Elliot nodded and followed Olivia into the office where she unbuttoned her jacket going from professional tidy work woman to overworked and tired cop in seconds.

"What do you want?" Elliot asked folding his arms over his chest.

"Uh I didn't include you in the Bronx cases because this Captain is your last day." Olivia smiled handing him the manila file from her purse.

"Serious?" Elliot asked and Olivia nodded and smiled.

"You should make your way over there and make sure I get my files." Olivia smirked as he flicked through the file in his hands.

"So how come you're having half my open cases?" Elliot asked taking a seat on the couch.

"Because they've only closed forty four percent this year El it would take you the next year to close the already open ones and you will have more cases coming in so Rockwell has asked us to take half of them because my unit's case closure rate is eighty seven and the thirteen percent that are open are colder than my freezer." Olivia explained.

"Oh so Rockwell asked you?" He said in a teasing manner with a shit eating grin on his face.

"Well he is the Commissioner El." Olivia replied rolling her eyes. "So uh you should go and meet your squad up in the Bronx." Olivia smiled and he nodded and smiled broadly at her.

"Thanks Cap it's been an honour working beneath you." He said getting to his feet.

"My pleasure Sergeant." Olivia smiled as he opened the door.

Once it closed behind him Olivia closed her eyes, the door closing was their partnership coming to an end more than ever, if it wasn't gone before it was definitely gone now.

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York**

**Tuesday, January 21st 2016**

**1.12 pm**

The files arrived with a note from 'Captain Stabler' telling them to have fun and that the files were messier than his bathroom which Olivia found hilarious as she knew what a mess he made in their bathroom when they lived together.

"Oh my God Stabler wasn't kidding." Fin sighed as the four Detectives went through the eight boxes of files that had been delivered by one of Elliot's unis.

"Ok I want victims, witnesses, suspects and families re-interviewed, I want all ME reports to go to Warner, I want CSU reports to go to O'Halloran and TARU reports to go to Morales it is going to take months to clean up these files." Olivia said after reading the third incomplete file.

"Who do you want doing what?" Munch asked slamming down the file in his hand in anger, he couldn't believe how awful the notes were.

"Right these files are the oldest so we'll start with these, this room is command centre bring in ever board we have. I want to start with the six oldest files we'll split them three each Munch and Fin take Waldorf, Gonzales and Frost and Nick and I will take Fry, Thomas and Cruz. I'm going to call in Huang he might be able to offer us some assistance on all these cases." Olivia sighed as she moved the box back to the pile leaving the six files on the table.

Munch, Fin and Nick went to get the boards and bring them into conference room while Olivia ordered some unis to move the large conference table out while she called Huang.

An hour later six crime boards held crime scene photos, maps and whatever else they had in the file. Huang went from one crime board to the other while Olivia, Nick, Munch and Fin read the files trying to determine their first move.

"Nick you and I are taking these autopsy reports down to Warner and we are not leaving till she gives us something…" Olivia was stopped when the commissioner walked in, she had called to cancel their date because of the cases and she had not expected him to turn up. "Commissioner?"

"Captain Cragen can we talk?" He asked in a friendly manner and Olivia smiled. "Uh Nick take these autopsy reports to Warner and do not leave till she gives you something to work with if she wants any exhumation orders call Alex not Casey she's having a tough second trimester so I don't want to be the cause of any additional stress. Munch take all crime scene photos and logs down to O'Halloran and stay there if he wants anything from evidence call Stabler and get him to make his rookie unit bring us what we need, Fin I want you to take any TARU reports down to Morales and same applies, stay there and if he wants anything from evidence call Stabler. George if you're free can you profile our perps so we have something to work with and if all else fails start from scratch." Olivia ordered everyone around and watched as everyone hurried out with the files following her orders. "Should we go into my office Commissioner?" She asked and he nodded and smiled.

Olivia followed him into the office and hung up her jacket, she hadn't changed because she'd been too busy but that didn't matter, the brass preferred their cops in uniforms and would have even the Detectives in them constantly if they could.

"Sorry about Dinner but it's going to take hours just to go through those files." Olivia sighed as she pulled her hair into a high ponytail a sign that she was ready to get to work.

"It's fine, I was actually wondering if you wanted to order in here?" He smiled and she shrugged.

"Uh sure." She replied.

"Well you have to eat at some point." He replied with a smirk.

"Did you ask to talk to me just so you could ask me to have dinner in my office with you?" Olivia asked with a raised eyebrow and a cheeky grin on her face.

"Yes well no." He replied. "I uh was wondering if you're ok with these Bronx cases." He explained.

"They're a mess." Olivia replied simply. "That's why I cancelled dinner, the rookie's Stabler's got … Jesus they don't even write out simple victims statements properly."

"I know, we had a look over a couple of files and we knew we had to get rid of Roach." Mathew said as Olivia made her way over the mini fridge and offered him a can of cola which he accepted with a grateful smile.

"What's happening to him?" Olivia asked.

"He handed in his papers, he's retiring but I'm not complaining we're trying to clear up the whole of the NYPD of good old boy Detectives and cops in general and he had to go, the Chief of D's is now in a meeting with Stabler giving him the option of transferring his Detectives out and hiring a whole new unit of his own design." Mathew explained and Olivia nodded.

"Good, hopefully he'll hire a team that can write up a simple victim's statement, it's going to take us days just to re-interview everyone and hopefully find out why these cases are still open." Olivia was visibly angry by the situation. "I mean come on! I have thirteen percent of my units cases this year that are cold, we exhausted all possible scenarios and the leads just ran cold but how many of those cases in there are there because of rogue cops? The oldest case is a year old but how much more are there Mathew? It infuriates me that the people who are paid to get the victims and their families justice do a half assed job and when they don't succeed they shrug and say it doesn't matter before moving on to the next case!"

"Olivia…" Mathew said firmly bringing her attention to him. "We know how bad the case files was but you know the last Commissioner was a rapist, the last thing he wanted was clean SVU squads why do you think he hated your father, he ran a clean and strong squad and that's why Stabler's taking Bronx SVU and cleaning up the unit and you're working six months' worth of their past cases and you will solve them Olivia."

"Yeah the victims will get just six months to late right?" Olivia sighed.

"Better late than never." Mathew replied with a shrug and Olivia had to nod in agreement.

"I wouldn't be surprised if some of these victims withdraw their complaint though." Olivia said quietly.

"Why?" Mathew asked, he wasn't really down with what SVU was about, luckily he'd never had to work an SVU case and hadn't come into contact with them at all in his career.

"Because they'll have moved on and it isn't just about finding their attackers now Mathew we'll have to re-interview them take new statements bring ghosts up some of them will have fought to put to bed and in all honesty I would be the same."

"Well if they withdraw their complaint they withdraw their complaint and there's not much you can do about it Olivia but for those who don't then you can bring their attackers to justice." Mathew smiled reassuringly.

"You're right." She sighed shaking her head, it was going to be a rough few weeks for her squad.

"Why don't I let you get on with things and I'll be back at around five thirty with dinner?" He suggested seeing her going deep into thought.

"Sure. There's so much to be done it's unreal." She sighed. "I need to call the nanny make sure she's going to be ok with the kids, they have activities until eight thirty but I'd like to be home before they go to bed."

"How are the kids handling the separation?" He asked carefully, he didn't want to interfere but he really did care about Olivia and her family.

"I don't know, the twins are with Elliot this week, Melissa and Nicole are refusing him any visitation and as he isn't their father he has no rights to them and he will have baby George every two weeks for a weekend until he's a little older." She sighed and rubbed her hand across her forehead. "I feel awful for doing this to them, I don't want them to hate me."

"I doubt they could ever hate you Olivia." He replied gently. "You're their Mom."

"Yeah, a part of me is just glad though that for a week Ali, Eli, Lexi and Lili are with Elliot because I don't think I could handle it if I had all seven of them at once."

"You could, it's just easier without all of them."

"I already miss them." She admitted and Mathew dove from his seat and walked around behind her chair.

"You Captain Cragen need to relax." He sighed letting his fingers working her shoulders, this time she had no plans of making him stop, Elliot had told her to go for it and she was going to.

"That feels nice." She sighed in relaxation and Mathew could only smile, he wanted her to be relaxed, it wasn't much to ask for.

All too soon for Olivia's liking he stopped and stepped back.

"I'm going to go for a bit, I'll come over with food at five thirty and I'll make sure you're home for eight thirty to meet your kids even if I have to drive you there myself." He smiled and she couldn't help but smile back at him as he walked over to the door. "Call if you need anything Olivia."

"Thank you."


End file.
